The Mental Health Impacts Of BPD Splitting, A Sign Of Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition marked by intense emotions, unstable relationships, and a shifting sense of identity. Among its symptoms is a defense mechanism known as splitting. Splitting is a pattern of viewing people, situations, or even oneself in extremes—as either entirely good or entirely bad, without any middle ground.

For individuals with BPD, splitting behavior can be a way to cope with overwhelming fear, especially fear of abandonment or betrayal. While it may offer temporary emotional relief, it often also leads to confusion and conflict for both the individual living with BPD and those around them. Here, we’ll examine the signs and symptoms of BPD splitting and explore treatment options that may help improve mental health and well-being. 

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What is splitting in borderline personality disorder (BPD)?

Splitting is a psychological defense mechanism commonly associated with people who have borderline personality disorder. A person with BPD who “splits” sees the world in extreme, all-or-nothing terms. Everything is either good or bad, with no middle ground or nuance. These extreme feelings may not be a conscious choice; instead, they can be a response to distress or fear. 

A person experiencing splitting may find it challenging to integrate both positive and negative feelings about the same person. For example, a person living with BPD may view a friend or family member as perfect or ideal one day and as disloyal or uncaring the next. Splitting may also apply inwardly: A person with BPD might feel confident and capable one moment, then the opposite the next. These dramatic shifts can be confusing and distressing, often leaving individuals feeling out of control and misunderstood.

Recognizing BPD splitting

Understanding the signs and symptoms of personality disorders like BPD may help individuals and loved ones identify the condition sooner, which might help reduce its impacts. Below are some common symptoms and effects of BPD splitting that may appear within a relationship. 

Common signs and symptoms of splitting

Each person may experience BPD and signs like splitting in different ways and at different severity levels. That said, some common symptoms include: 

• Idealization and devaluation. One of the most common signs of splitting is swinging between extremes in how someone views others. A person with BPD may idolize a friend or partner, believing they are perfect and can do no wrong. But if they feel hurt or abandoned, that same person may be suddenly seen as cruel and untrustworthy.
• Impulsive behavior. Splitting may fuel impulsive, feelings-based decisions such as suddenly cutting someone off, quitting a job, or ending a relationship. These actions are typically driven by the intense emotional swings associated with the split.
• Black-and-white thinking. People with BPD often struggle to hold both positive and negative feelings about someone or something at the same time. This can lead to statements and beliefs like “You’re either with me or against me,” or “If you make one mistake, I can’t trust you at all.” There may be little room for gray areas or complexity.
• Intense emotions. Powerful emotional shifts and other symptoms like emotional dysregulation often accompany splitting and BPD in general.
• Difficulty trusting others. Minor misunderstandings or disagreements can be interpreted as a targeted rejection and can make it challenging for a person with BPD to build trust over time.

Indicators of splitting within a relationship

Building a relationship with a person who experiences splitting can be challenging. One main indicator of splitting within a relationship is sudden shifts in perception. It can feel like one day, you’re their favorite person—but with little warning, your partner may flip to seeing you as selfish, distant, or untrustworthy. These shifts may not be caused by dramatic events, but by situations they find emotionally triggering, which are often related to perceived rejection.

Another indicator of BPD splitting within a relationship is a fear of rejection and engaging in testing behaviors as a result. For instance, they may frequently seek reassurance but also test the limits of the relationship to see whether you will stay or end it. This can make it challenging to know whether a partner’s feelings and behaviors are authentic or not and can also lead to emotional exhaustion from frequent conflict.

How can splitting affect a person?

Splitting behavior—along with other BPD symptoms—can impact a person's behavior, their emotional and mental health, and their interpersonal relationships. Some of the impacts of BPD splitting include the following.

Emotional and mental health impacts of BPD splitting

Individuals with BPD often experience rapid emotional shifts tied directly to their perception of others. This may lead to them feeling deeply connected and secure in a short amount of time, which can quickly turn into overwhelming fear or anger after a perceived slight. These extreme emotional highs and lows can be exhausting and destabilizing, creating a cycle of emotional chaos that can be difficult to regulate. 

BPD splitting and related symptoms may also be linked to other mental health impacts, including depression and anxiety. This link may be due to a person’s tendency to worry that relationships or friendships will end. Individuals with BPD may also experience challenges forming long-term connections, which can lead to social isolation and withdrawal, potentially exacerbating any depressive symptoms. 

Behavioral impacts of splitting

When overwhelmed by the emotions tied to splitting, individuals with BPD may act out impulsively. This effect can take the form of self-harm, reckless spending, substance misuse, or unsafe sexual behavior. These actions may serve as temporary relief from emotional pain but can create long-term consequences and deepen one’s sense of instability.

Diagnosing BPD and splitting

BPD is a condition listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5), and a therapist will consider the criteria listed there before making a formal diagnosis. 

Note that only a qualified mental health care professional can make a clinical diagnosis of a condition like BPD. To be diagnosed with this personality disorder, a person must meet at least five of the nine criteria, which include: 

• Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment
• Unstable relationships that include idealization and devaluation
• Identity disturbances
• Impulsive behaviors
• Recurrent self-harm or suicidal behaviors
• Instability and irritability over a period of time 
• Feelings of emptiness
• Intense anger that may be hard to control
• Paranoia and dissociative behavior

Once a person has been diagnosed with BPD, a professional can evaluate any splitting behaviors. Evaluation may include questioning to determine if there is black-and-white thinking or other extreme thought patterns present. 

While symptoms like splitting can be painful and disruptive, treatment and support may help individuals with BPD learn to manage their emotional responses and build a more stable identity and relationships.

Treatment options for BPD splitting

There’s generally not a one-size-fits-all approach to treating BPD splitting, but connecting with a mental health professional can be a positive first step in most cases. From there, treating BPD splitting may include an interdisciplinary approach that often involves talk therapy options, medication, and developing a support system. Managing BPD and splitting and other symptoms is generally an ongoing effort. 

Therapy options for borderline personality disorder 

In many cases, a therapist may start with talk therapy options to help the client manage underlying causes and symptoms of BPD. Research suggests that several therapeutic options may be effective, including: 

• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). DBT is considered the gold standard for treating BPD. It can teach individuals how to manage intense emotions, tolerate distress, and reduce impulsive behaviors. DBT includes techniques for recognizing black-and-white thinking and learning how to accept and balance conflicting emotions.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT helps a person learn how to identify and challenge distorted thought patterns, including the all-or-nothing thinking central to splitting. It can support more balanced thinking and healthier coping responses.
• Mentalization-based therapy (MBT). MBT helps individuals better understand their own and others' mental states. By improving awareness of emotions, intentions, and behaviors, this therapy approach may help reduce misinterpretations that trigger splitting episodes.
• Schema therapy. This approach addresses deep-rooted negative beliefs developed in childhood. Schema therapy works to shift patterns that fuel instability in one’s relationships and sense of self, which is a common challenge in people who experience splitting.
• Transference-focused psychotherapy (TFP). TFP focuses on exploring the relationship between the patient and therapist to reveal—and eventually integrate—splitting patterns that occur in daily life.

Medication options

There is currently no medication specifically designed to treat BPD or splitting, but certain medications may help manage related symptoms. These can include antidepressants, which may reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and mood stabilizers, which may help reduce mood swings and improve emotional regulation. Note that these medications should always be used under the care of a psychiatrist and are often most effective when combined with therapy. Do not start, stop, or change any medication without consulting with your doctor or psychiatrist.

Coping strategies for individuals with BPD and their loved ones

Living with a loved one who has been diagnosed with BPD can be challenging; however, there are coping strategies that may help improve relationships and mental health. One key coping strategy is to set boundaries. Effective boundaries may help reduce emotional volatility for both the individual with BPD and their loved ones. 

It may also be helpful for loved ones to understand that splitting behavior is not personal, but is a reaction to emotions. Responding calmly and without judgment may help validate the person’s emotions, which could help diffuse conflict while demonstrating empathy. Psychoeducation can be another powerful coping strategy for both loved ones and a person living with BPD. Reading books, attending support groups, or attending family or couples therapy sessions together may help build mutual understanding.

Connecting with a mental health professional

Again, treatment for BPD and related behaviors, including splitting, typically begins with connecting with a mental health professional. A licensed therapist will typically have the expertise needed to evaluate a person’s mental health holistically, and they can then provide treatment tailored to their individual needs.

However, attending therapy in person can be challenging for many people. In such cases, it might be worth considering virtual care. Online therapy sessions can occur from anywhere you have an internet connection and a personal device. This means that you or your loved one can get support from a place of comfort and convenience. Plus, online therapy can be more affordable than in-person therapy without insurance.

Research suggests that online therapy can often be an effective way to address symptoms of BPD splitting. In a virtual environment, a therapist can implement a number of therapeutic strategies, like DBT or CBT, to help reduce the impact of symptoms and provide healthy coping strategies. 

Takeaway

BPD is a complex mental health disorder that may manifest as splitting behavior, among other symptoms. Splitting occurs when a person with BPD sees the world in extremes, as either all good or all bad. This pattern can negatively impact mental health and interpersonal relationships. Therapy can be a useful place to start when seeking treatment for BPD splitting.