Building Better Relationships: A Look At Mental Health And Unhealthy Love
We may all crave the intensity and passion of new love. But sometimes, under the glow of infatuation, a different story unfolds. Unhealthy love can take you by surprise, taking away your peace, confidence, and even your sense of self. Unhealthy love can appear healthy or typical, but it may leave you feeling drained, confused, and questioning your sanity.
However, you don't have to stay lost amidst the confusion, especially if you’re unclear about the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. You deserve to build healthy relationships that nurture your mental well-being. It can be helpful to learn what healthy vs unhealthy love looks like so that you can make more deeply informed decisions about where your relationships and personal well-being are concerned. A licensed mental health professional can help you achieve personal growth and enhance your relationship health through online or in-person therapy sessions.
Recognizing the red flags of healthy vs unhealthy love
Unhealthy love can take many forms, but toxic relationships often have common patterns and behaviors. These warning signs may not be immediately apparent, especially in the early stages of a relationship when everything can seem perfect, but knowing that something is the matter, whether you’re sure what it is or not, can help keep you safe. Sometimes it can help to trust your gut and pay attention to any red flags that make you feel uncomfortable or uneasy.
Some common signs of unhealthy love include the following:
- Controlling behavior: Controlling behaviors can range from jealousy and possessiveness to constant monitoring and manipulation. A partner who tries to control your every move, isolate you from friends and family, or dictate what you should wear or do is typically exhibiting controlling behavior.
- Manipulation: Emotional manipulation can be subtle but damaging. It often involves using guilt, fear, or other emotions to make you doubt yourself and your own feelings and make you feel insecure. Through manipulation, a partner may talk you into doing something you don’t want to do and find it easier to exert control over different aspects of your life.
- Lack of respect for boundaries: In a healthy relationship, each partner respects the other's wishes, boundaries, and personal space, often communicating their needs and wants openly. In unhealthy relationships, one partner may disregard the other's boundaries and pressure them into doing things with which they're uncomfortable.
- Constant criticism and negativity: A toxic partner may constantly criticize you with name-calling, make hurtful comments or jokes at your expense, and have a generally negative outlook. This negativity can wear down your self-esteem and confidence.
- Gaslighting: Gaslighting is considered a form of emotional abuse in which one partner manipulates the other into questioning their own reality. This can involve denying or minimizing events, feelings, or experiences, making you doubt your memory or perception.
- Abusive behavior: Any form of abuse — whether physical violence, sexual abuse, or psychological abuse — is a clear sign of an unhealthy and toxic relationship. If you are experiencing any kind of abuse, support is available to help you get out of the relationship as soon as possible.
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
These are just some examples of red flags that may indicate an unhealthy relationship. Harmful partner behaviors can manifest in various ways, and being aware of the warning signs can enable you to take action and safeguard your well-being.
The psychological effects of staying in an unhealthy relationship
It's not always easy to recognize when a relationship has become unhealthy or toxic. You may rationalize your partner's behavior, make excuses for them, or believe that they will change. However, the longer you stay in an unhealthy relationship, the more it can take a toll on your mental health.
While the potential consequences of staying in a toxic relationship can vary from person to person, some common psychological effects may include the following:
Low self-esteem: Constant criticism, manipulation, and disregard for boundaries can all contribute to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth. Low self-esteem is often linked to depression and anxiety. A person in an unhealthy relationship may feel less desire for sex because they do not value themselves as an equal to their partner or they may feel as if they have no power in the relationship.
Isolation: Unhealthy relationships can be isolating, as your partner may try to cut you off from your own friends and family, sometimes making you feel guilty when you want to spend time with others. This isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and even contribute to a sense of dependence on your toxic partner.
Anxiety and fear: Walking on eggshells and constantly worrying about your partner's reaction to your words or actions can be anxiety-provoking. Fear of abandonment or rejection also tends to be common in unhealthy relationships.
Depression: Being in an unhealthy relationship can negatively impact the mental health of one or both partners and contribute to feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and even clinical depression.
Cognitive dissonance: Cognitive dissonance can be defined as a psychological phenomenon that occurs when there is a conflict between our beliefs or values and our actions. In the context of an unhealthy relationship, you may have a deep-rooted belief that love should be unconditional and forgiving, but your partner's behavior may not align with this belief. This dissonance can cause confusion and inner turmoil.
The cycle of abuse and manipulation in unhealthy relationships can cause significant harm to your mental well-being. As you continue to rationalize and make excuses for your partner's toxic behavior, you may find yourself trapped in a cycle of self-blame and doubt. Try to remember that it is not your fault, and there may be a way out.
Leaving a toxic relationship isn't always easy, and it may take time to heal from the psychological effects of staying in an unhealthy dynamic. But by recognizing the red flags and understanding how toxic love can erode your self-worth, you can start taking steps toward building healthier relationships that can support your mental health and well-being.
Differentiating between healthy and unhealthy relationships
Healthy love can feel like a breath of fresh air after being in an unhealthy relationship. Psychological studies indicate relationship satisfaction can boost overall well-being and contribute to a sense of fulfillment in life. However, building and maintaining healthy relationships usually takes work, effective communication, and a willingness to grow together.
Here are some components of a healthy relationship:
Mutual respect: Respect tends to form the foundation of a healthy, loving relationship. Partners may respect each other’s feelings, boundaries, opinions, needs, and interests.
Effective communication: Honest and open communication is another aspect of building and maintaining a healthy relationship. Listening actively, expressing yourself clearly, and being willing to discuss difficult topics may help promote emotional intimacy.
Trust: Trust may be part of any healthy relationship, but it usually takes time to build. Both partners should be able to trust each other's words and actions.
Support: In healthy relationships, partners typically support each other's goals, dreams, and passions. They may also offer emotional support during tough times.
Boundaries: Partners in healthy relationships are able to set boundaries that both partners respect. These boundaries can include physical, emotional, and sexual boundaries.
Conflict resolution: Disagreements and conflicts may be a part of any relationship. In healthy relationships, partners tend to communicate respectfully and work together to find a resolution that works for both of them.
Building and maintaining healthy relationships may not always be easy, but it can bring many benefits. The elements above can create a safe and supportive environment for both partners to grow, thrive, and support each other's mental health.
Cultivating healthy love in our lives may begin with self-reflection and intentionality. While your romantic relationship may have what it takes to go the distance, your individual mental and emotional well-being can also play a role. The better you know yourself and what you need to thrive in a relationship, the more equipped you may be to spot red flags and build a solid foundation for a fulfilling and healthy love.
Personal growth and self-love for a healthy relationship
Having a positive relationship with yourself may be the first step to working toward a healthy romantic relationship. Self-love and personal growth can benefit your overall well-being, and they may also play a role in how you approach both healthy and unhealthy love.
Self-love can be seen as accepting and valuing yourself for who you are, flaws and all. Self-love can mean treating yourself with kindness, compassion, and respect. When we have a strong sense of self-love, we tend to be less likely to tolerate unhealthy dynamics in our relationships, including physical abuse.
Self-growth may also be helpful for maintaining healthy connections with others. Self-growth generally involves continuously learning about ourselves, our values, and our needs. Self-growth may allow us to identify areas of improvement, set goals for ourselves, and become more self-aware. It can also help us communicate our needs effectively and maintain healthy boundaries in romantic relationships.
Developing emotional intelligence can be another aspect of self-love and personal growth that can help us navigate challenging situations, including toxic relationships. With a strong foundation of self-worth and emotional resilience, we can better identify red flags and make choices that align with our values and well-being.
Investing in self-love and personal growth may not only benefit our relationships, but it can also contribute to our overall mental health and well-being. Remember, you are worthy of love and respect, both from yourself and others. When you nurture your relationship with yourself, the rest may follow suit.
Balancing your individuality and your relationships can be challenging, but maintaining your sense of self often helps cultivate healthy connections. Here are a few ways you can prioritize your personal growth and self-love while in a relationship:
Making time for yourself: Try to carve out time for activities that bring you joy, whether it's reading, exercising, or pursuing a hobby. Time for yourself can help you maintain your sense of self and recharge.
Practicing self-care: Self-care generally involves taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Getting enough sleep, eating nourishing foods, and engaging in relaxation techniques are all forms of self-care that can contribute to your overall well-being.
Setting boundaries: Boundaries can be part of any healthy relationship, and they may also play a role in our relationship with ourselves. You should recognize what you need to feel comfortable and respected and communicate those boundaries to others.
Seeking support: Sometimes, we may need help and support from others to grow and heal. You might find this in a spiritual community, family member, or any community that brings you hope and comfort. Don't be afraid to reach out to loved ones or seek professional therapy if needed.
Personal growth and self-love tend to be ongoing mental and spiritual journeys, and it's okay to make mistakes along the way. Whether you're currently in an unhealthy relationship or looking to build healthier connections, prioritizing your mental health and well-being first can help.
Not all relationships need to end because of an argument. However, actively listening and fighting fairly can mean the difference between healthy conflicts and lasting resentment. Therapy can be a helpful tool in this process, providing support and guidance if the relationship with your partner makes you feel unsure about yourself.
Online therapy can be a convenient and available option for those seeking support, with licensed therapists available to help with various mental health concerns. From relationship issues to self-growth and self-love, therapy can offer valuable insights and tools for creating a more positive connection with yourself and others. Online therapy typically offers a more comfortable and safe option for those who may feel intimidated or uncomfortable seeking help in person.
Clinical research generally supports the use of online therapy, citing its effectiveness in treating various mental health concerns. Online platforms are often easily reachable, limiting the obstacles often associated with in-person therapy.
Takeaway
No intimate relationship should compromise your mental health or well-being. Healthy relationships are built on the premise that you are both equal, in sex, intelligence, and power in the relationship. If that feeling of being equal and that respect is missing, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
Prioritizing personal growth and self-love can help you maintain a strong sense of self and build healthy connections that support you as an individual. Online therapy can be a helpful tool in this journey, offering support and guidance for those seeking to improve their mental health and relationships.
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