Things To Talk About With A Guy: Ideas To Spark Conversation

Starting a good conversation

You’ve worked up the courage to approach the guy you’ve been swooning over. He heads your way, meets your eyes, and smiles. Everything seems to be going your way! You open your mouth to begin the conversation…and you realize you have no idea what to say to him.

Does this situation sound familiar? Many of us have trouble talking with someone who’s caught our eye, or we may feel shy or nervous. We want so badly to make a good impression that we may put too much pressure on ourselves to say something interesting. Tools like conversation starters can help in this case, giving us a go-to method to make a great first impression and helping us avoid awkward silences. Having a few good conversation starters ready to go can help you foster deeper connections with a guy, allowing you to get to know him better—and giving him a window into your own thoughts and feelings. 

It’s not always easy, however, to identify conversation topics that will spark meaningful discussions. We’ve put together a list of 14 engaging topics and icebreakers that can give you something to talk about with a guy.

Do guys really like to discuss different topics than women?

Gendered expectations and patterns of socialization can cause men and women to develop differences in their conversational styles. Keeping this in mind can lead to more comfortable and natural social interactions—and it can also leave room for discussion regarding communication differences. 

We do want to note that individuals of all genders may have varying communication preferences. Taking this into consideration, we’ve put together impactful and variable baseline topics for conversation, empowering both you and the person you’re interested in to put your own spin on things.

What to talk about with a guy: Topics to break the ice with a guy

For many of us, the hardest part of the conversation is the beginning. Our list of icebreakers may help the next time you speak to a male that you’re interested in.

Talk about what he’s doing

Part of the reason it can be difficult to talk with a stranger is that you might not know much about them yet. That’s why shared context can be so helpful—if you have nothing else in common, at least you’re standing in the same room and can chat about that to start. For example, if you’re…

• At a live music show: Consider asking how he first heard the band.
• At the dog park: You might try telling him how cute his dog is.
• In a bar: You can ask if he’s celebrating something or just out with friends.
• Visiting an art museum: You can say something about the piece he’s looking at.
• Anywhere at all: You can find out what brought him there, who he’s there with, etc.

You can also ask him a simple question about his favorite food, favorite movie, or favorite hobby. Or you could be more specific, asking him something like, “What is your favorite place to go when you want to feel good?” 

Tell him a story or discuss something that interests him

Sometimes the best way to get over the awkwardness of starting a conversation is to dive right in. If you’ve got a funny, interesting or weird story, you might choose to open with that. You can use a direct, playful line, such as: “The strangest thing happened today, and I feel like I need to tell somebody about it.” If he’s up for listening, it could be a hint that he’s open to an interaction with someone new.

You can also find out whether he’s up for sharing any interesting stories. You might ask him, “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?” or, “What’s the most awkward moment you’ve ever experienced?” 

Compliment him

Your compliment can be a bridge to more substantial topics. You could tell him he reminds you of a handsome actor, then ask about movies he’s seen. Or, you could say that his shirt looks good on him to start him talking about his fashion sense and personal preferences. 

Talk about his name

If you’re truly stuck for ideas, simply introducing yourself could be a springboard to a conversation. Everyone’s name generally comes from somewhere, and asking what’s behind his name can lead to a deeper discussion. A few examples of how you can build a conversation around a name:

• If it’s an unfamiliar name, you could ask what it means.
• If it’s a common name, you might try asking if he’s named after a family member
• If his name reminds you of a friend or relative, you can tell a story about them.

More topics to get a guy talking

Let’s say you’re past the introduction portion of a conversation, and you’re trying to get a more in-depth dialogue going. Certain topics can encourage a guy to open up a bit more and take the conversation further.

Discuss his career

Research suggests that work and money are among the most frequent topics of conversation for men. If you express interest in what he does for a living, there might be a chance he’d want to discuss it further. Additionally, learning about his job can lead to a discussion about his passions, his education, his childhood interests, and his dreams for the future.

Not sure where to start? It may help to ask questions like: 

• “What do you enjoy most about that?”
• “How did you first get interested in that?”
• “Do you see yourself staying in that career?”
• “Can you describe a typical workday for you?”

Ask about his hobbies

People love talking about their passions. And many men may have other interests outside of work—and they may be even more passionate about their hobbies than they are about their careers. Asking what he does for fun may tell you a whole lot about him, and it may give him a chance to talk about a topic that excites him.

Talk about movies and TV

Entertainment can be a favorite topic of conversation for people of any gender. A simple way to learn more about a guy is to mention a recent movie or show you liked and ask if he’s seen it.

Even if the answer is no, this question can open the door to asking about stuff he has watched. Then, you can broaden the discussion to the types of stories, actors, and styles that both of you might enjoy.

Have a conversation about music when unsure what to talk about with a guy

A man’s taste in music can tell you a lot about his preferences in other areas. And you don’t have to limit yourself to asking about bands he’s into, either. Sometimes you can spark a more interesting conversation by asking something more specific, such as, “What’s the first concert you attended?” or “What songs do you like to put on when you’re driving?”

Feel free to add in your own real-life anecdotes and experiences for a more riveting conversation. 

Tell pet stories

Not everyone is an animal person. But people who have furry, feathery, or scaly companions might enjoy talking about them. If you have a pet, telling a funny story or interesting fact about them could be a great way to get the conversation moving.

Find out his backstory

It might not feel very original to ask “Are you from around here?” But, learning where a person came from and how they got here can be important for understanding who they are. If he moved here from far away, chances are there’s an interesting reason why. If he’s lived in the same town his whole life, you can learn what he values by asking what he loves about it.

You can find out more about his upbringing by asking about his favorite memory from childhood or his favorite subject in school. Or you might ask him what advice he would give his younger self, if he could go back in time.

Topics to create deeper intimacy

If you’re interested in developing deeper connections with a guy, consider covering more profound topics. You might ask him about his life goals, finding out what drives him forward. For example, one question might be, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” Other questions may be about the role of mindfulness in his life; for example, “How do you stay present throughout the day?” or, “How do you address fear and worry when they arise?” This can also be a time to discuss the things that most matter to you, whether they’re related to your career, your interests, or other facets of your life. 

Psychologist Arthur Aron conducted an experiment on creating romantic bonds through short interactions. It worked so well that two of the study participants wound up getting married! A huge part of his clinical research process involved asking questions that became more and more intimate as the experiment continued.

While more research is being conducted to indicate a more efficient use of this strategy, the following topics may help you take the conversation to the next level after you’ve gotten somewhat comfortable talking to a guy:

“What in your life makes you feel most grateful?”

The answer to this question can reveal two different and very significant details. First, it can tell you what the guy you’re talking to values highly. Second, it may touch on some important people, experiences, or circumstances in his life.

“If you could magically learn the truth about one thing, what would it be?”

Most of us have at least a few major questions about our lives or the world around us, and the things we’re curious about can be just as important as the things we know. You may attempt to find out what answer he craves most.

“What would you save from a fire?”

Another hypothetical scenario that touches on both deep-seated values and personal histories is to ask him to imagine that his house is burning down. His loved ones and pets are all safely out, and he has the chance to save just one item. What would it be and why?

Our treasured possessions can have fascinating stories attached to them. You might understand him a lot better if you know what he wants to preserve at all costs.

Say something you like about him

You might have opened this interaction with a compliment as we suggested above. But once you’ve been chatting for a while, you might have a much better sense of what he’s like. Sincerely stating something you admire about him now that you know him better may bring the two of you closer together. 

If things are going well, he may have some compliments to give you in return. Besides, if you start talking about why you like each other, it may lead naturally to discussing when you can see each other again. 

Conversation starters about the future

Talking about the future can help you glean insights about a guy and signal that you’re interested in forming a more meaningful bond. Try asking him about his dream job, ideal travel plans, or the place he’d most like to live; for example, “Imagine you could spend a week in any vacation destination with your best friends—where would you go?” You can also find out about his priorities and interests by asking him, “What does a meaningful life look like to you?” Or, if you’d prefer a less intimidating question, you might try asking, “What’s one big purchase you’d like to make?” 

Building confidence in conversations

Effective communication can be an elusive skill to master, causing many people to feel uncomfortable, nervous, or embarrassed when they attempt to start conversations with others. This may be particularly true for young people, introverts, or individuals who experience social anxiety. If you have trouble projecting confidence when talking to other people, it’s important that you remember to be yourself. Most people appreciate authenticity and honesty, so let the guy you’re speaking with see the real you. 

Take a few deep breaths before you start a conversation. As you speak, make sure you maintain eye contact and an open posture, which can help engage your conversation partner. If you experience an uncomfortable silence, try to use your surroundings to come up with a topic. For example, if you’re in a busy restaurant, you might comment on the crowd, decor, or general vibe. You might also joke about the awkward silences, potentially lightening the mood by addressing the subject directly. 

The importance of staying present and listening

Mindfulness and active listening are skills that can help you communicate effectively, no matter the situation. Mindfulness is the ability to stay present and foster awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. This heightened sense of presence can not only make you feel good (mindfulness is associated with reduced mental health symptoms), it can also help you focus on your conversations. 

Active listening can also help promote meaningful conversations. When the other person is speaking, avoid interrupting or thinking about what you’re going to say. Instead, wait until they’re finished talking, then, if appropriate, respond. You might signal that you understood by summing up their main points or asking a simple question as a follow-up. 

Online therapy for conversational confidence: How can it help? 

Does the thought of bringing up these topics with a man you like still make you break out in a cold sweat? It’s possible that your real challenge isn’t knowing what to say to a guy — it’s having the confidence to say it. In that case, you may be able to benefit from talk therapy, which has been indicated to be effective at reducing certain symptoms of social nervousness or social anxiety disorder.

Of course, talking to a therapist may not sound much easier than talking to a guy you like. That’s one reason why many people prefer online counseling. With web-based platforms, you can talk to a therapist through text messages, voice chats, or video conferences, choosing the level of engagement that makes you most comfortable.

Online counseling can be as effective as talking with a therapist in person, according to several different recent clinical studies. In one study, researchers conducted a systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials to assess the efficacy of telehealth versus face-to-face therapy for certain mental health conditions, and found "no difference in effectiveness” between the two approaches. This evidence suggests that internet-based therapy can be helpful for overcoming social fears and gaining more confidence. If you think learning to talk to guys might be easier with support from a therapist, you can get in touch with one through BetterHelp.