What Is Love Addiction, & How Can It Affect The Mental Health Of A Love Addict?
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Love addiction can have significant repercussions on a person’s relationships and emotional well-being. In some cases, love addiction can lead a person to feel cravings similar to those involved in drug addiction. Despite efforts to change their patterns, some people may continue to feel frequent and intense romantic love and attraction, even if they are aware of their tendencies or have been harmed by them. Keep reading to learn more about love addiction, its possible effects on relationships and self-esteem, and ways to seek support for love addiction.
Defining a love addiction
While love addiction isn’t listed as a diagnosable mental illness in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), it is a concern that can cause significant emotional distress. A person who experiences love addiction may have a pattern of quickly falling in love with people they meet. They might also crave the experience of falling in love and frequently imagine having deep feelings for new people who come into their life.
If the object of their affection leaves or creates distance, they may experience emotional withdrawal symptoms, similar to emotional symptoms that a person may experience with addictive drugs. Some individuals may crave a potential romantic partner’s approval so strongly that they regularly sacrifice their own needs and desires or often end up in other unhealthy dynamics. Such patterns can make it challenging to form healthy relationships.
Childhood trauma and love addiction
In some cases, behavioral addictions like love addiction may be related to childhood trauma. For example, individuals who have experienced abusive relationships or neglect may have abnormal brain processes or distorted thought patterns related to attachment. For example, adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) like these may lead some people to experience low self-esteem and fear of abandonment in romantic relationships, which can have various negative consequences—potentially including love addiction and emotional dependence.
Love addiction vs. infatuation
Some people might wonder if they are experiencing love addiction or simple infatuation with a specific person. In cases of natural addiction to love, a person typically demonstrates a pattern that involves more of an intense desire to feel in love and less of an authentic interest in a given individual, which may lead them to dive into relationships too quickly. This is typically different from an infatuation or crush on a specific person at a specific time.
That said, experiencing infatuation or intense attraction can still feel disorienting and may lead some people to question if they may be experiencing love addiction. In such cases, it can help to keep in mind that one of the key differences tends to be that “love addicts” typically experience this pattern of behavior repeatedly over time rather than as an intense but one-off infatuation.
Strategies that may help a person experiencing love addiction
Some people who experience love addiction may benefit from implementing self-care and reflection strategies. One example is journaling about one’s thoughts and emotions—not from a judgmental perspective, but through a lens of curiosity. This process may help individuals identify any thought patterns that don’t actually reflect their true emotions. Engaging in a regular mindfulness practice could also help a person come to recognize when they may be experiencing a love addiction pattern instead of true affection.
Part of self-care for love addicts can also involve building more self-awareness to help them know when to reach out to a support system. When a person is surrounded by those who love them unconditionally, they may be better able to detach from a love interest who doesn’t feel the same. In some cases, a strong support system may also help prevent a person from making major decisions impulsively when they experience an intense need for approval from a love interest.
How a therapist can help a “love addict”
Therapy can be a useful next step for someone who has realized that they may be experiencing love addiction. A licensed therapist may be able to help an individual assess possible causes, such as childhood trauma, an insecure attachment style, and/or an underlying mental health condition. Over time, the therapist could also help an individual develop more secure attachments and establish patterns and coping skills that can help strengthen self-esteem and improve relationships.
Online mental health support for love addiction, anxiety, and mental disorders
Some people may feel hesitant to attend traditional in-person therapy to discuss a sensitive matter like love addiction, or they may not have many providers in their area. In such cases, online therapy could be a more comfortable and convenient alternative. An online therapist can help the individual explore concerns about romantic love, passion, attachment, and relationship challenges in general, just as an in-person provider can.
Through online therapy, individuals can communicate with a licensed therapist in a way that feels right for them, whether that’s via audio, video, or live chat. They can also reach out to their therapist at any time through in-app messaging, and their therapist will reply as soon as they can. This feature may prove useful if individuals experience emotional challenges related to love addiction in between sessions.
In addition to offering convenience and flexibility, online therapy in general also has strong support in the literature. In one review, for example, researchers suggest that online therapy can often be as effective for treating mental health concerns like depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and bipolar disorder as in-person therapy.
Takeaway
Love addiction can have a significant effect on relationships and mental health. An addiction to love or to the process of falling in love can lead a person to constantly be looking for a romantic partner—sometimes to the point that it affects other aspects of their life, such as friendships, hobbies, and career opportunities. Love addiction can also often lead a person to sacrifice their own emotional needs to satisfy another person, as distance from the person can lead to emotional withdrawal symptoms. People who experience love addiction may benefit from speaking with a licensed therapist, either in person or online.
Below are some frequently asked questions about love addiction.
Can you tell if someone is a love addict?
Some people may notice signs of love addiction in another person, such as numerous calls or text messages and deep concern when these messages go unanswered. Some people may also “love bomb” a person they’re infatuated with, which may involve things like major gifts given in public. However, in some cases, such behaviors may not be a sign that a person has a pattern of love addiction. A licensed counselor may be able to help identify any symptoms of love addiction and provide strategies to protect one’s boundaries and mental health.
Does love addiction come from childhood trauma?
In some cases, love addiction may be related to childhood trauma or an underlying mental illness like depression, bipolar disorder, or substance use disorder (formerly “substance abuse”). However, not everyone who experiences adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) or a mental illness develops a love addiction.
What is the treatment for love addiction?
The literature on treatment for love addiction isn’t very extensive at this time. However, like those experiencing many different kinds of unhealthy patterns, “love addicts” may benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which could help them identify and challenge inaccurate thought patterns. Also, research based on brain scans suggests that some people with love addiction may benefit from group therapy. This form of treatment may tap into the brain’s reward system, which is typically involved in behavioral addictions.
Is love addiction related to anxiety or other mental health disorders?
Some people living with a love addiction may experience feelings of anxiety, especially when the object of their attraction pulls away from them or they feel unrequited love. Some people who experience love addiction may also have a comorbid disorder like bipolar disorder or a personality disorder.
What does love addiction feel like?
People living with a love addiction may experience intense symptoms of emotional withdrawal when they are not near a person they feel in love with. They may also feel intense emotional and physical reactions when they are with the person.
Is love addiction an official disorder?
Love addiction isn’t listed in the DSM-5. However, clinicians tend to recognize it as a condition that can cause serious emotional symptoms and affect a person’s relationships and mental health.
What attachment style is a love addict?
A person who experiences love addiction may have problematic feelings like extreme passion toward someone they barely know as a frequent occurrence, due to radical brain processes that give them natural rewards for the feeling of being in love. Insecure attachment behaviors are often at play in such cases, such as an anxious attachment style.
What is the difference between love addiction and love avoidant?
Someone living with a love addiction or other addictions related to romance may feel a strong urge to always be looking for a passionate romantic relationship, frequently experiencing strong infatuation with people they just met. While such feelings aren’t necessarily problematic, they can sometimes cause adverse consequences in one’s life if translated into behavior, such as marrying a person one just met. In contrast, someone who is “love-avoidant” may desire a romantic relationship but avoid engaging in them—potentially having a long list of rejected lovers—due to fears of being abandoned.
What are the consequences of love addiction?
Problematic behaviors related to addictive love can vary, but they often stem from trouble with self-control and a tendency to form unhealthy attachments. A person may experience mood swings depending on the behaviors and responses from the object of their affection. For instance, they may experience extreme emotions and negative feelings when the person seems distant from them, and they may forgo social, family, or work obligations in order to chase their idea of passionate love. It’s also not uncommon for a person with this type of nonclinical addictive disorder to make major decisions based on impulse, such as marrying someone they don't know well.
How to break the pattern of love addiction?
Working with a therapist can be an effective way to address love addiction in many cases. This type of professional can use behavioral sciences research to promote mood modification and healthier coping mechanisms. They may also help a person address any underlying causes of unhealthy behaviors, like past trauma or a mental illness, so they can promote more adaptive patterns.
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