Conversation Starters And Things To Talk About With Your Boyfriend

Wondering what to talk about with your boyfriend to spark great conversations? Communication can be a critical skill, whether you’re experiencing relationship challenges or wanting to improve your already positive connection. For this reason, having conversation starters on hand may improve your relationship, foster emotional intimacy, and help you learn more about your partner than you may have previously known. Read on to discover a variety of things to talk about with your boyfriend, and learn how therapy can help if you struggle to communicate with your partner.

Why conversation topics matter in a relationship

Conversation starters can be a way to ask your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner about how they feel and what they want to talk about. You may learn more about each other, connect more profoundly, and find new interests to enjoy together. These intimate conversations and meaningful questions can foster emotional intimacy and emotional connection. 

Six things to talk about with your boyfriend or partner

Below are six questions you can ask your partner or boyfriend that’ll strengthen the relationship. You can discuss these topics on a date night or whenever you both have free time for a discussion. Often, in a healthy relationship, each partner considers the other their best friend, and these questions can help couples grow closer as both friends and significant others. 

“What would you like to do together that we haven't done yet?”

You can start a conversation by asking your boyfriend to think about a fun activity they've always wanted the two of you to do together. Although there can be a tendency to assume this question refers to a sexual fantasy or adventure, it can also be an opportunity to explore new interests and hobbies. Another way to frame this question might be, “If we had one week to do whatever you wanted, what would you want to do together?” This question can also lead to a discussion about how you define success in a serious relationship. Perhaps there are milestones your partner believes successful couples should achieve together that you haven’t yet reached.

New experiences can also lead to new conversations. For example, if you decide to take a class together or do an activity you've never done, you can create new memories and have new topics to explore together. Trying new experiences as a pair can be a way to remain on the same page and grow closer in a long-term relationship.

“What is it about us that makes you happy?”

Understanding the aspects of the relationship that lead your partner to feel happy can help you be more confident. It can also help you continue to value them in the relationship and show love in ways that make sense to them, as well as enable you to understand their core values for a lasting relationship. For example, your partner might talk about the level of emotional intimacy you have or the communication style you’ve cultivated together as reasons for their happiness in the relationship.

“How can I show you I love you?”

Everyone has different ways in which they express and receive love. love and feel loved. There are five primary love languages often discussed in psychology: 

• Quality time
• Physical touch
• Words of affirmation
• Gift giving and receiving
• Acts of service

Learning your primary love languages and your significant other’s can prove crucial in understanding one another and expressing your love. Although there are many theories about love, being able to express directly how you want to be loved may also open up communication in other areas. 

Note that what is considered normal for one person in this regard might not be the same for another. Perhaps your partner's primary love language is touch, and he values holding hands or kissing occasionally when you're out. Maybe you thought you were showing love well by expressing it via your primary love language of spending quality time together—for example, watching their favorite movie or spending a quiet morning at a coffee shop. It may turn out you've been limiting your displays of affection by only expressing them in ways you understand. Asking your partner how they feel and experience love may deepen your understanding of one another and your bond as a result.

“Can I help you with anything at all?”

Asking your partner how you can help them may show them you care. They might ask for a favor, like picking up the groceries, helping with laundry, or sitting and talking with them. Asking how you can support them may help them realize you're thinking of them and show them they are appreciated and seen.

When asking this question, follow through as long as the request is reasonable and doesn’t go against your values or boundaries. Maybe your partner would love to have your company at a mandatory class, or sports meet, or for you to take over the cooking during a particularly stressful work week. Helping them can be a way to show you are listening and caring. If you can’t help them with their request, ask if there is a way to compromise or another request they’re interested in receiving. 

“What is one thing you want me to change in our relationship?”

It may be unhealthy if your partner wants you to change fundamental aspects of your personality or physical appearance. However, behaviors are not necessarily part of a personality and can be changed. Perhaps there are habits you could partake in to support your partner more efficiently. Asking this question allows you to discuss potential changes in your relationship in a light-hearted and friendly way that can inspire a deeper emotional connection. 

Maybe your partner would prefer you put your clothes in the hamper rather than on the floor, listen to music more quietly, keep your books or action figure cluster in a different place, or do more activities with them. Maybe they want more quality time with you when you come home from work.

If their request doesn’t harm you and does not violate your boundaries, it may be helpful to work on making the change. However, note the difference between making little changes and altering who you are. If someone asks you to be someone you aren’t, they might be acting in an unhealthy or abusive way, which can harm emotional intimacy and mental health. 

If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 for support. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. You can also use the online chat. 

“Name a way we could improve our relationship together as a team”

There may be room for improvement in any relationship. If you're unsure about the health of your relationship or your partner's happiness, you might ask what is most challenging for them to cope with in the connection. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re asking them to tell you what they don’t like about you, but instead, what you can work on together as a team. 

Take a step back and examine the state of your relationship. Are you fighting often? Is one of you frustrated or stressed? Have an honest discussion about changes you might want to make. For example, you might decide to work together on household chores more often, tell them you appreciate them more consistently, or give them space when they request it.

If your relationship has significant conflict, approach this topic kindly, without passive aggression or aggression. Don't ask this question to raise your complaints, dig into past relationships, or get defensive and claim that any issues are someone else’s fault. Instead, actively listen and ask questions to understand your partner more deeply. 

Conversation starters by situation

Fast conversation games

It’s not necessary to have deep, emotionally intimate conversations all the time. It can be fun to play simple conversation games as well. For example, “would you rather” questions and hypothetical situations can be entertaining to discuss. Below are a few examples:

• If you won the lottery tomorrow, what would you do?
• If you could only bring five items to a desert island, what would they be?
• If you could only eat one food (watch one movie, listen to one song, wear one outfit, etc.) for the rest of your life, what would it be?

You can also spend time discussing pop culture topics and favorites, such as: 

• Your favorite song or favorite love song 
• Your favorite TV show
• Your favorite book
• Your favorite cartoon character
• Your favorite holiday
• Your favorite subject in school
• Your favorite historical figure

Relationship timeline questions

Another topic to discuss is your relationship timeline. You can reminisce on your first date and first kiss, or talk about your earliest memory together and whether either of you experienced “love at first sight.”

You can also embrace vulnerability by asking deeper questions, like each person’s biggest regret or most embarrassing moment. These types of intimate conversations can foster a deeper emotional connection.

Texting ideas and topics that translate well over text

Communication through texting doesn’t usually lend itself well to serious conversations. When texting, it can be best to remain lighthearted. You can ask fun questions or random questions, but remain aware of your communication style and the fact that, without nonverbal cues, words can be misinterpreted.

When conversation seems hard

Couples may not always be on the same page, and that’s to be expected in a long-term, serious relationship. Asking thoughtful questions to understand each other’s point of view can be helpful and may increase emotional intimacy. However, in some cases, one or both partners may not be able or willing to communicate openly. When this happens, it may be helpful to speak to a couples therapist who can facilitate a conversation and offer unbiased feedback and guidance.

Support options 

The riskiest part of challenging conversations can be their potential to unearth new emotions and sources of frustration, possibly leading to an awkward moment or argument. If you’re struggling in your relationship or want to grow your relationship with your partner, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist. Couples counseling can teach you and your partner strategies to improve your communication and connection. You can attend couples therapy in person or online.

Online therapy may also be a beneficial resource for couples with busy schedules or those in a long-distance relationship. Through platforms like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a therapist with experience in your area of concern. In addition, couples can meet online from two separate locations and choose between phone, video, or chat sessions. 

Research shows that online therapy can be an effective tool for strengthening couples’ relationships. According to a 2022 study, couples who attended online therapy together typically experienced the same level of improvement as couples who attended in-person therapy together in areas like relationship satisfaction and mental health.