Sobriety and Friendship: How To Form Nurturing Substance-Free Friendships
In recent years, more and more people have been choosing sobriety or reducing their drinking habits. According to a survey published in 2024, 7% of respondents aged 18 to 29 reported participating in an abstinence challenge in the past year. While the benefits of sobriety can be highly impactful, the decision not to drink often poses challenges when it comes to friendship. Many people find that some of their friendships change when they go sober, which can have a major impact on their social lives. This article will explore sobriety and friendship, common obstacles that arise when a person stops drinking, and ways to develop nurturing friendships that support sobriety and mental health.
Challenges with social interactions when you’re sober
One of the most common challenges related to sobriety and friendship is not knowing how to navigate social situations. When a person is accustomed to going into social situations with alcohol as a social lubricant, it may seem daunting to socialize without the effects of alcohol. Some people may experience self-consciousness and wonder if their social interactions are more awkward than usual. This may occur even if a person comes across as confident and composed to others. The difference may lie in a person’s perception, given that alcohol sometimes leads people to view social interactions differently. Removal of the effects of alcohol may lead people to falsely believe that a social interaction didn’t go well.
Loss of friends during addiction recovery
While perceptual distortions can be common when people go sober, in other cases, there may truly be a change in relationship dynamics with certain people. When a person suddenly stops drinking, some friends may sense that they are being judged for continuing to drink, even if this isn’t the case. Certain friends may even limit their time around a sober person if they want to continue drinking at the same pace as usual.
Even if friends are supportive of a person’s sobriety, that person may feel uncomfortable around their friends when they’re drinking. This can lead the sober individual to spend less time around those friends. At times, this may be a good strategy to avoid temptation, but at other times, it may be the result of shifting relationship dynamics. A sober person may develop new hobbies and activities that simply aren’t compatible with drinking, which can change how and with whom they spend their free time.
How to develop nurturing friendships when sober
While the loss of certain friendships can be painful, it can also present an opportunity to develop new friendships that nurture one’s mental health. In recent years, thousands of people have made the decision not to drink, even if they don’t always tell everyone around them.
Watch for others who don’t drink
Another strategy that may help with making sober friends is to observe others at social events. You may notice other people who choose not to drink. While some people may simply be choosing not to drink on a given day, others may be abstaining permanently. Those people may also notice that you’re drinking non-alcoholic beverages, which could pique their interest if they’re looking to connect with others who are sober.
Activities that can promote sobriety
One possible strategy to find activities that help you maintain sobriety is to engage in physical activities in places where alcohol isn’t served. You might consider joining a sober hiking group, a running club, or a sports team. Sober clubs related to crafting, gaming, reading, and other interests could be good choices as well. If you can’t find a sober group, you might consider joining a general group but avoiding any get-togethers involving alcohol. If you notice other group members who don’t drink, you could try to connect with them individually. You may learn that they, too, have made the decision to stop drinking.
Getting mental health support during addiction treatment
If you’re experiencing challenges related to friendship and sobriety, you may benefit from speaking with a licensed mental health professional. With experience in addiction recovery, a therapist can often help people navigate the evolving friendship dynamics that can arise when a person chooses not to drink. A therapist may be able to provide further strategies for developing and maintaining healthy friendships during sobriety.
Online mental health support with sobriety and friendship
Some people may feel hesitant to speak with a therapist in person about their addiction recovery journey. In these cases, support is also available through online therapy. With online therapy, you can connect with a licensed therapist via audio, video, or live chat at a time that works for you. You can also reach out to your therapist at any time via in-app messaging, and they’ll generally respond when they’re able. This option may be useful for days when you’re experiencing challenging relationship dynamics during your sobriety journey.
In addition to offering flexible communication options, online therapy has strong support in the psychological literature, with numerous peer-reviewed studies demonstrating its effectiveness. A 2017 systematic review and meta-analysis found that online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) served as an effective form of treatment for social anxiety, depression, and substance use disorder (formerly referred to as “substance abuse disorder”).
Takeaway
What is the hardest stage of addiction recovery?
Everyone’s sobriety journey is unique, with challenges varying from person to person. However, one of the most common difficulties is coping with the detox and withdrawal stage, when a person is recovering from active addiction. The symptoms can vary but may be intense for some people, depending on how much they used to drink.
What are common challenges with sobriety and friendship?
Some people find that relationships with friends and family change during sobriety. Friends who continue to drink alcohol may feel uncomfortable when a friend suddenly stops drinking, as they may start to think about their own drinking behavior.
How can you make friends following addiction treatment?
You might find that you can make meaningful friendships by joining an online support group for sober individuals. Other groups may meet in person for sober activities, such as hiking or dining without alcohol.
How does being sober affect mental health?
Sobriety can have a profound impact on a person’s mental health. While some people may drink to relieve anxiety, alcohol can significantly increase anxiety. Sobriety can relieve the anxiety caused by hangovers and concerns about what one may have done or said while drinking. Sobriety can also make time for people to engage in exercise and other activities they enjoy, which can improve mental health and well-being.
How do you tell friends or family that you’re not drinking?
The decision to tell friends or family members that you’re not drinking can seem daunting. If you have a friend or family member who doesn’t drink, you might consider talking to them first. You may find that their support helps you communicate your decision to others. You could ask them to be present when you decide to talk to certain people about your decision. If you’re concerned about judgment, you might simply state that this is something you have decided to do for your health. However, keep in mind that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choice not to drink.
Why are friendships important in recovery?
The social support provided by friendships can help prevent relapse in individuals who are attempting to overcome substance use disorder. In the early stages of recovery, spending time with friends, particularly other sober people, can be helpful when you feel tempted to drink. A good friend can also offer a listening ear, encourage you on your recovery journey, and boost your self-esteem by reminding you of your strength and other admirable qualities. Overall, having a support network of true friends with whom you share mutual respect and similar interests is great for mental health, whether or not you’re in recovery.
How does sobriety affect relationships?
Sobriety may affect each relationship differently. In some relationships, there may be less conflict, and the individuals may grow closer. In others, two people may drift apart due to the loss of shared interests. Many individuals who choose sobriety begin to meet people who also have sober lifestyles. Connecting with others on topics that have nothing to do with alcohol is usually in their best interest and can be an essential part of moving forward.
Does sobriety change your personality?
It’s possible for a person’s personality to change with sobriety. While recovery doesn’t change the core or who someone is, it often leads to positive emotional and behavioral changes, particularly when individuals seek professional help. If you’re having trouble coping with sobriety, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist. There’s no shame in seeking support.
What are the psychological effects of sobriety?
In some ways, sobriety can be psychologically challenging because the difficulties that led people to drink in the first place must be addressed head-on. In the long term, however, sobriety tends to have a positive effect on mental health, sleep, and focus. In fact, research suggests that, over time, alcohol-induced brain changes may be reversed.
How long does it take for brain chemistry to return to normal after alcohol?
Brain chemistry can take varying amounts of time to return to “normal” after a person stops drinking. This usually depends on how much a person previously drank and for how long they drank heavily. For those who were heavy drinkers for years or decades, it can be important to recognize that the brain may take a longer amount of time to recover.
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