How Being A Better Mother Includes Self-Care
As a mother, you may find that finding the balance between caring for your child or children and accomplishing other necessary daily tasks is quite difficult. Taking care of yourself may fall far down the priority list. However, self-care is important, especially when it feels like stressors are coming at you from every direction. Read on to learn how making time for yourself is a crucial aspect of healthy parenting, along with the benefits stress management can bring to your life, and some essential self-care tips.
What Is Self-Care And How Can It Make You A Better Mom?
While food, water, and shelter are the basic components of sustaining life, other efforts are needed to feel balanced on this Earth. For example, you can eat well and exercise for physical health, find an intellectual challenge for mental stimulation, attend worship for a spiritual boost, or speak to a therapist to discuss your emotions. According to the American Psychological Association, self-care is the regular activities you use to attend to your needs and safeguard your well-being. When you practice self-care, you may find that it recharges your emotional “batteries” and helps you present the best version of yourself to others.
“It is an essential component of stress relief and wellness. Making time for yourself may feel indulgent or selfish, but that is far from the truth. Even small acts of self-care or self-kindness can go a long way in decreasing the feelings of exhaustion, burnout, stress, and even depression that busy mothers often feel,” quotes Kristen Bowe, writer for the Mayo Clinic.
Benefits Of Self-Care
Self-care, in addition to improving your quality of life, can have a positive effect on those around you, including your children. By calming the nervous and immune systems, you may find you are more receptive to listening to the needs of others. Self-care allows you to honor the needs of your mind and body. For these reasons, self-care is an important part of a person’s daily routine. Below are just a few of the benefits of self-care:
- Improve physical health and reduce the risk of issues like heart disease
- Help you build and maintain better relationships with friends and loved ones
- Boost your self-esteem and self-worth
- Safeguard your mental health and build coping skills
- Reduce stress, anxiety, and depression symptoms
What Makes Someone A “Good” Mom?
First and foremost, the concern over whether you are a good parent is a positive indication that you are an active and supportive influence in your child’s life. Since you recognize a need or opportunity for growth, consider what makes someone a good mother. The answer is usually subjective, depending on your definition of a “good” mom. However, there are some general qualities many consider indicative of a positive caregiver and role model, such as patience, affection, respect, strength, support, empathy, humility, and authoritativeness. Self-care can help you find the balance you need to be all those things and more for your child.
Prioritizing Self-Care
Many people need help prioritizing their own self-care. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), there are several reasons why a person may feel their needs do not matter or are not as important as others’ needs. Mothers, in particular, may focus on caring for everyone else that they forget to care for themselves. If you find it difficult to consider caring for yourself before your children, remember that that to provide the best care to your children, you must first care for yourself.
How To Build Healthier Patterns
There are countless self-care methods, and if you are starting your journey to better overall well-being, it may help to separate your long- and short-term goals. Short-term goals may include getting a healthy night’s sleep, relaxing in a bubble bath, or cooking a healthy meal. Long-term goals may include speaking to a doctor about sleep troubles, developing coping skills to manage stress, or establishing healthy eating habits for yourself and your family.
Common Self-Care Goals
- Set time aside for socializing with close friends.
- Establish a daily self-care routine (i.e., relaxing tea-time or yoga hour.)
- Designate a space devoted to comfort, relaxation, or joy in your home.
- Take up a new hobby, art, or physical activity.
- Stimulate your brain with a good book, crossword puzzle, or journal-writing.
How Making Yourself A Priority Makes You A Better Mom
When you feel guilty for locking the door and leaving your partner with the kids for an hour to take a relaxing bath or have some quiet time to decompress, remember that taking that time for yourself makes you a better you. If it helps to change your perspective about prioritizing your self-care as a mother, consider explaining to your kids why mommy needs some time alone. Normalize the practice as a part of their lives and teach them it is important to take care of themselves. This practice will likely make it easier for them to continue the habit as they grow and may help them express their needs.
Tips For Self-Care
- Use sensory input (the five senses) and the related sensations to help manage stress.
- Take time to do things you enjoy for yourself.
- Complete a project you have wanted to finish.
- Meditate, pray, or spend time in nature.
- Develop your emotional intelligence so you can recognize your feelings.
- Get regular physical activity.
- Stay connected with your social network.
- Prioritize sleep, nutrition, and relaxation on a daily basis.
Common Self-Care Strategies
Finding positive ways to manage your stress can help you find the balance necessary to be a stable, attentive mother. When you strengthen your body and mind, you may find you have more energy for your family (and more patience.) The following strategies can help you begin your journey in preserving your health and general wellbeing:
Time Management And Prioritizing Your Time
Start by accepting that you are only one person and that there are limits to what you can accomplish within a given time. Plan your schedule and prioritize time for the critical tasks first. Set a reasonable standard for yourself with attainable goals.
Cultivate Positive Coping Skills For Multiple Situations
Find what works to help you relieve stress and the challenges of the day, whether you take a walk to enjoy nature, read a book, or spend some time decompressing alone. Building and maintaining a repertoire of positive coping strategies may benefit you in many areas of your life.
Modeling Healthy, Positive Behavior For Your Child
One of the beneficial aspects of self-care as a mother is that it allows you to model healthy, positive behaviors for your child. They will see you place importance on self-care and grow up believing it is a natural part of life, potentially helping them to build resilience strategies for their future.
Develop A Self-Care Plan
As with many things, starting with a plan is an effective way to build self-care into your daily routine. Identify the stressors in your life and rank them by severity, noting anything you have previously done to deal with that conflict in the past. Choose a few short- and long-term goals, then start planning for ways to implement them. If you are stuck on where to go after identifying your stressors, consider speaking with a therapist to develop an in-depth self-care plan.
Becoming The Mother You Want To Be
If you are working to become the mother you want to be, here are some simple places to start:
- Stop comparisons.
- Identify the cause of issues making you unhappy.
- Find and implement solutions.
- Ask for help.
- Take care of yourself.
- Maintain social connections.
- Remember that your kids are not keeping score.
- Check in with your kids frequently.
- Celebrate your successes.
- Remember your strengths.
Try Parenting Classes
If self-care alone is not making enough of a difference, consider enrolling in a local or online parenting class to pick up some additional skills and advice. You are likely to find a group of parents experiencing the same issues you are facing and can lean on them for support and advice.
Reach Out For Help
When things get complicated, and you notice that you are not taking proper care of yourself, reach out to your support network and ask for help. Reaching for help can be challenging but can result in the assistance you need. Therapy is also a valuable addition to your resources, as working with a licensed therapist can help you change your perspective on self-care and how crucial it can be.
How Therapy Can Help Support Self-Care
Making self-care part of your regular routine can be challenging, especially when you are busy with the chaotic day-to-day tasks of motherhood. Working with a therapist can provide the support and guidance to shift unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors. Therapy can help you develop an array of practical coping skills, build healthy habits, and find ways to work self-care into your daily routine—all of which help you become a better mother. Work with a licensed therapist without leaving home using an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. Many patients enjoy the flexible appointment formats, reduced costs and waiting time, and increased convenience.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been a valuable tool to help people identify and correct unhelpful behaviors and make positive life changes with the assistance and counseling of a licensed therapist. Recent studies show that online CBT treatments are a viable, effective alternative to traditional in-person therapy.
Takeaway
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What is a “better mother?”
If you are wondering in what ways you can improve as a mother, the chances are that you are dedicated to your role as a parent. Asking yourself, “How can I be a better mother?” or “What would make me a better mother?” shows that you care.
If you are wondering how you can improve as a mother, here are some things you can do:
Use Positive Self-Talk
This sets an example and teaches children the importance of kindness and compassion toward themselves. Even when you think they are not watching, they are. A common example of this is body image – focus on saying positive things about yourself that tjeu themselves would want to emulate.
Teach Autonomy
Provide age-appropriate choices in things like clothing, food, and activities. Ask your children questions and show interest in their lives.
Set A Positive Example
Show others kindness, stand up for other people when needed, and do not be afraid of admitting when you are wrong. Practice humility and humanity and set an example in your own actions of how to be good to others.
Be Available
Be there for the emotional needs of your child as well as their physical needs.
Teach Gratitude
This could be by saying “thank you,” writing thank you notes, or making a gratitude list. It’s proven that gratitude is beneficial to your overall mental and physical health, and it’s another way of showing kids to be kind to others.
Quality Time
Spend quality time with kids, and take time for yourself as well. While finding time for self-care can be tough, finding a solution and taking care of yourself emotionally matters.
Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
Look at the bigger picture and practice flexibility.
Be Consistent
Follow through with what you say you are going to do, and if you can’t, provide an explanation and be upfront. This teaches stability and trust.
Be Imperfect
Again, perfection is a high stake, and striving for absolute perfection can have adverse consequences. Do not beat yourself up; parenting is a tough job, and for the most part, it’s all about doing the best you can with what you have in the present moment.
What are the qualities of good mothers?
Those wondering “How can I be a great mother?” or “How can I be a good mother?” must remember that no one is perfect. Here are some potential qualities of a good mother, many of which you likely have:
You embrace your children for who they are, meeting them with love and acceptance. In other words, you give them unconditional love and support them.
You say “I’m sorry” when it is needed. This sets a positive example for kids and can be helpful for them to hear. It could be that you lost your patience, as we all do, or it could be something else. Saying “I’m sorry” and redirecting your behavior shows kids that they can also apologize as well and that admitting that you are wrong is okay.
You teach kids about boundaries. Typically, this means having your own boundaries as well as teaching kids that they can have their own boundaries where appropriate.
You teach children to be kind and courteous, acting as an example along the way. Additionally, should they bully or show a lack of kindness, you work to help them stop and understand why it’s not okay.
You meet both their emotional and physical needs to the best of your ability.
Other positive qualities may include patience, dependability, and so on. Do not compare yourself to other parents and families if you find yourself fixated on being an improved mother; every parent, every child, and every familial dynamic differs, so what makes a “better mother” will vary.
How do I act calmer?
Sometimes, those wondering “how can I be a better mother?” or “how can I be a better parent?” actually have a specific goal in mind when they search for those phrases. One common goal among those wondering, “how can I be calmer?” or “how can I act peacefully?” is to be more calm in times of frustration. Here are some things you can do if that’s the case:
Replace frustration with curiosity. If you are frustrated with a child’s actions, instead of getting angry or frustrated with them outwardly, try looking at what else could be going on.
Give yourself a break. Sometimes, if you can, taking a breather before you address a situation or act on angry feelings makes a world of difference. Whether that means being quiet and turning away for a second or getting another adult to watch the kids for a few minutes, that break can be very helpful in addressing situations more calmly.
If applicable, get introspective. Maybe, you are upset in a way that feels disproportionate to the situation. If that’s the case, you might ask yourself, “what about this is upsetting me so much?”
Have an outlet. If you continuously struggle with feeling calm, it’s likely that something else is going on under the surface. It’s common for parents to lack time for themselves or not have a place where they can talk about their own feelings and needs. Therapy is a wonderful outlet and overall form of help for parents who feel overwhelmed, who do not feel like they have space in their daily lives for addressing their feelings, who need to work through a problem or challenge they’re having, who are struggling with feeling like they need to learn about being a great mother, or something else.
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