Platonic Love
Platonic love, or the love between friends, can be nourishing, fulfilling, and a source of support as we go through life. Human beings often require strong social and personal relationships, and platonic friendships are typically a significant part of these networks. Read on to learn more about what characterizes platonic love relationships, how you can benefit from having a platonic love in your life, and how to build more of these types of connections.
The definition of platonic love
Benefits of platonic relationships
The existence of relationships in your life that are characterized by platonic love isn’t just a nice-to-have; research indicates that this type of platonic intimacy and love may be crucial for mental and even physical health. Below are some of the key benefits that platonic relationships can offer.
Emotional support
One of the key benefits of platonic love is the emotional support you can get from a close friend. These types of relationships are usually characterized by mutual acceptance and care, meaning that you can lean on these people in your life when you’re facing a problem, feeling sad, or otherwise need support. Friends can also help each other heal and grow by modeling and encouraging honesty, compassion, boundaries, calm conflict resolution, and other important elements of healthy interpersonal relationships. This type of love can be crucial when you’re experiencing challenges and need to reach out for support. Many people make meaningful connections with their platonic friends that may even outlast romantic love they may have with someone they are sexually attracted to.
Decreased risk of physical health problems
Having strong, platonic love in your life may also decrease health risks and even increase life expectancy. Part of the reason may be that friends can check in on each other and encourage one another to adopt healthy habits, but another part may be that feelings of loneliness can cause psychological processes that may be detrimental to health as a result of the mind-body connection. For example, one study that included over 300,000 participants found that those who had “stronger social relationships were 50 percent more likely to survive over the studies' given periods than those with weaker connections—a risk comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day and one double that of obesity”. Close friendships have also been associated with a decreased risk of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, depression, and anxiety. You may not have thought about friendship and platonic love as part of physical health, but this love can have astonishing benefits.
Better mood
Being around loving friends can simply make us feel better emotionally as well. Spending time with those we share platonic love with can increase levels of dopamine in the brain, which is known as the “feel-good” chemical. Spending time with like-minded friends can also help decrease levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. As one study puts it, “successful social interaction can provide one of the most rewarding stimuli for humans”. When we share laughter, love, and engage in activities that we love with our platonic lovers (friends), these effects can be increased even more, promoting better mental health.
Higher resilience
Having true platonic friends you can rely on can even help you be better prepared to face life’s inevitable challenges. They can provide support, advice, love, and encouragement that may help you see difficult circumstances from a new perspective. According to one study, having a close group of supportive, platonic friends is one of the top predictors of an individual’s ability to recover after stressful life experiences. Your platonic relationships may offer invaluable support and love during times of difficulty and uncertainty.
Building platonic relationships
Having strong, supportive platonic friendships can be enriching and even have health benefits. If you're looking to make or maintain platonic love connections or experience genuine platonic love, the following tips may help.
Find people you have something in common with
Be proactive about forming loving, platonic relationships
It’s important to remember that, just like romantic love relationships, relationships of virtually every kind are two-way streets. If only one person is reaching out, checking in, making plans, and providing emotional support, they may start to feel uncared for or taken for granted. In general, both friends should aim to contribute roughly the same amount of time and emotional energy in order for a platonic love to thrive. If your friend is great about asking how you’re doing, texting or calling you, and setting up times to hang out, it may be wise to make sure you’re doing the same for them.
Similarly, even if you’re in a romantic love relationship, try not to leave your friendships behind. It can be crucial to continue to prioritize them, even if you have a partner with whom you share romantic love and physical intimacy. Love, platonic or otherwise, needs to be maintained and given attention in order to flourish. Platonic relationships are often based in part on quality time, so you might find mutually enjoyable activities, or activities that can help facilitate deep conversations.
Address unhealthy dynamics within your platonic love
Developing feelings for a friend
A true platonic friend will not have any romantic love or sexual feelings for you, but what can you do if these feelings do develop? The first step might be to determine how deep these feelings of romantic love go. You may experience physical attraction for your friends without having any desire to pursue a different kind of relationship with them. In these cases, the feelings may not need to be addressed at all. If your feelings go deeper and you think you want a relationship with the person, you will have to decide whether you want to remain platonic. If your relationship with a platonic friend starts to develop unwanted romantic or sexual features, you might try communicating with the friend about your feelings and establishing clear boundaries.
Speak with a therapist
Takeaway
Can you confuse platonic love for romantic love?
Some people may confuse strong friendships and platonic love with romantic companionship because they struggle to tell the difference between different types of love or may actually be experiencing unrequited romantic love. Platonic love can also be very strong and seem like romantic love if you haven’t experienced such a strong connection with a friend in the past. To know the difference, you might ask yourself whether you see yourself in a romantic relationship with this person involving physical affection, commitment, and passion. If not, you might only be feeling platonic love instead of feeling romantically toward them.
What does nebularomantic mean?
Nebularomantic is a romantic orientation for people who identify as neurodivergent and have difficulty telling the difference between romantic and platonic love. Neurodiversity refers to autism spectrum disorder, dyslexia, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and some other conditions. This orientation is considered a subset of being aromantic, meaning not experiencing romantic attraction toward others. People who identify as nebularomantic might feel the same type of love in their meaningful friendships as they do for a partner, separate from sex.
What are the three Cs in romantic relationships?
The three Cs of romantic relationships are as follows:
- Commitment: In a platonic relationship, people are often free to pursue other connections. In a romantic one, many people choose to commit to each other by being monogamous, having a home together, having outings together (like frequent hikes in nature), starting a family, or through other means.
- Compromise: Compromise can play a vital role in emotional well-being and communication. If people are unwilling to work together, they may have more conflicts and less respect for each other over time.
- Communication: Direct, honest, and respectful communication is often considered necessary in romantic relationships to feel happy and safe with one another.
How does a man feel when a woman tells him she loves him in a romantic relationship?
People can love in similar ways regardless of whether they’re women, men, or another gender. However, because the world frequently focuses on the idea that men should not show emotions openly, the importance of hearing that he is loved might not always be expressed openly. If you’re dating a man and want to know how he feels about hearing “I love you,” take a moment at night or in the morning to ask him. He may appreciate the beauty of an open conversation about how you feel about each other.
How do you tell if someone is infatuated with you?
Infatuation can seem like obsession, causing a release of the neurotransmitters dopamine and oxytocin, attaching people to each other. Someone might be infatuated if they frequently message you, want to spend a lot of time with you, and have the sense of being “high” on love around you. If this person is a best friend or someone you’re not interested in, you might notice them trying to make many efforts to spend time with you and talk to you when you’re not interested in doing the same. They may look at you frequently, initiate conversations, and dress differently around you.
Can your body tell you if someone isn't right for you?
If you’re in an unhealthy or abusive relationship with someone, you might notice signs. In addition, if you’re not initially attracted to someone or not in love with them, you might notice that you don’t experience much of a dopamine or oxytocin release (the exciting and calming sensations that come with new love). In unhealthy relationships, your body might react with a stress response, which can lead to high blood pressure, migraines, chronic pain, shakiness, difficulty sleeping, appetite changes, frequent sickness, bloating, and other symptoms.
What are the signs someone isn't into you?
Someone might not be into you if they don’t try to plan to spend time with you, don’t look at you a lot when you’re together, position their body away from you when you sit near each other, and don’t flirt with you. Other signs might include frequently mentioning that you are just friends, avoiding in-depth conversations, and only wanting to spend time with you around other people. If you’re unsure whether someone is into you, ask them. A “no” may be better than being uncertain for a long time and waiting to find out they don’t like you after many months or years.
Why is platonic love so important?
Platonic love, whether with family, friends, or partners, can be important because it is a form of social connection, which has been proven to improve mental and physical health. Platonic connections may also be more likely to be long-term due to their nature, as many people have many friends and loved ones throughout their lives. Having a large community can ensure people’s social needs are met but also provide a safety net in case of problems.
Is a platonic relationship healthy?
Platonic relationships can be healthy. However, “platonic” doesn’t mean healthy. Even friends can act in abusive or unhealthy ways toward each other, and platonic love doesn’t guarantee that someone will act in healthy ways. If a friend acts in controlling, pressuring, or unkind ways toward you, they might not be healthy for you.
What are signs of platonic love in a friendship?
Signs of platonic love can vary between individuals, as some people express love in different ways than others. However, common signs might include:
- A sense of profound familiarity
- A desire to be around each other frequently or to appreciate each other’s lives from afar
- Affection
- A desire to support each other through hard moments
- Trust and respect
- Honesty and openness
- A sense of safety
- A lack of judgment
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