Friendships After Divorce: Navigating A Post-Divorce Social Life

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the divorce rate in the US was 2.4 per 1,000 marriages in 2022, or about 670,000 divorces that year. So while divorce is not an uncommon experience, it can feel intensely isolating for some—particularly when it impacts one’s friendships and social support network.

Navigating friendships post-divorce can be difficult. Here, we’ll examine how divorce might affect friendships, share tips for how you can cope with changes to your social circle, and provide options for receiving support during this transitional period. 

Why friendships often change after divorce

It’s common for divorce to impact friend groups. Old friends sometimes feel torn between the two members of the couple and are unsure of their loyalties. They may also feel pressure to support one or the other—often without the full context of why the split is happening.

Shifts in social circles when a marriage ends

During marriage, it’s common for a couple’s social life to become blended, with most friends of either partner becoming “couple” friends in many cases. As a result, many people end up establishing larger groups that hang out together, sharing special events, holidays, and traditions with other couples like a family. When divorce happens, it can splinter these big groups and upend the friendship dynamic. For some people, there can also be a period of mourning as they come to terms with the loss of a version of their friend group that may no longer exist.

Professional or school ties can also be a factor when it comes to social circles post-divorce. If one party in the divorcing couple works with or went to school with the majority of a friend group, for example, these friends may shift allegiance to them, and the circumstances of the split may not matter. This can feel unfair to the other partner and may also leave them without sufficient social support from the same people they’ve built relationships with over the years during this emotionally challenging time.

The emotional impact of divorce on social life

Despite your best efforts, you may lose friends after your divorce. For example, a couple of friends that you saw every few weeks may drift toward your ex or out of both of your lives. A person may also have trouble rekindling friendships post-divorce that were weakened during their marriage, like if they moved away from their spouse or if they were married to an abuser who isolated them from their old connections. 

Losing friends can cause heartache, but it can be possible to move through this experience and build new connections in the future. Finding healthy ways to mourn these relationships and process your emotions around this loss can be a positive step forward. 

Shifting your mindset in life after divorce

For example, a recently divorced person might have the thought: “I’ve lost everything I knew, and now I’m stuck in a new job in a city where I don’t know anybody.” A more positive shift could involve: “This is a great opportunity for me to find new friends who don’t know my ex-husband and start fresh with my own identity.”

Divorce, grief, and mental health

Taking steps to protect and nurture your mental health can be essential during this time of change and social upheaval—especially since divorced individuals may be at increased risk of developing a mental illness. Research shows that people who are divorced are more likely to experience stress, anxiety, depression, and social isolation. However, there are strategies that you can use to help support mental health.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helplineat 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Taking care of yourself

Allowing yourself time to mourn and feel your feelings without judgment can be part of a nurturing self-care practice. Other positive ways to take care of yourself during this period can include:

• Stick to a sleep schedule and make quality sleep a priority
• Practice gratitude and self-compassion regularly
• Engage in meditation or breathing exercises to manage stress
• Lean into your interests and hobbies, or branch out into new ones
• Spend time in nature
• Consider joining a divorce support group
• Get regular exercise
• Seek professional support if you’re struggling with maladaptive coping mechanisms like smoking or drinking alcohol, or are experiencing other mental health challenges

Friendships involving an ex-spouse

Navigating a relationship with an ex-spouse can be challenging. Whether you can maintain a cordial relationship or keep emotional distance is a very personal decision and can vary from one situation to the next. If you’re trying to decide if you should maintain a relationship with your ex-wife or husband can depend on many factors, including: 

• Your shared history
• Your emotional readiness
• The reason the relationship ended
• Your ability to set and maintain boundaries
• Whether you or your former partner still has romantic feelings

Staying connected or creating distance

For many ex-spouses, figuring out the nature of the post-divorce relationship can take a lot of self-reflection. Many ex-spouses may find that they need to cut off communication completely, at least initially, to focus on their own emotional recovery. Others may find that maintaining a cordial relationship with an ex-spouse can help support healing and ease tension, particularly when the former couple shares a social circle. 

Regardless of what you and your former partner choose, having clear boundaries can be essential. Working with your former spouse to establish boundaries about communication styles, limiting contact to necessary defined topics, and resisting old relationship patterns can help avoid confusion and confrontation. 

Co-parenting and shared social spaces

When children are involved, it may be impossible to maintain complete distance between you and your ex-spouse. Shared custody arrangements can necessitate ongoing communication and a willingness to be cordial, putting the children’s well-being above other issues you and your ex may have. 

This can mean different things to different families. For example, some parents may be able to attend school events together or celebrate some holidays as a group; others may need to limit contact to text messages or phone calls to arrange pick-ups and drop-offs. Co-parenting plans can be most helpful when they spell out communication expectations, decision-making responsibilities, and boundaries to avoid friction between mom and dad.

Making new friends after divorce

If there are disruptions in your friend circles post-divorce, it can be healing to also explore new friendships that are unrelated to your ex-partner. This may allow you to have a space where you are known only for yourself and not as part of a couple.

Exploring new interests and environments

Once you’ve had some time to grieve, you might strive to look at the divorce as an opportunity to focus on some of your own interests, which could help you expand your social circle, too. For example, you might consider the following: 

• Joining clubs
• Finding a community sports team, 
• Signing up for a choir 
• Making new connections with co-workers who share similar values
• Connecting with other parents who have gone through divorce
• Pursuing new interests

By diving into your own interests, you may be able to connect with like-minded people who may play a role in your new social life.

Rebuilding deeper connections

Divorce can be painful, but for some people, it can be a catalyst for making changes and building relationships with deeper connections than before. Marriage can provide a certain social identity; when it’s over, it can be an opportunity to start over and rebuild, starting from scratch and potentially discovering more meaningful connections along the way. This can mean meeting new people, but it can also mean forging deeper connections with people who are already in your support system.

Dating and friendships after divorce

When people feel ready to start dating again after a divorce can vary significantly. Some people may need more time to heal, while others may be more interested in enjoying the single life than finding another serious relationship. Generally, rushing into a new relationship can be used as a way to avoid dealing with the grief and emotional pain of divorce, so spending time for self-reflection and healing before dating may be beneficial.

Dating after divorce can change other relationships, too. Friendships that were built around couples-based activities with your ex may fade, while new connections formed as you navigate the single life may grow stronger. When seeking these connections, it can be helpful to keep in mind that you’re building something new, not replacing what you had. This can give you the freedom to create new relationships on your own terms.

Family dynamics and friendships

Divorce can have a sizable impact on family dynamics and relationships with extended families. Some people who are going through a divorce may find that their own families grow closer. Family members may rally to offer support during the divorce and continue to be more present after.

On the other hand, relationships with in-laws can be strained, particularly if there are children involved. They may want to continue to have a relationship with the children, and the children may want to continue to have a relationship with them. As family law generally doesn’t include in-laws in custody arrangements, typically prioritizing the needs of the biological parents instead, co-parents may need to factor in time with the in-laws when making arrangements for the kids.

Therapy for managing feelings of loss during the divorce process

For those who find it difficult to adjust to changing social circles post-divorce, therapy can be a helpful way to move forward. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, is an evidence-based approach that’s used to help a person learn to identify unhelpful thoughts and behaviors and shift them in a healthier direction. 

With this type of strategy, a therapist may be able to help you reframe some of the effects of your divorce, build self-esteem, and develop stronger communication skills, which can be helpful as you strengthen old friendships or build new ones. If you’re experiencing signs of a mental health condition, a therapist can also evaluate and address these.

Online therapy as a support method for divorced individuals

People who are adjusting to life after the divorce process often feel overwhelmed, which may make it feel impossible to book and attend even one more in-person appointment. In such cases, online therapy might be a more convenient and approachable option for receiving this type of support. 

With an online platform like BetterHelp, you can fill out a brief online questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist accordingly. You can then meet with your therapist on your own schedule from the comfort of your own home or office via phone, video, or in-app messaging. Studies suggest that online therapy can often be just as effective as in-person sessions.