How To Not Be Socially Awkward: Is It Possible?

Medically reviewed by Andrea Brant
Updated February 29, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team
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Is it hard for you to keep friends? Talk through it

Many people feel anxious when faced with social situations, leading to stumbling over words, feeling flushed, or avoiding interactions altogether. Typically, those of us with social anxiety may be aware that our anxieties are irrational, but can't seem to shake the overhanging feelings and thoughts.

An individual may not realize the major impact that social anxiety may be having on the different areas of their life, as it can manifest itself in some sneaky and unexpected ways. Social anxiety is a legitimate ailment-change word to condition leading one to experience irrational anxiety and fear stemming irrationally from worries of being judged by others as inadequate.

What is social anxiety?

Social anxiety is more common than you might think. In fact, it is one of the most prevalent psychological disorders in America, coming in third after depression and alcoholism and affecting roughly 7% of the population.

Someone who experiences this kind of anxiety may manifest symptoms like excessive sweating, trembling, muscle twitches, and a racing heart, among other signs of physiological arousal. It isn't unusual for individuals with unaddressed social anxiety to have few or no social or romantic relationships.

The anxiety associated with this affliction can significantly interfere with one's daily routine, performance at work or school, and other major areas of life. It often originates in childhood, with anxious children exhibiting behaviors like excessive clinging to caregivers or tantrums when in new and unfamiliar surroundings.

The effects of social anxiety

Overwhelming fears of being the center of attention, accidentally offending someone, being embarrassed, or subject to judgment are common with this condition. Such intense fears can make a living comfortably more difficult. 

If you have social anxiety, you may have trouble advancing in your career because of an inability to speak publicly. You may shy away from that steady relationship you secretly long for because of a fear of dating, or you may avoid going to a new restaurant because you may not want to eat in public. 

People with social anxiety may also feel depressed or have low self-esteem. They may even experience strongly negative or suicidal thoughts that can do major harm if left untreated.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, help is available. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255 and is available 24/7, or you can text the word “HOME” to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.

Getting help to not be socially awkward

When addressing social anxiety, professionals have successfully used cognitive behavioral therapy to give an individual back their sense of confidence and control. This kind of therapy acts to permanently change neural pathways through directed attention and exercise, effectively introducing healthy behaviors or thoughts in place of maladaptive ones.

For many, especially those with social anxiety, taking the first step in seeking care can be a limiting factor. It can be hard to recognize or admit that you have a problem in the first place, and even if you do, care may be cost-prohibitive or cause further anxiety due to the new and unfamiliar situation.

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People with social anxiety may benefit from a combination of therapy and medications. Meeting with a professional can help you to identify some of your maladaptive thoughts and behaviors. A therapist may recommend cognitive behavioral therapy or psychiatric evaluation to determine medication options. If you meet with a psychiatrist, they may suggest antidepressants called SSRIs. You may recognize some of the more common SSRIs: Prozac, Paxil, or Zoloft. SNRIs are also antidepressants; you may recognize the names of Cymbalta or Effexor. 

Many treatments can help with social anxiety disorder or even social awkwardness. If you're at the point where you are avoiding social contact or social situations because of overwhelming fears and your normal function is inhibited, it may be time to get help.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for you 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a combination of traditional talk therapy and behavioral therapy. A CBT therapist will help you to identify negative thoughts and increase awareness regarding how that negative thinking is impacting your emotions and behaviors in social situations. Your social anxiety may have patterns of negative thinking and beliefs that are difficult to pinpoint without this outside help. 

Together, you and your therapist will examine anxiety-producing situations to identify environmental factors, people, or stressors that prompt self-doubt and fear. When you begin to understand the emotions and beliefs that are connected to your social awkwardness, you can better identify and challenge your own negative thoughts through self-talk. This emotional assessment and learned skills allow you to better respond to triggering social situations outside of the therapy room.

CBT may or may not involve the use of a journal or behavioral chart. The benefit of keeping a journal is to record situations that come up in the real world that have influenced you to respond avoidantly or fearfully. Writing in your journal can help you exercise the use of positive self-talk and help you further create connections between emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in between therapy sessions.

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Is it hard for you to keep friends? Talk through it

You and your therapist may focus on building confidence and self-esteem that you can use in the real world. In traditional talk therapy, you may discuss the past with your therapist to identify any origins of negative thoughts that may be present. Role-playing between therapist and client can help identify and address situational fears surrounding social situations. You and your therapist can role-play introductions and navigating social situations with strangers. Social anxiety, much like traditional anxiety, can respond well to regular exercise, sufficient sleep, or even limiting alcohol and caffeine.

Is online therapy for you?

Sometimes, it can be difficult to fit in-person therapy into your schedule. Online therapy, such as that provided by BetterHelp, can be much more convenient. As long as you have an internet connection and an electronic device such as a smartphone, tablet, or computer, you can connect with a therapist at any time of day.

Online therapy has been proven effective for working on many issues, including social anxiety. When you can relax in your own home, it may be much easier to work through the reasons for your social anxiety and develop skills for dealing with it.

Takeaway

Social anxiety disorder is a very real and impactful condition that affects many people and can make everyday interactions significantly more challenging. By getting the right support, you can overcome social anxiety and regain your enjoyment of socializing.
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