How To Support Your LGBTQ Friends: Allyship And Affirmation
Supporting friends in the LGBTQ+ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning) community isn’t just about using the right terms, but rather approaching people with understanding, compassion, and respect. While being thoughtful in actions and words is an important aspect of respecting LGBTQ+ friendships, a willingness to learn can also be beneficial. This article provides insights on how to respect this community, as well as simple ways to advocate for and support LGBTQ+ friends in everyday life.
Understanding the LGBTQ+ community
The LGBTQ+ community is full of diverse individuals from different backgrounds, cultures, gender identities, and life experiences. Creating an open dialogue with friends by simply asking them how they’re doing or how their day has gone can build trust in the relationship over time. In addition, by taking the time to understand LGBTQ+ terms, individuals may know they are safe and supported.
The difference between gender and sexual orientation
Gender identity generally refers to an individual's internal experience of gender (often male, female, or non-binary). However, gender identity is not the same as gender expression, which is how a person outwardly expresses their gender in the world, typically through appearance, clothing, or mannerisms. Sexual orientation is also separate from gender identity, referring to the type of people to whom an individual is sexually attracted.
The importance of inclusive language for mental health
Inclusive language can help LGBTQ+ friends know that they are seen and respected during conversations. Using inclusive language typically involves avoiding assumptions that exclude or stereotype. For example, individuals may ask about someone’s partner rather than assuming they are with a man or woman.
Gender-neutral pronouns like “they” can also be used when talking about someone. A 2020 study on transgender individuals in Australia suggested that inclusive language at work could improve trans employees' well-being. These simple adjustments to language can help LGBTQ+ people feel more comfortable in various situations by removing expectations related to gender and sexuality.
Supporting LGBTQ+ friends in your community
When a colleague, friend, or family member opens up about their identity, it is often a sign of trust. While there is no perfect answer to give someone when they talk to you about their identity, showing LGBTQ+ friends acceptance, support, and inclusion can be vital. For members of the LGBTQ+ community, waving someone with whom to sit, laugh, and spend time without needing to explain who they are or how they identify can be beneficial.
Respecting and affirming gender identity
Acknowledging someone’s gender identity is one way to show LGBTQ+ friends respect, affirmation, and support. LGBTQ people tend to be more likely to experience mental health challenges, such as depression and suicidality, than the cisgender and heterosexual population. However, a study by The Trevor Project suggests that LGBTQ+ youth are less likely to attempt suicide if they live in a community that is accepting of its LGBTQ+ members.
Using individuals’ preferred names and pronouns
One way to show LGBTQ+ friends acceptance is to use their preferred names and pronouns. If you’re unsure, politely asking or listening for a mention of their pronouns can prevent misunderstandings. If the wrong pronouns are used, making a conscious effort to correct them can help individuals feel more comfortable.
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Accepting gender identity and expression
Gender expression usually refers to the way someone chooses to outwardly express their gender. Often, gender expression can be seen in the form of clothing, hairstyle, behavior, and mannerisms. It can be important to note that people may not always match societal expectations, but affirming someone’s choice of expression can go a long way. Fewer than one in three transgender and non-binary youth report that their home is gender-affirming, but friends can be a source of affirmation and connection.
Learning about sexual orientation
People often turn to friends when they’re upset because friendships can offer trust, connection, and safety. Even so, talking about sexual orientation can feel uncomfortable at first. By approaching friends with open-mindedness and acceptance, strong friendships can be built and maintained.
How to ask questions about sexual orientation
While it’s okay to ask questions, especially when building mutual connection, understanding, and trust in a relationship, the way you ask these questions can matter. Respecting boundaries and allowing people to reveal as much information as they’re comfortable with can help the relationship. Open-ended questions like, “How would you describe your sexual orientation?” may give people the chance to respond freely. In medical environments, open-ended questions may capture a broader range of gender identities, since closed-ended questions can limit people's ability to respond authentically.
How active allies can promote mental health
An ally can be described as someone who supports, stands up for, and advocates for a community of which they aren’t a part. Whether attending a local Pride event, raising awareness online, or using inclusive language at work, there are many ways to be an active ally for the LGBTQ+ community.
Ways people can become active allies of the LGBTQ+ community
Below are a few examples of ways individuals can become active allies:
- Support LGBTQ+ organizations that raise awareness, advocate for inclusive policies, and promote gender-affirming care.
- Speak up when hurtful jokes, assumptions, or harmful comments are made about LGBTQ+ individuals. Rather than starting a conflict, you might raise awareness by offering a polite correction.
- Celebrate LGBTQ+ stories and achievements in everyday conversations, not just during Pride Month.
- Use inclusive language in various settings.
- Let LGBTQ+ friends know they matter.
Flexible online support for LGBTQ+ individuals
For LGBTQ+ individuals facing mental health challenges, online therapists can be a compassionate resource, especially if their community isn’t affirming. Research suggests that LGBTQ+ people experience mental health conditions at a disproportionate level.
Online or in-person gender-affirming care can be a flexible way for individuals to discuss mental health challenges, navigate transitions, and manage symptoms of various mental health conditions. Through platforms like BetterHelp, users can connect with therapists specializing in LGBTQ+ healthcare from the comfort of their homes at times that suit their schedules.
How online therapy can help
LGBTQ+ individuals may experience disproportionate levels of stigma and discrimination in daily life. Often, people who experience discrimination are more susceptible to stress, anxiety, and depression. However, online therapy may be a helpful resource. A 2021 study noted that an online cognitive behavioral intervention led to improvements in depression, coping skills, and emotional support among LGBTQ+ young adults. Having a compassionate, nonjudgmental therapist can help LGBTQ+ individuals process feelings, manage stress, and improve overall mental health.
Takeaway
How to be supportive of LGBT friends?
There are many different ways to be supportive of one’s LGBTQ+ friends. Using their preferred name and pronouns is one of the most basic ways to show support, though it can help to take care to not out a person to their mom, other parent, or teachers by sharing these personal details if they’re not yet ready. Another is to push back when you see or hear bullying, discrimination, or other harmful anti-LGBTQ+ behavior taking place.
How to make LGBTQ feel safe?
For LGBTQ+ allies who hope to help queer people feel safe, the first step is to use their preferred names and pronouns. It can also be helpful to implement anti-harassment policies in schools and workplaces, to welcome their girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner if they bring them to a social function, and to push back whenever you notice anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination or bigotry taking place.
Why accept LGBTQ?
LGBTQ+ people are just people, like anyone else. All people deserve honest respect and kindness, and mistreating someone solely based on their identity is discrimination.
Do schools support LGBTQ students?
Some schools have anti-harassment policies that specifically protect queer young people, and they may also train teachers, staff, and even willing parents on how to treat students in an affirming and compassionate way. Schools may also encourage the formation of queer groups for students who want to seek peer support. Research suggests that students who report that their school is affirming are less likely to attempt suicide in the future.
How to make LGBTQ people feel included?
There are many different ways to decide to create a safe space where LGBTQ+ people feel included. One simple example is to ask for and then use everyone's preferred name and pronouns and to never use a person’s past name (deadname) or pronouns they don't identify with.
How to respect LGBTQ?
If you’re looking for ways to encourage and respect LGBTQ+ people, there are various strategies you might implement. Using people's preferred name and pronouns, respecting queer spaces, and advocating for supportive legislation and policies are a few examples.
Where do LGBTQ people meet?
LGBTQ+ people can meet other LGBTQ+ people in a variety of spaces, both online and in person. Some examples include queer bars and bookstores, LGBTQ+ community centers, LGBTQ+-focused community events, or queer-specific subReddits, Instagram pages, or apps for dating and friendship like HER and Lex.
How do I make queer friends?
Attending queer-focused events can be a good way to make queer friends. You could also join a queer book club, spend time in a queer bar or community center, or volunteer for an organization that supports LGBTQ+ people in your area.
What is the best app to make LGBTQ friends?
There are several different apps that could help a person make LGBTQ+ friends. Some are queer-specific, like HER and Lex, while others are mainstream but have inclusive features for making friends, like Hinge and Bumble BFF.
What are the barriers to mental health treatment for LGBTQ?
LGBTQ+ people may have trouble receiving affirming mental health treatment from a therapist or doctor due to the existence of several different barriers. Some examples include a lack of affirming providers in their area, socioeconomic marginalization that makes healthcare unaffordable, and fear of discrimination in healthcare settings.
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