Life Events, Decision Making, & Mental Health

Most people may want to pass through life without encountering any complications or challenges. However, setbacks can be a natural part of being human, and challenges are often an opportunity for growth. 

Life events that can lead to changes in a person’s life may increase stress levels, even if the change was anticipated. Learning about life events and possible emotional management mechanisms for addressing feelings around life changes and their impact on decisions about the future may make such events easier to process. 

What are life events?

Life events can be defined as transformative experiences that have a significant impact on a person’s life path. These types of events typically require a major readjustment. This definition can include positive or challenging life events, which we explore below.

Defining life events

Any life event that results in a meaningful amount of change can cause stress. However, some people may not consider positive life events, such as getting married or graduating from college, stressful. However, even when you gain something positive from a change, it can still be physically and mentally taxing. It may be helpful to sort significant life events into positive and challenging categories, with the caveat that these events can be variable from person to person. In some cases, what may be a positive time for one person may not be for someone else.

Positive life events

Below are examples of common “good” life events that individuals may go through that can commonly cause stress: 

• Getting married
• Having a planned pregnancy
• Being promoted at your job
• Starting a new job
• Entering retirement 
• Attending a celebratory religious event, such as a baptism or other conversion services
• Finishing high school
• Moving out of your parents' house
• Adopting a pet
• Starting a business
• Experiencing the birth of a new baby
• Buying a home
• Graduating college
• Making a career change
• Achieving a long-held goal, such as running a marathon or writing a book
• Passing an important test, such as the bar exam
• Entering military service
• Winning an award
• Going on vacations
• Relocating to a new place for positive reasons (to start a cool new job, live in a city you’ve always dreamed about, or be closer to friends and family)

Challenging or difficult events

Below are examples of potential adverse life events that may cause stress: 

• Going through a divorce or a breakup from a romantic relationship
• Experiencing the death of a family member or other loved one
• Losing your job
• Developing a severe illness
• Being arrested
• Living through a natural disaster
• Becoming disabled, whether through a significant injury and illness or the natural process of aging
• Going through an extended period of unemployment or underemployment, where you continue to search for a new job but have difficulty finding one
• Experiencing violence or abuse 
• Being affected by crime
• Being incarcerated
• Having severe financial stress
• Realizing the absence of an expected positive event, i.e., you do not graduate from college, get married, or receive an anticipated promotion at your job
• Relocating because of a health condition, instability, economic hardship, or another negative reason

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Life events across the lifespan

While there are no rules about when certain transitions should happen in life, many events unfold during particular life stages. Understanding how these events occur across a lifetime and how they can influence future decisions may help us face these changes from a different perspective.

Early life events

Experiences that occur early in life can begin to shape who we are at a young age. Our first friendships and crushes, the educational milestones we reach, and the family dynamics we are raised in can all lay the groundwork for how we face challenges and decisions in the future.

Adult life events

Adulthood can bring more complex plans and major decisions, like marriage, career changes, and becoming a parent. These events and the changes they bring accumulate over the years, which can test our values, reshape priorities, and alter how we plan for the future.

Later-life events

The later stages of life typically bring a period of profound change, as retirement can shift daily structures, health changes may cause us to make changes and adaptations to lifestyles, and loss may become a more frequent part of our experience. This can also be a time for allowing new routines to take hold and seeing these changes at the close of one chapter and the beginning of another.

How life events affect mental health

Emotional and psychological responses

No two people will respond to the same events in the same way. For example, one person who loses their job may be devastated, while another may see it as an opportunity to find a new path forward. These differences can be based on a complex blend of factors: personalities, past experiences, coping style, and the broader context of what else is happening in life. There may be various types of predictable emotional responses, like anger, shock, relief, or grief, but how long and how intense these reactions last can vary significantly from person to person.

When life events increase mental health risks

Though everyone experiences stress differently, in some cases, life events can cause more than just passing stress; they can become risk factors for more long-term mental health challenges, such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. For example, if multiple significant events happen to someone within a short period, the mental load can become overwhelming, and they may not see a clear path to recovery between one challenge and the next. A quick succession of life changes may not allow a person to maintain their natural resilience, which can lead to deep and more persistent mental health effects.

Planning and coping with life events

Some life events can be planned for; some cannot. How we manage both the things we can plan for and the things that are out of our control can also have a significant impact on our overall well-being. 

Preparing for predictable life changes

Some life events come with advanced notice. In many cases, you may be able to plan for things like marriage, parenthood, retirement, or relocating. You may not have an exact timeline, but you typically get some advance notice before these things happen. For example, if you get engaged, you may have months to plan a wedding. If you’re going to move to a new city, in most cases, you’ll have time to sit down and create a written plan or to-do list of all the things you have to do to prepare for the move.

Practical planning in the face of these life events can help you make sense of the logistics of upcoming changes, while journaling your thoughts throughout the process can be a helpful way to manage the emotional side of things.

Coping with unexpected life events

Of course, many things happen in life that we cannot plan for, such as the loss of a loved one or the sudden onset of a serious illness. When life changes happen without warning, it can be a jarring experience that makes you question everything. What once seemed certain may not be possible, and adapting in these moments can be disorienting. 

Knowing how to adapt can be less about having a plan and more about finding stability, no matter how simple it might seem. Sometimes, maintaining a regular routine, getting enough rest, and connecting with your support system can help things click back into place enough so that you can find a way to adjust to your new normal. 

When to seek support after major life events

Knowing when to reach out for help can be an important aspect of navigating major change. Life can bring a lot of hard lefts and rights that may change everything; everyone is different and will handle life’s challenges in their own way. That said, there are some signs that can indicate it might be time to consider seeking professional support.

Signs you may need professional help

Some signs that are worth paying close attention to can include: 

• Having a hard time getting out of bed, maintaining relationships, or concentrating at work that persists beyond a few weeks
• Having emotional responses that feel disproportionate or impossible to regulate
• Experiencing a sense of numbness or disconnection
• Having thoughts that are frightening or hard to control
• Withdrawing from people or activities that previously brought comfort or joy
• Having physical symptoms with no clear cause, like disrupted sleep, changes in appetite, or persistent fatigue
• Feeling unable to imagine things improving
• Having a loss of hope about the future

How therapy can help with life transitions

Some people may associate attending therapy with needing to treat a mental health condition. However, anyone can benefit from and use therapy. It can be a helpful way to process stress associated with life events, especially long-term events such as unemployment or a significant illness.

If you are undergoing several changes in your life, it may seem stressful to add another commitment to your schedule, especially one that may involve commuting to an in-person therapy appointment. In these situations, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may be a beneficial alternative. Through a legitimate online therapy platform, you can connect with a therapist from your home or anywhere you have an internet connection, and choose a session time that works for you. 

Scientific research has demonstrated that attending therapy online can be as effective as attending in-person treatment. For example, one study compared in-person and online cognitive behavioral therapy for treatment of depression and found that both treatments “demonstrated comparable significant improvements in depressive symptoms and quality of life from baseline to post-treatment.”  Online therapy may be helpful if you hope to receive additional support in processing complicated emotions around life events.