Losing Your Mind In Love: Sense, Logic, And Seeing Reason
Falling in love is often regarded as one of life’s greatest joys. While developing feelings for a new crush or romantic partner can feel fun and exciting, it can simultaneously feel overwhelming for some.
If you are new to love, or have a tendency to fall hard and fast when it comes to new romantic interests, feelings of love might make you feel like you are essentially losing your mind. There are a few reasons love might feel overwhelming; with the possibility of some being related to underlying mental health conditions.
In this article we will explore the reasons why falling in love might feel like losing your mind, and what you can do to stay grounded.
Love and chemicals
It is not uncommon to feel a rush of emotion upon meeting someone you feel highly attracted to. While that particular rush can feel like magic, there is a scientific reason behind it. Studies show that those initial romantic connections typically cause your brain to release a chemical called oxytocin. Oxytocin, commonly known as “the love chemical” is a naturally occurring hormone related to social function and sexual health.
If you are someone who tends to experience feelings of overwhelm or obsession frequently when it comes to romantic connections, there is a possibility that these are underlying symptoms of a mental health condition. In these cases, you may want to consider consulting a doctor, therapist, or mental health professional.
Obsessive love vs. healthy love
While obsessive love disorder (OLD) is not currently recognized by the DSM-5 as a formal diagnosis or disorder, it is believed to present as a symptom of other mental illnesses including borderline personality disorder (BPD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), or certain attachment disorders.
While healthy love typically moves at a slow and steady pace, a medically reviewed article published by Greatist in February 2021 describes what obsessive love tends to look like.
Though symptoms may vary, signs of obsessive love disorder include:
- An overwhelming or debilitating attraction to a person
- Obsessive thoughts about the person
- Overtly possessive thoughts and actions
- Extreme feelings of jealousy over other interpersonal interactions
- Quickly or repeatedly falling in “love” with new partners, acquaintances, or strangers
- Refusal to respect boundaries or accept rejection
- Low self-esteem
- Anxiety
- Suicidal ideations
People experiencing symptoms of obsessive love disorder often find it extremely difficult to accept rejection. This could potentially lead to a number of problematic behaviors including:
- Incessant texts, calls, or attempts to contact the person of interest
- A constant need for reassurance
- Difficulty maintaining friendships or contact with family due to obsession over the person
- Constant monitoring of the person’s actions, personal life and social media
- Attempting to control the person’s activities and friendships
Living with symptoms of obsessive love disorder can be extremely challenging. If feelings of falling in love tend to bring about any of the symptoms listed above, it may be beneficial to reach out to a therapist or mental health professional.
Additionally, if you or a loved one are experiencing suicidal thoughts, reach out for help immediately. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline can be reached at 988, and is available 24/7.
Past trauma and anxious attachment style
Other possible reasons for feeling like you are losing your mind in love could tie back to past relationship-related traumas, particularly those that occurred during childhood. Studies show that adults who did not get their needs met, either physically or emotionally, during early childhood tend to develop an anxious attachment style.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
An anxious or insecure attachment style is typically characterized by a general fear of abandonment and difficulty feeling safe in relationships. In most cases, the attachment style you form with your parents or caregivers in childhood will carry over into adulthood and present in romantic relationships.
If you are unsure of how to identify your own attachment style, typically a therapist can be helpful in providing insight and understanding.
How to stay grounded in love
If you are feeling overwhelmed by the idea that you are falling in love, it may be helpful to take a step back and try to evaluate the situation. If you have just met a person, you may be developing a crush, but this does not necessarily mean you are in love.
If you continue to feel overwhelmed by feelings of love, there are a few things you can try to ground yourself:
- Take a break from the person you are interested in; pause communication or take some time away
- Write about how you are feeling in a diary or journal
- Spend time with close friends or relatives
- Engage in activities or hobbies you enjoy
- Speak with a therapist or counselor
While it is not uncommon to feel slightly overwhelmed or excited when falling in love, feeling like you are losing your mind could be a sign of a deeper issue. Typically, a therapist or mental health professional will be best equipped to guide you in grounding.
Benefits of online therapy
Due to the intensity and challenging nature of feeling like you are losing your mind in love, the best course of action may come in the form of speaking with a therapist. Since the onset of these feelings tends to be sudden and unexpected, it is possible that getting an online therapist may be more readily available than typical in-person therapy options.
Additionally, online therapy may be helpful in the process of seeking a diagnosis for one of the many mental health conditions that could contribute or lead to symptoms of an obsessive love disorder.
According to research, online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is proven to be equally as effective as in-person therapy in regards to reducing the symptoms of certain mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety, and others.
Takeaway
If frequent or overwhelming feelings of love are leading to stress or other challenges in your life, typically it is best to reach out to a therapist or mental health professional for guidance.
What does logic mean in love?
Logic refers to the process of making reasonable judgements based on available information. The phrase “logic in love” is often used to describe predictability, stability, calculated risks, and intentional choices in relationships. Logical love is the process of evaluating relationships and actively working to improve them with facts, observations, and beliefs.
Can you apply logic to love?
Love is complex, involving emotions, memory, attention, perception, and reasoning. Though initial attraction may be beyond logic, all forms of love involve some logic. For example, you can decide whether to commit to a relationship based on how it makes you feel, or you can make a plan to address communication challenges together.
Is being logical in a relationship good?
Being logical can be important for a relationship. However, a logical person may unintentionally dismiss feelings that they believe seem illogical or confusing. This can feel hurtful and invalidating for their partners. In some cases, people who believe they’re just being logical may excessively shield themselves from the vulnerability and risk of love, or use it as a strategy to avoid or suppress emotions. Some signs of using logic as an avoidance strategy include:
- Jumping in to answer any problem your partner brings up, rather than listening, reassuring, or comforting them
- Telling your partner their feelings don’t make sense
- Discomfort expressing your feelings to your partner
- Believing you’re “not an emotional person” (this is especially common for guys due to gender stereotypes that normalize male emotional suppression)
Healthy relationships are complex, often relying on a combination of logic, active listening, emotional vulnerability, and empathy.
How is logic used in life?
People use logic every day. For example, you may use logic to:
- Decide which candidate to hire for a job
- Compare prices and choose between items at the grocery store
- Decide whether to drive over the speed limit
- Find and eat food to satiate hunger
Is love logical or illogical?
Love can be broken down into three scales:
- Intimacy: Emotional closeness and connectedness
- Passion: Physical attraction and sexual chemistry
- Commitment: The cognitive element of love, which involves the active choice to stay in a relationship for the foreseeable future
Though some elements of intimacy and passion can feel mysterious or beyond logical reason, commitment requires an active choice. Oftentimes, people use logic to determine whether a relationship is worth making a calculated risk for.
How do you use logic and emotion together?
Thoughts and feelings are different, but related, processes. To answer this question, it’s helpful to break it down:
- What are feelings: Feelings are a conscious experience that can often be described with a single word, such as afraid, fearful, worried, upset, happy, sad, disgusted, or joyful.
- What are thoughts: Thoughts are opinions, assumptions, and interpretations that develop in response to feelings. For example, when someone feels worried about climate change they may think about the impact climate change has on biodiversity.
- Conflating emotions (feelings) and thoughts: Have you ever said a phrase like, “I feel like I can do better next time?” Though many people routinely make statements like this, they inaccurately portray thoughts as feelings. Thoughts and feelings originate for different regions of the brain and serve different purposes.
- Coordinating thoughts and feelings: Thoughts provide logic and reasoning, whereas emotions provide motivation and direction that informs thoughts and decisions.
By validating feelings and developing a problem-solving framework, you can integrate logic and emotions. Consider using the following as a guide:
- Observe your thoughts, allowing them to pass without judgment.
- State your emotions, such as “I’m feeling overwhelmed,” or “I feel angry,” instead of suppressing them.
- When your emotions are overwhelming, take a moment to ground yourself in the present moment, such as with a deep breathing exercise.
- Set realistic goals and expectations, and consider possible responses.
What is the true explanation of love?
On a scientific level, love can be explained as a complex process that fosters social support, provides opportunity for procreation, and develops incentives for cooperation. Biologically, love can be broken down into three stages:
- Initially, people are often attracted by lust, which is largely driven by testosterone or estrogen.
- As attraction builds, noradrenaline, dopamine, and phenylethylamine play a role in developing overwhelming infatuation.
- People become attached and emotionally intimate over time, which is partially facilitated by oxytocin.
Can an emotional person be logical?
Yes, emotional people use logic every day to make both simple and complex decisions. Similarly, logical people are informed by their emotions every day. According to a story written by Thomas Oppong (which is available to Medium members, or by creating a free account through their mobile web sign to see the full story), you can think more critically by:
- Considering different solutions and allowing yourself to wonder about how they may change the results
- Being proactive about the future
- Keeping an open mind
By creating a framework for logical thinking, you may find that you develop a better understanding of yourself and how your choices affect the world.
What is the basis of love and logic?
Love and Logic™ is a parenting strategy based on:
- Showing love and respect for both adults and children
- DIscussing thought processes and problem solving together
- Acknowledging and validating children’s feelings with empathy
- Establishing fair limit and consequences
Is logic always truth?
According to Leonard Mlodinow, author and theoretical physicist, there is no unbiased, or “true” logic. Logical thinking is not always rational or representative of reality, and it’s intrinsically tied to emotions. For example, if you go for a run in an unfamiliar park, you may feel fearful and apprehensive. This fear can amplify the sound of an otherwise innocuous twig snapping, which may drive your decision to run in a more familiar park next time, even if the familiar park isn’t any safer.
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