Strategies For Maintaining A Loving Romantic Relationship
Whether you're embarking on a new romance or seeking to strengthen the bonds of an existing partnership, maintaining loving romantic connections can be both rewarding and challenging for those who choose to engage in them. Every relationship is unique, but there are some key factors that can help most romantic partners stay connected and grow together. Below, we’ll explore common obstacles people face with their partners and then provide strategies to overcome them that may help keep your connection strong.
Common relationship obstacles
Challenges in relationships can be complex and influenced by many factors, including how long the couple has been together, their ages and backgrounds, societal conditions, the attachment styles they developed in childhood, past relationship experiences, and more. That said, some common challenges that may come up in relationships include:
- Communication issues
- Trust issues
- Misaligned expectations
- Lack of intimacy
- Financial stress
- Jealousy/insecurity
- Unresolved conflict
- Family and societal stress
- Misaligned goals/values
- Infidelity
- Health issues
- Feeling unappreciated
While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for these challenges, there are certain general tips for the maintenance of a strong relationship that may help couples avoid or manage them as they arise. We’ll examine some of these next.
Tips for nurturing and maintaining a loving relationship
Our relationships with others can impact many aspects of our well-being, including mental and physical health. For instance, a high-conflict connection that causes frequent stress could lead to both short- and longer-term health problems and general distress, while a supportive connection could help a person heal, grow, and achieve their goals. That’s why taking steps to maintain a healthy partnership can be so important. The following tips can help you build or keep a strong bond with your partner if you’re interested in pursuing or strengthening a romantic relationship.
Practice effective communication
How you communicate can significantly impact your relationship quality and, by extension, your overall well-being. Problems with communicating can vary widely, from misunderstanding to hostility to stonewalling, so developing honest, open communication isn't always easy. If both you and your partner have difficulty communicating, you might try the following:
- Identify your feelings. Before addressing an issue, you might consider going for a quick walk or taking a few moments to do deep breathing exercises. This can give you time to understand what you're feeling on a deeper level so you can then communicate your emotions calmly and clearly.
- Pick the right time. Try to pick a time to talk when you can be alone with your partner and when neither of you must return to your daily responsibilities immediately after. For example, if the topic is upsetting or complex, meeting for lunch in the middle of the workday to discuss it may not be ideal.
- Use "I" statements. If you begin the conversation with verbiage that conveys blame, it might make your partner feel defensive or shut down the conversation altogether. Using “I” statements can help avoid this problem—for example, instead of "You always ignore me," you could start with "I feel ignored when…."
- Practice active listening. This means paying attention to your partner's words and nonverbal cues rather than focusing solely on what you’ll say next. You might also repeat what they've said to let them know you hear them. For example: "If I'm understanding you correctly, you're saying..." or "I think you're telling me [X]; am I right?" Give them time to finish speaking before you respond, maintain eye contact, and let them know that you're listening and want to understand.
- Apologize and forgive. When relevant, apologizing and forgiving can be powerful parts of communication. Whether you owe an apology or your partner offers one, acknowledging that responsibility often promotes greater trust and security in the relationship.
Build a sense of intimacy
Emotional intimacy can help you build connections based on commitment, confidence, and trust. Intimacy involves showing your true self to someone and bonding on a deeper level. Some tips for establishing a stronger sense of emotional intimacy with your partner can include:
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable can be intimidating, but it’s usually a core part of intimacy. If you’re nervous, you might start with small things like telling about what your day was like, planning a romantic date night, or sharing something they might not know about your past. Once you show your partner that you're willing to open up about those things, it may make it easier for them to reciprocate so you can keep your relationship strong.
- Change up your routine. Sometimes, busy daily routines can dampen intimacy and decrease the relationship’s exciting quality it may have had earlier on. When you take time out to engage with each other in (perhaps spontaneous) activities that cultivate joy, it can help make the relationship fresh again and open the doors to new forms of emotional and/or physical intimacy.
- Let them know you don't take them for granted. Busy daily routines can also cause a person to take their partner for granted, leaving them feeling unappreciated and diminishing intimacy in the relationship. To avoid this effect, sharing sincere compliments and affirmations of appreciation can have a big impact. You might also focus on showing love to your partner in the way they appreciate it most to convey that you care about making them feel good.
Spend quality time together
Studies suggest that couples who prioritize spending time together report feeling happier in their relationships. Whether you choose to go mountain climbing, schedule weekly date nights, or stay in for an evening on the couch, spending time together with your partner can show them you care about them, deepen intimacy, and increase overall relationship satisfaction in a fulfilling and fun way.
Support each other in meaningful ways
Being there for your partner through good times and bad is usually critical to maintaining a healthy relationship. You might encourage their goals and dreams and offer support when they face challenges. This could also look like approaching challenges as a team through collaboration on problem-solving and decision-making. Regardless of the forms it may take, showing your partner that you’re there for them and want them to be happy can go a long way.
Seeking therapy for stronger relationships
In some cases, following general tips for healthy romantic relationships may not be enough to repair a connection that’s been damaged or to help partners who are facing more serious or complex challenges. In cases like these, it can be helpful to seek the support of a trained couples counselor. They can help partners uncover any underlying issues with their connection and address them in a healthy, productive way. A counselor can also teach coping methods and communication skills that can help support healthy long-term relationships.
Despite its potential benefits, some couples may experience barriers that keep them from seeking help through therapy. For some, busy schedules can make it difficult to plan appointments for a time that works. For others, discomfort around discussing sensitive subject matter in a therapist's office can be a deterrent, as can the cost of in-person sessions.
The rise in online therapy has given people an alternative that effectively addresses many of those obstacles. Through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples, you can get matched with a licensed therapist with whom you can meet via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from home at a time that works for your schedule. Online therapy is often more affordable than traditional therapy without insurance, and a growing body of research suggests that it may be just as effective for helping couples address relationship issues as in-person therapy.
Takeaway
Figuring out how to maintain a loving relationship over time is an ongoing process that requires effort from all parties involved. Practicing effective, clear communication, expressing gratitude for each other, and seeking the support of a therapist are all examples of strategies that may help you cultivate a healthy long-term relationship.
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