How Men Fall In Love: Psychology of the Male Brain in Love

By William Drake

Updated March 26, 2020

Reviewer Melinda Santa

Men and women are historically completely different creatures. This is true in development, behavior, and of course, love.

Despite what we've been told, while there are societal differences in gender roles and behaviors, men and women are largely the same neurologically. This is important to keep in mind when we examine differences in gender. So while this article specifically addresses how men fall in love, keep in mind that much of it applies to women too.

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The Hook

The hook is what grabs the man's attention. It makes him notice the woman, and it encourages him to dive deeper. The hook can be looks. Men are raised to focus on women's appearances. This doesn't necessarily mean that every man only takes interest in a woman that is model material. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

In addition, men may first be attracted to features other than looks. The sound of a woman's laughter can be very pleasing to a man. Other men might admire a woman's work ethic or her toughness in business. There are as many ways that men can find women attractive as there are human traits. In addition, attraction can take time. People can know each other for years before one day, the "hook" catches.

The Search

Most people in the world have a drive to reproduce. This can lead to both negative and positive behaviors. On the negative side, some men may feel the need to be womanizers. They may seek out and sleep with several women at the same time. Many cultures glorify this behavior.

On the other hand, many men seek long-term relationships. To do so, they may start by casually flirting with, texting, and dating many women, or they may pursue just one. Once a man has decided on one woman, the courtship begins.


The Courtship

By this time in a relationship, many men and women are beginning to experience the primary stages of falling in love. For both men and women, courtship is a time to get to know their partner more deeply, and their feelings often become stronger as the relationship develops. They begin to learn more about each other including likes, dislikes, hobbies, morals, ideals, work life and, depending on the couple, sexual preferences.

Making the Plunge

At this point in his process of falling in love, the man has reached a crossroads. He knows he likes the woman and is attracted to her. He has confirmed that she has interest as well and is willing to continue a relationship with him. The man must now take the next step or back out. The next step can come in a variety of ways. The key is that the man is willing to show trust, vulnerability, and love.

This step can come in the form of honest conversations in which the man can open up and share. It can come in the form of a financial commitment, such as signing a lease together. The plunge can happen in a big moment, or it can take place in daily activities like walking her dog together. The essence of the plunge is an act of commitment. It does not have to be dramatic or permanent, but there is a crossroads between searching and committing.

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After taking a plunge, there is the stage of reaffirmation. A man cannot express love once and move on. Reaffirmation of love must come every day. It can be simple as saying, "I love you," watching her favorite TV show with her, or bringing a cup of coffee to the bedside every morning. The reaffirmation of love also comes in larger forms like a man consoling his partner in tough times, aiding her in illness or other setbacks, and encouraging, supporting, and helping her accomplish her goals. The point is that love needs to be reaffirmed countless times through words and actions.

Falling In Love

This entire process is what we refer to as falling in love. From the very first hook to years of reaffirmation, this is the work of love. If work is put into a relationship, partners often attest that love grows with each day. Falling in love is a continuing process.

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Falling, growing, and staying in love is an incredible experience. However, there may be traps, setbacks, and pitfalls along the way. Everybody has relationship issues at some point. The good news is that you do not have to struggle alone. If you are having relationship problems, help is available. BetterHelp offers affordable therapy from credentialed counselors. They can help guide you so that your love remains strong. There are two counselor reviews in the next section for you to check out from people experiencing relationship issues.

Counselor Reviews

"I've worked with Jamie for a number of months and he's helped me with everything that life has thrown my way. Difficulty in work, my relationship, and other stresses that I've struggled to navigate by myself. He listens and he helps. I always feel validated and supported. He gives me tools and perspectives that have made a big difference in my overall happiness."

"Absolutely brilliant! He helped me out of a pretty dark place and was nothing but helpful! For men who are looking for a counselor who understands what it is like to be a man in today's world with a family, with kids and responsibilities, job, etc, I was extremely impressed with his ability to get down to it and understand what I was talking about. He's great at getting to the root of the issue too. No need to slog through 8,000 words to find out what point he's trying to make. He has a knack for asking exactly the right question in about 2-3 sentences. If you're looking for a counselor who isn't the typical counselor, he's your guy!"


Falling in love is a wonderful experience. However, it takes time, and the process can be stressful. With the right tools, you can build a truly fulfilling relationship. Take the first step today.

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