Why Showing Platonic Love Is Important

Platonic love, or the love between friends, can be nourishing, fulfilling, and a source of support as you go through life. Human beings often require strong social and personal relationships, and platonic friendships are typically a significant part of these networks. Read on to learn more about what characterizes platonic love relationships, how you can benefit from having a platonic love in your life, and how to build more of these types of connections.

What is platonic love

The term “platonic love” originates from the ancient philosopher Plato, although its meaning has somewhat changed over the course of history. The American Psychological Association defines platonic love as “a type of love in which there is no overt sexual behavior or desire”—either because romantic love has never existed between the individuals or because it has been suppressed (perhaps in the case of unrequited love). Platonic love usually refers to the affection and love between close friends.

While some might believe that opposite-sex friendships cannot be platonic, this is not the case; a platonic friend can be of the same sex, opposite sex, or of any gender. One does not generally have any romantic love or sexual feelings for a platonic friend, but rather has an emotional connection with them. They may even be related, as you may have a friendship with siblings or cousins that is characterized by platonic love. This type of platonic love could also be shared by coworkers, classmates, roommates, neighbors, or any other people who have developed a close, emotional, nonsexual bond.

Why platonic love matters

Platonic love not only provides emotional connection, companionship, and a sense of support, but can also have both mental and physical health benefits. Below are some reasons that platonic relationships can provide meaning and fulfilment in your life. 

Building strong friendships and social support

Friends can also help each other heal and grow by modeling and encouraging honesty, compassion, boundaries, calm conflict resolution, and other important elements of healthy interpersonal relationships. This type of love can be crucial when you’re experiencing challenges and need to reach out for support. Many people make meaningful connections with their platonic friends that may even outlast romantic love they may have with someone they are sexually attracted to. 

Longevity and stability compared with romantic relationships

Having strong, platonic love in your life may also decrease health risks and increase life expectancy. Part of the reason may be that friends can check in on each other and encourage one another to adopt healthy habits, but another part may be that feelings of loneliness can cause psychological processes that may be detrimental to health as a result of the mind-body connection. For example, one study analyzing data from over 2000 adults in the United States showed that positive social connections are linked to slower epigenetic aging, which is a measure of biological age that assesses the health of someone's cells, organs, and tissues. 

The intensity and unpredictability of romantic relationships, especially among teens, can lead to poor academic performance, poor emotional health, and mental health conditions. However, platonic friendships may be more stable and supportive. 

Platonic love vs. romantic relationships

Platonic love and romantic relationships share deep bonds, but they differ in other aspects. Platonic love is often a deep and non-sexual bond between people, while romantic love often includes emotional intimacy and physical attraction. In a romantic relationship, people may hold hands and kiss, whereas in a platonic relationship, they may express care through hugs, shared activities, or conversation.

How platonic and romantic relationships complement each other

 Platonic and romantic relationships may complement each other by providing:

• Diverse perspectives to help you understand the world and navigate life’s challenges
• Joy, stability, and a range of other fulfilling emotions, from comfort to excitement 
• Varied activities that allow you to engage in hobbies and interests you enjoy
• Opportunities for growth, helping you learn about yourself and what’s important to you

Avoiding confusion between platonic connections and romantic desire

If you’re unsure whether a relationship is platonic or romantic, it may help to reflect on your feelings, intentions, and boundaries. Journaling can provide emotional clarity in such situations. For example, you could ask yourself how you’d feel if they found a romantic partner, imagine what your life would look like in five years (and their role in it), or keep a log of your thoughts and emotions about them. Alternatively, you might try communicating with the friend about your feelings and establishing clear boundaries.

Signs of platonic love in friendships

Having strong, supportive platonic friendships can be enriching and even have health benefits. Below are some signs of platonic love and connections:

• You spend regular time together 
• You communicate clearly and honestly
• You show up for each other, whether on special occasions or times of need
• You respect each other’s boundaries
• You can be vulnerable without the fear of judgment
• You share a deep emotional bond

Shared experiences and mutual respect

Spending time with those you share platonic love with can increase levels of dopamine in the brain, which is known as the “feel-good” chemical. Therefore, being around loving friends is a natural way to feel better mentally and emotionally.

You often engage in shared activities with platonic friends, whether it’s playing sports or going to local events. A study revealed that people seek shared experiences to form lasting social connections and foster mutual respect. Even mundane tasks like doing the laundry can become more enjoyable when done together. 

Trust, support, and honesty

Sharing platonic love can create a safe space for open and honest conversations. Having platonic friends you can trust, rely on, and be honest with may help you face life’s challenges. According to one study, having a close group of supportive, platonic friends is one of the top predictors of an individual’s ability to recover after stressful life experiences. Your platonic relationships may provide support, advice, love, and encouragement, allowing you to see difficult circumstances from a new perspective.

Cultivating and maintaining platonic relationships

If you’re looking to expand your circle, it might help to start by seeking out people you have something in common with. You may:

• Join a club where people get together to play a sport or board game you love 
• Look for others with a similar cultural background or life experiences as you, or those who are trying to learn a new skill you’ve always been interested in
• Volunteer for a cause or organization you’re passionate about to meet like-minded individuals 
• Identify positive qualities in the people you meet that could lead to forming a meaningful connection 
• Suggest plans with people you meet, such as going for a walk or playing a game
• Be a regular at local coffee shops, gyms, and other community areas to gradually build connections

The time you spend on the hobbies you love can easily lead you to meet others with whom you can form platonic connections. To maintain existing relationships, it can be helpful to communicate honestly, set clear boundaries, and offer unconditional support. 

Communication and setting boundaries

It’s important to remember that, just like romantic love relationships, relationships of virtually every kind are two-way streets. If only one person is reaching out, checking in, making plans, and providing emotional support, they may start to feel uncared for or taken for granted. If your friend is great about asking how you’re doing, texting or calling you, and setting up times to hang out, it may be wise to make sure you’re doing the same for them.

If a conflict or something that makes you uncomfortable arises, it’s generally best to calmly address it with your friend so you can work through it together. Setting boundaries to safeguard your feelings and energy as needed is important, even if you are just friends, because it can make your connection even stronger, and it can also help you learn how to do this in other types of relationships in your life.

Supporting friends through challenges

Similarly, even if you’re in a romantic love relationship, try not to leave your friendships behind. It can be crucial to continue to prioritize them, even if you have a partner with whom you share romantic love and physical intimacy. Love, platonic or otherwise, may need on quality time, so you might find mutually enjoyable events or activities that can help facilitate deep conversations. If your friend is going through a particularly hard time, you may also encourage them to seek mental health support. 

Learning to build stronger relationships in therapy

Personal relationships can be a significant part of well-being and happiness. Speaking with a therapist may be helpful for those who are facing challenges with platonic relationships in their lives. If you’re looking to find more friendships, they can help you develop social skills or build self-esteem. If you’re facing a conflict with or are having confusing feelings, like feeling romantic love for a friend in your life, they can provide you with a safe, nonjudgmental space to work through these relationship issues. For those who have difficulties socializing because of depression, social anxiety disorder, or another mental health condition, a therapist can offer treatment suggestions and healthy coping strategies, in addition to helping you uncover the positive qualities that platonic friendships can bring.

Getting support through BetterHelp

Those who are interested in meeting with a therapist can generally choose between online and in-person therapy, since research suggests the two can offer similar benefits in most cases. If you’re having trouble locating an in-person provider in your area or find it difficult to travel to and from appointments, online therapy may represent a more convenient alternative. With a virtual therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist whom you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or online chat from the comfort of home to address the challenges you may be facing.