Overwhelmed as a New Mom? Why It Happens and What Helps

It can be normal to feel overwhelmed after having a baby. New mom burnout is a real and valid experience, but there is help for overwhelmed moms.

Learning more about your symptoms, reaching out for support from friends and family members, and considering therapy for new moms, when it feels necessary, may help you navigate this early stage of parenting. 

Why do new moms feel so overwhelmed?

It’s no surprise moms often feel overwhelmed after giving birth. 

Having your first child is a major life transition, which can come with a variety of emotions and significant stress. Of course, everyone’s experience is unique. Consider these possible reasons you may be feeling overwhelmed:

• Unrealistic expectations: You may have had certain expectations of what motherhood would be like. Social media has a way of highlighting only the positive aspects of the postpartum phase, but reality can be much different. 

In addition to emotional overwhelm, you may be feeling let down, inferior, or like something’s not right. These are normal reactions to a new experience, especially one of this magnitude. 

• Sleep deprivation and physical stress: Labor and delivery can take a toll on the body, and you may still be in recovery mode. That, combined with the sleep deprivation that comes with caring for a newborn, can leave you feeling depleted and overwhelmed.
• Significant hormonal shifts also take place after giving birth. A rapid drop in estrogen and progesterone can contribute to intense emotions and mood swings.
• Isolation: After you give birth, the people in your life may choose to give you time to heal and bond with your baby before calling or visiting. While this is often appropriate or even necessary, it can also leave you feeling isolated from the world. Feelings of isolation can contribute to other negative emotions, including disorientation, fear, and overwhelm. 

The mental load of being a new mom

Research shows that new mothers carry the vast majority of the mental load that comes along with parenthood. Often referred to as “invisible labor” or “postpartum mental load,” this cognitive burden involves anticipating your baby’s needs and planning what needs to happen for those needs to be met.

Even if your partner is well-intentioned, you may feel like you’re alone in your new role. Some new moms may also feel unsupported or unseen. Often, these feelings lead to significant overwhelm and burnout, and they might manifest in different ways. 

For example, you may feel numb or like you’re just going through the motions of everyday life. Or, you might avoid certain tasks like feeding or changing the baby, and then feel guilty afterward. On top of that, you could be feeling physical symptoms like muscle tension, headaches, or stomach upset. 

Sonni Williams, LPC, PMH-C, and Senior Clinical Operations Manager at BetterHelp, notes, “Sometimes it feels like our needs get shut down and it’s all about the baby.” This is often the part mothers don’t say out loud but it’s important to recognize when it comes to addressing what you need to sustain a healthy routine. 

Williams furthers this by adding, “It can be as simple as saying to yourself, ‘Wait, if I’m good, then the baby will be good.’”

Signs you’re overwhelmed as a new mom

New mom burnout and feelings of overwhelm are common during the postpartum period, and they often subside on their own. 

Still, it’s important to be mindful of any emotional changes you’re experiencing. Identifying early warning signs may help you identify when you need additional support:

• Severe fatigue: You may feel exhausted physically and mentally, even after you’ve rested for a period of time. 
• Uncontrollable or frequent crying: Some amount of crying may be normal due to hormonal fluctuations, but frequent or uncontrollable crying can point to a more serious issue.
• Fear and anxiety: It’s not unusual for new moms to experience some apprehension when taking care of a newborn, but take note of ongoing fear, anxiety, or panic attacks.
• Anger or severe irritability: You might find yourself snapping at loved ones who are trying to help you or starting arguments with your partner over small things. If “mom rage” feels uncontrollable, you may want to take steps to address it. 

Other signs you may be overwhelmed can include changes in appetite, insomnia, and brain fog. 

Self-care and support from family and friends may be enough to ease mild symptoms, but if they’re more severe, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional. 

In rare cases, signs of overwhelm can point to a serious issue that requires immediate attention. Seek urgent medical assistance if you experience thoughts of harming yourself or the baby, hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, or extreme symptoms of postpartum anxiety or depression. 

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Text or call 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. Support is available 24/7.

What to do if you’re feeling overwhelmed as a new mom

The postpartum period can be an emotional and challenging time, especially for new mothers. There may be some things you can do to alleviate symptoms and make this stage of parenthood a little less overwhelming:

• Give yourself a break: Often, it’s our own expectations of ourselves that turn up the most pressure. It’s natural to want to be the best mom you can be, but give yourself permission to take things slow for now and rest as much as possible. 
• Ask for help: Loved ones may mean well, but they often don’t know exactly what you need. It’s okay to ask for help directly.
  • For example, ask your mom or a trusted friend to take care of the baby while you nap or take a shower. If a friend offers assistance, ask them to bring over a meal, so you don’t have to worry about preparing food.
• Take care of yourself: New moms are often so focused on their little one, they forget to practice self-care. It can be challenging to prioritize yourself once your baby comes home. Try to take small moments for yourself and consider journaling or deep breathing exercises to promote calm and prevent emotional burnout. 

How therapy may support overwhelmed new moms

For new moms experiencing overwhelm or burnout, therapy can be especially helpful. A mental health professional can provide a safe space just for you where you can work through difficult or painful thoughts and emotions. 

In therapy, you can also learn practical coping skills that can help you through everyday moments as an overwhelmed new mom. Many new moms may consider online therapy since it can be more flexible than traditional in-office therapy. 

With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can schedule sessions day or night, whenever the baby sleeps, or during the hours you have additional help at home. You’ll be matched with a therapist who meets your needs, often within 48 hours.