Why marriage counseling? A guide to therapy for couples

Despite its ability to improve many relationships, the stigma surrounding marriage counseling still affects some couples’ decisions to attend. Some individuals may believe marriage counseling should only function as a “last resort” before separation or divorce, but this is typically untrue. Marriage counseling can be helpful for any couple, even those who aren’t experiencing challenges related to relationship satisfaction. In addition, counseling can be customized to fit the particular needs of a specific relationship, with multiple therapy options available for couples to choose from. 

What is marriage counseling?

Marriage counseling, also known as couples therapy, is a form of psychotherapy that typically aims to help married couples resolve conflict, enhance their communication skills, and strengthen their relationship. Marriage counseling can provide a safe and supportive environment for couples to explore their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors while learning new ways to improve their relationship. 

Types of couples therapy

Different types of marriage counseling are available, each with its unique approach and techniques. Depending on your concerns or the areas you’d like to progress in, a marriage counselor may employ one or more of the following types of therapy to offer guidance and support. 

Cognitive-behavioral couples therapy (CBCT)

The goal of cognitive-behavioral couples therapy is to identify and change negative patterns of thinking and behavior that may be causing problems in a relationship. CBCT therapists work with couples to help them develop more positive communication styles, learn problem-solving skills, and develop strategies to manage conflict.

Behavioral couples therapy

Behavioral couples therapy is based on psychological theories of operant conditioning. This type of therapy aims to support couples in reducing negative behaviors such as criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling through techniques such as behavioral shaping, behavioral rehearsal, acceptance, and communication skills training.

Emotionally-focused therapy (EFT)

Emotionally-focused therapy centers on helping couples improve their emotional bond. Since relationship problems often stem from a breakdown in the emotional connection between partners, improving this connection in EFT may lead to more positive interactions and greater relationship satisfaction. 

Solution-focused brief therapy (SFBT)

Solution-focused brief therapy aims to teach couples how to find solutions to specific challenges within their marriage rather than analyzing past obstacles. In SFBT, the therapist helps the couple identify their strengths and resources and take practical steps to improve their relationship. This type of therapy is often more appropriate for couples facing a specific problem like financial disagreement rather than a fundamental concern—such as differing values or infidelity. 

Imago relationship therapy

Imago relationship therapy is a type of couples therapy that seeks to assist partners in understanding each other's needs and healing past wounds by exploring childhood experiences and patterns of relating. It uses a structured dialogue process and a variety of exercises to allow partners to improve their communication patterns and create a more conscious and loving relationship.

The Gottman method

Developed by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, the Gottman Method uses a structured approach, including assessments, interventions, and homework assignments, to help couples identify and address their unique challenges and develop practical skills for a long-lasting relationship.

Why marriage counseling? Signs you may need marriage counseling

If you and your partner face any of the following challenges, marriage counseling may be worth considering.

Problems with communication

Lack of communication, miscommunication, and negative communication patterns are a few common challenges that may lead a couple to seek counseling. If you and your partner have trouble interacting effectively or feel like you're not being heard or understood, it may be time to seek counseling.

Constant conflict

Experiencing conflict in a marriage is normal, but if you and your spouse regularly argue and can’t find a solution, you may benefit from marriage counseling. A marriage counselor can teach you strategies for avoiding conflict and managing disagreements in a healthy, productive way. 

Loss of intimacy

If your marriage lacks emotional or physical intimacy, marriage counseling can help you and your spouse address this and reconnect. A marriage counselor can teach you how to communicate your needs, preferences, and boundaries while offering mutually-agreeable solutions for improved intimacy and connection. 

Difficulty with trust

Lack of trust is a common reason many couples seek counseling. It may be difficult to trust your partner if you’ve experienced betrayal in a past relationship. Trust problems may also arise if one or both partners have broken trust in the relationship, such as through infidelity or dishonesty. A marriage therapist can help you process and work through these challenges and rebuild the trust in your relationship.

Life transitions

Life transitions can significantly strain a marriage. If you're going through a major life transition, such as a new job, a move, or the birth of a child, counseling can help you navigate these changes while still maintaining a strong relationship.

Different goals or values

Over time, some couples grow apart due to changing life goals or values. If you and your partner struggle to find common ground on this subject, counseling can help you explore these differences, find compromises, and move forward together. 

Contemplating separation or divorce

Whether due to a significant betrayal or an extended period of disconnect, some couples reach a point where separation or divorce seems like the right option. If you're considering ending your marriage or separating, counseling can provide a neutral space to discuss your concerns, explore your options, and make informed decisions about your future.

Family problems

A life partnership often involves navigating complex family relationships involving children and in-laws. Couples counseling can assist couples who are navigating these types of challenges within a marriage. At the same time, family therapy may be beneficial when a married couple wants to involve other family members in their counseling sessions. 

Benefits of marriage counseling

Every relationship is unique, and a couple’s goals and relationship dynamics may affect their experience with marriage counseling. Often, couples enter therapy for a specific reason and find that other aspects of their relationship improve as they find new ways to relate. Here are a few commonly-reported benefits of marriage counseling.

Enhanced communication skills

One of the primary goals of a marriage counselor is to teach couples how to communicate more effectively, express their needs and feelings, and listen to their partner with empathy and understanding. 

Conflict resolution

In counseling, couples can identify and resolve conflicts constructively and develop strategies for managing disagreements in a healthy way in the future.

Increased intimacy

Counseling can help couples rebuild intimacy, deepen their understanding and connection, and reignite their passion and love for one another.

Enhanced problem-solving skills

Conflict can be inevitable, and it can be important for couples to understand how to move past disagreements as a team. Counseling teaches couples problem-solving skills and communication strategies for addressing challenges and making decisions together.

Increased self-awareness

A marriage counselor can help couples better understand themselves and their partner and learn how to recognize and manage their emotions and behaviors.

Strengthened commitment

Counseling can be beneficial for couples seeking to renew their commitment and develop a shared vision for their future together.

Often, marriage therapy is what you make of it. If both you and your spouse are dedicated to improving your marriage, you typically have a higher chance of achieving the desired results. 

The role of a marriage counselor

A marriage counselor is typically a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT). This type of therapist is specifically trained to act as a neutral party and help couples identify and address relationship conflicts without “taking sides” or passing judgment. Marriage counselors are trained in various therapeutic techniques and interventions aimed at helping couples develop effective communication and problem-solving skills. 

A marriage counselor offers guidance and support as couples navigate challenging conversations and may intervene if they notice negative or unhelpful communication patterns. Often, a marriage counselor will give their clients “homework” and may provide resources and referrals for additional support as needed. Overall, the role of the marriage counselor is to provide a safe and supportive environment where couples can work toward building a stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationship together.

Marriage counseling techniques

Depending on a couple’s needs and goals for therapy, a counselor may use any number of techniques in a marriage counseling session. These techniques are often intended to improve the couple’s communication skills or help them develop healthier habits in their marriage. Here are a few common couples counseling techniques:

• Narrative therapy can help couples reframe relationship obstacles in a beneficial way by reshaping narratives surrounding their marriage and experiences.
• Reflective listening is a common communication technique that teaches couples active listening skills. 
• Identifying love languages can teach couples how to identify, understand, and meet one another’s needs.
• Building positive communication is central to many therapeutic approaches, as healthier communication patterns can reduce conflict and increase relationship satisfaction.
• Scheduling quality time is a common therapeutic technique that asks couples to prioritize quality time together with the goal of deepening connection and affection.
• Enhancing physical intimacy is another facet of marriage counseling that can help couples improve and expand upon nonverbal communication patterns such as romantic touch and sexual intimacy.

Finding a marriage counselor

If you’re experiencing marital strain and believe you and your partner could benefit from counseling, you may consider finding one locally or taking your search online. You can speak with a counselor through an online platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples. Online couples therapy offers a way to attend marriage counseling from the comfort of home, or anywhere with a strong internet connection. This may be beneficial for couples with busy schedules, careers that require frequent travel, or long-distance relationships. It may also be ideal for couples that struggle to secure childcare for in-person appointments. Regardless of the concerns you might be facing in your marriage, a therapist can help you and your partner address them and come up with some productive next steps. 

The efficacy of online marriage counseling

Research into the outcomes of couples counseling has shown that various types of couples treatment have proven to be effective, specifically in their ability to reduce relationship stress. Furthermore, studies on the efficacy of online therapy consistently show it to be as effective as face-to-face modalities, and research that specifically explored the effectiveness of online couples therapy found the same.