36 Questions To Make You Fall in Love: Does It Work?

By Stephanie Kirby|Updated August 10, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Whitney White, MS. CMHC, NCC., LPC

Mandy Len Catron fell in love with a stranger. In the New York Times’ “Modern Love” section, she listed 36 questions that can make you fall in love with anyone. Her theory is that any two people can ask and answer these 36 questions while staring into the other person’s eyes for at least two minutes, and this will lead to love.

The 36 Questions Theory

Can Asking Questions Make You Fall In Love?

Here Are The 36 Questions To Fall In Love And Get You Started:

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
  6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
  13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  16. What do you value most in a friendship?
  17. What is your most treasured memory?
  18. What is your most terrible memory?
  19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
  20. What does friendship mean to you?
  21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?



  22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
  23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
  25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
  26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
  27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
  28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
  29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
  32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
  34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
  35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Why Would This Work?

Some of the 36 questions are deeply personal and involve great self-disclosure. They force you to open up and be vulnerable with the other person. The answers to these 36 questions will give you a very clear picture of the other person, who they are, and what’s important to them. Asking and answering these questions may not always lead to love, but they can certainly help you to better understand and bond with someone in a rather unique way. You never know…people fall in love for all sorts of reasons, and not all of them are entirely logical.

Navigating Love With BetterHelp

Can Asking Questions Make You Fall In Love?

With online therapy through BetterHelp, you can attend counseling sessions and access mental health resources completely remotely. From the comfort of your own home (or wherever you have Wi-Fi), you can interact with your therapist—via voice call, text, live chat, or video call. If you choose, you can also seek therapy anonymously, as BetterHelp does not require your full name or contact info when signing up. Studies have shown that online therapy can help those who are having trouble in their close relationships, either individually or as a couple. One study, published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, concluded that online therapy is effective in improving relationship functioning and individual mental health.

Counselor Reviews

“Lee has a great view on relationships and is truly great at noticing when you’re not being truthful with yourself. If you are having relationship issues or issues involved with relationships she’s your gal.”

“Mark has been extremely attentive to everything that I disclose. He’s not only provided me support but insight and encouragement to let me know I’m on a good path to self improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight on my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship.”

 

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