What Is Serial Monogamy

What is a serial monogamist?

Perpetual monogamy, sometimes called "serial monogamy," refers to someone who is always in a relationship or frequently seeking a relationship. Often, the switches between relationships happen quickly and impulsively. 

While some people give themselves time to heal after a serious relationship breakup, a serial monogamist may instead prefer to meet a new partner and enter a new committed relationship immediately. Because they may go from having one strong romantic interest to another, they may not take time to process their breakup.  

How do you know if the person you're dating is a perpetual dater?

Below are some signs that the person you're dating may be a serial monogamist:

• Their relationships progress quickly. 
• There’s no gap between relationships. 
• They focus primarily on romantic bonds. 

Their relationships progress quickly 

If someone quickly says, "I love you," and takes other steps in a relationship that may seem disproportionately intense for the time you've been together, they may be a perpetual dater. However, moving quickly can also be a warning sign for several mental health conditions or an insecure attachment style.  

There's do gap between partners 

People who are serial monogamists may seem to be partnered at every moment or have a romantic interest if they aren't. In some cases, it may seem like they don't get to know new partners before progressing to more serious stages of the relationship. For example, they might post about wanting to get engaged a few months into a new relationship after having been engaged multiple times in the past. 

They focus primarily on romantic bonds 

Someone who is a serial dater may be fixated on love, often transpiring to the extent that it disrupts maintaining connections with loved ones. They may neglect friends and family members to date or spend time with their new partner. Codependency may also occur within their romantic relationships.

Is serial dating intentional? 

Although there can be downsides to serial monogamy, a person may not partake in this behavior deliberately or out of malice.

Often, an individual's attachment style, difficulty with self-esteem, or fear of abandonment can play a role in why they may seek out rapidly paced, back-to-back partnerships. These patterns may connect to a:

• Mental health condition
• Traumatic event
• Family pattern

Whether these behaviors connect with you or someone else you know, try not to feel shame about it, as these patterns can change with behavioral work. If you date people back to back out of fear of being alone or unloved, discussing these fears with a professional may help you break your pattern.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Why is serial dating unhealthy? 

People have different wants, needs, and expectations from relationships. Whether you seek multiple short-term, long-term, casual, or serious serial relationships, your patterns don't necessarily mean something is wrong with you. 

However, looking at the potential risks of dating partners back-to-back may be helpful, including the following:

• Relationships may not be genuine. 
• You may not get to know someone enough. 
• You might not have time to get to know yourself. 

Relationships may not be genuine 

If you are focused on finding a new partner and getting to experience the sensations that a romantic interest gives you rather than authentically seeking a partner, you may end up with people who aren't compatible with you. Because of the intensity of the beginning stages of love, you might not realize that you aren't compatible until you're in a serious relationship with them.

You might crave a strong, genuine connection. However, check in with yourself and ensure you aren't searching for the feelings that a new relationship gives you more than you seek someone you bond with. If you're chasing or romanticizing the idea and sensation of being with someone new or feeling loved more than the person themself, you may be looking for or are in a relationship for the wrong reasons.

You may not get to know someone enough 

Whether you seek a relationship or the feelings that entering a new relationship brings, perpetual or serial monogamy can mean rushing into a partnership before you get to know the other person. Ask yourself whether a significant quantity of your relationships have been intense from the start. 

You may have entered multiple relationships to find out that the other person wasn't who you created in your mind. If you relate, it may be a sign to take the relationship slowly next time. It can be healthy to date multiple people before finding someone you're compatible with. 

You might not have time to get to know yourself 

Specific patterns may take time away from friends and family. However, they can also take time away from yourself. When you enter relationships out of the fear of being single, losing yourself in the process is possible.