A Guide To Starting Marriage Counseling

Medically reviewed by Nikki Ciletti, M.Ed, LPC
Updated April 29, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Marriage counseling, or marriage therapy, is a form of couples counseling designed to help married couples work through challenges in their relationship. In most cases, marriage counseling sessions can provide couples with ways to boost their relationship satisfaction, improve their communication skills, healthily manage conflicts, and develop the tools they need to navigate future relationship challenges. The effectiveness of couples therapy has been demonstrated and well-studied.

One study from 2011 found that couples therapy had a positive impact on 70% of couples who received it.

Those who have never attended therapy often want to know what the therapeutic process looks like before embarking on their counseling journey. For many couples, it's productive to start by addressing why they (and other couples) want to attend marriage counseling. Read on to learn more in this marriage counseling guide.

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Why do couples attend therapy? Reasons to seek couples therapy

There's a common misconception that couples only attend marriage counseling when they are experiencing a conflict, crisis, or other major challenges. However, marriage counseling may benefit any couple, even those who believe they have no challenges to address. Counseling can allow happy couples to further strengthen their bond, improve relationship satisfaction, and learn the skills for managing conflicts that may arise later. These conflict resolution and problem-solving skills can be crucial in navigating potential relationship problems in the future.
That said, marriage counseling can also be an invaluable resource for couples who are experiencing challenges. Common reasons for seeking couples counseling include:
  • An affair or infidelity
  • A significant life event, such as a move, a death in the family, a career change, or the birth of a child
  • Upcoming marriage (this type of couples counseling is often referred to as premarital counseling)
  • Communication issues or other conflicts between romantic partners
  • Sex issues, such as a “roommate marriage” or challenges with sexual intimacy

Depending on their reasons for seeking support, a couple may explore additional forms of assistance, such as individual therapy or support groups. Often, addressing personal issues with a trained professional through the therapy process can result in personal growth that can positively impact relationship issues as well.

What happens during marriage counseling? Emotionally-focused therapy and more
Marriage counseling is generally conducted by a counselor, couples therapist, or other mental health professional specializing in relationship counseling, family therapy, or a related field. During a marriage counseling session, both spouses typically meet with their relationship counselor at the same time to discuss their emotions and any challenges they may be facing in a neutral, safe, and non-judgmental space.  This can be an effective way to address serious issues, listen carefully to each other, learn about individual differences, and come up with practical solutions to marriage problems.

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A marriage therapy guide: Techniques your marriage counselor may use

Marriage therapy may draw from a variety of different treatment styles. These may include, but are not limited to:

  • Imago Relationship Therapy: Also known as IRT, imago relationship therapy focuses on helping couples build empathy and understanding while turning conflicts into opportunities to grow, heal, and evolve. Imago therapy can help partners develop a deeper emotional connection.
  • Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT): This form of therapy aims to help couples explore and understand their emotions and how they influence their actions.
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Cognitive behavioral therapy is a type of therapy with the goal of identifying negative beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors and reframing them in a way that is more positive or constructive. 
  • Solution-Focused Therapy: Solution-focused therapy focuses on the present and future, rather than the past, with the goal of finding solutions to current challenges and misunderstandings. This approach can help partners get on the same page and move toward a happy marriage.
  • The Gottman Method: The Gottman Method is a form of therapy that focuses on improving the interactions between spouses and helping them develop tools for managing conflict. This type of counseling can help equip partners with tools they can use in various relationships.

Depending on the needs of you and your spouse, a marriage counselor may employ one or more of these methods. During your first couples therapy session, your therapist will likely ask you questions about points of conflict, past or current challenges, and your common life circumstances; this is often done in order to get a sense of your needs. Understanding your needs allows them to develop a treatment plan after the first session that can address your goals while taking your unique situation into account. 

During marriage counseling, your therapist may also recommend supplementary strategies for helping you get the most out of your sessions. One of the most important marriage counseling tips may be complete your “homework” between sessions in order to make the counseling services as effective as possible. These homework assignments might include other mental health services, or other activities intended to be completed between sessions. Some examples of assignments a marriage counselor might give include:
  • Worksheets
  • Books to read
  • Individual or couples exercises
  • Journaling
  • Bonding activities
  • Although counseling structure may vary from couple to couple, your therapist’s goal is to help you and your spouse strengthen your relationship, deepen your attachment bond, and navigate challenges in a constructive, respectful, and loving way. 

Online marriage therapy: An alternative to traditional marriage counseling

For all the benefits marriage counseling can offer, it can come with a hefty price tag. Traditional marriage counseling and premarital counseling can cost upwards of $200 per session and is not typically covered by insurance, making it inaccessible for many couples. 

In recent years, couples have increasingly turned to online therapy as a cost-effective and reliable alternative to in-person therapy. With prices starting at $65-$100 per week and $260-$400 monthly (based on factors such as your location, referral source, preferences, therapist availability and any applicable discounts or promotions that might apply) to have sessions with a qualified therapist. Online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp or ReGain can end up costing couples a fraction of what traditional therapy might cost. Additionally, online therapy may be an attractive option for those who juggle busy schedules, as it allows couples to attend sessions from anywhere via voice call, video call, or instant messaging. This adds an element of convenience that may make it easier to attend therapy sessions consistently. 

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The efficacy of online couples therapy

Some couples may wonder whether online marriage counseling is an effective alternative to in-person counseling. Studies indicate that it is. According to a 2020 study, couples receiving video call counseling felt a stronger connection to their therapist. Meanwhile, a 2022 study found that couples therapy via videoconference led to similar results as in-person couples therapy. 

Takeaway

Marriage therapy is a form of couples therapy that spouses may attend for a variety of reasons. Couples may opt for marriage therapy because they need help navigating a conflict, they want guidance through a life change or challenge, or simply because they want to enhance their communication and strengthen their bond. Marriage counseling can involve various therapy types, from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to the Gottman Method. Your therapist can work with you and your spouse to find a treatment plan that’s right for you. While marriage counseling can be expensive, online counseling may be an effective alternative. If you want to explore online marriage therapy, you can start your journey through a platform like BetterHelp (for individuals) or ReGain (for couples).
Marriage can come with complex challenges
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The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
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