What Are The Three Parts Of Sternberg's Triangular Theory Of Love?
Sternberg's triangular theory of love, developed by psychologist Robert J. Sternberg, posits that relationships comprise three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. The people in a relationship can express different types of love, such as companionate love or romantic love, based on the components present in their relationship. The ideal relationship goal is often to experience consummate love, which encompasses all three components: deep intimacy, physical passion, and long-term commitment. Utilizing this theory of love may help strengthen your relationships over time.
Sternberg's theory of love
Sternberg's triangular theory of love isn't the only theory in social psychology that looks to explain loving relationships. However, it does explain what love could be and why we might choose it. It was published in 1986 in Psychological Review (Cambridge University Press), a journal that publishes theoretical contributions to scientific psychology.
Who is Sternberg?
RJ Sternberg is a professor in the College of Human Ecology at Cornell University and an honorary professor at Germany's Heidelberg University. He has also served as a university president and a provost and held the chair of ethical leadership for the George Kaiser Family Foundation.
A well-respected psychologist, Sternberg has been the president of the American Psychological Association and editor of perspectives for the Psychological Bulletin. He has contributed much to the field of social psychology.
Sternberg's triangular theory of love is only one of his interests. Sternberg has also been a part of developing theories and educating his students and the public on intelligence, creativity, wisdom, leadership, thinking styles, ethical reasoning, and hatred.
What is Sternberg's triangular theory of love?
Sternberg's triangular theory of love is based on the image of a triangle. The triangle represents the concept of love, and each point is a different aspect of love. Sternberg states that you don't need all three elements in any one relationship, but the totality of the concept of love includes all three points of the triangle.
According to Sternberg's triangular theory, the three aspects of love are intimacy, passion, and decision or commitment. Like a triangle, the love represented by these components may have different dimensions and different types of balance.
Intimacy
At the top of the triangle in Sternberg's triangular theory of love is intimacy, one of the three potential components of love in close relationships. Intimacy may bring feelings of warmth, deep affection, and closeness. You may gain intimacy as you emotionally invest in the relationship. While you might have some control over the intimacy you feel, you often don't wholly control these feelings.
Sternberg described intimacy as the feeling of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in a relationship. Each of these components of intimacy might add to the love you feel for someone. However, Sternberg states you don't have to have all these feelings to achieve intimacy in an ideal relationship.
Passion
The left point of the Sternberg triangle is passion. When you feel passion, it may lead you to experience romantic love, physical attraction, and sexual desire. Passion can include motivation for loving as well as other sources of arousal. It's a physiological experience that creates intense feelings and may result from genetic and cultural factors.
Humans may be built for physical experiences of passionate love in close relationships. Through the vast expanse of human experience, arousal has often been important as a gateway to reproduction. Cultural factors, such as arranged marriage, play a role as well. Aspects of culture may not only tell us who's attractive but may also teach us socially acceptable ways to show our sexual passion in relationships.
Your passion for someone might involve the following love components:
- Romance: A feeling of general excitement and mystery associated with a partner or a relationship
- Physical Attraction: Arousal that comes from recognizing the body, facial features, or physical movements as desirable
- Sexual Desire: Needs vary depending on the individual and type of relationship
Decision
Decision-making is the thought process we typically use when we choose whether to show the expression of love in the short term. By making decisions to love in the here and now, you may move closer to a long-lasting commitment in your relationships. On the other hand, you may prefer to keep the relationship casual, enjoying it for the moment without thinking about what lies ahead.
The commitment component in social psychology is a long-term decision to maintain the relationship over time and space. Most relationships are without challenges of some kind. You may experience times when your passion for your partner decreases or you feel less affection for each other.
Philosophers may disagree about how many choices we have in life. Some say we control our destinies, while others say we're helpless to choose who we are and who we love. Of course, others feel that choice is real, but the actions of others limit it.
For Sternberg and many other psychologists, loving someone comes from a decision or a commitment. You can like the way someone looks. You can want to be close to someone. If you decide not to follow through by expressing your love and feelings, a loving relationship will most likely not develop. One's commitment often determines the types and lengths of relationships that result.
Further studies show that commitment may only be effective in increasing marital satisfaction in relationships that have high levels of healthy communication as well, indicating that commitment may not be enough on its own for some individuals.
Commitment can carry you through hard times and keep you together in good times. You may make a different decision every day, but when you decide to make or break a commitment, it can significantly impact your well-being and relationships.
How do the three parts work together?
Sternberg emphasized that, although love may be composed of the components of intimacy, passion, and decision, the pieces work together to form a complete whole.
How do the three parts work together? Sometimes one component plays the most crucial role, while the others add to the overall experience of love.
For example, your commitment to love and care for your child may be the most critical aspect of your love for them. Because you are typically responsible for them as they grow, you may feel a profound need to be there for them and stay in the relationship. You may also feel passion for the potential that's within them. A parent's love may be considered consummate, companionate, or other types of love, depending on the individual relationship between parent and child.
One component of love often increases another element. Imagine that you appreciate someone's physical beauty. This attraction might prompt you to connect with them on an emotional level. At that point, you might decide whether to appreciate the connection in a singular moment or commit to them in the long term.
The three components of different types of love
The three components of love work together differently in various types of love.
- In liking, you experience intimacy without passion or commitment.
- In infatuation, you feel passion but not intimacy or commitment.
- In empty love, you commit to the relationship without feeling intimacy or passion.
- In romantic love, you feel passion and intimacy.
- In companionate love, you feel closeness and commitment, as in a lifelong friendship.
- In fatuous love, you feel the passion and commit without feeling intimate, such as in a quick courtship.
- In consummate love, you experience an unconditional love that combines all three components, including sexual consummation.
How can you maintain love in a relationship?
Studies estimate that the current rate of divorce in America is between 50% to 67%. These figures may only tell part of the story since many couples stay together for a time without ever marrying.
Long-lasting loving relationships often require more than a verbal commitment. A decision to stay in the relationship with loving actions that maintain the three components of love may also be necessary.
How to maintain intimacy
To maintain intimacy, it's often helpful to spend quality time together. Stagnation may lead to the end of a long-term relationship. To keep the experience of love fresh and immediate, varying when and how you show your love might be effective. Leaving space for the relationship to change over time could increase your likelihood of staying together in the long term.
Making a concerted effort to work on both your physical and emotional intimacy (depending on your and your partner's needs and preferences) can have quite an impact. Small actions like discussing your day together, sitting down for dinner without your phones, or scheduling regular date nights may facilitate intimacy.
How to maintain passion
Because you may have less conscious control over passion, it can be the most challenging component in maintaining a long-term relationship. Passion is a motivation that often comes from need.
To maintain passion, it can be effective to be mindful of your and your partner's needs and how you can fulfill them within the relationship. In many cases, passion tends to increase when both intimacy and commitment are present.
How to maintain commitment
Of the three components of love, you may have the most control over your commitment to the relationship. The commitment often remains strong when you make the relationship an essential part of your life. Your commitment can keep you in the relationship longer and make it possible for you to remain devoted to the tasks of increasing intimacy and passion.
If you're dissatisfied with your relationship at any time, a helpful strategy could be to assess the strength of each of the three components of love between yourself and your partner. You could then take action to increase your commitment and make efforts to improve intimacy, possibly allowing passion to come more naturally.
Online couples therapy may help you to maintain love
It can be normal to experience challenges in relationships, but if you're having a hard time maintaining love, you may choose to seek help from a mental health professional. Online therapy may be one effective way to do this.
Suppose you and your partner have busy schedules. In that case, a potential benefit of online therapy is that you can schedule sessions at times that would be considered before or after hours at a traditional therapist's office.
Many people wonder whether online therapy will be as effective as in-person therapy. A study from 2020 followed numerous couples as they went through the process of online couples therapy. Many expressed doubts initially, but after experiencing the process, they found it practical and beneficial for their relationships.
If you’ve decided that therapy would benefit you, you might consider an online platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. Online options offer a large database of counselors with up-to-date research and resources.
Read below for counselor reviews from online therapy users who have sought help for similar concerns.
Counselor reviews
“Dr Paula has been a great therapist for me. She was readily available when I needed her. She was supportive of me and my partner and I thoroughly enjoyed her as my therapist.”
“Such an insightful therapist. He gets right to the point. I felt like such a terrible person, and he made me realize that I have a good heart and my situation is not an unusual one. I learned with my partner that I cannot own her stuff. We all have to take ownership of our own insecurities and life challenges. We can’t pass those onto our partners.”
Takeaway
One of the key components of Sternberg's triangular theory of love is that there are various kinds of love made up of three parts: passion, intimacy, and commitment. For many romantic relationships, the goal may be to experience consummate love, a combination of all the components, including friendship love.
You might use Sternberg's theory to improve and deepen the love in your relationship, even navigating the complexities of a love triangle, by focusing on two or more components. Another tool that could increase relationship health and satisfaction is online couples therapy, which may allow you and your partner to talk through issues and strengthen your bond at first sight or beyond.
What is Sternberg's triangular theory of love?
Developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, it is a conceptual framework attempting to explain the different components or aspects of personal relationships. According to this theory, love has three main components that interact and combine to form various types of love:
Intimacy
Refers to the emotional closeness, connection, and bonding between involved parties. It features feelings of warmth, trust, and deep emotional expression. The intimacy component is essential for building a solid emotional foundation in a relationship and fostering a sense of understanding and closeness between partners.
Passion
The passion component encompasses a romantic relationship's physical and emotional arousal, desire, and attraction. It often involves feelings of infatuation, sexual attraction, and excitement. Passionate love often features intense emotions and strong physical interest, which can contribute to the initial stages of a romantic relationship.
Commitment
Commitment refers to the decision and dedication to maintain the relationship over the long term. It often requires an emotional investment to sustain such relationships, working through challenges, and prioritizing the partnership. Commitment can be categorized into short-term commitment, which is the decision to love someone in the present, and long-term commitment, which involves the intention to continue loving someone in the future.
Sternberg proposed that these three components can combine in various ways to create seven different types of love:
Liking/Intimacy
This type of love involves a strong emotional bond and friendship, but there's usually a complete absence of the passionate or sexual aspect. This is the type of love that close friends may have.
Infatuation/Passion
Many say infatuated love may come with great sex but typically lacks deep emotional connection and commitment. It has strong passion components and is often seen in crushes or short-lived romantic encounters.
Empty Love (Commitment)
Empty love consists of commitment without much intimacy or passion. This could be seen between individuals in the family where the commitment is strong, but other components are missing.
Romantic Love (Intimacy + Passion)
This type of love is most associated with being struck by Cupid's arrow. It combines intimacy and passion, creating a relationship marked by emotional closeness and physical attraction.
Companionate Love (Intimacy + Commitment)
Companionate love involves emotional closeness and commitment, but the passionate element has faded. It's often seen in long-term relationships or deep friendships where parties are not engaged romantically.
Fatuous Love (Passion + Commitment)
Fatuous love is driven by passion and commitment but lacks the deep emotional bond that comes with intimacy. It might be exemplified by whirlwind courtships where people get married quickly.
Consummate Love (Intimacy + Passion + Commitment)
Consummate love is the ideal type of love that combines all three components—intimacy, passion, and commitment. This is often seen as the ultimate form of love that many strive for in long-lasting, healthy romantic relationships.
It's important to note that these components of love interact in different ways and can change over time in a relationship. Many relationship therapists in personal practice use this model to help couples attain the balanced effort and communication needed to achieve consummate love.
What is the love theory in psychology?
The field of psychology has several theories besides Robert Sternberg's triangular theory that attempt to explain love of all kinds:
Like vs. Love
A precursor to later theories of love, like vs. love aims to outline the differences between the two and how they contribute to different types of relationships:
- Liking is when we have a deep appreciation and admiration for someone. We may enjoy their company and want to be around them, but it doesn't necessarily connotate love.
- Loving is typically more intense and is accompanied by a desire for physical intimacy. Romantic love includes a solid intimate bond, prioritizes the other person's needs, and features exclusive commitment.
The Color Wheel Model
This model compares relationship types to the elements of the color wheel. It features three primary and secondary types of love.
Primary Love Styles
- Eros—This type of love features intense physical and emotional passion for a partner that one may consider an "ideal" or "soul mate."
- Ludus—From the Greek word meaning "game," this love style may be fun and exciting but can also be frivolous. People in this type of relationship may be uninterested in commitment.
- Storge—This type of love indicates the kind of natural affection occurring within families and close friendships.
Secondary Love Styles
- Mania— Sometimes described as obsessive love, this type combines characteristics of both Eros and Ludus.
- Pragma— As a combination of Ludus and Storge, this type of love is characterized as practical and fulfilling.
- Agape—Represents unconditional, selfless love. Agape combines Eros and Storge.
Attachment Theory Of Love
This theory uses attachment theory to provide the foundation for one's relationship attachment style later in adulthood. In essence, it functions on the assumption that the attachment type we developed in childhood will carry over and apply to romantic relationships.
The types of attachment included in this theory include:
- Secure attachment—This type of attachment involves having a stable relationship style without fears of abandonment or anxiety over getting close to another.
- Avoidant—An individual with an avoidant relationship style may feel uneasy getting close and opening up to others. People with this style may have trust issues and shrink from long-term relationships.
- Anxious/Ambivalent: Someone with the anxious/ambivalent style may have high levels of insecurity around relationships. They may be preoccupied with thoughts that their partner doesn't love them, and sometimes their insecurity can create troubles in the relationship.
Compassionate vs. Passionate Love Theory
First proposed by psychologist Elaine Hatfield, this theory of love posits that there are two fundamental types of love:
- Compassionate love that focuses on trust, affection, mutual respect, and attachment.
- Intense emotions, affection, and sexual attraction characterize passionate love. When both parties have the same passionate love, it is typically satisfying and exhilarating. When passionate love is unreciprocated, it can lead to feelings of angst and dejection.
What is the three-love theory?
This theory is constructed around the idea that people fall in love three times throughout a lifetime. Each love represents a different stage of life and allows the individual to progress and evolve until it ends, eventually leading to the third love.
The three stages of the three-love theory include:
- First Love—This type of relationship is said to develop in adolescence or early adulthood. It's typically emotionally and physically intense but also short-lived.
- Second Love—This type of love represents the phase in life where one has acquired experience in past relationships but is still intense and passionate.
- Third Love—Characterized by more mature, unconditional love, this type typically develops after the experiences one has gained from the first two loves.
What is an example of companionate love?
A typical example of companionate love includes long-term marriages with high levels of commitment and affection. Companionate love often doesn't feature passionate love; therefore, old friendships can also represent companionate love.
Which components of Sternberg's triangular theory of love would describe infatuation?
According to Sternberg's triangular theory, passion is the most substantial component of the type of love that can be characterized as infatuation.
What is the meaning of passionate love?
Passionate love is another way to describe the type of love that typically emerges at the beginning of a relationship. It is often marked by intense emotions and sexual attraction.
What type of love is also called passionate love?
Eros, from the ancient Greek term meaning "desire," is also often referred to as passionate love. Passionate love may also be associated with the term romantic love.
What is the meaning and example of passionate?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines passionate as "easily aroused to anger," "capable of, affected by, or expressing intense feeling," and "swayed by or affected with sexual desire."
There are many examples that include passion or passionate behavior:
- An individual who defends the rights of others may be passionate about justice.
- In a marital spat, one may have a passionate argument.
- In the early stages of a romantic relationship, couples may have passionate feelings for each other.
What is the characteristic of passionate love?
The primary characteristic of passionate love is a strong desire to be physically and emotionally with a mate.
How true is the three loves theory?
The extent to which the three loves theory is true strongly depends on each person's unique circumstances. For some, the three loves theory is literally true and applies to three different individuals representing each phase of love.
On the other hand, the theory as it centers around the concept of three people doesn't apply to everyone. As such, some experts have modified it to include the possibility that the three love phases can exist in a relationship with one person.
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