Exploring The Asexual Meaning: Orientation, Sexual Attraction, & Mental Health
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Human sexuality exists on a spectrum and can be widely varied in how it may or may not manifest. Asexuality is one of many sexual orientations under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, but it is often misunderstood and stigmatized. Here, we’ll examine the identity of asexuality more closely, highlighting how societal norms influence stigma and negative perceptions of asexual people (sometimes referred to as “ace” or “aces”). We’ll also outline the potential mental health impacts of such discrimination and share what allies can do to support asexual inclusion in society as well as how asexual individuals can receive mental health support.
Understanding the asexual meaning
A range of sexual orientations and identities can fall under the umbrella of asexuality. The asexual spectrum (“ace-spec”) generally includes individuals who experience little or no sexual attraction as well as those who may have conditional or limited sexual or romantic attraction that aligns more with the asexual experience.
For example, people who identify as demisexual may experience sexual attraction primarily or only after forming a strong bond with another person. Gray-asexual (or graysexual) people may experience some degree of sexual or sensual attraction. Still, it’s typically less frequent or less consistent than in allosexual people (individuals who experience relatively consistent sexual attraction and desire). The spectrum also includes many other identities, like presexual and aceflux, which represent different experiences within the asexual range.
The prevalence of asexuality
Assessing what percentage of the population identifies as asexual can be challenging, as exact definitions are often evolving and tend to vary between studies. Some researchers approach asexuality based on sexual behaviors, while others focus on sexual attraction or desire. Some define asexuality as a combination of the two.
In a 2019 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, out of more than 1,500 US participants, 1.66% self-identified as asexual. Asexual participants were more likely to be women or non-binary individuals and younger (between ages 18 and 27) compared to their non-asexual counterparts. That said, as awareness grows of identities like those on the asexual spectrum, more people may gain the language to describe themselves in ways that feel right for them, which could result in continued increases in these numbers.
Myths about asexuality and sexual attraction
Because there is little representation of the asexual population in society today, there are many misconceptions about the nature of asexuality. For example, although they are sometimes mistaken as the same thing, sexuality, celibacy, and abstinence are distinct concepts. The key differences lie in choice: Asexuality is a sexual orientation, not a choice. Celibacy and abstinence are choices to refrain from sexual activity. Other common misconceptions about asexuality include:
- “Asexuality is a phase.” (False) Asexuality is a stable sexual orientation like any other, not a temporary phase.
- “Asexuality is a result of trauma.” (False) Asexuality doesn’t have an underlying “cause.” It’s a sexual identity just like any other.
- “Asexual people are only interested in non-sexual relationships.” (False) While some asexual individuals may prefer non-sexual relationships, others may choose to engage in sexual contact or sexual relationships for reasons other than sexual attraction.
- “Asexual people don’t experience or want romantic or intimate relationships.” (False) In reality, many asexual individuals can experience romantic attraction and desire romantic relationships, though some may not.
- “Asexual people are “anti-sex” or against sexual expression.” (False) Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, not an anti-sex stance.
- “Asexual people are all the same.” (False) Asexuality is a spectrum, and each individual has different experiences and preferences.
The difference between the asexual meaning and aromantic meaning in terms of sexual attraction
Asexual and aromantic sexual identities are often mistaken for each other, but they are separate concepts. People who identify as asexual usually experience little to no sexual attraction, while people who identify as aromantic typically have little to no romantic attraction. A person can be aromantic and asexual, both, or neither, demonstrating that romantic and sexual attraction are separate and don't necessarily go together.
Sexual and asexual representation in society today
More diverse sexual orientations are becoming increasingly more visible and accepted. However, those with asexual identities still often face societal challenges in this regard, such as a lack of positive representation in media and misconceptions about what it means to be asexual.
Asexuality in popular media is frequently misrepresented as a lack of interest in romance or a failure to have sex. Characters in media are sometimes depicted as “broken,” or they’re omitted from the narrative entirely, contributing to internalized stigma and difficulty for asexual individuals looking for representation. The lack of positive representation and the societal pressure to conform to sexual norms can lead asexual individuals to internalize shame or feel invalidated.
Asexuality orientation and gender
Gender identity and sexual orientation are two different concepts that can intertwine in vastly diverse ways. Gender identity refers to the gender one associates with one's true self, and it may or may not differ from the gender one was assigned at birth. Sexual orientation refers to the type of sexual attraction one may or may not have to other people.
Some may assume that asexual individuals don’t express a gender; however, this is a myth. Someone can be asexual and identify as a man, a woman, a non-binary person, or any other gender identity. Similarly, someone who is transgender, cisgender, or any other identity can be asexual.
Stigma and the myth of asexuality as a mental illness
Some might think there must be something “wrong” with people who identify as asexual. However, asexuality is a valid sexual orientation, not a mental disorder, and it is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) as a diagnostic category.
While the DSM does not list asexuality as a disorder, it does mention it in the context of sexual dysfunctions, stating that if a lack of sexual desire is better explained by self-identification as asexual, a diagnosis of female sexual interest/arousal disorder or male hypoactive sexual desire disorder should not be made. This recognition may help prevent asexuality from being pathologized by modern clinicians.
Intersectionality as it pertains to sexual and asexual orientation
Intersectionality is a concept that acknowledges that different social identities held by the same person (like race, gender, class, sexual or romantic orientation, etc.) interact to create unique experiences of oppression or privilege. When considering asexuality, intersectionality reminds us that asexual people from diverse backgrounds can face unique challenges and forms of oppression due to the interplay of their different identities. For example:
- A Black asexual person may face both racism and asexuality-related stigma
- Transgender asexual individuals may navigate gender identity discrimination alongside asexuality-related discrimination
- Asexual individuals with disabilities may experience ableism and asexuality-related discrimination
How allies can support the inclusion and representation of asexual people
Normalization and acceptance of asexual identities often begins with awareness and education. To help others, allies might educate themselves about asexuality and the asexual spectrum. They might learn about the challenges faced by asexual individuals in society today, such as stigma, misunderstanding, and pressure to conform to societal norms around sex and sexuality. It might also help to share what they’ve learned with others to help challenge negative stereotypes and stigma surrounding asexuality.
Amplify asexual voices and stories
Ace Week (the last full week of October) and International Asexuality Day (April 6) are events that aim to raise awareness, educate people, and celebrate the asexual community. Celebrating these observances and advocating for accurate and authentic representation of asexual people in media can be powerful ways to show support. These approaches can help normalize asexuality and show that love and meaningful relationships do not have to involve sex.
Cultivate inclusivity for asexuality and all other identities
Asexual allies might also strive to create inclusive environments that acknowledge and respect asexual individuals. This can involve listening and validating experiences without judgment and encouraging representation in everyday conversation. It can also help to support spaces that are affirming to asexual people, both online and in real life, where individuals can connect and find support. Finally, allies might also meaningfully support the asexual community's visibility and advocacy efforts, share resources, and participate in discussions to fight against ace erasure.
Support the building of community and connection for asexual people
Sharing experiences with other people in the asexual community can be affirming and validating for those who may be facing societal challenges like discrimination or exclusion due to their identity. There are several resources available to help asexual individuals find support and community and support, which asexual people may explore and allies may promote. Examples include:
- The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN): the world's largest online asexual community and resource archive
- The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP): advocates for people on the asexual and aromantic spectrum
- Asexual Outreach: supports the asexual and aromantic advocacy movement
- The Trevor Project: provides suicide prevention and crisis intervention services for LGBTQIA+ youth, including resources on understanding asexuality
Promoting asexual mental health
Studies suggest that asexual people typically face higher rates of anxiety, depression, suicidality, and interpersonal challenges compared to their non-ace counterparts—not because of their sexuality inherently, but because of the stigma often attached to it by societal misconceptions and judgment.
If you’re experiencing mental health challenges associated with your sexual identity, finding support from other asexual individuals can provide a sense of belonging and understanding. Online forums, local asexual groups, and community events can help reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness. Seeking support from a mental health professional may also be helpful.
Finding support from a mental health professional
As with individuals of any other LGBTQ+ identity, asexual people may face mental health challenges related to discrimination and mistreatment in society. Therapy from a mental health professional—particularly one who respects and understands asexuality—can represent a safe space to explore identity, develop coping strategies, and/or address any symptoms of mental health conditions that may be present.
Despite its potential benefits, many experience barriers to receiving mental health support. Some people might not have inclusive mental health professionals in their area, while others may face difficulties with scheduling and commuting. Internet-delivered treatment can help reduce these barriers in many cases.
Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp offer connection to a large pool of licensed therapists, including LGBTQ+-inclusive providers. With virtual therapy, you can attend sessions remotely from the comfort of home on a schedule that fits your needs—and often for less than traditional in-person treatment without insurance may cost. Research also points to internet-delivered therapy as an often-effective option, with one systematic review of 15 empirical studies suggesting “significantly reduced depressive symptoms and improved stress appraisal and coping skills” in sexual minority youths who participated in digital mental health interventions.
BetterHelp currently accepts HSA/FSA cards and is recognized as an eligible expense by most HSA/FSA providers. Get started today.
Takeaway
Do asexuals fall in love?
It is possible for an asexual person to fall in love because sexuality is not the same as romantic attraction. For example, a person could be asexual but still experience romantic desire and fall in love. Even a person who is also aromantic can still experience strong feelings of love for people in their life; it just may not follow the traditional pattern of or feel like “falling in love.”
How do you tell if you are asexual?
Asexuality can look different for each person who experiences it. That said, it often manifests as a lack of sexual desire, or experiencing a sex drive only in very specific and rare instances (sometimes referred to as gray sexual or gray-A). A person who is seemingly asexual or has discovered that they are indeed asexual may or may not still experience arousal, and they may or may not experience romantic feelings and desire a close emotional bond with a partner (like in romantic or queerplatonic relationships).
Some asexuals masturbate and desire sexual stimulation, while others do not. Also, a person may not necessarily define their sexuality with only one label. A person in the ace community could describe their self-identification as bisexual and gray sexual, or gay and asexual, or ace and other sexual orientations.
Is asexuality part of LGBT?
Yes; asexuality falls under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, along with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, and other identities. Many forms of the acronym (like LGBTQIA+) include an “A” for asexual and aromantic people.
Can you be straight and asexual?
Yes; “asexual” may not be the only orientation a person identifies with. For example, a woman who is straight and asexual may experience aesthetic attraction or romantic attraction to men but may not experience sexual desire toward anyone.
How to tell your partner you're asexual?
In today's society, making sense of one’s sexuality can be difficult—particularly for those who largely do not experience sexual attraction. Asexual people may feel pressured to engage in sexual relationships, even if they do not want to. Telling your partner that you've realized that you're asexual may be difficult, but it could be helpful to explain that this is something you've learned about yourself, that it has nothing to do with them, and that this does not mean that you don't love them. Providing support emotionally and connecting them to additional resources that may help them get a better understanding of your identity could also be useful.
What causes asexuality?
Research on asexuality is ongoing. However, many experts have come to believe that it is simply a natural part of human diversity.
Is asexuality a trauma response?
It is possible for a person who has experienced certain types of trauma to not want to have sex for some period or indefinitely. They may still experience sexual desire but without feeling safe or comfortable enough to act on it. In some cases, this person may choose to describe themselves as asexual. However, this is not the typical situation in the asexual community, and in general, asexuality is a naturally occurring identity and not a trauma response.
Is asexuality linked to depression?
According to a survey done by the Trevor Project in 2020, asexual youth are at higher risk of depression than LGBTQ+ youth overall. However, rather than depression being inherent to any identity, this figure is likely due to lived experiences of discrimination in a world where asexuality is not yet widely discussed or well understood by the general public. In other words, asexual youth may experience depression at high rates because of negative media representation (or a lack thereof altogether) and trouble finding other asexual people to connect with as well as because people around them may often question, devalue, or criticize their identity.
Can you fix asexuality?
There's nothing to fix about asexuality. It's a valid sexual identity like any other. However, a person may experience internalized queerphobia or other judgment of their own identity due to living in an unaccepting society, in which case meeting with a queer-affirming therapist may be helpful.
What are the struggles of being asexual?
In general, the struggles associated with being asexual stem from living in an unaccepting and often-judgmental world. There's little positive media representation of asexual individuals, and misconceptions about this identity abound. For example, someone might think that an individual who is asexual just hasn't found the “right person” yet, or doesn't want to have sex due to fear or trauma, when neither of these is categorically true.
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