How To Recapture His Attention When It Feels Like Your Husband Ignores You

It can make you feel lonely and taken for granted if your husband ignores you. When you’re not getting enough attention from your spouse or begin to feel more like his roommate than his partner, it could be a sign that your relationship may have communication issues. Read on to learn how to rebuild the connection and recapture his attention when your husband ignores you and why individual or couples therapy can be helpful in learning practical communication skills.

Why is communication so important in a marriage?

According to a 2021 study, healthy, honest communication is at the heart of successful relationships. Communication affects how each person reacts during conflict and how the couple works together to overcome internal and external stressors. 

Couples who don’t communicate openly often experience ongoing and unresolved issues, leading to further conflict and making it harder to manage stressors like intimacy, work, finances, children, and family. 

“Quality communication in marriage is defined as the interpersonal, transactional, symbolic process by which marriage partners achieve and maintain an understanding of each other.” — The Form and Function of Quality Communication in Marriage

Ensure there aren’t physical issues interfering

Before you worry too much about a lack of communication, consider if there is a possibility your husband has a hearing problem if ignoring you is out of character. As we age, sometimes our bodies get a little ahead of the rest of us. Tactfully ask your husband if he hears well if it’s recently been a struggle to get your guy to even notice you’re speaking.

Hearing loss frequently occurs as people age, after spending time in a noisy environment, or due to multiple ear infections. Age-related hearing loss, presbycusis, often has a gradual onset, so those experiencing it may not realize they have trouble hearing everything around them. Before you assume your husband doesn’t want to listen to what you have to say, make sure he can actually hear it. 

Why do husbands sometimes ignore their spouses?

If your husband ignores you, it may leave you wondering what you’ve done to deserve such treatment and feeling helpless or lonely. While there is a possibility that your husband is making an intentional withdrawal, perhaps his lack of attention is due to one of the following reasons:

• He is stressed or facing pressure over something at work. 

• You are having financial difficulties he is worried about. 

• Small disagreements have accumulated, leaving him feeling angry and resentful.

• Boredom in the relationship

• Barriers to effective communication where he misinterprets what you said. 

• Lack of emotional intelligence and literacy, so he struggles to understand the best way to communicate emotions. 

• Ignorance of the effects of emotional distance

• Guilt for indiscretions

Reestablish lines of communication

When the lines of communication break down in your marriage, it can feel as if you are alone and doing everything yourself. Over time, this behavior can lead to feelings of resentment and increase the distance between you and your husband. Maybe the two of you got too comfortable in your routine and let the intimacy part of your relationship get lost in the whirlwind of daily life, work, or raising a family. 

My husband ignores me, what shall I do? Rather than highlighting the behavior you don’t want to see from your husband and focusing on the negative aspects, try telling him what you do want and how he can meet your needs. Perhaps he doesn’t know how to love you the way you need to be loved and could use some tips. Many mental health professionals recommend using “I” statements to express your feelings. For example, you may say, “I feel like you don’t spend enough time at home, and I want you here for dinner at least two nights a week.”

Express your concerns and have an honest conversation

If you’re trying to regain your guy’s attention, try asking and answering each other with open-ended questions or statements as you talk. Questions that inspire in-depth answers beyond a simple “yes” or “no” can lead to honest conversations and increase the quality of communication in your marriage. Frame your inquiries as “how,” “why,” or “what” statements, which offer the opportunity for descriptive answers rather than one-word responses. Talk about what you both need from the relationship and how you can work together toward those goals. People change over time; you may have shifted your priorities without realizing it. Express your gratitude and appreciation for the role he plays in your marriage, and thank him for putting in the effort to reconnect. 

Signs your relationship has bad communication

• You feel like your husband isn’t paying attention when you speak.

• When you express your emotions, your husband invalidates your feelings. 

• Your husband frequently interrupts you or talks over you. 

• He often offers unsolicited advice, even if you say you don’t want it. 

• Your husband is constantly distracted, and it seems like everything else is more important to him. 

• He often used aggressive language and tone when speaking to you. 

• Your husband uses stonewalling or becomes unresponsive during conflicts. 

• He is defensive when you bring up the lack of communication. 

• You don’t receive empathy or understanding from your husband. 

• He has poor emotional intelligence and doesn’t understand or recognize his emotions. 

• Your husband doesn’t manage his tone or inflection when speaking to you, often coming across as rude, resentful, or condescending. 

Prioritize spending time together romantically

Part of being a couple is acting like a couple. According to a recent study, men tend to define intimacy as sex, while women generally consider it as the feelings and emotional connections related to and frequently leading to sexual activity. If you feel like your husband has been ignoring your needs, let him know you’re interested in intimate romantic time together where you are the focus of his undivided attention. It sometimes requires a direct request for quality time to gain a man’s attention.

Remember that communication goes both ways

It can be essential to remember that effective communication flows in both directions, and it is crucial for the two of you to make yourselves emotionally available. Your husband can’t read your mind, so ensure you’re telling him what you want him to know. Many men like to hear they’re appreciated. If he’s working long hours to provide for your family, thank him for it and emphasize how much you value both his effort and the time you get to spend together. 

Recognizing healthy emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy can look different for each couple, but with effective communication and support for each other, you should both:

• Consistently show empathy and emotional support for one another. 

• Pay attention to what’s going on in each other’s life outside of the relationship.

• Feel loved, understood, and valued in the relationship. 

• Have meaningful conversations about your feelings, plans for the future, hopes, fears, and goals. 

• Demonstrate the willingness to try new experiences the other is interested in

• Make time to talk about your day-to-day experiences while listening and validating your partner’s feelings. 

• Prioritize time spent together and genuinely enjoy being around each other.

Look for external stressors that could be affecting him

Perhaps the lack of communication in your marriage is a recent development, and your husband doesn’t usually ignore your needs. If that’s the case, look for external stressors that may be putting pressure on him and affecting his behavior. If he doesn’t have a well-developed sense of emotional literacy, it may be difficult for him to express his emotions or anxiety.

Revive the passion between you

When the newness of your relationship fades and the dating game has passed, many couples experience a shift to a less intense stage of intimacy. You may feel like you’re not the confident woman he met when the relationship began. Sometimes body language isn’t enough to attract a guy’s attention, it may require conversation about what’s going on between the two of you. Your physical connection may break down if you don’t talk about your sex life. External pressure and underlying medical issues can also have a negative impact on your relationship. 

How therapy can help you connect with your husband

Working with a licensed therapist can help you find healthy ways to cope with the resulting feelings while you build your communication skills and repair the relationship. You can speak with a licensed therapist online from the convenience of your own home through virtual therapy platforms like BetterHelp. With flexible appointment formats available, it’s simple to fit therapy into your busy schedule at home or on the go. 

According to the American Psychological Association, online therapy provides numerous benefits and can be as effective as treatment in the traditional clinical setting. Couples therapy can help you reestablish intimacy and communication in your marriage, so you are both able to express your needs and emotions adequately. If you prefer individual therapy, studies show that online therapy is as effective as in-person treatments and often costs significantly less. 

Takeaway 

It can hurt when your husband ignores you, but you have ways to recapture his attention and rebuild your intimate connection. The information provided in this article may offer some insight into why communication is so vital to a successful relationship and give you some tips to reinvigorate the bond with your husband so you both have healthy ways to express your love.