6 Ways a Marriage Counselor Can Save Your Marriage
Updated August 28, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault
When you made the decision to marry your spouse, each of you agreed to make your relationship work for better or for worse. Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. When you fall into the hustle and bustle of everyday life, your marriage can suffer as a result.
Maybe you and your partner have unresolved conflict that just doesn't seem to be working itself out. You could also be having communication issues or trouble with being intimate with one another. The good news is, this part of your marriage doesn't have to last forever. A marriage counselor is someone that can step in to help you fix your problems and send you on your way to growing old together in peace and harmony.
Helps To Open Communication
The job of a marriage counselor is to help you get back to the place you where when you were dating. Many couples' problems lie in the lack of communication they have with one another.
When you make the decision to being seeing a marriage or family therapist, one of the first things they will evaluate is how effectively you are communicating with one another. Perhaps one of you is making all the big decisions, causing the other to feel left out and lonely, or maybe you aren't sure how to communicate your feelings in a way that effects change instead of conflict.
The best part about having a marriage counselor is that you are investing in a neutral third party that will facilitate communication between the two of you. The main goal is to get your relationship back on track, not to point fingers or place blame on either one of you.
Your therapist will listen and suggest things that the both of you can do to ensure you are having conversations before anger sets in. You will learn the importance of speaking up and doing so in a respectful and constructive way. By the end of your sessions, the way you look at your marriage will be like night and day compared to when you began.
Facilitates Healing After Cheating
If you or your partner has struggled either now or in the past with infidelity, the lasting effects can be detrimental. Trust and love are compromised and the lies that were told when the situation took place probably linger in the relationship for months or years to come.
When one person in a relationship in unfaithful, it often hurts not only the trust but also the self esteem of the other person. Angry outbursts or depression may not always stem from the happenings of the day they were expressed on, but instead from the hurt that was inflicted by the cheating.
A therapist can help you work through the emotions you have regarding such incidents and can get to the root of the problem. You will both be reminded the importance of honesty and trust in a relationship. You may even be assigned homework that can be done to further strengthen your bond so that you can move past the negativity and onto a happier future.
Solves Long Term Problems
Oftentimes, there is one or more problems in a relationship that never seems to get solved. The two of you may argue and argue just to go in circles when it comes to fixing the problem.
No matter what the issue might be, there is no problem too big for a couple that loves one another and wants to stay together. Many times, all it takes to solve even the biggest of issues is minor tweaks from the both of you that add up to a big change overall.
A marriage counselor will help you both to decipher what changes can be made and how they can be implemented. Using the communication skills that have been developed over previous sessions, she may ask each of you to tell your side of the story and go over what matches up and what doesn't.
Once you have a solid idea of what has been going on in the relationship that causes the problems you're having, it will be time to effect change. This comes in many forms depending on the issue at hand. The main goal of marriage counseling is to fix your dysfunctional tendencies and get you playing on the same team again.
Helps You Get Back The Spark
When you are having issues in your marriage, it is likely that the last thing you want to do is have sex or be intimate in any way. After a period of this, many more problems can be caused as a result.
You might be having struggles being intimate with your partner because you don't feel an emotional connection to them anymore. If this is the case, your marriage counselor will work to understand and fix these problems, knowing that intimacy will return as a result.
On the other hand, some couples struggle with lack of sex because the routine has become mundane or boring. If this is the case, your therapist could help you decide what can be done to spice things up. You could be assigned homework to gradually work up to having sex again or you might be encouraged to try new things in the bedroom.
Many couples worry seeing a therapist for issues like this will be uncomfortable or awkward, and sometimes this is true. The best things in life rarely come easily, though. Sex and intimacy are among the most important things in a healthy and happy marriage. Marriage therapists know this and are professionally trained to help you deal with your problems.
For this reason, you don't have to be afraid to bring these issues to the table. Something as simple as not having sex can cause extreme issues in many other parts of your marriage, so it is imperative that these issues are not overlooked or considered unimportant.
Helps You Pick Your Battles
In a marriage, many things will come along that can cause arguments or other conflicts. This comes along with sharing your life with one another.
It is impossible to have a relationship that goes off without a hitch all the time. If you are struggling with constant fighting in your relationship, the fix may be as simple as choosing your battles. Your therapist will help you to learn to not sweat the small stuff and to save your energy for problems that are worthy of your time.
Knows When To Call It Quits
Even when you have two people that love each other and want a relationship to work, sometimes the best thing to do for both parties involved is to end the relationship altogether.
If you have waiting too long to see a marriage counselor, your problems could be too far ingrained into your relationship. No matter how hard you work at it, these problems aren't likely to go away. At a certain point, your therapist will take this into account and help you both to decide that being apart would result in a happier personal and love life in the future.
The way to look at life or the way you were raised could also be a factor in causing the two of you to be incompatible. When we are in relationships and fall in love, far too often we are inclined to ignore the things that are not compatible in favor of focusing only on the good parts. While this will work for a period, in a marriage this strategy doesn't work.
You will only be able to keep up the façade for so long. After years of sharing a roof with someone that doesn't look at life the same way you do, you will experience issue after issue. Your therapist will see this and encourage you to go out into the world and find someone that works for you better. Sometimes, this is your only hope in having a happy and healthy marriage.
Finding A Therapist
If you and your partner are ready to take the next step toward a more functional and low conflict marriage, a quick google search for "marriage counseling near me" or "marriage counselors near me" will yield you plenty of options for therapists that can help.
If you don't want to deal with the commute to a therapist's office or have trouble finding time when the both of you can sit down together, an online therapist could be a great option for you. The two of you will undoubtedly be more comfortable in your own home, allowing you to speak and feel freely during your sessions.
Making the decision to see a therapist can be one of the best ones you will ever make for yourself and your partner. No matter how broken things may seem to be, you owe it to your relationship to give healing a try. If you want to hold onto your vows but just aren't sure how, take the next step - you will thank yourself later!
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