How to make friends as an adult, overcome loneliness, and build genuine connections

Knowing how to make friends as an adult can be challenging when everyone seems to be caught up in busy schedules and adult responsibilities. Researchers have found that loneliness is a growing epidemic among adults, impacting both mental and physical health. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory on the epidemic of loneliness, which stated, “Loneliness and social isolation increase the risk for premature death by 26% and 29% respectively.” 

Below, we’ll explore nine tips for building a social support system as an adult and combating loneliness by forming meaningful connections.  

The importance of social connections

Humans are naturally social creatures that desire to be connected to other people and share a sense of belonging with them. The following are some of the emotional, mental, and physical benefits of meaningful social connections:

• Fostering meaningful friendships and developing a support system can help you be more resilient throughout life’s challenges. 
• Having a strong social network has been linked to a longer lifespan and improved health. 
• Social isolation has also been linked to cardiovascular disease.
• Social connections can help you cope with stress more effectively. 
• Your mental health and overall well-being can be improved with friendships. 
• Social bonds can create more opportunities for networking, learning, and personal growth. 

Feeling a sense of connection with other people can have a significant impact on your mental and physical health and overall well-being. Loneliness is more than just an emotion. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, research has shown that high levels of loneliness are correlated with cardiovascular disease, depression, cognitive decline, depression, anxiety, and other physical and mental health conditions. Older adults are at the highest risk of social isolation, with one report from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine (NASEM) finding that nearly a third of adults over 45 feel lonely. 

Having friends to share experiences with and celebrate milestones with can lead to a more fulfilling and longer life. Research by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has found that having meaningful friendships is associated with a longer life span, while the health risks of social isolation may be on par with the risks of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity. 

A 2021 study by Harvard found that there is an “epidemic of loneliness” in America that the impact of the pandemic has exacerbated. Over one-third (36%) of Americans who participated in the survey reported feeling serious levels of loneliness. 

Harvard recommends these possible solutions for addressing the loneliness epidemic:

• Providing the public with information and strategies to cope with loneliness, as well as strategies for defeating negative self-talk that leads to self-isolation and lonely feelings
• Reimagining physical and social infrastructure in our government and communities to weave social relationships into how institutions function
• Valuing commitment to ourselves and each other, in particular our commitments to those most vulnerable in society, such as the elderly

How friendships change as you get older 

Making friends as an adult can be more challenging than when you were a kid or young adult, in part because of the shifting priorities and responsibilities of adulthood. A 2021 survey on adult friendships found that the majority of adults have a small number of friends (three or fewer) and rely more on their romantic partner or family members for social support. 

The survey found that adults were most likely to make friends situationally, whether at work, at the gym, or through a hobby. The survey also revealed that Americans are working longer hours and traveling more for work, which can make it more challenging to foster relationships outside of work. 

Tips for making friends as an adult

Here are nine tips that may help you establish and maintain friendships as an adult and overcome loneliness. 

1. Explore your interests

As you set about making genuine connections, it may help to think about what you are interested in and let those values guide you in your social life. 

Is there a hobby you have always wanted to try or something that you have always been passionate about? You can start your journey to making new friends by considering what your interests, priorities, and values are. You may be able to form the most genuine connections with others by following your heart in terms of what you want to pursue in your free time.

When you do what matters to you and interests you, you may be more likely to meet potential friends with shared interests. Studies show that most adult friendships are situational, so putting yourself in the right place at the right time to connect with people with similar interests may be an effective way to make friends as an adult. 

2. Join clubs and groups

Once you have identified what your values and goals are when it comes to friendship, you might start to seek out opportunities in your community to connect with others. You could join a book club at the local library, volunteer with a local nonprofit, or join an online group. Joining a club or group can be an easy way to connect with people who are passionate about the same things as you. Parents who want to befriend other parents may want to consider:

• Going to activities with your child and striking up conversations with other parents
• Taking the initiative to talk to other parents you come across in daily life, such as at the coffee shop
• Joining a social media group for parents

3. Take initiative

Making the first move when it comes to making friends may help you be more successful in your search for new connections. Research shows that loneliness is a growing epidemic among adults, so there are likely many other people around you who also desire to form genuine social connections. If your goal is to make friends, consider taking the initiative and starting the conversation first. It may help to invite people to spend time with you and show that you are interested in getting to know them. 

It may feel a little uncomfortable to step outside of your comfort zone and strike up a conversation with a stranger or invite someone to spend time together, but that is often how friendships start. You might try not to take it personally if someone is busy or not interested, as there will likely be more opportunities.

4. Active listening 

Active listening is a social skill that can aid you in forming genuine social connections. Sometimes people wait for their turn to talk and do not listen to others when they are engaging in conversations. Active listening is the act of intentionally paying close attention to what another person is saying and responding appropriately so that they know that you are actively listening to them. 

By practicing active listening, you can learn more about people and respond more appropriately in conversations to build genuine connections. A 2015 research study found that when people are being actively listened to, it activates the reward center in the brain. Therefore, active listening could have a positive impact on the emotional state of participants. 

The following are some tips for active listening:

• Make eye contact
• Pay attention to body language and non-verbal cues
• Avoid interrupting 
• Do not judge or jump to conclusions
• Do not plan how you are going to respond while they are still talking
• Try to show that you are listening by nodding and encouraging them to keep speaking 
• Do not offer your opinion, advice, or solutions unless asked
• Stay focused on the conversation 
• Ask relevant questions 
• Summarize what they said back to them 

5. Invest time and effort

Studies have shown that having meaningful friendships can improve your health and help you to live a longer, more fulfilling life. The benefits of friendship for your mental and physical health can make it well worth it to invest the necessary time and effort into maintaining these connections. Relationships of any type take maintenance, so you might try to make it a priority to check in with your friends often, show up for them, and maintain your bond with them. 

6. Resolve  conflicts

Conflict resolution can be a positive skill to have for maintaining long-term relationships. Conflicts can occur between friends despite how long they’ve known one another. Being able to communicate respectfully, set boundaries, and overcome conflicts can aid you in building strong and long-lasting friendships with your close friends. 

7. Reconnect with old friends

Sometimes people drift away from their friends in adulthood because people have busy schedules and shifting priorities with work and children. While thinking about making new friends, you may also want to check in with old friends and rekindle those connections. True friends can often stand the test of time; it may bring you a sense of nostalgia to reconnect with someone while reminiscing over shared memories. 

8. Take classes

Expanding your education can provide you with another opportunity for making friends as an adult. You may be able to sign up for free classes at your local library or community college. You could take art classes, cooking classes, dance classes, language classes, or classes on any other topic that interests you. Learning together can be a fun and easy way to connect, and you may want to invite people to get together after class for leisure or other activities, which could lead to lasting friendships.

9. Attend therapy 

Loneliness can be very impactful on mental health, but talking to a therapist may help. Not only can a therapist provide you with a nonjudgmental space to talk, but they may also teach you coping methods for handling loneliness and improving your interpersonal skills. Making positive behavioral and emotional changes is possible, and a trained therapist may help you on your journey to a more fulfilling life using evidence-based practices. 

Online therapy for improved social skills

Surveys have shown that the 2020 pandemic increased national rates of loneliness drastically, and many are still feeling the impacts today. Online therapy rose in popularity during the pandemic as a solution to providing mental health care while social distancing, and its benefits remain the same even after the pandemic has passed. With online therapy platforms like BetterHelp, you can access a greater variety of professionals without being limited by your location. You may also be able to save time and money on travel while enjoying flexible scheduling options. Having someone to speak with on a regular basis may help you feel less lonely, and a therapist may equip you with the tools and encouragement you need when lonely feelings do arise in your life.

The efficacy of online therapy for loneliness

Research on the effectiveness of online therapy versus in-person sessions has found that internet-based therapy can be just as effective as traditional sessions. A 2020 randomized controlled trial looked into the efficacy of an eight-week online therapy program specifically aimed at loneliness and found that online cognitive behavioral therapy could have a positive impact on participants’ quality of life and levels of social anxiety. Additionally, those participating in the study also experienced a regression in their lonely feelings. 

CBT is a therapeutic approach that is commonly used to help people identify the negative or unhelpful thought patterns contributing to their unwanted behaviors or responses. As individuals change their thoughts and replace them with healthier ways of thinking, they can also adopt more productive behaviors.

Takeaway

Building new friendships and maintaining old friendships as an adult can take effort, but a healthy social life has been linked to positive health and well-being. Making new friends can be a complex journey, and there may be times you feel lonely along the way. If loneliness is impacting your mental health, you may benefit from talking to a licensed therapist. If you feel hesitant to sign up for traditional in-office therapy, you might consider online therapy. Online therapy can provide a safe place to process your emotions and give you someone to talk with whenever you need some extra encouragement. Take the first step toward building new connections and reach out to BetterHelp today.