Tired of Being Single: Focusing On Mental Health

Research has supported contradictory conclusions between dating and life satisfaction; some studies suggest that couples are happier, and other studies suggest that single people are happier. Most research supports the idea that social connectedness and having close relationships of any kind, platonic or romantic, are linked to both life satisfaction and health. 

Current trends indicate that more single people are focusing on personal growth, self-care activities, and appreciating their independence. Previous societal narratives have placed an emphasis on relationships. This shift allows people to take their time finding the right partner and developing a mutually beneficial relationship.

That said, loneliness can be pervasive in individuals at any stage of their life, whether they are happily single or in a committed relationship. Below, we explore the relationship between loneliness and being single, as well as tips for navigating these feelings and cultivating a fulfilling life regardless of your relationship status.

Why being single can feel so emotionally exhausting

Being single is not uncommon, but its impacts on a person’s life can vary widely. For instance, research suggests that feelings of loneliness may be lower in people who choose to be single compared to those who are involuntarily single. It’s also important to note that a person’s overall feelings of connectedness could impact their level of loneliness and overall mental health, too.

Social pressure, comparison, and external expectations

Human beings are inherently social creatures. A single person who has a strong social support network of friends, family, neighbors, or other connections may be less likely to experience feelings of loneliness than a single person who does not have this network. Similarly, a person in a romantic relationship who does not have many outside connections could feel lonely, too.

However, some people might feel cultural pressure to settle down, even when they are fulfilled being single. Societal pressure can make people feel they need to follow certain marriage timelines or have kids by a certain age, framing adulthood as a linear progression expected to unfold in a particular way. The pressure placed on people who deviate from this path, whether by choice or due to external factors beyond their control, can have an impact on mental health. For example, research suggests that, on average, single adults experience worse well-being not because they are single, but because they are compared to coupled adults.

The emotional toll of repeated dating cycles

Repeated cycles of dating, especially through apps, can take a serious emotional toll on a girl or guy's mental and emotional well-being. Many people who might consider themselves a great catch may feel frustrated, unseen, and emotionally drained after mismatched connections. Over time, this pattern can erode confidence and contribute to burnout, leaving people seeking a match questioning their potential to find one, despite having done nothing wrong.

How past relationships shape how you feel about being single

Past relationships can affect how we feel about relationships in general, but they can also affect our self-worth. Moving forward after a breakup often involves a lot of self-reflection, which takes time.

Healing from heartbreak and unmet expectations

How one relationship ends can significantly affect how you approach the next one. For example, if a former partner was unfaithful, it can damage your ability to trust or your hope in relationships in general. You may lose confidence, blame yourself, or ruminate over what went wrong. 

Healing from these emotional wounds can be challenging to do on your own. If you are having difficulty moving forward after a breakup, working with a professional can help you process what happened, improve your self-esteem, and determine what you need in your next relationship.

Rebuilding self-worth outside of romantic relationships

Realizing who you are outside of a romantic relationship can not only help understand your own self-worth but also what you want in a relationship or if you even want a relationship at the current moment at all. 

Separating your value from relationship status

Taking time to understand yourself as an individual can be one of the most significant benefits of being single. After a long-term relationship ends, it can be difficult to remember who you were before you met your partner. In some cases, the longer the relationship was, the more difficult it can be to separate your true value from that of your relationship status. Taking time to find yourself again can help improve self-worth.

Becoming your own great catch

Confidence can suffer after a breakup, but focusing on personal growth and reminding yourself that you’re a great catch can help you regain it.

It may help prepare you to form positive relationships if you try to be the type of partner you wish to find. In other words, being the best life partner means being the person who ticks all the boxes for yourself first. Enjoying your own company and living up to the standards you set for a potential partner are two ways you might do this.

Finding connection beyond dating

There can be many ways to find connection outside of a romantic relationship. For some, creating a supportive community outside of the dating world can be an essential part of a meaningful life.

Building meaningful friendships and community

Investing in friendships can be a rewarding decision for people who are single. Strong platonic bonds can provide emotional support and a strong sense of belonging that can rival romantic partnerships. Connecting with people who share similar goals, interests, and passions can create a robust foundation on which to build relationships that last through many seasons of life. 

Creating a fulfilling single life

Building a fulfilling single life can often take intentionality, focusing on finding hope and joy. Social connections can be a significant part of a fulfilling life, but there are other things to focus on as well, including: 

• Pursuing hobbies
• Setting goals
• Investing in personal growth

Rather than thinking about single life as a pit stop for your next relationship, it can help to shift your focus to building a life with intention. 

Is staying single a choice or a season?

Staying single can be both a choice and a season. For some people, it can be an intentional decision, a time to focus on personal growth, career goals, or healing from past relationships. Circumstances like timing or simply not meeting the right person can contribute to a season of being single, even for those who are ready for a relationship.

It’s also important to recognize that what starts as a choice may evolve into a season, or vice versa. Priorities can change, and opportunities come and go. Ultimately, the truth is that staying single can be seen as a changing state that is influenced by personal decisions and external factors, often blending in ways that are unique to each individual.

When staying single supports healing

It's okay to be upset or frustrated about being single or lonely sometimes. As with virtually all life paths, it’s natural to experience challenging moments and feel down now and again. While ruminating on these feelings could contribute to negative mental health outcomes, acknowledging them and then practicing self-compassion could help you move through these periods.

There are advantages and disadvantages to virtually every choice and circumstance in life, including being single or being in a romantic relationship. Reminding yourself of the good in your current time of life and aiming to appreciate it can be helpful. Plus, research suggests that practicing gratitude regularly can even result in health benefits. While you don’t have to put on a happy face when you’re feeling frustrated or lonely, stepping back to balance your perspective a bit could be helpful.

Being single can have its advantages. When you're not pouring your emotional energy into another person, you may have more capacity for self-discovery, growth, and personal development. Engaging in these things can enrich your life, providing enjoyment and new experiences. It can also help you increase your sense of self-knowledge and self-love, and help you build a robust, independent life, all of which can be helpful in a relationship if you choose to enter one later

When dating again may feel aligned

If finding a romantic partnership is important to you, it’s okay to keep trying, even after experiencing setbacks. Swearing off dating because of frustration in a long-term partnership you really want may not be the most constructive choice. That said, taking breaks as needed and caring for yourself and your health along the way is usually paramount. Remember that you can lead an amazing life with or without a partner and that you may meet that special person when you least expect it.

Some signs that you might be ready to begin dating again may include: 

• You aren’t stuck in the past.
• You have a stronger sense of self-awareness about your patterns and needs.
• You feel stable and content in your own life.
• You’re emotionally available.
• Your standards are clearer, and you understand what you want and need from a partner.
• Dating feels like something that can embellish your life, not a way to fix it.

Finding a partner often takes a combination of perseverance and luck, so if you’re facing dating obstacles, it may not always be about you—but it is worth considering how you present yourself to potential matches. In other words, healthily responding to frustration in the dating world usually involves a combination of maintaining self-esteem and examining your behaviors to see whether you might be getting in your own way. Asking friends about how you’re perceived and working with a dating coach are two examples of strategies that could help you understand how you’re presenting yourself to dates and see whether you may be able to sharpen your approach in some areas.

Practical ways to cope when you feel tired of being single

When you’re tired of being single, having practical approaches for coping can help you adopt a helpful or more constructive perspective. We explore some actionable strategies below.

• Remember that social media isn’t a reality. If you’re scrolling and feel sad about not meeting the right person because it seems like everyone else is already in perfect relationships, it can help to remind yourself that this is not true. No matter how it may look on Instagram. Every relationship has ups and downs, and there are plenty of single people out there, too.
• Be mindful of dating apps. As of 2023, the Pew Research Center reports that one in 10 US adults in a committed, long-term relationship met their partner through an online dating app. While dating apps can be a fruitful way to connect with new people, they can also lend themselves to a sense of dating burnout. Swiping for hours or scheduling too many dates in a short time might make it harder to engage with any individual in a meaningful way, and it may contribute to a sense of desensitization around dating, too.
• Establish routines that support emotional well-being. Consistent routines can strengthen emotional well-being. Start your day with quiet time, an outdoor walk, or meditation, and limit time scrolling social media. Focusing on finding ways to balance your stress can also help, including prioritizing sleep, establishing a regular exercise routine, and eating a nourishing diet.

How therapy can help when you are tired of being single

Whether you’re experiencing persistent feelings of loneliness or are trying to build useful relationship skills for the future, meeting with a therapist could be a valuable tool. This type of provider can offer support and guidance for your dating life as well as coping strategies for difficult emotions.

How online therapy like BetterHelp works

If you don’t have time to locate and then regularly commute to meet with a therapist in person, online therapy may be worth considering. With online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp, you can meet with a licensed therapist virtually via phone or video from anywhere you have a stable internet connection. Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as traditional therapy in addressing a variety of mental health challenges and conditions, like anxiety.