Adolescent Years: Parenting Tips For When A Child Reaches Adolescence

When a child reaches adolescence around age 10, they may start experiencing some of the many transformations of this phase of life. Over the following decade or so, an adolescent will typically go through a variety of physical, cognitive, emotional, and social changes as they move toward adulthood. Understanding these changes may help equip parents and guardians to support their child’s well-being throughout this period. For additional parenting support, caregivers may find it helpful to meet with an in-person or online therapist.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), adolescence is a developmental stage between ages 10 and 19 when a person matures and transitions from childhood into early adulthood. During this time, an individual will typically experience a variety of physical, emotional, and cognitive changes due to puberty, hormonal fluctuations, and brain development. They’re likely to begin thinking about who they are, what they value, what their sexual and gender identities are, what belief systems they adhere to, and what they want out of life. 

While the general developments of the adolescent age range tend to be common across most young people, each child may experience them in a unique way and on a unique timeline. It can be important to take your own child’s individuality into account when guiding them through this period. If you’re experiencing high stress levels or are otherwise looking for emotional support as a parent, meeting with an online therapist might be a convenient way to receive care.

The three stages of this time of life

Learning about the three stages of this life transition may help parents and caregivers understand what to expect as their child moves through the phases of adolescent development. 

• Early adolescence is when children first enter adolescence, around age 10. It often involves the start of puberty’s physical changes,s plus an increased desire for some social separation from their family.
• Mid-adolescence spans roughly from age 14–17, and it often involves continued physical changes, relationship exploration, increased independence, risk-taking behaviors, and improved abstract thinking.
• Late adolescence lasts from age 18 into the early 20s, and it’s often characterized by the end of puberty’s physical changes, better impulse control, and a stronger sense of one’s identity and values.

Physical development during adolescence

Many bodily changes tend to happen during adolescence. A growth spurt is typical at some point during this time, as puberty begins. This process involves the physical development of secondary sexual characteristics, such as facial hair, pubic hair, and breast development. Depending on the individual’s sex, they may get their first period or have testicles grow. A change in body odor often accompanies these forms of physical development, and the adolescent may also develop an interest in sexual activity.

Supporting your child as they explore their identity

The physical changes of puberty can be a distressing time for some adolescents, especially questioning or gender nonconforming youth. It may be beneficial for a child’s well-being if parents make an effort to create a safe environment for identity exploration and open communication. When parents of LGBTQ+ youth show their children that asking questions about who they are is okay and that they’ll be fully supported no matter what, they may be more likely to ask for help if needed.

Cognitive and brain development in adolescents

Adolescents typically also undergo major cognitive development during this period of life. Adolescent brains tend to develop many new capabilities as the child ages. For example:

• Early adolescence may involve a child using more complex thinking and forming their own opinions, though all-or-nothing thought patterns may still be common.
• Middle adolescence often involves the start of identity development and more long-term thinking, though individuals at this age may still be at increased risk of acting impulsively as their brain development continues.
• Late adolescence tends to come with more abstract thinking about new ideas, their own values, and the future, along with improved impulse control.

Risk-taking behaviors during this period

According to the Social Work Institute, the potential for increased risk-taking behaviors during adolescence may stem from “biological changes in the developing brain, social influences from peers, and the natural drive to explore independence.” As a result, an adolescent may take risks related to substance use, sexual activity, reckless driving, etc., which could have serious negative effects on their well-being. Parental support and structured expectations during this period may help adolescents safely manage their increasing desire to explore the world in their own way.

Emotional and social development during adolescence

As their minds and bodies change, adolescents also tend to experience several phases of emotional and social development. Identity formation often starts in early adolescence. Children may begin to question their sexual or gender identity or other aspects of who they are as puberty begins. Many adolescents may also become more self-conscious about their appearance, especially around peers, and may experiment with different ways of presenting and expressing themselves.

By middle adolescence, a teen will often begin reaching for more independence from their parents and family, as peer relationships may take on increased importance. While friendships and, in some cases, romantic relationships tend to involve frequently changing dynamics at this stage, they may become more consistent as the child enters late adolescence. By this phase, teens may have a better understanding of themselves, their identity, and their values, making them able to build relationships accordingly.

Watching their child develop an increased desire for independence can sometimes be difficult for a parent. An online therapist may be able to provide convenient and flexible emotional support for caregivers.

How parents can support healthy adolescent development

There may not be any perfect parenting strategies or tactics that are guaranteed to work with every teenager. Plus, since this time of life is characterized by near-constant change, something that works now may not be as effective a few months down the road. Patience, empathy, and adaptability are usually key to being the parent or guardian of a teenager. That said, the following are strategies that may help parents offer support and guidance as their child experiences this transitional phase of life. 

1. Start preparing early

According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, it may be best to start early when it comes to laying the foundation for being a supportive parent of an adolescent. Establishing a strong, healthy parent-child relationship from a young age may lead to a smoother transition into the pre-teen and teen years. 

For example, beginning when they’re young, you might:

• Encourage your child to talk to you and maintain that open communication throughout their lives
• Teach them important life lessons like how to make decisions, take responsibility for themselves and their actions, set boundaries, and process disappointment or failure
• Instill a basic sense of responsibility and work ethic through household chores and schoolwork. 

Instilling values and teaching skills like these may help your child feel better equipped to navigate the challenges of adolescence and, eventually, adulthood.

2. Aim to establish open communication

The adolescent years often bring various challenges and questions, and your child will likely need advice, support, or guidance to navigate them. Establishing a dynamic of open communication early on may make them more likely to come to you during these challenging moments. Specifically, the Child Mind Institute suggests that strategies like active listening, validating your child’s feelings, modeling emotion regulation, and discussing the reasoning behind rules and boundaries may be helpful.

3. Offer opportunities for age-appropriate responsibilities

As your child matures into adolescence, they will likely crave more independence and control over their own lives. Offering them opportunities to make age-appropriate decisions may grant a measure of this while helping them learn fundamental life skills. This strategy may allow them to build self-confidence and autonomy, learn about consequences, and gain life experience, all of which may help promote healthy development by balancing independence with parental guidance. You might also task them with regular, age-appropriate responsibilities such as household chores so they can build a work ethic and learn how to take care of themselves.                     

4. Make time together a priority

As your child grows up, consider making time spent together a priority. Even something as simple as eating meals together as often as possible may provide excellent opportunities for you to discuss the day together, reinforce family bonds, and encourage healthy eating habits. Research suggests that the family interactions over regular, shared mealtimes may help reduce a child’s chances of risky behaviors, poor mental health outcomes, and poor academic outcomes. Other ways to spend time together could include daily check-ins to hear about their day or regular outings (like taking a walk or getting ice cream) to catch up together.

5. Listen without judgment

When your teenager does talk to you about their life, it’s typically important to listen without judgment if you want them to feel safe continuing to come to you. It’s usually best to resist the urge to interrupt, mock, criticize, or offer unsolicited advice; instead, simply listen and show an interest in what they’re saying. 

It may be helpful to work on honing your own active listening ability, which can be a useful life skill to model for your child as well. The three components of this skill include nonverbal cues of engagement like nodding and eye contact, refraining from judgment, and asking clarification questions only if needed. Research suggests that this type of “high-quality listening” may lead to “a more constructive relational experience” between two parties.

6. Know the warning signs of mental health challenges

According to the World Health Organization, one in seven adolescents (ages 10–19) experiences a mental illness. Some types of conditions that might affect young people in this age group include anxiety disorders, behavioral disorders, and eating disorders, among others. 

Academic and relationship stress, low self-esteem, learning disorders, and sleep problems may also affect an adolescent’s emotional well-being. If your child is showing potential mental health symptoms like the following, connecting them with professional support may be an important next step:

• Significant, sudden changes to sleeping patterns
• Significant, sudden changes to eating patterns
• Low energy or frequent fatigue
• Loss of interest in previously enjoyed hobbies or activities
• Declining grades
• Self-isolation from friends and family
• Difficulty concentrating
• Feelings of anxiety around others
• Challenges in making and keeping friends
• Persistent feelings of sadness, worry, or hopelessness

Seeking mental health support for yourself or your child

Your child’s adolescent years can be challenging for both you and them. If you’ve noticed that your teenager may be experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition, it’s usually important to seek the help of a mental health professional, since symptoms may worsen if not professionally treated. Even if they’re not experiencing signs of a diagnosable mental illness, many young people can benefit from having the nonjudgmental listening ear of a trained therapist, who may help them process their feelings and learn strategies to manage the potentially harmful effects of stress.

Therapy may be a helpful resource for you as a parent or caregiver, too. Parenting an adolescent can sometimes be stressful or overwhelming, and you might benefit from the guidance of a mental health professional. A therapist may help you process your own feelings, weigh parenting decisions, find out how best to support your child, and receive support for stress or any other mental health challenges you may be facing. 

The benefits of online therapy

If you prefer in-person therapy, you can search for a provider in your local area. If you’re interested in the flexibility and affordability of online therapy, you might consider exploring an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. It can match you with a licensed therapist who you can speak with via phone, video call, and/or online chat for help with the challenges you may be facing. Or, if you’re looking for support for your teen, a virtual therapy platform like TeenCounseling can match your child (age 13–18) with a licensed therapist in the same way with your consent. These platforms can be a convenient way for you or your teen to receive mental health support without having to leave home.

What the research says about online therapy

Research suggests that online therapy may often yield similar effects as in-person therapy, making it a potentially effective treatment option for conditions like depression and anxiety in many cases. Since they tend to produce similar impacts, you may be able to choose between online and in-person therapy depending on your needs and preferences.