How To Believe In Yourself: Overcoming Internal Barriers
“I’m not good enough.”
“There’s no way I can do this.”
“They must have made a mistake when they hired me.”
“I’m just going to fail again.”
Thoughts like these can seem all too familiar if you experience trouble having faith in yourself. They’re common symptoms of self-doubt, which, if left unaddressed, may cause mental health challenges and interfere with relationships and life satisfaction. It can be hard to build confidence when you’re used to thinking negatively about yourself, but it is possible. By changing your habits and learning to manage negative self-talk, you may be able to flip the script on self-doubt and learn to believe in yourself.
Understanding self-doubt and self-talk
If you’ve ever questioned your abilities or odds of success, you may have already experienced self-doubt: a lack of belief in your choices, skills, or value. While it can be natural to question yourself once in a while, a consistent lack of self-belief may get in the way of your personal and professional success. It may also contribute to concerns like:
- Low self-esteem
- Stress
- Anxiety
- Social withdrawal and isolation
- Depression
- Trouble at work or school
- Difficulty making decisions
Self-doubt often stems from what’s known as “self-talk,” or the dialogue you have with yourself in your own mind as you go about your daily life. Several factors may contribute to the way you talk to yourself, including:
- Your childhood experiences
- Past successes and failures
- Your mental and physical health
- Movies, TV, and social media
- Cultural norms
Because self-talk typically starts at an early age, it can become a deeply ingrained part of how you think and behave. In fact, you might not even realize when you’re doing it, but its effects can be profound. According to the American Psychological Association, negative self-talk can reinforce negative thoughts and limiting beliefs about yourself. Over time, this may affect your self-confidence, motivation, and overall happiness.
How to believe in yourself: Tips for overcoming self-doubt
Although self-talk and self-doubt can be deeply rooted, this doesn’t mean they’re impossible to change. On the contrary, by taking proactive steps, you may be able to shift your thinking toward a growth mindset and a stronger belief in yourself. Here are a few ways to get started.
Practice mindfulness
Before you can shift to more positive thinking, it can be helpful to notice when you’re having negative thoughts about yourself. Practicing mindfulness is one technique that may encourage self-reflection and help you become aware of your own thoughts.
To get started, you might try setting aside five minutes each day to sit and do nothing but observe your thoughts. Practice noticing what’s happening in your mind without judging it. Keep an eye out for generalizations like, “I always,” “I never,” “I should,” and “I can’t.” Over time, you may start to see patterns in your thinking and identify which situations trigger feelings of self-doubt.
Shift your self-talk
As you learn to recognize the negative things you may be used to telling yourself, you can work on shifting toward more positive self-talk. Each time you notice that you’re doubting your abilities or talking down to yourself, take a moment to question these thoughts. It can help to ask, “What evidence do I have to support this? What evidence goes against it?” Throughout this process, you may notice that many of the things you tell yourself are not fully accurate.
As you work on challenging your negative thoughts, see if you can find a way to replace them with more helpful ones. This does not have to mean telling yourself things that aren’t true. Instead, you might aim to reframe your thoughts so they’re more constructive. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll never be successful,” you could instead try telling yourself, “I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m taking small steps each day, and that’s how progress is made.”
Set manageable goals
Holding on to unrealistic goals could set you up for failure, which can lead you to doubt your abilities and make you less likely to pursue other goals in the future. Instead, it may be more sustainable to set S.M.A.R.T. goals and take small, consistent steps toward achieving them. Whatever you want to accomplish, see if there’s a way to break it into smaller parts—the smaller the better. If you want to get in shape, start with a five-minute walk. If your goal is to write a book, start by just writing 100 words.
Rather than looking too far ahead, keep your focus on the next immediate step—and you don’t have to wait until you reach the finish line to celebrate, either. Every time you achieve a milestone, use it as an opportunity to congratulate yourself and practice positive self-talk. This may help you build your confidence along the way.
Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion is the process of showing the same empathy and forgiveness you would show a friend or loved one to yourself. Using positive affirmations like “I am worthy of self-love” can be one way to do this. You can also try writing yourself a letter of forgiveness for your mistakes, journaling about your emotions, or taking a step back from the situation when you realize you’re being hard on yourself.
Speak with a mental health professional
The journey toward believing in yourself can be a long one, and it can sometimes be hard to get started. A therapist can be a valuable resource as you work toward the goal of decreasing your self-doubt. In fact, the process of shifting negative self-talk is often a part of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a common therapeutic treatment method that may help improve symptoms of various mental illnesses and mental health challenges
Some people feel self-conscious at the prospect of talking to a therapist about their self-doubt and self-talk in person, which is where online therapy can be useful. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can meet with a licensed therapist from the comfort of home via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging, which many people find more comfortable than in-office care.
Research has found that internet-based therapy may effectively treat symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses that are often associated with self-doubt. In a 2017 analysis, for instance, researchers looked at data from 373 studies on online cognitive behavioral therapy. Their findings suggest that online CBT can be effective in reducing symptoms of anxiety, depression, phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and more.
Takeaway
Self-doubt is a lack of belief in yourself, your decisions, or your abilities. It often comes from negative self-talk, or negative things you tell yourself throughout the day. Becoming aware of your thoughts, setting manageable goals, and seeking professional help are examples of techniques that may help you change these patterns.
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