Be True To Yourself: How To Set Boundaries
Without boundaries, others in your life might try to take advantage of you and succeed. They can withdraw too much energy, time, money, or resources. If you notice that someone about whom you care has been acting this way toward you, it might be beneficial to learn how to set boundaries without ending the relationship altogether unless you believe that is the healthiest option.
What is the benefit of self-care?
Self-care includes essential self-maintenance, hobbies, and activities that bring joy to your life. In addition, self-care can include prioritizing your mental, emotional, and physical wellness by putting yourself first. If you have a busy schedule or spend a lot of time with others, you might overlook self-care or consider it a special favor.
However, self-care is a crucial part of being personally responsible. Focusing on your priorities can remind you (and others) that you and your needs are valuable. If you don't care for yourself, you might struggle to have profound connections in your relationships or enjoy your daily responsibilities. Part of self-care can include drawing boundaries around your well-being before offering help to others.
Creating boundaries with loved ones
Loved ones may unintentionally cause challenges in your mental health or emotional well-being by asking too much or asking you to put them first. Even if it's unintentional, they might use your connection against you. Negativity can be contagious, and sometimes it can be valuable to take space.
Breaking away or distancing yourself from family or friends may not be what you want, but it may be necessary. Just because you've known someone for years doesn't mean they have a beneficial influence on your life. Saying "no" or creating boundaries with loved ones can be difficult, but it may offer you the space to reevaluate your connection.
- Does this person cause you to feel pessimistic, depressed, or exhausted?
- Do you feel emotionally drained after having a conversation?
- Does this person demand immense amounts of your time?
- Does this person always ask you to do something for them that you don't have time to do?
- Does this person consistently ask you to pay for them when you go out?
- Does this individual try to push you into events you don't want to attend?
How to set boundaries
Setting boundaries might sometimes feel "cold-hearted" if you've never done it before. If you're hesitant to try it, think of this practice as being "warm-hearted" toward yourself, and really toward others as well, since it allows you to have more to give others when appropriate. It isn't necessarily unhealthy to focus on your needs first.
Setting those boundaries means prioritizing your time, possessions, emotional energy, body, mind, and relationships, in order to responsibly care for yourself. Below are a few examples of boundaries you can set:
- Turning down a dinner invitation to focus on work
- Saying no to sex
- Not attending to a phone call or message until you're ready
- Ending a relationship
- Saying no to food or water at someone else's home
- Asking someone not to push substances on you
- Saying no to an outing with friends
- Telling someone you need to leave the room if they continue to speak inappropriately with you
- Saying "no" to people and events to take time for yourself is also a form of self-care. Others may perceive boundaries as cold-hearted if they're not used to being told no. However, note that what someone else thinks about your limits doesn't define you, and it does not automatically make them correct. If you feel healthiest setting boundaries, do so.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
How to find support
You might perceive that setting boundaries is complicated, or you could be unsure of where to start. Opening up and talking to a professional might help you learn research-backed methods of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care. Once you have the tools to help you prioritize yourself, your body and mind may feel healthier.
If you're feeling unsure about therapy, know that there are many formats you can try. Studies have found that online platforms like BetterHelp can be adequate resources for providing therapy for those experiencing a wide range of challenges, including those related to a lack of self-care or relationship boundaries.
According to one broad-based report on the effects of online therapy, researchers brought together the results of studies that examined online mental health interventions (92 total). The study concluded that online therapy is an effective alternative to face-to-face therapy.
Online therapy platforms can provide several resources that foster self-care and help individuals maintain healthy relationship boundaries. These can include interactive exercises, lessons, and counseling sessions, all guided by a licensed mental health professional. In addition, you can take control of your experience online, choosing between phone, video, or live chat sessions depending on your needs. If you're struggling to say no to someone in a specific situation, you can send a message to your counselor and receive a response, often within 24 hours.
Counselor reviews
"Blaire has been amazing. She's super supportive, empathetic, and kind. She has helped me gain confidence in myself and learn that it is okay to enforce healthy boundaries in my relationships."
"Rachel has been a big help in getting me to set and stick to boundaries. Most of the people that I know seem to expect me to be available to them 24/7. Rachel is the only person who says that I have every right to say no and to take time for myself."
Takeaway
What are some cold hearted quotes?
“Every man has his secret sorrows that the world knows not, therefore; and oftentimes we call a man cold when he is only sad.” –Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“There comes a time when you must become cold and separate the ones who are tearing you down.” –Travis Martin
What makes a cold hearted person?
Cold hearted people are generally thought to be people who are emotionally guarded or overly self-absorbed. However, people may also use this term to explain others who put their own needs before other people’s feelings. In some cases, people may admire a cold person or wonder how to be cold hearted themselves, because they feel that they deal with too much emotion in their lives.
Boundaries are important, so it can be important to have a certain level of cold heartedness in your nature, but it can be a hindrance to take it too far. It is often best to strike a healthy balance between an unguarded heart and a heart that is too guarded.
What is a good word for a cold hearted person?
A cold-hearted person may be described as standoffish or hard.
What is the best revenge quote?
One of the most famous quotes about revenge is as follows: “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”
What is hard-hearted vs. cold-hearted?
Typically, a cold-hearted person is thought to be someone who is lacking in empathy—that is, they don’t understand other people’s feelings and are unable to express them. In contrast, hard-heartedness is most often linked to a lack of sympathy—that is, they don’t understand (or care) about the suffering of others.
Some cold people act this way because they feel weak, and they believe that showing a cold front is a way to regain control of their lives. Others may feel that they must be cold to run a successful business, treating co-workers
What are the best quotes about a broken heart?
“I’ve learned the best way to prevent your heart from getting broken, is to act like you don’t have one.” –Nishan Panwar
“The worst feeling in the world is when you can’t love anyone else because your heart still belongs to the one who broke it.” –Anonymous
“Letting go means to come to a realization that some people are a part of your history but not a part of your destiny.” –Steve Maraboli
What is a short quote about heartlessness?
“Those who are heartless, once cared too much.” –Frank Ocean
What is a quote about a cold personality?
One of the most famous lines of Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol is when Ebenezer Scrooge (a famously cold personality initially) responds to a philanthropist’s plea for money to help the poor. After Scrooge suggests the destitute should simply go to the poor house, the man exclaims “but many of them would rather die!” Scrooge responds with “If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.”
What to do if you are cold-hearted?
While it is admirable to be invested in your own well-being, it can be taken too far. If your actions hurt other people, or make most people feel bad, it can be time to re-evaluate your behavior.
Often someone who acts cold-hearted is someone who has been hurt in a relationship, whether romantic or with a good friend. It can be a defense mechanism to prevent oneself from further pain. But there are strategies you can use to help learn to open your heart to others:
- Attend cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) with a licensed therapist
- Have long conversations with a trusted person about what others notice about your behavior
- Study a hypothetical or real situation with another person, and evaluate your response to it. Think about how another person might respond to this situation
- Evaluate your body language. Then study body language that is engaging to others (leaning in, making balanced eye contact while others are speaking, etc.)
- After some self-evaluation, decide what actions you can take to become more engaged with others. Start small, and don’t overwhelm yourself
- Attempt to understand other people’s perspectives by imagining yourself in their situations
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