Twelve Questions To Ask To Get To Know Someone Quickly
Getting to know someone can be essential before you begin a relationship with them. However, it may not always feel like an easy experience. You may not know which questions to ask when getting to know someone or how to find connections in common. One method, to begin with, is engaging in some light and pleasant small talk and asking getting-to-know-someone questions who will not stress each other out. Coming up with a mental list of leading questions to use as conversation starters could be one method of striking up an interesting conversation with a potential connection.
Active listening when getting to know someone
You may benefit most from asking get-to-know-you questions if you are genuinely interested in hearing someone's answer. Take the time to actively listen and let the conversation evolve naturally. Try not to jump too quickly from question to question without discussing the person's responses.
To actively listen, consider the following behaviors:
- Face the speaker with your body
- Nod or acknowledge that you heard them during pauses in the conversation
- Don't interrupt or add your feelings or opinions until you've finished speaking about what they've said
- Pay attention to the other person's body language
- Repeat back what the person stated if you don't understand to ensure you gained the correct information
Some questions may feel more appropriate than others, given the atmosphere, so try to balance what feels natural. For example, you most likely won’t want to start a conversation asking a person about the craziest thing they’ve ever done or the biggest regrets from their younger self, as those questions may reveal information too much and too soon. Instead, most people prefer starting with easier questions, like asking about a person’s first job or their pet peeves. Regardless of how you begin, the conversation may feel awkward as you get to know someone new. However, this can be normal.
Try to be honest and vulnerable when asking questions to get to know someone. Ensure you're adding information about yourself if the individual asks you questions. You may want to build a connection instead of interviewing your new friend or love interest, and personal confession can be an important step.
Questions for getting to know someone quickly
There are several questions you can ask when getting to know someone. A popular choice is asking about a person’s favorites. For example:
- What’s your favorite family tradition?
- What’s your favorite season?
- What’s your favorite holiday?
- What is or was your favorite subject in school?
- Can you tell me your favorite board game?
- Do you have a favorite Disney character?
- What’s your favorite food?
- What’s your favorite sport to play or watch?
- Do you have a favorite story?
- What’s your favorite memory from childhood?
- What’s your favorite thing to do after work?
- What’s your favorite go-to karaoke song?
- What’s your favorite guilty pleasure?
It’s also common to ask questions that might allow a person to give some of their best moments. For example:
- What’s the best vacation you’ve ever had?
- What’s your biggest career highlight?
- What’s the best concert you’ve ever attended?
- What’s the best Halloween costume you’ve ever worn?
- What’s the best career advice you’ve ever received?
- What’s your dream job, or idea of the perfect job for you?
- What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
- Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party? Did you like it?
- What’s one moment when you felt happier than ever??
Other creative questions can serve as more of a conversation starter, letting you discuss both of your answers in detail. For example:
- What would your plan be in a zombie apocalypse?
- What’s one phone app you could never live without?
- How did you discover your favorite hobby?
- If you met your celebrity crush, what would you do to win them over?
- If you were a superhero, what would you want your superpower to be
Below are some more questions you might ask when trying to get to know someone new, whether they're a potential friend or romantic interest.
What is one thing people misunderstand about you?
When was the last time someone asked you what's commonly misunderstood about you? Many individuals have something they wish people would realize or not assume about them.
Finding this out can help you understand any parts of a person's identity that they value and may clear up any misconceptions or first impressions you have about the person and their personality traits.
What's on your bucket list this year?
Asking someone about their bucket list may be an effective way to learn more about their dreams, values, and opinions. For example, if they want to go skydiving someday, they may be adventurous.
If they want to go back to school, maybe they enjoy learning. It may also help you gain a sense of the person's short and long-term goals and if they mesh with your own. On the flip side, it might also reveal where they currently feel unfulfilled. If they struggle to answer this question, you can simplify it by asking things like:
- What one event do you want to attend this year?
- What interesting thing do you have on your to-do list this year?
- What do you hope to do, see, or experience in the near future?
- What’s one thing you want to accomplish this year in your work life?
Do you believe in second chances?
Consider asking if someone believes in second chances. This question may give you insight into someone else's level of boundaries or what they will and won't accept from a relationship, from a friend, or from a family member.
What makes you feel accomplished?
Getting to know someone can mean finding out what is most important to them and learning what activities or accomplishments make them feel proud. You might also learn what they are most passionate about and where they invest their time and efforts. Do they enjoy being a parent, a supervisor, or a compassionate friend?
What's one thing you would like to change about yourself?
It can be normal for people to want to change something about themselves, whether it's a physical attribute or a skill they wish they could master. They may say something like, "I wish I weren't so nervous in public," or "I would like to be able to make friends more easily." To make this question a bit more lighthearted, you can also ask something like, “If you had a warning label, what would it say?”
Consider telling your own answer to this question to take the person out of the spotlight if they feel nervous about their answer.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
You may have heard this question in a job interview in the past. Learning where someone wants to be in five years may tell you what goals they're setting for themselves. For example, maybe they want to own their own business or start a family. If you're looking for a long-term partner, this might be a way of knowing if you're working toward a similar future or if you have the same values.
If you could live forever, what would you do?
What would they do if time were not an issue? Asking this question may help you understand someone's morals or values. They might also use humor to deal with hypothetical situations. It can be a fun and exciting way to learn more about their personality.
What’s your biggest regret?
This question can dig a little deeper into a person’s history, but if they’re comfortable answering it, it can give you a lot of insight into who they are as a person. It can also give you an opportunity to see how they’ve changed over time and grown as a person.
How do you define beauty?
Hearing a person describe what they consider to be beautiful can tell you a lot about them. For example, describing a scene in nature may tell you they enjoy being outdoors or like to travel.
How would you want to be remembered if you passed?
Asking what someone would like others to remember about them when they die may be a more intense question, but the person may appreciate your forwardness.
You might learn more about what the person values above all else. For example, they may want to be remembered as a loving sister or daughter to their own family members, or perhaps they want to be remembered as a hard worker who always met their goals.
If you could master one new skill, what would it be?
Find out the activities or hobbies they may already be good at and what they would enjoy trying. Maybe it's a skill you could teach them or a skill you could learn together. For example, if you both want to learn to cook, you could try a cooking class.
What would your perfect day look like?
Many people have an idea of a perfect day. Learning someone's idea of fun or excitement can be a way to know more about their hobbies, go-to guilty pleasure activities, and interests. You might use their ideal day as inspiration and schedule the activities they enjoy in the future.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Asking about a person’s most embarrassing moment – and telling the story of your own – can give you both something to laugh about in retrospect. Additionally, it can provide you with some guidance on what your new friend or partner is embarrassed by in general, so you can avoid those things in the future.
What is your biggest fear?
Depending on where you are in your relationship, this question could be surface-level or go a little deeper. For example, a fear of whales is common for people who have never encountered one, but a fear of something more specific may have a story behind it.
What makes you happiest?
Picking one thing that makes someone happiest may be difficult, but it may also offer a way for someone to have joy. Pay attention to what they value. Do you show those values? Do you believe those values are shallow or silly? This insight may be a way to see what you have in common on a base level. If this question is too broad, you can try some either/or questions like:
- Do you prefer watching TV or reading books?
- Would you rather spend time outside or inside?
- Do you prefer parties or intimate gatherings?
Who's your biggest hero?
Knowing an individual's heroes may help you understand what traits they admire in others. For example, they may value selflessness if they find their dad to be a hero because he saved lives as a firefighter. They might value knowledge or telling information if they value their past teacher due to what they learned in school. They may value humor or be really into entertainment if they answer with their favorite superhero.
Counseling for relationship concerns
Therapy has benefits for people from various walks of life. You may find that therapy supports you in learning to solve problems, communicate more efficiently, or get a third-party opinion on an issue you're confused about. In today's age, many individuals find online therapy beneficial, as it allows affordability.
Online therapy may benefit you if you struggle with social anxiety or interpersonal relationships. In one study, 71% of individuals found online therapy more effective than traditional in-person counseling. The American Psychological Association also lists online therapy as an effective treatment option.
If you're interested in trying this treatment modality, several online platforms, such as BetterHelp, offer a platform of therapists specializing in various concerns.
Takeaway
If you're getting to know someone new, asking leading questions may teach you more about what they value, their personality, and whether or not you're compatible.
If you're struggling with starting relationships or would appreciate professional advice, counseling is another beneficial and effective option. Consider reaching out to a therapist to get started.
What are good questions to ask when getting to know someone?
When you are trying to get to know someone it may be beneficial to ask open-ended questions that lead to further conversation. Asking personal questions such as, “If you had to spend the rest of your life living in one place where would it be and why?” or “If you could live forever, what would you do?"
It is important to avoid some questions when you first meet someone. For example, you may want to avoid questions around political and religious beliefs as they may cause the person to cut off conversation if they aren’t comfortable talking about them. You may save those questions for later on as you get to know each other.
What is the juiciest question to ask?
When getting to know someone, it may not be a good idea to ask “juicy” questions as some people only feel comfortable answering these questions with close friends.
How do you ask smart questions?
Asking smart questions involves being thoughtful, curious, and strategic in your approach. Here are some tips that may help you ask smart questions:
- Be Clear and Specific: Make sure your question is clear and specific, so the person understands what you're asking. Avoid vague or open-ended questions that might lead to confusion.
- Do Your Research: Before asking a question, do a bit of research to ensure you're not asking something that can be easily answered with a quick search. This shows that you've put thought into your question and are seeking deeper insights.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: Open-ended questions encourage detailed and thoughtful responses. Instead of questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no," ask questions that require elaboration and explanation.
- Listen and Follow Up: Pay attention to the person's responses and ask follow-up questions based on what they've given. This demonstrates active listening and a genuine interest in their thoughts.
- Use "Why" and "How" Questions: Questions that start with "why" and "how" often lead to more in-depth responses. They encourage the person to explain their reasoning and thought processes.
- Respect Boundaries: While curiosity is important, be respectful of the person's comfort level.
What kind of fun questions to ask?
Fun questions may be basic questions that lead to silly or creative answers and may still allow you to get to know someone. Some examples of fun questions to use with a families or new friends, or new acquaintance that may start an interesting conversation include:
- What was the worst gift you have ever received or given?
- If you could have any superpower what would your power be and how would you use it?
- Which movie character do you identify with the most?
- What is the weirdest thing you have seen at your current job?
- If you had all the money you needed, what would you do with your life?
- Describe your worst date, what made it so bad?
What are 50 questions to ask someone?
When getting to know someone, it may be helpful to have a bank of questions to pull from, here is a list of 50 questions that you may ask someone that you are getting to know.
- What's something that always makes you smile?
- What's your favorite childhood memory?
- If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?
- What's the most adventurous thing you've ever done?
- What's your favorite movie or book and why?
- If you could travel anywhere, where would you go first?
- What's a skill you'd love to learn or master?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?
- If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would it be and why?
- What's something you're passionate about that not many people know?
- What's a personal goal you're currently working toward?
- How do you like to spend your weekends?
- What's a small act of kindness you've recently witnessed or experienced?
- What's a life lesson you've learned from a challenging experience?
- Do you believe in love at first sight?
- If you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be and why?
- What's a hobby you'd like to pick up if you had more time?
- What's your go-to comfort food?
- What's something you believe in strongly?
- What's a place you've always wanted to visit but haven't yet?
- What's the most interesting job you've ever had?
- What's a song that never fails to put you in a good mood?
- What's a pet peeve of yours?
- What's a cultural tradition you cherish from your background?
- What's a random fact about yourself that surprises people?
- What's your favorite way to give back to the community?
- What's the best trip you've ever been on?
- What's a talent or skill you have that you're proud of?
- What's the last show you binge-watched or book you couldn't put down?
- What's a goal you've achieved that you're really proud of?
- What's something you'd like to change about the world?
- What's a moment that made you feel truly alive?
- What's your favorite type of art (e.g., painting, music, literature)?
- What's a place that always brings you peace or happiness?
- What's something you're curious to learn more about?
- What’s the best gift you have ever given?
- What's a quote that resonates with you?
- What's a fictional character you relate to or admire?
- What's the best piece of advice you'd give your younger self?
- What's an unusual fear you have?
- What's your most prized possession?
- What's a moment from your past you wish you could relive?
- What's your favorite way to de-stress after a long day?
- What's an accomplishment you're particularly proud of?
- What's a place you've visited that exceeded your expectations?
- What's something you're looking forward to in the near future?
- What's an invention you wish existed?
- What's your go-to midnight snack?
What to ask strangers online?
While meeting strangers online may seem like a different experience than talking in person, you can really ask most of the same questions that you would in person. Questions like, “What is something you are proud of?” or “What are you looking forward to this year?” may give you a place to start. Generally speaking, keeping it light and fun is a good way to help a person to open up online so that you can get to know them.
How do you ask deep questions?
Asking deep questions involves creating a comfortable and genuine atmosphere that encourages thoughtful and meaningful conversations. Here's how you can do it:
- Establish Trust: You may begin by building a foundation of trust with the person you're conversing with. Show that you genuinely care about their thoughts and feelings.
- Choose the Right Moment: Choose a moment when both you and the other person are relaxed and have time to engage in a thoughtful conversation.
- Express Curiosity: Start by expressing your genuine curiosity to know more about the person's thoughts and experiences. Let them know that you value their perspective.
- Frame the Question: Frame the question in an open-ended manner. It may be best to avoid questions that can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Instead, use phrases like "What do you think about..." or "Can you tell me more about..."
- Active Listening: As they answer, actively listen without interrupting. This shows that you're truly interested in what they're saying.
- Ask Follow-Up Questions: Based on their response, ask follow-up questions that dive deeper into their thoughts or experiences.
How do you keep a conversation going?
Keeping a conversation going involves a blend of active listening, engagement, and genuine curiosity. Start by showing interest in the other person's responses, actively listening to what they're saying, and using their answers as jumping-off points for further discussion. Ask open-ended follow-up questions that delve deeper into their thoughts, experiences, and opinions. Use body language cues and verbal affirmations like nodding and "I see" to show that you're engaged.
If the conversation starts to wane, introduce new topics or bring up something you both have in common to reignite the dialogue. Staying attentive, demonstrating empathy, and displaying enthusiasm for the conversation may help maintain its flow and ensure a meaningful exchange of ideas.
What to ask someone you like?
Thinking about what to ask someone you like may seem challenging, but the reality is that you can ask them simple questions to get to know them better or that may signal that you like them. For example:
- If you had to choose one love language, what would it be?
- What are some things you look for in a relationship?
- What are your hopes and dreams for the future?
- Do you see yourself starting a family?
- Do you believe in love at first sight?
Questions like these may start to hint at the fact that you like someone, however it may be more effective to move into more direct and open communication so that they know how you feel. This may take time and it is important to gauge how the other person is feeling as well.
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