Working Mom Feeling Too Much Stress: Where To Find Support For Overwhelm
Being a mom can be a full-time job. Add in work--whether it’s 40 hours a week or 10--and it can be easy to understand why moms often experience high rates of burnout. In general, 84% of women between the ages of 25 and 54 work full-time, and 32% of employed persons who identify as women are working mothers with children under 18. If you’re a working mom, you are probably faced with a never-ending to-do list of tasks you must complete at work and at home. No matter what you do or how much you invest in your family, you may question whether you’re a good mom. If you’re having these concerns, you’re likely invested in being a good parent. Knowing where to find support to ease the burden you’ve been feeling can be the first step to feeling less overwhelmed and more at ease with your current season of life. Online therapy can be an excellent and convenient resource to consider.
The cycle of parental burnout
According to the American Psychological Association, parental burnout generally has four stages. While these can happen to any parent, working moms tend to be at a higher risk of experiencing burnout and the consequences that can come with it.
- Stage 1 - Overwhelming Exhaustion: This can look different depending on the age of your children. For moms with younger children, physical exhaustion tends to be the most common. As the children grow older, this may be replaced by the mental and emotional exhaustion of parenting an adolescent or teenager.
- Stage 2 - Distancing Yourself From Your Child: Burnt-out parents may try to save their energy by finding distance from their children, which can be physical or emotional, depending on the children’s ages.
- Stage 3 - Loss Of Fulfillment In Parenting: Because of how you’re feeling about your children, you may lose joy in your children, in your role as a parent, or both.
- Stage 4 - Contrast With Your Previous Parenting: Guilt and shame may creep in as you compare your previous parenting to how you’re doing now that you feel completely burnt out.
What are consequences of working mom burnout?
Being a working mom can make you 28% more likely to experience burnout than an employed father. Burnout has frequently been linked to mental health struggles, including depression and anxiety. It can also lead to increased alcohol consumption.
Other signs of feeling overwhelmed or burnout may include the following:
- Poor self-care
- Mood changes
- Decreased productivity
- Trouble sleeping and/or concentrating
What are social and physical consequences of burnout?
Like any type of burnout, working mom burnout can negatively impact your relationships, especially those with your children. It may cause you to:
- Feel more irritable
- Become easily angered by your children
- Participate in punitive parenting practices like yelling, spanking, and cursing
- Have suicidal or escape ideations
If you or someone you love is having thoughts about harming themselves or others or showing suicidal tendencies, reach out to the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline immediately by visiting the website or calling/texting 988.
What are physical symptoms of mom burnout?
Too much stress from parenting not only makes a mom feel psychologically exhausted but can also let her feel physical symptoms. Too much stress can cause stomach issues, headaches, back pains, muscle pains, hair loss, and insomnia.
Five places for working moms to find support when you’re overwhelmed
As a working mother, you will likely thrive best when you have resources and people to turn to for support. Whether it’s in person or online, there are individuals and communities who want to help you make your life more manageable so you can find peace at work and home. Try to utilize this support before you feel overwhelmed to design a more sustainable life for yourself and your family.
How can you find support within yourself?
Almost four out of every five moms have chosen to sacrifice sleep in order to care for their family, and around 80% of moms have turned down social plans because of parenting responsibilities.
For working mothers, self-care may not look like leisurely bubble baths or solo weekends in the mountains (although it definitely could). At this stage of life, ensuring your basic physical and mental needs are met can be the best strategy to avoid working mom burnout. Working moms typically feel their best when their daily routine includes the following:
- A healthy amount of sleep (seven to nine hours a night)
- Nutrient-rich foods that meet their dietary needs
- Physical activity
- Social connection with other working moms
Supportive partners
According to the American Time Use Survey, employed women usually spend more hours doing housework, preparing food, and caring for children than employed men. Conversely, employed men typically enjoy more time for socializing and leisure activities than employed women do.
How can you get more support from your partner?
Working moms are often tasked with working 40 or more hours per week and then coming home to manage most household tasks, frequently carrying an overwhelming mental load. If your partner is enjoying more leisure time than you are, you may benefit from communicating about your expectations and finding a way to better balance the workload at home.
How can a supportive workplace benefit you?
In an ideal world, all people would have the flexibility to complete their work in a manner that works for both the employer and the employee. In October 2020, during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, 71% of people who could work from home were working remotely all or most of the time. By February 2022, this number had dropped to 59%. Remote work may be just one flexible work arrangement that a growing number of people are pursuing.
According to 46% of moms, flexible work arrangements may be the most desirable benefit a workplace can offer. Flexible work options may include:
- Limited or no in-office days and/or flexible working hours
- Unlimited access to paid time off policies that employees are encouraged to use, including adequate paid leave following childbirth
- Access to affordable or free childcare in the workplace
- A culture of support for working moms that begins with executives and trickles down throughout the entire organization
How can you find more flexible work options?
If your job doesn’t offer flexible options for working mothers and other employees, you aren’t necessarily stuck in a less-than-ideal situation. You may speak with your manager or HR representative about possible changes to better support working mothers. Many companies now offer free or discounted access to mental health apps and services as part of employee benefits packages. If change isn’t possible, it may be worth seeking a new employer who can offer greater flexibility that benefits you and your family.
If neither of these options is feasible, consider what choices you can make to balance work and your family. For example, you might establish boundaries with your coworkers and managers about when you are available and stick to them. In addition, you can take time at the end of the workday to record your final thoughts about the day and your plans for tomorrow. Doing so can empower you to be fully present with your kids during non-working hours.
From other working moms
Sometimes, the people who understand the best are those who are having similar experiences. Other working moms likely know the struggle you’re having to balance work and family. You may benefit from connecting with other working moms within your company or industry. You could create a Slack channel to share encouragement or join a LinkedIn community where you can be open about your challenges and triumphs in balancing work and motherhood.
How can therapy support mental health?
Therapy can be helpful for those experiencing overwhelm or any other sort of mental health concern. Working with a therapist can not only help you to find practical solutions to life problems, but it can also help you investigate and change your thought patterns and behaviors.
How can you find support through therapy when you’re overwhelmed?
Nearly half of mothers may be seeking therapy to support their mental health. However, working moms may struggle to find the time to schedule therapy into their busy days, especially if it takes away from what already seems like limited time with their children. Online therapy may be one evidence-based solution that allows moms to schedule therapy when it works for them.
Benefits of online therapy for moms coping with stress and mental health struggles
With online therapy, moms can plan to meet with a provider during a pump break in the office or schedule a session after the kids are in bed for the night. With BetterHelp, you can access one out of thousands of therapists available to meet when the timing is best for you.
Effectiveness of online therapy for anxiety, stress, and other mental health concerns
In a 2021 study, half of the participants completed a weekly online therapy session with a psychotherapist for six weeks, and the other half received a weekly newsletter filled with tips to help them cope with stress. While both groups generally experienced decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression, those who worked directly with a therapist usually saw a much higher decrease in their mental health struggles. Weekly sessions with an online therapist may help you feel better equipped to manage the stress accompanying your role as a working mom.
Takeaway
Working moms often face a unique set of challenges. They are frequently expected to be fully present at work and at home, sacrificing their own needs to meet the needs of those around them. Without setting boundaries and getting support from others, working mothers tend to be prone to experiencing burnout, which can be detrimental to their mental and physical health. Other working moms, family members, and flexible workplaces can support mothers in finding an appropriate balance. Online therapy can also be a helpful place to find support.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you support a mom who is feeling overwhelmed?
A mom’s responsibility can be stressful and overwhelming. There are many ways to support an overwhelmed mom. Some ways can include:
- asking her what she needs
- being there for her
- telling her that she’s doing a great job
- encouraging her to get out of the house sometimes
- offering help with household chores
Is being overwhelmed typical for moms?
Being overwhelmed is a typical experience for moms.
Why do moms get overwhelmed?
The overwhelm that mothers experience is based on a variety of factors. These include lack of social support, financial pressure, a heavy mental load from managing the household, demands of work and career, and social pressure to be a “perfect” mother.
What can you do for yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed?
The first thing that you can do is to realize that the overwhelm experienced by mothers is a societal phenomenon and it is not unique to you alone. This can help to release some of the stress, shame, and self-doubt that you may be feeling, as the circumstances that create overwhelm are not your fault.
The next thing to do is to evaluate your commitments and schedule and see if there is anything that you can either let go of, delegate, or hire someone else to do. Also be sure to take care of yourself, even in small ways. The more you can focus on sleeping adequately, eating nutritious foods, getting some physical activity, and staying socially connected, the more easily you’ll be able to cope with overwhelm. Although focusing on yourself might feel challenging, in the end, if you are healthier and happier, it’s better for everyone in the family.
How can a mom fit in time for self-care?
Can being an overwhelmed mom create problems for your relationship?
Yes, being overwhelmed can create relationship problems. You might feel so exhausted that you don’t have the energy for emotional or sexual intimacy, and you may be more likely to be grouchy and irritable. You might also build up resentment against your partner if they don’t put in equal effort into running the household.
How can a mom’s feelings of overwhelm affect their children?
All mothers feel overwhelmed at some point. If their overwhelm affects their children at moments, moms can talk to their children about it and do repair work. This helps teach children communication skills and teaches them that their moms are only human but are doing their best.
When mothers are constantly overwhelmed and ignore or mistreat their children as a result, it can have negative effects on a child’s mental health. They may develop anxiety or behavioral problems, and these mental health problems can persist into adolescence and adulthood. For this reason, it is important to seek support for a mom experiencing chronic overwhelm, as well as for her children and the entire family.
Can being overwhelmed trigger anxiety?
Feelings of overwhelm can trigger anxiety in some cases. This can happen through physical mechanisms. When a person is stressed and overwhelmed, it releases the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones create symptoms such as rapid breathing, an increased heart rate, sweating, stomach ache, irritability, jitteriness, and difficulty concentrating. These physical and cognitive symptoms can sometimes provoke feelings of anxiety, fear, and even panic. While the anxiety may be short-lived for some, people who experience these symptoms of overwhelm on a regular basis may develop an anxiety disorder.
Challenges and pressure in motherhood can be stressful. Overwhelming stress, if not properly managed, can be a factor in developing anxiety and depression. If you feel that the burden of parenthood is already affecting your everyday life, seek mental health support.
What are the physical symptoms of feeling overwhelmed?
Feeling overwhelmed is something that most moms can relate to. Besides the emotional and psychological burnout, other moms have physical manifestations too. Some of the physical symptoms experienced by an overwhelmed mom can include hair loss, headaches, back pains, stomach upsets, sleeping issues, and chest tightness. Other symptoms can include weight gain or loss, insomnia, skin rashes, immune deficiencies, fatigue, sweating, diarrhea, and muscle aches.
Can being overwhelmed trigger mental health issues?
Occasional overwhelm is part of life, but constant feelings of overwhelm can either trigger or exacerbate mental health issues. Overwhelm can create anxiety or feelings of helplessness that can lead to depression. The physical symptoms of overwhelm, such as fatigue, headaches, and stomach problems, can also contribute to mental health problems. Being overwhelmed also has cognitive repercussions, making it harder to concentrate and take care of daily responsibilities. On top of that, when someone is constantly feeling overwhelmed, they may be less emotionally resilient, which also makes it more difficult to cope with mental health issues. Constant overwhelm also makes it difficult to find the time to practice self-care or attend therapy. Furthermore, people who feel chronically overwhelmed may resort to using substances to cope with their exhaustion and anxiety. Substance misuse (formerly called substance abuse) can further exacerbate the negative effects of overwhelm and mental health conditions. For these reasons, if you are experiencing chronic feelings of overwhelm, it is important to get support, including therapy.
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