How Long Do Rebound Relationships Last?
Whether mutual or one-sided, a breakup can be challenging for most people to cope with. Many people grieve after losing a relationship, and several emotions can arise, including hurt, anger, shame, relief, guilt, embarrassment, and acceptance.
Dating someone else before you've processed your emotions about your recent breakup could lead to more complex feelings or the worry that your new relationship might end. These types of quick relationships after a split may be referred to as "rebounds." Knowing how long a rebound might last or what it could mean for you can help you make healthy choices in your romantic life.
What is a rebound relationship?
The term "rebound" is often used in pop culture to describe a relationship that someone enters quickly after a breakup. It may be that you jump into the relationship not because you desire a serious relationship or long-term commitment but because you want to feel the comfort of being in a relationship after losing one. Though rebound relationships may feel comforting in the moment, these situations may also delay healing from the emotional needs you might have after a breakup.
How does grief work after a breakup?
In a close, intimate relationship, you may enjoy and rely on the presence of your partner. If your relationship ends, whether unexpectedly or amicably, you might feel emotionally distraught or confused. Even if you know that ending the relationship was healthy, accepting the sudden lifestyle differences and loss of emotional connection can be challenging. You might experience mental health challenges as well.
Many people may report struggling to eat, care for themselves, or focus on socializing after a split from a long-term relationship. Scientists have found that heartache causes significant shifts in thinking, and losing a partner can cause the brain to respond similarly to withdrawing from a substance. After a loss, you may crave the love, affection, or attraction you felt with your ex. You might experience hurt, anger, shame, relief, guilt, or embarrassment without that feeling.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
Although these feelings can be a normal part of the healing process, they may be challenging to cope with. You might feel moments of longing or regret, but these feelings may be signs of your desire to retain what you once had with someone you cared about. Many people take this period after a breakup to process their emotions and start learning to live without their ex-partner, typically leading to some level of personal growth.
How long do rebound relationships last? Insights and expectations
According to research, rebound relationships may or may not last as long as other relationships. There is no definite period outlined in any study. However, the researchers in the study found that people who stayed single longer after a breakup were generally happier and more psychologically well than those who entered a rebound relationship. These results may indicate a psychological benefit to giving yourself time to process your emotions after a breakup. However, you may be able to form a serious connection, and your new relationship may be successful.
The above study also discovered that individuals with an anxious or insecure attachment style were more likely to enter a relationship quickly after a breakup, potentially suggesting that difficulty being alone can be a motivator to date someone new. Those with an avoidant attachment style were also more likely to feel less distress over the end of their previous relationship, potentially causing them to enter a new one quickly.
Entering a rebound relationship may come with a few benefits, but it can also be a method of coping with difficult emotions associated with anxiety or fear. Though being with a new person might be exciting and distract you from your thoughts and feelings after losing a partner, you might try to begin a new relationship when you're emotionally available to do so.
Relationships take time, effort, continued patience, and compromise. When you're in a heightened state of emotion after a breakup, you may struggle to offer that. In addition, if you have an avoidant attachment style and don't feel much about the ending of your relationship, you might be suppressing your emotions, which could have mental and physical consequences. Beginning a new partnership before you've grieved your previous relationship may also cause you to feel doubtful about the future or draw comparisons between your new relationship and your ex.
By maintaining an open conversation with anyone you're interested in about how ready you are to be committed and being honest with yourself about whether you're ready to date at all, you may ensure you aren’t looking for different things, leading to respect and healthy communication.
Do rebound relationships work out?
Some rebound relationships work out long-term. There is a chance that the rebound relationship will turn out to be successful. However, if you meet someone special soon after a relationship ends, consider taking time to get to know them. You could take the new relationship slow or be friends while you get to know them. Being communicative with anyone you're in a relationship with can allow you to better understand your current partner and their boundaries.
How to prevent adverse effects from a rebound relationship after a breakup
Below are a few steps you can take to attempt to prevent the adverse impacts you might experience from a rebound relationship.
Focus on grieving
Before attempting to date, consider allowing yourself to grieve your past relationship. Even if you often like to bottle up your emotions and move forward, try to spend time reflecting on what you need. Cry if needed, ask people for help, and give yourself as long as you need to stay single. Some people find journaling helpful, and studies have found it can improve mental health.
Get to know yourself and your social circle again
Though people in your life may encourage you to start dating again, consider focusing your energy on getting to know yourself and the people you love again. While in a relationship, you might have been more isolated from friends and family or put off a few of your dreams. A breakup can be a chance to focus on what you want to do without outside influence. If you get into a new relationship quickly, you might find that the infatuation stage of love causes you to put these areas in the back of your mind again.
Communicate openly with those you’re interested in
In some cases, people aren't looking for a new partner and find someone they're interested in at an inconvenient time. If you know you haven't fully processed your breakup, but you're genuinely interested in another person, keep an open line of communication regarding your expectations. It's possible the person may not be interested in dating you while you grieve your last partnership. They may also be willing to date casually while you move forward.
Reflect on what went wrong
The end of a romantic relationship may allow you to learn, grow and understand what you want from your future partners. By taking the time to reflect on what went wrong in your last relationship, you might prevent similar issues from occurring in the future.
Why do rebound relationships end?
There may be a few reasons rebound relationships end, and they aren't necessarily all related to the relationship being a rebound. However, potential causes for why rebound relationships typically end could include the following:
- You're not over your ex
- You rushed into the relationship and realized you don't want to commit anymore
- You're not attracted to your new partner
- You were caught up in the infatuation stage and no longer want the relationship after it ends
- You aren't ready to date
If you have ended a rebound relationship, you may have a hard time processing those emotions, but try to give yourself time and self-care. Even if it's uncomfortable sometimes, letting yourself feel your emotions fully may allow you to move forward. Give yourself time after the end of your rebound relationship to process what occurred, and be gentle with yourself if you feel shame or embarrassment.
What are the stages of a rebound relationship?
Rebound relationships may have stages, potentially including the following.
The pre-rebound stage
The pre-rebound stage occurs directly after your breakup. You may feel the urge to be intimate with others, flirt, or make new connections. This stage is also when you start a rebound relationship with a new person. It may occur a few days, weeks, or months after your breakup.
The infatuation stage
In the first few months of your relationship with the new person, you might feel euphoric and intense attraction. The relationship may feel fun and physical. With the intensity of the infatuation stage, you might throw yourself into the relationship, feeling obsessed with your new partner. In this stage, you might experience codependency, sleep difficulties, sexual dysfunction, or mental health symptoms. Many people experience the infatuation stage for a few months to a year.
The conflict and reality stage
After the infatuation wears off, reality may set in. The person who initiated the rebound relationship may start wondering if they want to stay in the relationship. They might start to feel residual emotions from their breakup or start to see their new partner's flaws in a different light. In some cases, these feelings may be apparent or lead to conflict.
The nostalgia and comparison stage
If you are still in the relationship and feel nostalgic about your ex, you might begin comparing your new partner to your ex, mentally or out loud. You may also start processing the emotions from your past relationship, listening to songs you used to listen to, or feeling that you miss your ex. These feelings could be the residual emotions you didn't process from your breakup.
The epiphany stage
At the epiphany stage, the rebound relationship may end or continue. If you and your partner come to an understanding or you feel you've grieved your last breakup, you might feel ready to continue in your new relationship. One or both parties might also decide that it's the healthiest decision to break up.
Counseling options
Even if a breakup makes you feel alone, you don't have to go through it alone. You can discuss the grief or other emotions you experience after losing a partner with a therapist. In addition, if you are in a rebound relationship after a breakup, you and your new partner might benefit from couples therapy. Many people appreciate the convenience of online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples.
Through an online platform, you can stay at home and meet with a licensed therapist from any location with an internet connection. In addition, if you're attending a couples session, you and your partner can attend from two separate locations, which may ease conflict if it is occurring. You can also look for specialists in specific areas of mental health, such as couples' conflict, attachment, or difficulty being alone.
Studies have also backed up the effectiveness of both forms of therapy. Researchers have found that both couples and single clients find online therapy more effective and preferable to in-person options due to its convenience, comfort, and low-cost options.
Takeaway
If you're considering a relationship after a breakup or have already entered one, you might wonder whether it will last. "Rebound" relationships can last long-term and may be healthy, like any relationship. However, ask yourself what caused you to want to rebound and whether you might feel healthier staying single for a while. Regardless of your choice, you can contact a therapist anytime for further guidance and support.
Read more below for answers to questions similar to "How long do rebound relationships last after a breakup?"
How long do rebound relationships last on average?
There is no definitive research documenting how long rebound relationships last; however, popular belief is that they typically don't last as long as non-rebound relationships. How long a rebound relationship lasts depends on many factors, including the individuals involved and the circumstances around the relationship.
One of the most impactful influences on the success of any relationship is attachment style, but this may be especially true for rebound relationships because one's attachment style significantly influences how one copes with breakups. For example, research suggests that individuals with an anxious attachment style have a more difficult time adapting post-breakup.
What is the success rate of rebound relationships?
Empirical data on rebound relationships is sparse, so it's difficult to say for sure what the average success rate of rebound relationships is. Again, whether a rebound relationship is successful or not will depend largely on an individual's attachment style, level of attraction, and other factors that influence the success of a relationship.
How long does the honeymoon phase last in a rebound relationship?
How long the honeymoon phase lasts in any relationship depends on many factors. Some rebound relationships might lead to long-lasting, fulfilling partnerships, while others may fizzle out relatively quickly.
During the honeymoon phase of any relationship, both individuals are caught up in the excitement and novelty of the new relationship. The intense feelings experienced during this time might make it seem to the couple as if they'll be together forever, but as time progresses, they'll likely adopt a more realistic outlook. If they stay together, the relationship may become more stable as couples face challenges and conflicts that weren't apparent during the honeymoon phase.
Do rebound relationships move fast?
Rebound relationships can move fast because one or both partners might seek to fill the space left by their previous relationship. This can lead to intense emotions and a desire to establish a new connection quickly.
Can you fall in love with a rebound?
It is possible to fall in love in a rebound relationship if both partners take the time to know each other, communicate openly, and establish a strong foundation of trust and mutual affection.
How do you know if a rebound relationship will last?
Every rebound relationship is unique, so there is no surefire way to predict if it will last. However, there are some signs to consider that might indicate a rebound relationship has the potential to evolve into a healthy partnership that will last in the long run:
It has open and honest communication: This is key in any relationship, including rebounds. If both individuals can communicate effectively, express their needs and concerns, and constructively work through conflicts, it may be a good sign the relationship will last.
- There is an emotional connection: A strong connection between partners is a significant part of a lasting relationship. If both individuals feel emotionally connected, supported, and understood, it can help sustain the relationship through challenges.
- Both partners are committed: It typically takes time and effort to build a strong relationship—requiring a willingness of both partners to commit and work through challenges together.
- The couples share goals and values: Having shared goals, values, and interests can help strengthen a relationship and create a sense of unity and compatibility.
Why do most rebound relationships fail?
Many rebound relationships fail because they are often initiated because of the desire to find someone, anyone, who can distract a person from their grief over their recent breakup. Settling for someone who fills that hole in your life might be effective in the short term, but unless that person is right beyond that, the connection isn't likely to be a lasting one. Other reasons why a rebound relationship may fail include:
You have a lack of emotional connection
Emotional connections in rebound relationships may take much longer to form or never come at all because individuals may be seeking distraction or ego validation rather than a genuine emotional bond. Without this foundation, the relationship might struggle rising to challenges and obstacles.
You are moving too fast
Rebound relationships can move quickly when individuals are eager to fill the void left by their previous relationship. Moving too fast might hinder connections and create conflict when one or both parties realize this new relationship isn't what they really wanted.
You make comparisons to the previous relationship
In a rebound relationship, one or both partners might compare their new partner to their previous partner, creating unrealistic expectations. Constantly measuring the new relationship against the old one can prevent partners from entirely investing in the present relationship.
There is a lack of compatibility
Rebound relationships might lack the compatibility and shared values necessary for lasting partnerships. The relationship may struggle to survive long-term when you and your rebound have fundamental differences or incompatible goals.
You have fear and insecurity
Individuals in rebound relationships may be struggling with insecurity, feelings of being alone, or a desire to avoid confronting their emotions from the previous relationship. These underlying issues can prevent the relationship from flourishing and lead to its eventual failure.
You are needy
People who are still in great emotional pain because of a breakup may become needy and clingy with their rebound. When one partner needs constant reassurance or validation, the other may become resentful or annoyed, particularly if they know that neediness is because of the ex-relationship.
Your intentions aren't healthy
In some cases, someone may enter a rebound with the sole purpose of making their ex jealous. When an individual wants their ex back and uses the rebound to manipulate in this way, it can create hard feelings with the rebound partner if the previous partner does come back—or hurt when they realize they're being used for selfish reasons. The same is true when an individual enters a rebound relationship without intending to have a legitimate connection because they use the other person as a distraction.
How do I know if I'm rebounding?
Emotions can be intense and complicated after a breakup, making it challenging to recognize if your subsequent relationship is a rebound relationship or based on something more solid. Here are a few signs that may indicate you're rebounding in a relationship:
- You jumped into it quickly without taking the time to process your emotions from the last relationship
- You're constantly comparing your new partner to your ex or trying to replicate aspects of your previous relationship
- You're using the current relationship as a way to boost your self-esteem, feel "wanted," or distract yourself from difficult feelings
- You're avoiding unresolved emotions or issues from your previous relationship
- You feel emotionally disconnected or are questioning the authenticity of your feelings for the new person
- You're using the current relationship as a distraction from self-reflection or facing your emotions
Are rebound relationships always doomed?
Rebound relationships don't have to be unsuccessful and doomed to end badly. In fact, research suggests they might be healthy in some cases. An older study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that some participants found it easier to move on from their old partner and felt more confident and trusting in their rebound relationship.
Am I in love, or is it a rebound?
There are a couple of signs that you may be falling in love with the person you're dating right after a breakup. For example, it could be love if you no longer think about your ex but can't stop thinking about your new partner. If you want to know everything about them and feel compelled to do little things that make them happy, you might be experiencing a more sustainable type of love. Also, if you find yourself picturing them in your future, you might be falling in love.
On the other hand, if you can't stop thinking about your ex and don't want to spend time with your new partner outside of superficial interactions, you may be experiencing a rebound. Finding them "annoying" or uninteresting may also be a big red flag.
Ultimately, you are the only person who can judge for sure whether what you're experiencing is love or if you're just caught up in the superficial thrill of a rebound relationship—but it is possible the answer may be both.
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