Tips For Navigating Monogamy In The Social Media Age

A 2021 report by the Pew Research Center indicates that 84% of US adults aged 18–29 and 81% of those aged 30–49 use social media to connect with others, share information, stay informed on current events, and engage with entertainment. With the use of these platforms so widespread, it’s not surprising that many people report social media influencing their relationships in some way—particularly those who have a monogamous dynamic with their romantic partner. Below, we’ll examine how online interactions can potentially impact these types of relationships as well as tips for cultivating a healthy monogamous relationship in the digital age.  

The potentially positive influence of social media on monogamous relationships

The effects of social media on romantic relationships can be mixed. One example of a potentially positive effect is that social media platforms can provide a vehicle for creating a digital presence as a couple, signaling to others that you're in a cohesive, bonded relationship. It can give you a place to publicly express your love and affection, potentially helping cultivate feelings of security and fostering trust. These platforms also make it easy to share photos and updates about your partner and your relationship, possibly bolstering outside support and encouragement for your connection from friends and family.

Another example is that people in long-distance relationships may find that social media helps them stay more connected to their partner’s day-to-day life. Plus, it’s worth noting that the most common way for US couples to first meet is online, and some major social media platforms like Meta (Facebook) even offer specific dating interfaces. In these ways, social media can fulfill its stated purpose: to connect people in a positive way, including in the context of romantic or sexual relationships.

The potentially harmful influence of social media on monogamous relationships

Although some people find social media to be beneficial to their romantic relationships in certain ways, these platforms also have the potential to be harmful to interpersonal connections. This can be particularly true if users aren’t taking care to be mindful of their usage and how it impacts them and their connections. Here are a few ways that social media may potentially harm relationships, both monogamous and non-monogamous.

Temptation

Social media can represent a source of temptation, particularly for those in monogamous relationships. It provides the opportunity to reconnect with old flames, encounter new acquaintances, or be exposed to attractive individuals. The constant presence of new potential romantic or sexual connections can encourage temptation or trigger feelings of insecurity and jealousy. Social media platforms also facilitate direct digital interactions and messaging, making it easier for individuals to engage in flirtatious conversations that may undermine monogamous commitments.

Fear of missing out (FOMO)

Social media platforms provide a window into the lives of others, allowing users to see the variety of experiences and connections available. This can help create a feeling that’s known as FOMO, or “the fear of missing out.” Research from 2023 confirms that active social media use may indeed contribute to feelings of FOMO. 

In other words, a person might come to feel dissatisfied with their own life or relationship after scrolling on social media because it may appear that they’re missing out on better relationships or more exciting opportunities. FOMO can lead to dissatisfaction within monogamous relationships in particular and may increase the temptation to explore alternatives.

Exposure to idealized relationships

Some couples portray an idealized version of their relationship(s) on social media. It’s become common for people to share their happiest moments and showcase their "best selves" there, offering a curated image of their lives. Today, there are even influencers whose content relates primarily to their romantic relationship—in other words, they’re paid to present a polished version of their dynamic. This constant exposure to seemingly perfect relationships can lead to unrealistic expectations, causing individuals to unfairly compare their own relationships to these idealized standards and end up unhappy as a result.

Comparison and insecurity

Social media fosters a culture of comparison, which can lead to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. People may perceive that their own relationships or partners do not "measure up" to what they see online, even though these are often idealized versions in the first place. In turn, this can lead to dissatisfaction and a questioning of their relationship commitment.

Online infidelity

Many factors can influence the likelihood of infidelity occurring in relationships; social media participation isn't necessarily a predictor. For example, one small study reports that out of 338 married or cohabiting individuals surveyed, only 5–12% claimed to have engaged in infidelity-related behaviors online. That said, the study also indicates that those in less satisfying relationships or who experience attachment anxiety tend to engage in higher levels of online infidelity.

Note that social media is seldom the "cause" of infidelity in an otherwise healthy relationship; cheating online typically happens for the same reasons as cheating offline does. Still, social media can blur the boundaries of what constitutes emotional or flirtatious interactions. Engaging in conversations, exchanging "likes" or comments, or directly messaging others can sometimes be considered crossing the line and may create conflict. In addition, some find that the ease of connecting with others through these mediums can provide an avenue for emotional affairs or even physical infidelity. 

Tips for maintaining a monogamous relationship in the social media age

Cultivating a stable, monogamous relationship requires effort, and either or both partners having a social media presence could create additional challenges. Here are a few tips for building a stronger relationship in the age of social media, both online and off.

Talk about social media boundaries

Reaching alignment early in a romantic relationship about what your expectations are around social media may help avoid miscommunications and upset in the future. Examples of “digital boundaries” to set and discuss could include things like whether you’re both comfortable uploading and tagging photos of yourselves together, whether either of you expects the other to change their online relationship status and when, and how you’ll handle any flirtatious direct messages that may come in. 

Be mindful of your social media usage

Being mindful of how much you use social media and how it may affect your mindset and your relationship can be helpful too. For instance, if you spend more time than usual scrolling on Instagram one afternoon and then find yourself being more impatient than usual with your partner, it could be worth stepping back to see whether there might be a connection. Regularly practicing mindfulness exercises could help you develop this level of awareness and may even support you in managing difficult emotions that could arise as a result of social media use.

Unfollow as needed

If you notice that certain accounts are making you feel down about your relationship or causing conflict between you and your partner, it may be helpful to do a social media “purge” to unfollow those that aren’t serving you. For example, if relationship influencers are triggering feelings of jealousy, it may be worth muting or unfollowing them. Or, if it upsets you to see a friend constantly posting their wedding photos, you might mute them for a few weeks.

Spend quality time together offline

Although some romantic relationships mostly or completely take place online, the majority of couples spend regular time together in person. Making an effort to prioritize this kind of quality time can help remind you of what you enjoy about your partner and your relationship without comparing it to millions of others out there. Doing what you love together without posting about it or without using your phones at all could help you and your partner feel reconnected and renew your appreciation for your dynamic.

Seeking therapy for support with relationship challenges

Relationships of all types come with their share of challenges, and building strong connections with others in the age of social media can present additional situations to navigate as a couple. If you’re looking for support related to social media use, relationships, or other elements of well-being and emotional health, therapy may be worth pursuing. Individual therapy can offer you a safe space to explore your emotions and build relationship skills, while couples therapy can facilitate meaningful, constructive conversations with your partner.

Regularly commuting to in-person therapy isn’t a possibility for everyone, whether it’s due to a busy schedule, a lack of reliable transportation, or limited availability of nearby providers. Online therapy can often represent a more convenient alternative in situations like these. With a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from the comfort of home or anywhere you have an internet connection. Research suggests that online therapy can be considered a “viable alternative” to in-person sessions in terms of effectiveness. 

Takeaway

Social media has become an element of everyday life for many people, so it’s unsurprising that it can have a significant impact on a person’s relationships. For those in monogamous dynamics in particular, social media can act as a source of temptation, unfair comparisons, and insecurity. Being mindful of your social media use and discussing digital boundaries with your partner may help, as may meeting with a therapist.