Popular culture often depicts the holiday season with images and videos of family gatherings, laughter, and a similar sense of holiday cheer. However, spending the winter holidays without family may be a different experience for some, even when it might be a healthy decision not to attend a holiday gathering with parents or adult children. Confronted with societal expectations and loneliness, these individuals may find navigating the festive season difficult.

One might spend the holidays away from their loved ones for various reasons. Circumstances like geographic distance, work commitments, or difficult family relationships may contribute to this decision about holiday plans for Thanksgiving or Christmas Day. In some cases, people may choose to be alone on the holidays for their health and well-being. Regardless of the reason, it can help to remind yourself that it's okay to spend time during the holidays differently than how you might see them portrayed in the media or than how you did as a child.

In the face of challenges, prioritizing mental health can be crucial. Exploring practical strategies for maintaining mental and emotional well-being during the holiday season may benefit you as you spend this time alone. By understanding and acknowledging your feelings, fostering connections in other ways, and creating your own holiday traditions, it may be possible to navigate this season with hope, grace and resilience. With a shift in perspective, the holidays may become an opportunity for self-care, self-kindness, introspection, and a new perspective on what holiday cheer represents. 

The risks of isolation

Isolation, especially during the holiday season, can pose significant risks to mental health. It may lead to loneliness, which may evolve into chronic conditions like depression or anxiety over time. Individuals spending the holidays alone may encounter heightened sadness and longing in a period often associated with family gatherings and festivities. The absence of the familiar warmth and joy of the holiday season may exacerbate alienation and disconnection.

This season can bring painful reminders that can make someone feel sad, lost, or hurt. Even though, in some cases, like abusive family dynamics or a strained relationship with a mother, father, or sibling, this separation may be for the best, it can still be a struggle. You may be feeling wrong about being away or miss your family, even though they may not be healthy or safe to be around.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), isolation is detrimental to health and may be as harmful to longevity as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Additionally, researchers note that chronic isolation and loneliness significantly increase one’s risk of premature mortality, providing further evidence of the foundational benefit of the presence of other humans, especially blood relatives. Science shows that connection and community are essential for human well-being and that humans are social creatures. 

Balance is healthy. It can be vital to balance personal time to focus on your own needs with community and ensure you are not over-isolating or avoiding confronting the work you achieve in dedicated self-care activities.

Creating new traditions and holiday plans

Whether you’re spending your holidays apart from your family by choice or because you’re unable to fly home, it doesn’t mean you can’t make new traditions to bring hope and happiness to your world during the holidays.

Creating your own holiday plans can help you imagine the holiday in a new way and remind you that you are not alone. If you can’t be with your blood relatives, try organizing a holiday event with your chosen family. You can:

• Choose a day during the week when your friends are available and invite them to your house for a fun night of games and snacks
• Plan a seasonal outing like caroling or ice skating
• Hop in the car and drive around with hot chocolate, looking at Christmas lights
• Organize a Yankee swap or secret Santa 

Finding connection through friends and chosen family

Your chosen family is the community of supportive people you have in your life. It can include your best friend, friends from childhood, or a coworker who has come to mean a great deal to you. If you are away from your family during the holidays, celebrating the connection you have with others in your life can help remind you that you are not alone. You never know who is in the same boat. Make a plan to invite your chosen family to join in your holiday plans, building deeper connections.

Volunteering and giving back during the holidays

The holidays can be a challenging time for many people in the world. If you’re trying to start new traditions, volunteering or giving back can be a way to remind yourself that others may be dealing with challenges during this time, too. Look around your community to see if any organizations need help during this time, such as a food bank or an animal welfare group. Alternatively, consider volunteering to plan a fun holiday event at a nursing home.

Volunteering, especially during the Christmas season or around the holidays, may be a fulfilling way to navigate the emotional landscape when one cannot be at the family home. Engaging in altruistic activities, such as volunteering at a local soup kitchen, contributes not only to the well-being of the community but also to your mental health. Volunteering can provide a sense of purpose, reduce loneliness, and foster connections with others, creating a nurturing environment of similar experiences and mutual support. Volunteers are often highly encouraged to apply during busy holidays like Christmas Eve. 

Volunteering may also allow you to celebrate the holidays in your own way while establishing new habits outside of family traditions that can be equally joyous and meaningful. Volunteering underscores that “family” isn't limited to blood relations. Family can extend to the broader community you care about and contribute to. Volunteering can make you an integral part of a community, offering a sense of belonging and bolstering mental health.

Self-care strategies for spending the holidays without your family

Helpful strategies for making the most of the holidays away from family and friends may include the following. 

Volunteering

Volunteering, especially during the Christmas season or around the holidays, may be a fulfilling way to navigate the emotional landscape when one cannot be at the family home. Engaging in altruistic activities contributes not only to the wellness of the community but to your mental health. Some volunteer opportunities include:

• Helping at a local soup kitchen
• Organizing a community giving tree
• Spending time with seniors in assisted living 
• Bringing cookies or treats to neighbors

Volunteering can provide a sense of purpose, reduce loneliness, and foster connections with others, creating a nurturing environment of similar experiences and mutual support. Volunteers are often highly encouraged to apply during busy holidays like Christmas Eve. 

Volunteering may also allow you to celebrate the holidays in your own way while establishing new habits outside of family traditions that can be equally joyous and meaningful. Volunteering underscores that “family” isn't limited to blood relations. Family can extend to the broader community you care about and contribute to. Volunteering can make you an integral part of a community, offering a sense of belonging and bolstering mental health.

Getting involved in your community 

Connecting with friends and the local community may be a powerful mental health buffer during the holiday season. Friends can offer emotional support, providing a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on when times are tough. Engaging in social activities with friends, such as organizing a meal or participating in a holiday-themed event, can imbue a sense of belonging and may combat feelings of isolation.

Meanwhile, the broader community can offer various resources and opportunities for connection. Community centers, religious organizations, and charities in your area may host events during the holiday season intended to bring people together. These gatherings can comfort those passing time alone during this period, fostering a sense of unity and camaraderie. 

Reaching out to friends instead of spending the holidays without your family

Having a circle of friends can be a powerful lifeline for mitigating isolation. Friends can offer emotional support and companionship and offer a sense of normalcy and continuity, which may be helpful during the holiday season. Activities with friends or a family member, such as virtual movie nights, gift exchanges, or sharing stories over a phone call or Facetime, may reduce loneliness. The connections you share and the love you give and receive define the holiday spirit, not the physical distance that separates you from others. 

Honoring lost loved ones during the holidays

The holidays can bring up painful reminders about lost loved ones. Whether you miss your mother, father, or both of your parents, a child, or a grandparent, honoring lost loved ones can help you manage painful memories and focus on hope. Instead of dwelling on the pain of past years, you can begin moving forward and take steps toward whatever future you imagine.

Practicing self-care

Self-care can be paramount during holidays when you may be apart from your family. Self-care encompasses various actions and activities designed to nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It can be about making a plan that is focused on putting yourself first to ensure your health and happiness aren't compromised. Self-care encompasses any healthy coping mechanism to manage stress, deal with loneliness, and maintain a positive outlook on life.

Engaging in activities you love, whether reading a book, taking a long walk, or cooking your favorite meal, can provide peace and normalcy during otherwise unsettling times. Taking a personal day to stay home and rest or do something fun can be helpful, even if all you do is write in your journal or watch TV. Physical activities such as jogging, yoga, or cycling can also enhance both your physical and psychological well-being. Meditation and mindfulness can also be potent self-care strategies that may improve your presence, increase hope, foster a sense of calm, and alleviate stress. If you’re looking for other tips or ways to remind yourself to put yourself first, a therapist can help.

Finding comfort in simple moments

Self-care can also involve learning how to focus on the simple things. For example, something as simple as taking time to watch your favorite show, write in your journal, or eat your favorite food can bring you peace, help you imagine a brighter future, and remind you to have hope. Try making a plan throughout the week for how you can spend a fun weekend night in the house, pampering yourself and enjoying the simple things.

Maintaining connection in therapy  

You're not alone if you’re experiencing emotional challenges over the holiday season; people all over the world experience these feelings. If you struggle with having hope, need something to remind you to focus on taking care of yourself,   or just want to feel supported, therapy can help. Talking to a therapist may help you cope with these and other mental health challenges. However, the holiday season can be busy, and scheduling an in-person appointment may not be possible. In these cases, online therapy with platforms like BetterHelp may be valuable in maintaining mental well-being.

Online therapy offers an available platform that provides professional mental health services, allowing individuals to engage in therapeutic guidance from the comfort of their own homes. The convenience and flexibility of online therapy may make it a viable option for those who may be spending holidays away from family, as you can reach it from any location with an internet connection. In addition, BetterHelp offers supportive resources like:

• Weekly group classes
• Asynchronous messaging, so you can reach out to your therapist at any time
• Journaling prompts
• Habit tracking 

Online therapy may serve as a viable and efficient alternative to traditional in-person sessions, especially when physical meetings are not feasible. Several studies have substantiated the effectiveness of online-delivered cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), emphasizing its comparable efficacy to conventional face-to-face therapy sessions. Specifically, online-delivered CBT can be a practical, effective, and readily available tool to navigate through these times.