What Next? How To Cope With The Fear Of Losing Someone
Losing someone you deeply care about life can be one of the most difficult moments in life with which to come to terms, and yet almost all of us eventually lose someone we love. The feelings connected with a loss can encompass a spectrum of intense emotions, such as fear, anger, sadness, and denial. But what can we do if we are faced with the fear of losing someone before it even happens? Sometimes feelings of anxiety can set in before the loss, which can be hard to process. Other times, the fear may exist without any known cause. In this article, we will explore how to recognize these fears and offer strategies to help manage these feelings. In increasing our knowledge and understanding about how loss affects us, we may find encouragement and support as we work through the grieving process.
Types Of Loss
Loss Of A Partner
If you have been in a long-term relationship or marriage and it is about to end, the feelings of fear and grief surrounding this loss can be painful on many levels. You may also find you experience conflicting emotions, such as feelings of relieve accompanied by deep sadness.
Loss Of A Friendship
There are many reasons a friendship can end: growing apart over time, a change of values, a dramatic bust-up, or a long-distance move. In any situation, it is natural to feel a sense of loss of letting go of someone whom you cherish.
Loss Of A Family Member
Relationships can be at times be troublesome, and with some family members there may be a lifetime of good times mixed in with challenges. In some of these cases there may need to be a break for the mental health of one or the other. While a net positive, this space can also bring on feelings of loss and sadness.
Loss Of A Social Circle
For those who leave a job or move to a new geographic area, there may be a loss of their social group. A person may also experience a sense of absence when they lose contact with another member of their group.
Death Of A Loved One
Even when death of a loved one is an inevitable, the pain of the loss is still real. Most of us have or will lose someone we love in our lifetime.
Are Your Fears Evidence-Based?
When examining fears related to losing a loved one, there is a question that can be important to ask yourself: are my fears evidence-based? That is, are you fearful of losing someone that is at a high risk of dying or leaving? A friend with cancer and a poor prognosis, or a husband who has announced that your marriage is over are both examples of fears based by evidence. In this case you may be experiencing “anticipatory grief”, that is, a grieving process that begins before the event itself occurs. This type of grief is also called premature or preparatory grief and occurs unconsciously when a person’s stability is shaken, such as with a diagnosis of a life-threatening medical condition.
You may also be experiencing fear because of the possibility that you will lose someone you love dearly, however there is no definite cause of this fear. Do you continually worry about possibilities that could take a loved one from you, and play them out in your thoughts? These types of feelings can be symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), in which people experience excessive worry over potential scenarios that can interfere with daily life.
These fears may also be caused by increased levels of stress, or circumstances that remind you of a past loss. In any of these cases, if your fears are becoming unmanageable or are creating a challenge in your day-to-day life, it may be helpful for you to speak to a licensed therapist. They can help you to put these fears into perspective and offer coping techniques to manage these feelings over time.
Strategies For Coping With Loss Or Fear Of Loss
If a loss in your life is inevitable, feeling fearful can be a completely natural response. However, if these fears are overwhelming and affecting your quality of life, finding positive outlets that help you work through these feelings can be helpful. Here are some ways that you can cope with fear and other intense emotions surrounding loss or inevitable loss.
Understand The Grieving Process
Preparing yourself for loss by learning about the process of grieving can help, as the knowledge of what to expect may relieve some of the fear. You can begin by understanding how the grieving process may work. First and foremost, grieving is a highly personalized experience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and it is called a process for a reason. Grief can happen all at once or be gradual - you may find that you move forward and then back again. Many people may find themselves experiencing one emotion, such as sadness or anger, for a period of time before moving forward.
Stages Of Grief
Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross is known for writing about the psychological reaction to imminent death in her book titled On Death and Dying. Kubler-Ross interviewed several terminally ill patients to explore the experience of dying and found there were five major “stages” of the grieving process.
The Kubler-Ross stages of grief include the following:
Denial – Difficulty comprehending the reality of the loss
Anger – May also manifest as blame (someone else is held responsible for the loss)
Bargaining - Driven by the need to have some sense of control over the situation
Depression – Characterized by feelings of sadness, anhedonia, and fatigue
Acceptance – Often followed by enjoying the time they have left and planning for what is ahead
However, these stages are not meant to be a rigid framework. Some may not experience one or more stages. Some may skip a stage or revisit a stage. They also do not represent stages, such as steps in a ladder to the culmination of acceptance. Each stage of grief is an important and healthy facet of the process. Understanding these stages helps encourage empathy and support for yourself and others around you.
Allow Yourself To Feel
While there is no “wrong” way to grieve, you can hinder the process by trying to repress natural feelings. If you are feeling afraid of loss, it is okay to feel those feelings, and it may be beneficial to do so. Allow the process to work. You may find it easier to write down your feelings in a journal or talking to a trusted friend. Speaking to a mental health therapist is also a way you can let go of painful feelings in a safe and supportive environment.
Take Care Of Your Physical Health
Grieving is complex and can be exhausting, which can take a toll on your physical health. Many people experience loss of sleep and appetite, which can make it difficult to focus on self-care. Physical symptoms can also be a part of the grieving process and healthy choices may help to relieve or decrease the impact of these symptoms. Healthy lifestyle practices can have a positive impact on mental health, so taking care of your body may help you to feel better emotionally. Consider the following healthy lifestyle suggestions:
Eat regular meals
Get exercise. This can mean simply taking a short walk, doing some yoga stretches, or doing a group fitness class you enjoy.
Go outside. Being in nature can offer both physical and emotional benefits.
Avoid using drugs or alcohol to manage pain
Reach Out To Loved Ones
For some people, grief or fear of loss can cause them to draw away from others. However, sharing your feelings with loved ones can create connections that may help lessen the emotional burden. If you participate in hobbies or group activities, try to continue your participation and keep your connections open.
Therapy For Loss
Whether you are experiencing fear of losing a loved one who is likely to die, or experiencing feelings of anxiety that a loved one may die without evidence of this fact, therapy can be helpful in managing these feelings. In the former case, a licensed therapist can help you come to terms with the situation and guide you through the grieving process. In the latter case, a licensed therapist can help you identify where your feelings of anxiety may stem from and offer a series of coping mechanisms to help you manage those feelings.
Online Therapy
While looking for a therapist, you may have found that you have several options, including in-person and online therapy - both effective ways for you to seek professional advice. Online therapy is convenient as you participate in therapy from the comfort of your own home and is supported by research as a beneficial alternative to in-person therapy. For those who may not have access to in-person therapy, are not comfortable meeting face-to-face, or are not insured for therapy and would like to find a more affordable option, online therapy can be an effective and supportive alternative.
Research has shown that online therapy is effective in treating symptoms of depression, grief, and other mental health symptoms after bereavement. If you have experienced a loss and interested in speaking with a therapist, BetterHelp can help match you with a therapist that fits your needs. This online platform gives you the flexibility to schedule appointments that are convenient for you and gives you the opportunity to meet with them over video chat, or private messaging.
Takeaway
More Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs):
How do I stop worrying about losing someone?
Worrying about losing someone is not uncommon, but it can impact your life. If the worry gets intense enough that it impacts your life or health, or if you find yourself heavily focused on it, consulting a therapist or counselor can help. Practices such as radical acceptance and focusing on the present moment can be advantageous ways to reframe your thoughts. These techniques can help with grounding and preventing the fear from infringing on your mental or physical well-being, your interpersonal relationships, and other important parts of life.
Is it bad to be afraid to lose someone?
No, it is not inherently bad to be afraid of losing loved ones, but it can impact your life in some ways. Most people are afraid of losing the people that they love, and it’s seen as a common fear. When it starts to affect your life, though, whether that’s your relationships or something else, it is important to address these feelings, either with a trusted friend or a mental health therapist..
How do you deal with the thought of losing someone or the fear of losing someone?
First, be proud of yourself for identifying that this is a fear for you. Acknowledging your fear head-on is often the first step to getting to where you want to be. Having a support system to talk to, particularly people who are compassionate and understanding, is often very helpful. Having a safe space like therapy to talk it through and work on coping skills is important for a lot of people. It can also help to focus on the present moment. For example, if you fear losing a family member, focus on being in the moment with them when you get to be or talking with them when you are able., depending on what is most applicable to your situation.
What are the signs of trust issues?
Another common reason why people are afraid of losing those whom they love is that they have developed trust issues. When you have trust issues, it can make you less likely to be trusting of others. Perhaps you’re worried about losing your loved one due to them not loving you any longer. You might be concerned about your partner cheating on you or simply getting bored and moving on. Trust issues can come about due to someone having bad experiences in the past. They can also happen when your partner gives you a reason to doubt them.
If your partner has been acting differently of late, then that might set your trust issues off. This could make it so that you are worried about losing loved ones more than usual. If you suspect that something is off with your partner, it can help to talk about it. Sometimes, people go through personal struggles due to being overworked or dealing with other types of stress in life.
Try not to assume bad things about your partner before you have a conversation. Instead, bring the behavior up with them and ask what’s going on. Hopefully, you will be able to have an honest conversation. If communication does become a relationship problem for you, couples therapy may be advantageous.
How do you know if a guy is afraid of losing you?
You can tell a guy fears losing you when he tries to keep you close. Some people can express an excessive amount of affection when they are afraid of losing their significant others. They might start trying hard to get your attention. If these are things someone in your life faces, they may have difficulty trusting other people. That said, many things could make a man (or a person of any other gender) jealous or insecure in a relationship. It could relate to someone’s attachment style, past experiences, personal insecurities about themselves, or something else. It is possible to work through and cope with these concerns if it’s something you struggle with personally.
Why do I worry about losing my girlfriend?
As mentioned earlier, worrying about losing someone is not entirely uncommon. When we talk about the fear of losing someone, it could mean fearing losing loved ones permanently due to death, or it could mean the fear of losing someone because they left you. Losing loved ones in the past could make it tough for you to avoid worrying about losing loved ones moving forward. For example, you might have lost a parent or close friend at a young age. It is natural to feel worried about losing others when you have experienced love and loss already.
If this is something you face, there are steps you can take to address the worry. You can find a therapist that can help people to get through the fear or pain of loss. Sometimes, in exploring the topic, one could find that a person is still grieving even after years of being separated from a loved one. When you are grieving the loss of a loved one, the thought of losing loved ones again may come to the surface. Allow a trusted person in your life, such as a mental health therapist, to help you through this time in your life. When you are grieving, it’s possible to find new ways to move forward with positive support.
Therapy Is Personal
Therapy is a personal experience, and not everyone will go into it seeking the same things. The independent, licensed providers on the BetterHelp platform have a range of specialties, which can make finding the fit you’re looking for easier.
If you’re still wondering if therapy is right for you, and how much therapy costs, please contact us at contact@betterhelp.com. BetterHelp specializes in online therapy to help address all types of mental health concerns. If you’re interested in individual therapy, please reach out to contact@betterhelp.com and check out our Instagram. For more information about BetterHelp as a company, please find us on
If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn more about therapy, please see below:
RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) – 1-800-656-4673
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255
National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233
NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) – 1-800-950-6264
For more information on mental health, please see:
SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) SAMHSA Facebook, SAMHSA Twitter, SAMHSA LinkedIn, SAMHSA Youtube
Mental Health America, MHA Twitter, MHA Facebook, MHA Instagram, MHA Pinterest
WebMD, WebMD Facebook, WebMD Twitter, WebMD Instagram, WebMD Pinterest
NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health), NIMH Instagram, NIMH Facebook, NIMH Twitter,NIMH YouTube
APA (American Psychiatric Association), APA Twitter, APA Facebook, APA LinkedIn, APA Instagram
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