How Men Fall In Love: Psychology of the Male Brain in Love

By: William Drake

Updated January 05, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Melinda Santa

Men and women are historically completely different creatures. This is true in development, behavior, and of course, love.

Despite what we've been told, while there are societal differences in gender roles and behaviors, men and women are largely the same neurologically. This is important to keep in mind when we examine gender differences. So while this article specifically addresses how men fall in love, keep in mind that much of it applies to women too.

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The Hook

The hook is what grabs the man's attention. It makes him notice the woman, and it encourages him to dive deeper. The hook can look. Men are raised to focus on women's appearances. This doesn't necessarily mean that every man only takes interest in a woman that is model material. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Also, men may first be attracted to features other than looks. The sound of a woman's laughter can be very pleasing to a man. Other men might admire a woman's work ethic or her toughness in business. There are as many ways that men can find women attractive as there are human traits. Also, attraction can take time. People can know each other for years before one day, the "hook" catches.

The Search

Most people in the world have the drive to reproduce. This can lead to both negative and positive behaviors. On the negative side, some men may feel the need to be womanizers. They may seek out and sleep with several women at the same time. Many cultures glorify this behavior.

On the other hand, many men seek long-term relationships. To do so, they may start by casually flirting with, texting, and dating many women, or they may pursue just one. Once a man has decided on one woman, the courtship begins.


The Courtship

By this time in a relationship, many men and women are beginning to experience the primary stages of falling in love. For both men and women, courtship is a time to get to know their partner more deeply, and their feelings often become stronger as the relationship develops. They begin to learn more about each other including likes, dislikes, hobbies, morals, ideals, work-life, and, depending on the couple, sexual preferences.

Making the Plunge

At this point in his process of falling in love, the man has reached a crossroads. He knows he likes the woman and is attracted to her. He has confirmed that she has an interest as well and is willing to continue a relationship with him. The man must now take the next step or back out. The next step can come in a variety of ways. The key is that the man is willing to show trust, vulnerability, and love.

This step can come in the form of honest conversations in which the man can open up and share. It can come in the form of a financial commitment, such as signing a lease together. The plunge can happen in a big moment, or it can take place in daily activities like walking her dog together. The essence of the plunge is an act of commitment. It does not have to be dramatic or permanent, but there is a crossroads between searching and committing.

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After taking a plunge, there is the stage of reaffirmation. A man cannot express love once and move on. Reaffirmation of love must come every day. It can be simple as saying, "I love you," watching her favorite TV show with her, or bringing a cup of coffee to the bedside every morning. The reaffirmation of love also comes in larger forms like a man consoling his partner in tough times, aiding her in illness or other setbacks, and encouraging, supporting, and helping her accomplish her goals. The point is that love needs to be reaffirmed countless times through words and actions.

Falling In Love

This entire process is what we refer to as falling in love. From the very first hook to years of reaffirmation, this is the work of love. If work is put into a relationship, partners often attest that love grows with each day. Falling in love is a continuing process.

Falling, growing, and staying in love is an incredible experience. However, there may be traps, setbacks, and pitfalls along the way. Everybody has relationship issues at some point. The good news is that you do not have to struggle alone. If you are having relationship problems, help is available. BetterHelp offers affordable therapy from credentialed counselors. They can help guide you so that your love remains strong. There are two counselor reviews in the next section for you to check out from people experiencing relationship issues.


Counselor Reviews

"I've worked with Jamie for several months and he's helped me with everything that life has thrown my way. Difficulty in work, my relationship, and other stresses that I've struggled to navigate by myself. He listens and he helps. I always feel validated and supported. He gives me tools and perspectives that have made a big difference in my overall happiness."

"Absolutely brilliant! He helped me out of a pretty dark place and was nothing but helpful! For men who are looking for a counselor who understands what it is like to be a man in today's world with a family, with kids and responsibilities, a job, etc, I was extremely impressed with his ability to get down to it and understand what I was talking about. He's great at getting to the root of the issue too. No need to slog through 8,000 words to find out what point he's trying to make. He has a knack for asking exactly the right question in about 2-3 sentences. If you're looking for a counselor who isn't the typical counselor, he's your guy!"


Falling in love is a wonderful experience. However, it takes time, and the process can be stressful. With the right tools, you can build a truly fulfilling relationship. Take the first step today.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs):

How do you tell if a man is falling in love with you?

With a man, you can usually tell when he’s in love with you, but some men are different and do not give off obvious signs. Here are some ways that men will show their love.

  • He asks you about the future. When it comes to understanding men who are single, many of them try to live and plan for themselves. When he is asking you about the future, this can be a definite sign that he wants to have a life with you.
  • How do you see a guy fall in love with you? By literally seeing him. Both men and women fall in love by looking into each other’s eyes. Of course, socially awkward guys may avoid eye contact, so it does depend a little bit.
  • He will go out of his comfort zone for you. When it comes to love and relationships, men who fall deeply in love will be less afraid to try new things. A guy who doesn’t travel much may want to travel with you more. He may want to get on that ride he’s afraid of. Love doesn’t mean you should force someone to leave their comfort zone, but many guys will do it organically.
  • When you see a man fall in love with a woman, he will typically refer to you as “we.” This means that the man thinks of you as a single unit, which is something he may not do with a lot of women.
  • The man isn’t afraid to talk about his mental health. When it comes to mental health, some men keep it a close secret, whether it’s because of society or because the man is afraid. However, the man may feel comfortable expressing his mental health to you. This isn’t to say that you have to be the man’s mental health therapist, but it is a sign that he loves you.
  • When guys fall in love with you, they may drop everything they do to talk to you. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t give a man time to enjoy his hobbies, but it means that he’ll stop what he’s doing, typically, and talk to you.
  • When you see a man fall in love with you, he will typically improve his optimism. If he’s naturally optimistic, then you may see more than usual. However, even a guy is as pessimistic as possible, guys fall in love with more optimism than usual.
  • The sex is great. When guys fall in love with women, typically they’ll want to please them even more. Also, while the sex is awesome, when guys fall in love with women, they’ll want even more.
  • He’ll talk about you a lot to his friends and family. When guys fall in love, it means that you’ll be talked to favorably. When you see a man fall in lust, they may just talk about sex or not mention you at all, but men don’t fall in love typically without telling someone.
  • When guys fall in love, they'll do anything to make the woman happy. This isn’t to say that a man has to sacrifice his own happiness to make the woman happy, but it means that the man will want to do more to make you happy.

How long does it take for a man to fall in love?

Many men actually fall in love pretty fast. On average, it can take a man a few months (around 88 days,) before he’s in love. Of course, it depends on the man. A younger man may fall in love faster, while an older man may take a while. For example, teenage puppy love can be one reason why this happens. If a man has been burned in a relationship before, he may not fall in love as fast. It all depends at the end of the day. Of course, it’s also possible for a man to think he’s in love, but he’s experiencing another emotion, such as lust or something else entirely. Check your emotions beforehand and make sure you're in love. Sometimes a man feels unsure about things and needs to take a step back to process information. When a man feels that sense of love, he’s likely going to be able to figure out how he feels with a little bit of soul searching even if it takes time.

If you’re having trouble determining if you’re in love, then you might need a bit of assistance. This could be a good reason to seek dating tips from professionals. Sometimes you can find good dating tips online that will help you to learn more about how you’re feeling. It isn’t always necessary to seek dating tips to determine if you’re in love, but it could help you to put your feelings into perspective.

You could even talk to a family member about how you’re feeling. They might have dating tips that will make it easier for you to find the right love connection. Sometimes the dating tips that you receive can make it easy to determine if you are already feeling love for another person, too. Don’t shy away from dating tips when you’re unsure about your feelings. An outside perspective can sometimes be quite enlightening.

What does love feel like for a man?

While women tend to fall in love slower than men, men don’t fall in love without experiencing a torrent of emotions. For a man who has fallen deeply in love, it can make a man feel like he has found someone who he can be himself around. Men aren’t typically people to open up, and men aren’t willing to share their life with everyone, but with someone they are in love with, the experience feels magical.

When guys fall in love, they will want to talk to a special someone no matter what. Guys fall in love when they stop everything they are doing to speak to the person they’re talking to. When you see a man fall in love, he will want to do anything it takes for the woman to feel safe.

For men to fall in love, they may express it through affection, which is important for both sexes. However, when guys fall in love, they express much more affection than with most other relationships.

Men who don’t fall in love, and who are experiencing a casual relationship, may lose interest once the passion is gone. There is no deep connection and no signs of the man wanting anything more. Many men don’t fall in love with every woman they meet, but once guys fall in love, the feeling is much different.

What are the signs of true love?

Being such a nebulous term, it can sometimes be hard to know what the signs of love are. When you see a woman or guy fall in love, what were the signs? While women fall in love differently than men, and vice versa, several signs can apply all across the board regardless of your sex or sexual attraction. Here are some of them.

  • When men and women fall in love, they will typically feel themselves around each other. With our family, we have to be a little different. You don’t typically talk the same around your grandma as your friends. Even with your friends, there may be something you keep a secret. However, when a woman and man fall in love with each other, they typically will feel themselves.
  • When you see a woman or man fall in love with someone, they will typically be more open to experiences. Women and men don’t fall in love with someone for who they’d step out of their comfort zone. However, when you see a woman or man fall in love, they will typically try out more things than you expected.
  • As cliché as it sounds, when you see a woman or man fall in love, they can’t get each other out of their heads. When you’re in love, you’re always thinking about the person when you’re separated. Men don’t typically think about a casual relationship a lot and the same with women.
  • You’re extremely empathetic with your partner. Some men don’t show too much empathy towards anyone, but when you see a man fall in love with someone, they may start to grow extremely empathetic and they may want to be people who will be there for their partner no matter what.
  • Women and men don’t fall in love with people for who they cannot plan a future. When women and guys fall in love, they will think about the future. This isn’t to say they will be planning for kids in the first month, but they may imagine getting a house and experiencing life with this person.
  • Women and men don’t typically accept the flaws of anyone. However, when women and guys fall in love, they’ll love someone, flaws and all. This isn’t to say that the women and men don’t want to see improvement, but they still love someone just the way they are.

Do guys fall in love faster?

Yes, men fall in love faster than women tend to do. Of course, this is on average. There can be men who fall in love at a slow pace, and women who get lovestruck immediately. However, on average, men fall in love faster.

There can be many reasons to explain this. Some men do not question their emotions as much, so it’s easier for them to admit they were in love. For many men, it’s also harder to be in a relationship, so that’s another reason why men fall in love faster. Another reason why women don’t fall in love as fast is that they may have been burned in the past, while some men may have less of a love life. These are all generalizations that should really be taken with a grain of salt, though. Truthfully, many men could have been burned in the past and might have significant emotional baggage as well. This means that knowing how fast someone is going to fall in love is tough. Gender isn’t necessarily an indicator of how fast someone might fall in love even if it seems guys fall in love faster on average. Women could fall in love faster than men you could find a man is in love after only a week. It all depends on various factors.

If you're a woman looking for a man in your life, seeing the man fall in love with first may help you to make sense of your own emotions. Just take your time. You will likely catch up to him before you know it. If you’re concerned that you aren’t falling in love fast enough, then you might not be feeling the right emotional connection with the guy that you’re dating. It could be that you need to work on finding people that you’re more compatible with or it could mean that you need to give the guy more time so that you can get to know each other.

Why is falling in love scary?

When people tend to fall in love, it usually brings forth positive emotions. However, no matter how open to love you are, you may feel some fear. Why is this? There are a few reasons why this may be, including:

  • The fear of commitment. Men tend to be more afraid of this concept, but both women and men can feel it. If you’ve always been a free spirit, the idea of falling in love can be scary.
  • The fear of losing one’s identity. Some people change after they fall in love. Not everyone, of course. However, one reason why men don’t fall in love is that they are afraid of a personality change.
  • You’ve been burned in the past. If you’ve had a previous relationship in your love life that hurt, it can be a challenge to fall in love again. Even if you haven’t, the idea of potentially getting your heart broken can be terrifying for some people.
  • You’re afraid of rejection. If you’re a man, then you should know that men fall in love faster than women in many cases. If the woman hasn’t fallen in love yet, then you may wonder if you’ll get rejected.

These are just some reasons why you may feel afraid of love. If these feelings continue, do not be afraid to talk to a therapist. Just realize that love is something that takes time and that you need to have the courage to pursue it. If you find yourself a bit afraid of love, then you could need some dating advice from someone that you trust. A family member might be able to provide good dating advice that will make you feel better. You can also get dating advice and dating tips from blogs, social media, and professionals.

Therapists are very helpful when it comes to providing dating tips. They don’t necessarily love gurus who are meant to help you find your soulmate, but they do have practical dating tips. People who are afraid of love might need dating tips to make things more manageable. If you need dating tips that will help you to feel less intimidated by the idea of love, then don’t hesitate to talk to a compassionate therapist. They will be able to help you with a lot more than dating tips. They’ll be ready to talk to you about anxiety issues, depression, and much more. You can develop coping mechanisms and learn to overcome your fear.

A man in love can sometimes be afraid of losing the things that he holds dear. Don’t feel like you have to face the world alone. No one is perfect and everybody has things that keep them up at night. People fall in love and get scared about what that means. Feelings like this don’t make you weak. If you’re a man in love and you want to enjoy a healthy relationship, then you can make it happen. Sometimes you might need advice or help, but you will be able to find success.

What do men want in a relationship?

It depends on the man, but men tend to want the same things in a relationship as women do. When men fall in love, they want someone who will understand them and will be there for them through thick and thin. In other words, they want the total package. Men tend to want a relationship where both people work together for a common goal, such as buying a new house, working out, or doing something else that makes them feel complete.

Men don’t fall in love with people who won’t give them their basic relationship needs and may fall out of love once a relationship becomes needless. When your relationship becomes superficial, it can lead to various relationship problems. For this reason, you want to make sure that the relationship is healthy if you want to keep your man in love. Focus on ensuring that you both feel connected. The physical attraction might be important, but it isn’t the only thing that men desire. You need real reasons to be together and you can find them by focusing on developing your relationship naturally.

If you want to ensure that your relationship goes smoothly, then develop an emotional connection is a must. Having a deep emotional connection means just as much as a physical attraction if not more. Spending time with your man is also a good way to keep him happy. Men want to be loved and they want to be able to give their love to someone who will cherish it. Show him that you appreciate both his time and efforts and this will keep you from encountering relationship problems. Try to be the total package for your man.

How do men like to meet women in modern times?

Many men still prefer to meet women in person in modern times, but the vast majority of men use dating apps. Dating apps are top-rated in modern times, and it’s a great way to meet other singles. You can meet other like-minded individuals who are seeking love connections on dating apps. A dating app will be very convenient to use and it’ll allow you to get to know people before you actually start going on dates. It’s pretty easy to get started and lots of men start the process of falling in love right on the dating app. Trying to date online might be new to you, but it’s definitely the easiest way to meet people now. Even the journal of social psychology has noted the prevalence of online dating.

You can really start enjoying your interactions with someone else before you’re even dating. When you finally do start dating, it’s going to be even better because you took the time to get to know one another. Not all men will love the whole online dating thing, though. There are usually more men using dating sites than there are women which can make things kind of competitive for straight men. Regardless, you’ll find that dating sites are pretty practical and that you can form healthy relationships using them. If you’re looking for healthy relationships and aren’t having any luck in person, then dating apps might be for you. When trying to find new relationships, relationship sites can be a huge help.

How long does it take a man to know he wants to marry you?

According to one study, it can take, on average, a man (or woman) six months before they decide if someone is marriage material. However, these are merely averages. Everyone is different. Some men don’t fall in love as fast, and it may take them years before they want to marry you. Meanwhile, other men fall in love quickly and will be popping the question within a month or so. The important thing is that you don’t rush marriage. It’s a big commitment, no matter how fast you may fall in love.

When a man falls in love and is ready to pop the question it will be a great thing. You can’t rush something like this and you have to understand that marriage is a big decision. Some men might feel like they need a relationship coach to get some relationship advice before they will feel ready to make this big step. It isn’t unusual for a man to get cold feet even when he loves you a lot. Sometimes a bit of relationship advice can help a man to realize how much he truly loves you. Just try not to get too impatient if you’re waiting for your man to pop the question. He might do so after receiving some good relationship advice from someone close to him. Sometimes a man just has to work up the courage and not all men feel confident about proposing.

Given that we live in modern society, it isn’t out of the question for you to propose to the man. Women do propose to men in the modern era and it’s a beautiful thing. If you know that you love your man and you have a deep emotional connection, then you don’t have to wait for him to ask about marriage. Of course, some men are more traditional. You should know your man better than anybody and you’ll be able to tell if he’s the type who would feel emasculated due to a woman proposing to him. Develop a deep emotional connection and then decide for yourself how you want to proceed.

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