12 Questions To Ask To Get To Know Someone Quickly

By: Sarah Fader

Updated November 09, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Audrey Kelly, LMFT

Getting to know someone is important before you begin any type of relationship with them, but it's not always an easy experience. Sometimes, it can be difficult to get to know them, especially if you want to get started on the process quickly. That's why learning the right questions to get to know someone quickly can be helpful.

One thing that is important to note is that you’ll benefit most from these questions if you’re genuinely interested in the answer. Take the time to really listen and let the conversation evolve naturally if it happens that way. Don’t feel tempted to just jump to the next question if your conversation has effortlessly grown from one question.

Some tips for active listening include facing the speaker and maintaining eye contact, don’t interrupt, stay present, and pay attention to how the person responds — both verbally and nonverbally!

Some questions may be more appropriate than others given the atmosphere, so try to find a balance of what feels natural; however, don’t worry if the conversation feels a bit awkward at times as you get to know someone completely new. Just don’t push for an answer if the person you’re with is clearly uncomfortable or stated that they don’t want to give an answer.

Finally, don’t be afraid to be honest and vulnerable. If you’re asking that of others, it’s important to offer it as well. Make sure that you’re talking about yourself as well and not just asking all the questions. You want to be making a connection built on trust and not just conducting an interview.

If these questions don’t quite suit you and you’re looking for some others, remember to keep them open-ended to give the person room to expand upon their answer.

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The Best Questions To Ask Get To Know Someone Quickly

1. What Is The One Thing That People Always Misunderstand About You?

When was the last time someone asked you what's commonly misunderstood about you? Most of us have something that we wish people would realize even though they don't. Finding this out can help you understand an important fact that that person wants you to know about them and clear up a common misconception.

2. What's On Your Bucket List This Year?

Finding out what is important to them and what they want to accomplish in life before is a way to get an idea of them as a person. If they want to go skydiving, they may be more adventurous. If they want to go back to school, maybe they enjoy learning. It may also help you gain a sense of the person’s short- and long-term goals and if they mesh with your own. And, on the flip side, it might also reveal where they currently feel unfulfilled in life.

3. Do You Believe In Second Chances?

You have to be careful in your approach for this one. You don't want them to think that you're looking for "if I screw up will you forgive me?" It's actually about how they feel about mistakes and if they believe someone can make a mistake and overcome it.

Of course, there is the chance that this one may steer into past relationships. If the person is openly discussing what happened to them in previous relationships, there’s also an opportunity to pay attention to how they talk about past partners, what may have broken that relationship up, and how your current date has handled everything emotionally. It’ll be up to you in the moment to decide how much is appropriate to ask, but don’t press if the person is clearly uncomfortable.

4. What Makes You Feel Accomplished?

Getting to know someone is finding out what is most important to them and learning what activity or accomplishment makes them the proudest, what they are most passionate about, and where they invest their time and efforts. Is it being a parent? Being a supervisor at their job or being a good friend?

5. What's The One Thing You Would Like To Change About Yourself?

It’s normal for people to want to change something about themselves whether it's a physical attribute or a skill they wish they could master. It can be something like, "I wish I wasn't so nervous in public," or “I would like to be able to make friends more easily." This can tell you a lot about them and also the insights they have about themselves as a person.

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6. Where Do You See Yourself After Five Years?

This is a common interview question for a reason. Learning where someone wants to be in five years tells you what type of goals they're setting for themselves. If you’re looking for a long-term partner, this might be another way of knowing if you’re working toward a similar future or actually don’t match at all.

7. If You Could Live Forever, How Would You Spend It?

What would they do if time were not an issue? Something fun about themselves? Something good for others?

8. How Would You Want To Be Remembered?

What's the one thing (or few things) that you would like someone to remember about you when you die? This is a potential way to tap into what a person’s values might be. Do you want to be remembered as the fun aunt who always played with her nieces and nephews or the hard worker who always gave their all to their job or something else entirely?

9. If You Could Master One New Skill, What Would It Be?

Find out the things they already may be good at and the things they would enjoy trying out. Maybe it's a skill you could teach them or a skill you could learn together.

10. What Would Your Perfect Day Look Like?

Everyone has an idea for a perfect day. So, what things would make them happy? This can help you get to know what things they like best. Maybe you can use that ideal day as a model and schedule some adventures like this in the future.

11. What Makes You The Happiest?

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Picking one thing or one person or one activity that makes you the happiest can be difficult. But it's also a way to learn things about someone. If they say money it means they put a lot of stock in wealth. If they say being with someone special, it shows they care more about the simpler things.

12. Who's Your Biggest Hero?

Getting to know their heroes can help you understand a person because it shows you who and what they admire most and that's important to their personality. That can be another way to figure out a person’s values.

Getting to know people, however, is about getting to know yourself as well and that can start with a little bit of assistance from BetterHelp with an online counselor's assistance and expert guidance. Once you know your own answers to these questions, you'll feel more comfortable talking about someone else's.

It’s tempting to think that only people with a mental illness need to see a counselor, but that’s not true at all. Therapy has lots of benefits for almost anyone in their day-to-day life. HuffPost has an article of some of those, including that therapy can help you handle any sort of problem better, hold you accountable for your own goals, find your purpose, and problem solve better. In fact, about 75 percent of people who try talk therapy say the benefit from it. You may be wondering if online therapy has the same rate of success. Research so far indicates that common types of talk therapy, when working on an issue that isn’t severe, is comparable to in-person treatment.

There are some other great benefits to online therapy. If you’re a person who has a busy schedule, online therapy can be much more flexible than traditional therapy. You can contact your counselor from anywhere that you’re comfortable as long as you have a reliable, secure internet connection. No commute to an office is required! Connecting with a counselor on BetterHelp often happens faster than connecting with one in a traditional office. While an office might put you on a wait list, BetterHelp connects most people within 24 hours.

If you need some more convincing, here are some recent reviews by BetterHelp users about working with their counselors.

“This is my first time do any kind of counseling. I got some money for the holidays and thought this is essentially a month trial so let’s go for it. Dr. Haley is great at what she does. She’s like a teacher guiding a student find the answer instead of outright saying what needs to be done. This approach naturally lends itself to a more frequent and open dialogue.” Read more on Shaunna Haley.

“Marla is an amazing therapist with lots of knowledge, understanding and compassion <3 through the past couple of months, I have learnt so much from Marla's guidance and saw a great improvement in my daily moods, outlook and in my relationships with others. I highly recommend Marla to anyone and therapy has really changed my life! :)” Read more on Marla Stamm.

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