What Is The Difference Between Envy And Jealousy?
If you go up to five different people and ask them what it means to be jealous, chances are that everyone will give you a different answer. Ask them next what it meant to be envious, and those five people might look at you puzzled, wondering, "Well, what is the meaning of envy if it's not the same as jealousy?" If you’re having trouble figuring out the main difference is between these emotions, you’re not alone.
Although the words envy and jealousy may often be used interchangeably, they have distinct definitions. Envy generally refers to wanting something that someone else has, while jealousy usually involves someone that may threaten something you already have. Envy and jealousy can be healthy, normal emotions, but when they become pathological, they may be considered delusional disorders. If you have a hard time managing feelings of envy or jealousy, consider online therapy, as it can provide a safe space to talk through and cope with these emotions.
Envious vs jealous: What’s the main difference?
Envy occurs when we desire something someone else has, such as a new car or a sense of achievement. It might also be a desire for a promotion that a coworker just received or a longing for the type of marriage your friend has with their spouse. You might envy the good looks of your brother or sister or the academic ability of your best friend; you might envy anything you don't currently have that you want.
Envy requires two people; the only two parties involved are generally you and the person who has what you desire. Envy can be an internal reaction when we see that we lack something desirable that someone else has.
Jealousy occurs when something you already have is threatened by someone else. This feeling is often applied to relationships, such as with a girlfriend or boyfriend. Jealousy could be an emotion you feel when your significant other dances with someone else at a bar. If your ex-spouse marries someone else and that person grows close to your children, that can be another instance in which you may feel jealousy.
Jealousy can differ from envy in that jealousy typically involves three parties: you, what you have (typically a significant other), and an outside force that poses a threat to what you have. Jealousy requires someone or something external that causes a fearful feeling centered on possession.
Are envy and jealousy healthy and normal?
Everyone has likely experienced feeling envious or jealous of others at some point in their lives. A certain degree of these emotions can be healthy and productive. Still, it can be essential to know the difference between these two feelings because, while they can be helpful, they can be equally as destructive in excess.
Potential confusion with these terms
The semantic ambiguity of the word jealousy may be the reason many people do not understand the distinction between jealousy and envy. Many times, when someone describes a time when they felt jealous, they may be referring to an instance when they felt envious.
Envy may be a little less ambiguous and is often used in the correct context. However, the term jealousy can make understanding the difference between the two words rather difficult. Both feelings can feel quite similar, which can also make it challenging to distinguish between jealousy and envy.
Jealousy and envy can also be experienced simultaneously. When someone attractive is dancing with your partner, you might feel as though they pose a threat to your relationship because you perceive them as having better traits than yourself. This would be an example of jealousy. You may find yourself desiring those traits as well, which would be an example of envy.
Explaining the differences and problems with using jealousy and envy together can be shown through other situations. For example, a person that wants to sleep with someone else's spouse may feel envy because they may want what someone else has. If that same person does not want their spouse sleeping with anyone else, they may feel a sense of jealousy. They may desire something they don’t have and feel threatened that someone might take what they already have.
Jealousy and envy can affect your health
Feelings of jealousy and envy can be very reasonable in certain situations, particularly when they are based on facts and can be resolved through communication. However, some people experience pathological jealousy, which can be harmful.
Pathological jealousy can occur in people who experience emotional imbalances or other mental health issues. Pathological jealousy can lead to feelings of extreme possessiveness, anger, and obsessiveness. People with pathological jealousy are often egotistical and mean, aggressive, or violent.
An example of someone who is experiencing pathological jealousy could be a person who believes their partner is cheating and goes to great lengths to try to uncover evidence. Stalking is often a result of pathological jealousy.
Extreme envy can also be harmful because it can lead to feelings of mistrust, resentment, and anger. Overly envious people often treat others that they believe to be better than them with contempt, and they may try to ruin the reputations of those people to get ahead. Those who live with extreme envy are often negative, critical, and pessimistic. They can be sarcastic and act indifferent to those around them.
These feelings associated with jealousy and envy can often be detrimental to a person's emotional health. They can also negatively impact the physical and emotional health of the people who are the object of jealousy or envy.
Treating pathological envy and jealousy
Pathological envy and jealousy are generally considered delusional disorders due to the individual's distorted perception of the subject of their envy or jealousy. People who live with delusional disorders can be a danger to themselves or others and may need the support of a mental health professional.
Delusional disorders can be challenging to treat because they can appear in many forms. In most cases, a combination of medication and therapy is used to treat these disorders.
People who are living with delusional disorders may not always experience beliefs that are fanciful or outlandish. Often, their delusions are plausible. When someone with pathological jealousy has delusions that their spouse is cheating on someone, even though they have no evidence, this claim might not sound completely outlandish. However, if a person had said they believed their spouse was cheating with a ghost in the house next door, that might seem a little absurd. What can be important to realize is that both claims are delusional, even though one may be more believable than the other.
Because some delusions are believable, the signs of pathological jealousy or envy may not be immediately apparent. Many times, it is not until the jealous person begins to act out in ways that make people uncomfortable that others may step in to try to get the person treatment. People who are delusional may function normally in social events or public spaces, and it’s not likely anyone would assume that they have a mental illness. This can be quite different from other types of psychosis in which the person’s behavior can appear abnormal.
If a person experiences signs of a delusional disorder, a mental healthcare provider can help. The healthcare provider may order blood tests to rule out any biological abnormalities and may also order imaging tests such as X-rays or CT scans to observe brain structure and functioning. In severe cases, delusions can be indicative of psychotic disorders like schizophrenia rather than pathological jealousy or envy.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing delusions or intense feelings of jealousy or envy, you can reach out for advice and begin talking to someone today.
Online therapy may help you work through jealousy and envy
If you experience envy or jealousy more often than you’d like, therapy may be effective in managing and preventing these emotions from affecting your relationships with others. If traditional face-to-face therapy isn’t convenient for you, you may wish to consider online therapy, which often has more flexible scheduling options and can be done from anywhere with an internet connection.
Jealousy and envy may be linked to stress or anxiety. One study showed that online therapy could be particularly effective when used to treat symptoms of these issues. By addressing the underlying causes and helping individuals develop healthy coping strategies, online therapy can contribute to improved emotional well-being and better interpersonal relationships.
Takeaway
In the course of our lives, we may encounter various examples of jealousy and envy, both of which can impact our relationships and personal well-being. To feel jealous often means to feel threatened, due to the fear of losing something or someone we cherish. On the other hand, envy arises when we desire to achieve or possess something another person has, such as success or material possessions. Understanding the difference between these emotions can help us better navigate our feelings and relationships.
Most people occasionally experience envy and jealousy, but these emotions can become unhealthy if they become uncontrollable or cause harm. Online therapy may be beneficial if you find it challenging to manage feelings of jealousy or envy.
What is the danger of being envious?
Casting an envious eye can sometimes come with unintended consequences. Envy is a hostile emotion involving feelings of inferiority, frustration, and resentment. It can lead to personal feelings of shame due to unpleasant social comparisons, which has the potential to undermine relationships with friends, family, and coworkers severely.
Envy not only harms social relationships, it can significantly hamper physical health. Envy increases negative feelings, which is associated with a significant reduction in overall well-being. While everyone is envious sometimes, chronic envy may significantly reduce physical and mental health by reducing positive social interactions, introducing shameful social comparisons, and reducing health-supporting behavior.
What makes people envious?
Evidence suggests that envy is a painful reaction to an unflattering social comparison. When one person perceives another who has something they want for themselves, it can create intense hostility, frustration, and resentment. The evidence further suggests that envy is the most profound when the social comparison is made between another person of similar social standing.
For example, imagine a mid-level manager in a large company. If they see another employee of a similar rank and position with something they want for themselves - like a bigger office or nicer car - they are likely to feel envy. In contrast, if the person sees someone of a substantially higher position, like the CEO, with something they want for themselves, they are not as likely to feel envy.
What happens when you are envious?
When people express envy, they are likely experiencing an unfavorable social comparison with someone they consider similar to themselves. For example, imagine two employees with similar positions in a large organization. If one employee has a large office, expensive car, or other perks of success, the other employee may become envious. In contrast, the lower-ranked employee is less likely to feel envious if the person holds a substantially higher position, like a C-suite executive.
Ultimately, how a person responds to envy likely depends on whether the envy is malicious or benign. The word “envious” traces its roots back to the Latin invidiosus, one translation of which is “arousing hatred.” Indeed, envy is commonly considered a hostile emotion that can significantly affect overall well-being. However, envy can also be a constructive force, which is typically the case with benign envy.
Those experiencing malicious envy are more likely to harm others to achieve their goals and are less likely to display prosocial behavior overall. In contrast, those experiencing benign envy are likely to experience an increase in motivation resulting from envy to correct the undesired social comparison.
How does envy affect your life?
Envy is commonly considered a hostile emotion frequently detrimental to overall well-being, which is true in many cases. However, evidence suggests that envy can also serve as a powerful motivator and may help people identify strategies that move them closer to their goals. When envy motivates, it is commonly referred to as benign envy.
Contrasting benign envy is malicious envy, which is associated with adverse effects on the person experiencing it and those around them. Envy can substantially lower the quality of social relationships and is linked to an increased risk of developing depression. It can also lead to fewer health-promoting behaviors and worse physical health overall. Envy may harm social relationships by lowering prosocial behaviors - actions that help others - and increasing antisocial behaviors - actions that harm others.
How does envy affect others?
Envy is associated with lower-quality social relationships and a reduction in prosocial behavior, which are actions that help other people. An envious person is more likely to harm others to achieve their goals, and evidence suggests that envy is associated with Machiavellian and antisocial behaviors, both of which are associated with the Dark Triad of personality.
Machiavellianism is characterized by a tendency to manipulate others to achieve a goal, and antisociality is frequently associated with a callous and impulsive disregard for the feelings of others. These traits can have substantial adverse effects on other people and likely contribute to the lowered quality of interpersonal relationships.
Why should we not envy others?
Conventional wisdom suggests that envy is harmful to oneself and others. The word “envy” dates back to the Middle English period, nearly seven centuries ago, when it appeared in a version of the Bible. Envying is also likely similar to the biblical “coveting,” such as in the 10th commandment: “Thou shalt not covet.” It is likely that moral conceptions of envy date thousands of years, perhaps even to prehistory.
Over the ages, moral leaders have connected envy with antisocial behaviors like greed, manipulation, and exploitation. Envy is also known to have an adverse effect on a person’s own health and well-being, as well as those around them. It is associated with lower-quality social relationships and an increased likelihood of depression. In contrast, expressing gratitude and pity - two emotions that oppose envy - is associated with an increase in overall well-being.
Are envious people insecure?
Envy likely results from unfavorable social comparisons, when a person believes that someone else has something they want or that the other person does not deserve what they have. Social comparisons are associated with insecurity and lowered self-esteem; envy likely correlates with a poor self-image. Some of the best advice for managing envy involves strategies that directly improve self-esteem, like focusing on self-improvement, gratitude, and positivity.
How do you deal with envious people?
An envious person can seriously harm those around them. A person experiencing envy is more likely to disregard the well-being of others while pursuing their goals and may be willing to manipulate or exploit them to compete with another person’s success. An envious look may initiate an envious attack, including insults, excessive bragging, sarcasm, or other strategies that make another person feel bad about themselves.
Surviving an envy attack likely comes down to disregarding what the attacker is doing to minimize you. Don’t rise to their insults and return criticism; the person is trying to rattle you. You may also want to remind yourself that you don’t need to apologize for your success or good fortune because someone else feels you don’t deserve it.
How do you manage envy?
The concept of envy has existed for thousands of years, represented in the old French “envieus” and the Anglo-Norman “envius.” Moral and spiritual leaders have espoused the importance of managing envy for centuries, and letting it go unchecked may significantly impact mental and physical well-being.
Managing envy is generally best accomplished by focusing on you as an individual first, then focusing on the situation causing envy. One type of envy, often called “benign envy,” is not associated with many adverse outcomes and may serve as a powerful motivator. However, its counterpart, malicious envy, is more common and substantially more harmful. If you’re feeling significant frustration, insecurity, or resentment due to envy, here are a few things you can try:
- Use decisive language. Try to reframe the situation that is causing your envy as one where you are in charge. For example, instead of framing yourself as the victim and saying, “I’ve been mistreated,” try to use language that puts you in control, like “What have I learned from this situation that can bring me closer to my goals?”
- Count your strengths. Take note of the positive things in your life, such as your accomplishments and strengths. Envy can cloud the good things in your life, and expressing gratitude for a personal blessing may make envious feelings less burdensome.
- Seek feedback for improvement. You may want to work with others to help you achieve your desired goal. Remember to focus on yourself and not on whatever is causing your envy. Consider seeking feedback and guidance from others to help you identify self-improvement goals that will take you closer to success.
Does envy cause jealousy?
Envy and jealousy are commonly treated as synonyms in daily conversation, but they are distinct and different feelings. Envy is commonly defined as a perceived lack of something of value, while jealousy is a response to a perceived loss of something of value. For example, a person who sees their coworker with a new luxury car and wants the same for themselves is likely experiencing envy, while a person who becomes anxious when their romantic partner interacts with an attractive person is likely experiencing jealousy.
Envy and jealousy can occur together, but jealousy is caused by a threat of loss rather than a desire for something of high value. Therefore, jealousy can occur without envy or a desire for something the person does not have, although the two emotions may feel difficult to distinguish.
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