Why Understanding Love Is Important For Relationships

Love and understanding may occur hand-in-hand in many intimate relationships. Understanding love might also help you recognize patterns in your interpersonal connections or attachment style. If you know what love feelslike, you might feel more comfortable expressing it and moving forward when you don't feel it.

What does it mean to understand love?

Love is a universal emotion that may be described as warmth, passion, intimacy, companionship, or other positive emotions. As a universal emotion, each human being experiences love, but people may define it differently in their lives. What one person considers romantic love, another may consider a deep friendship or bond. Understanding that love is both a universal and individual experience can help people communicate with each other. 

Why love can be hard to define

Love is a cultural phenomenon shaped by many things, including the society you grew up in, your family’s values, and your personal experiences. Most people may associate loyalty and commitment with love, while others focus on passion. Through many forms of poetry and artistic expression, you can see how people describe love in different ways.

Different types of love and how they show up

When considering the way your partner loves, you may be able to consider situations from their point of view. Love may involve empathy, sympathy, or compassion for those you care about. If you can only think or act from your point of view, you may struggle to relate to others or show love in a way someone else understands. 

Romantic love

Romantic love is often described as having intense feelings of attraction and emotional intimacy with another person. Oftentimes, this form of love may start with physical attraction but develop into something deeper. 

Emotional love and companionship

Relationships built around emotional love and companionship may be built on mutual respect, trust, and emotional connection. You may describe your partner as your best friend and someone who makes you feel comfortable expressing yourself. When mutual love and connection are present in a relationship, it can enhance relationship quality. 

Unconditional love

Unconditional love is affection and care that remains regardless of someone's flaws or times of hardship. Oftentimes, mothers are described as having unconditional love for their children. At times, loving without limitations may be seen as self-sacrifice, but a healthy balance may involve both taking care of others and yourself.  

The three components of love

The triangular theory of love, otherwise known as the three components of love, is considered to be intimacy, passion, and commitment. Recognizing the three elements of love can help you focus on positive aspects of relationships and areas for growth. 

Intimacy

Emotional intimacy can be seen as how connected you feel with another person, on both a physical and emotional level. The expression of love differs across cultures, but some intimate moments may include comforting one another, laughing at inside jokes, or spending time together in pleasant silence.   

Passion

Passion may be characterized as a longing for another person, along with desire, excitement, and emotional arousal. In passionate relationships, people may value physical closeness and affection above other aspects of love. Moments of physical intimacy may include kissing, hugging, and holding hands. 

Commitment

Commitment can be defined as the choice to stay and make a relationship work, no matter what. This may involve making major life decisions together (such as moving cities for your partner's job), blending finances, or investing quality time and effort into the relationship. Since research suggests that commitment increases relationship satisfaction, it can be a core aspect of long-term relationships.

Learning about others

If you want to understand someone you love, you might try to learn about their interests, family, and personality. Everyone may have a story, motivations, values, and morals. Learning your partner's background might surprise you or allow you to love them more. 

Communicate with your partner and ask them questions. Try to get them to open up about their past, interests, and feelings about certain situations. You could ask the following questions:

• "What is something you regret?" 
• "What is the most interesting fact you've ever learned?"
• "What would a dream date night look like to you?"
• "What makes you feel loved?" 
• "What expression of love do you most appreciate that I already do?" 

Engaging in these conversations may create an enhanced sense of closeness in your relationship and a greater appreciation of one another. Additionally, you might understand how love can motivate individuals to learn more. 

You can also increase feelings of platonic love with friends in this way. Open up a dialogue if you want to improve your understanding of who they are and why they do what they do. Studies show that love can have physical health benefits. For this reason, you may want to increase love in every relationship. 

How love affects mental health and well-being

Love as an emotion may influence your mental health, leaving you feeling warm, happy, and sometimes dejected.

Love and emotional health

Since love is a positive emotion, you may actively seek it in everyday life, through relationships, activities, meditation, and other means. Love as an emotion can benefit mental health and well-being. One study suggests that people who meditate feel more loved on a daily basis, resulting in lower depressive and anxiety symptoms. Fulfilling relationships, hobbies, and other aspects of life can also induce these feelings of love in everyday life. 

When love causes distress

Love can also have potential pitfalls, especially during unhealthy relationships or after the loss of a loved one. In some cases, intense feelings for another person may lead you to dismiss your own needs and put up with mistreatment. Brain regions involved in processing pain overlap with those involved with social anguish, so love can literally hurt.

Practicing love in daily life

• A loving-kindness meditation: Consciously focusing loving attention on yourself, your loved ones, and everyone around you.
• Gratitude journaling: Start or end the day by reflecting on the things that bring you joy and fulfillment. 
• Intentional presence: Put down your phone and bring loving attention to small everyday activities, such as walking, cooking, or washing the dishes. 
• Acts of self-love: Talk to yourself as you would a loved one, and make time for the activities you enjoy. 

These practices can be used to practice love in your own life, your relationships, and your community. Although the way love is expressed differs across cultures and individuals, you can demonstrate love in any way that feels authentic to you. 

Personal growth through love

The feeling of love encourages you to be open, vulnerable, and intimate with those around you. Loving relationships, in particular, can be opportunities for personal growth, where you can learn about your own needs, values, boundaries, and emotional patterns. You may pursue new experiences with your partner, step out of your comfort zone, or learn new hobbies from them. A relationship built on love and trust can be a safe space for human development.

Love and mutual development

When love is present in a relationship, both partners may support each other's growth, leading to mutual development. Examples of this may include respecting each other's hobbies, showing appreciation for one another, giving undivided quality time, and showing up for important occasions. These relationships may be especially beneficial during times of adversity. 

Love, culture, and expectations

Love is deeply influenced by cultural norms and expectations. Some countries, such as those in the US, may express love through public displays of affection and verbal endearment, such as saying "I love you.” Other cultures, however, may display love through more subtle actions, such as cooking for loved ones or spending quality time with them. 

Popular culture and gender roles can also influence the expression of love. Some critics argue that popular culture, such as TV shows and movies, creates unrealistic expectations for love. Also, in certain cultures, traditional gender roles may shape how love is expressed, with different expectations for men and women in terms of being emotionally vulnerable, caregiving, and romantic gestures.

How understanding love improves relationships

You may face conflicts in your relationships or notice moments where your partner experiences stress or poor behavior. Love may drive you to feel empathetic and understanding toward your partner's needs while not undermining your own. You may create a balance between supporting them and receiving support. Although you can still set boundaries on your time and emotional energy, your partner may appreciate any expressions of love you can offer in difficult times. 

Whether you feel your relationship is perfect or not, you may still find it healthy and enjoyable. Your significant other may support you in return. Love may prompt you to grow through difficulties and feel you come out as a team with the person you love.

Stronger communication and trust

Taking the time to understand your romantic partner may improve your relationship. Often, love motivates communication and the desire to connect. It can lead to having more trust, understanding, validation, and respect for one another. 

Effective ways to communicate

• Scheduling relationship "check-ins" 
• Discussing feelings when they occur or scheduling a date to discuss them 
• Reaching out to your partner when you feel concerned 
• Actively listening by listening to understand instead of listening to respond 
• Using validating statements to help your partner feel heard 
• Using "I" statements like, "I feel hurt when I have to take out the trash every time." 
• Asking for consent to hug, kiss, or touch your partner 
• Asking for consent each time you have sex 
• Being open to criticism as much as possible 
• Accepting that communication might not be perfect 

Being open with others can feel intimidating for some people at first. They might not understand their emotions or feel embarrassed, ashamed, or weak when expressing them. Be as validating as possible.

If you continue to struggle with communication in a relationship, it may be beneficial to attend couples therapy to gain insight into how to connect on a more profound level. Your therapist might also offer resources on more easily discussing topics that feel challenging in your connection. 

Getting support through BetterHelp

Many couples consider therapy when deciding how to improve their connection or increase the amount of love in their relationship. If you or your partner faces barriers to in-person counseling, you can also consider online therapy. Online therapists can provide expert relationship counseling. You can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions, and you may be able to find availability early in the morning, at night, or on weekends.

Therapy as a space to explore love

Therapy can provide a safe space for you to explore your understanding of love and identify areas for growth (both individually and as a couple). Couples therapy is an opportunity to talk openly and honestly with your partner and find out ways to enhance the relationship. Meanwhile, techniques like meditation and cognitive reframing can cultivate the self-love needed to feel worthy of giving and receiving love.

Studies show that online counseling for couples has been as effective as traditional therapy. One controlled trial about couples counseling online found that couples who attended internet-based sessions found relief in symptoms related to depression, anxiety, stress, and conflict comparable to other studies on traditional therapy. If you're interested in trying this treatment, consider reaching out to a counselor through an online platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples. Both platforms offer thousands of therapists specializing in various areas, including love, relationships, and interpersonal conflicts.