“Why Am I So Unhappy?” Strategies For Finding Joy And Fulfillment

Feeling unfulfilled or unhappy can be a normal experience for many at different points in life. There are various reasons someone might feel like happiness is hard to find in a given moment or over time. Below, we explore some possible causes of feeling unhappy long-term, along with some supportive strategies to try that could help you obtain a higher quality of life.

Understanding potential roots causes of unhappiness

There are many possible elements of life that could make you feel unhappy. Understanding them could be helpful in allowing you to either make changes or find peace and acceptance. Some of the most common answers to the question, “Why am I so unhappy?” are outlined below.

Environmental factors

• Social relationships. The relationships you have with friends, family, neighbors, or colleagues might impact your happiness. Humans are naturally social creatures, so poor communication, unresolved conflicts, and loneliness can lead to feelings of sadness and even mental health challenges.
• Work-life balance. Many people may have trouble balancing work demands and personal needs. The tendency to spend time solely on career goals can make some feel unhappy, miserable, unfulfilled, or “trapped” in an unsatisfying job or lifestyle. 
• Financial stress. According to a report by the American Psychological Association, almost two in three Americans say that money is “a significant source of stress” in their lives. Worrying about finding or keeping a job, covering bills, dealing with unexpected expenses, or not having enough money to afford small joys or comforts or even necessities can all contribute to stress and unhappiness from this source.

Emotional factors

• Low self-esteem. This factor can affect mental health by limiting one’s perception of their own capability and confidence. It can make a person feel that they’re unable to accomplish their goals or are undeserving of good things, which can make it hard to feel happiness or enjoy good times. 
• Unaddressed past trauma. Traumatic events that happened at some past time can leave emotional wounds that may linger for years if left untreated or unresolved. Resulting symptoms such as fear, anger, guilt, and avoidance may hinder one’s ability to find joy in life and lead to being chronically unhappy. Speaking with a therapist is a helpful first step in addressing trauma for many. 
• Negative thinking. It’s hard to find happiness if you’re constantly thinking unhappy thoughts, engaging in negative self-talk, or automatically making catastrophic predictions. Being frequently surrounded by negative people or events could also influence the way you think. 

Strategies for finding more happiness in life

If you don’t feel happy very often or are experiencing chronic unhappiness or negativity, there are various scientifically supported strategies you might try in an effort to find more joy in life. You may consider experimenting with some of the below.

Connect with others

Building positive, authentic relationships could help you find more joy and contentment. You may consider spending time with more positive people who make you feel accepted, significant, and appreciated. Humans generally thrive off of connection, and research suggests that strong social support can benefit both physical health and mental health.

Give back

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “​​The surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others.” Finding ways to give back to those around you, such as volunteering or participating in social activities, may help you experience a sense of joy and fulfillment. Not only can activities like these help you form new social connections, but research suggests that even just having a strong sense of purpose may help combat loneliness and consequently improve health.

Practice self-care

It can be hard to be happy if you’re not taking good care of your health and your needs. That’s why self-care can be so important. Eating nutritious foods, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep are some of the basics you may want to work on incorporating into your routine. You could also consider finding activities that bring you joy—such as a hobby, sport, or creative outlet—and engaging in them regularly. If you’re feeling unhappy because of a mental health condition like depression, getting support for this challenge could also be a form of self-care.

Reframe negative thoughts

Sometimes, unhappiness can stem from or be exacerbated by a focus on negative thoughts about oneself or situations. If that’s the case for you, you might try and learn to reframe things in a more positive light over time. For example, you can challenge irrational beliefs by asking questions such as, "How can I look at this differently?" or "What evidence do I have that this is true?" This technique may help you change how you view yourself and your circumstances, possibly promoting a more positive, happier outlook on life. Working with a cognitive behavioral therapist is another way to learn how to practice cognitive reframing over time.

How therapy can help

A therapist—particularly one who practices cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)—could represent a powerful resource for helping you address sources of unhappiness and learning to find a sense of contentment or peace more often in life. If you’re experiencing a mental health condition that’s resulting in a more negative outlook, they can help you address your symptoms as well. 

For many people, traveling to and from in-person therapy sessions can be difficult due to busy schedules or transportation challenges. That’s where online therapy can come into play. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can meet with a licensed therapist via phone, video, and/or in-app messaging from the comfort of home or anywhere you have an internet connection. Research indicates that this format can be at least as effective as in-person sessions for treating depressive symptoms and many other mental health challenges, so it may be worth considering if it’s more convenient for you.