Why You Keep Falling In And Out Of Love

Medically reviewed by April Justice
Updated February 21, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

It can be common for relationships to experience ups and downs, but if you have found yourself experiencing inconsistent feelings for your partner on a more frequent basis, you may be wondering whether you are falling out of love. If you feel deeply in love with your partner one day and completely out of love the next, this could be a sign of a deeper issue. Falling out of love can look like losing the “spark” between yourself and your partner, not enjoying quality time together, becoming hypercritical, comparing your relationship to others’ relationships, lacking communication, and feeling unsure about the future of your life together. You may wish to address your changing feelings directly with your partner or discuss them with an online therapist.

Feel like you’re falling out of love?

What does falling out of love look like?

Due to the unique nature of individuals and romantic partnerships, it can be challenging to identify precisely how it feels to fall out of love. It can be especially difficult to confirm these feelings as it is not uncommon to uphold feelings of love toward someone you feel you are “falling out of love” with. Though it may seem counterintuitive in these situations, it can be possible to love a person while maintaining the feeling that the relationship has come to an end. 

Still, there may be a handful of feelings and behaviors that tend to characterize falling out of love. Below are a few red flags to look out for that may indicate your feelings of love are waning.

You notice a lack of “spark

Typically, the early stages of a relationship are filled with excitement, elation, and buzz as you fall in love. Though these feelings tend to die down in any healthy, long-term relationship, you may feel this loss of spark more intensely when falling out of love.

You no longer enjoy your time together

Similar to feeling a lack of spark, you may find that you no longer enjoy spending time with your partner. You may find yourself feeling sad or dejected during dates or quality time. Additionally, you may realize that you and your partner have significantly decreased or forfeited quality time altogether.

You become hypercritical of your partner

Someone falling out of love may begin fixating on their partner’s flaws, past arguments, or any general pitfalls of the relationship. Furthermore, you may notice an increase in arguments, disagreements, or miscommunications with your partner. Though no relationship may be perfect, lingering feelings of negativity or resentment toward your partner could mean you are falling out of love.

You compare your relationship or partner to others

If you find yourself comparing your relationship to those of your friends, family, co-workers, or even couples in movies or books, this could be an early indicator that you are falling out of love. Though it can be common for people to engage in some level of comparison when it comes to relationships, experiencing feelings of jealousy or hopelessness when it comes to other couples could be a sign.

There is a lack of communication

Typically, a healthy relationship relies on open communication. If you are having trouble communicating with your partner, this could be an indicator that you are falling out of love.

You are feeling uncertain about the future

In a long-term relationship, it can be fairly standard to plan together for your future, whether that means moving in together, getting married, or having children. If you have lost confidence in future plans with your partner that you previously felt certain of, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship as a whole. 

Determining whether you have fallen out of love

Falling in love can be one of the best feelings. However, people fall out of love in relationships, too. Falling out of love with your partner can happen quickly or over a long period of time, depending on the nature of your relationship. Still, these feelings do not necessarily mean your relationship must end. There are a few things you may consider if you worry you are falling out of love with your partner. 

Depending on the length of your relationship, it can be possible that you and your partner are simply leaving the “honeymoon phase”. The honeymoon phase is typically characterized by feelings of excitement and elation during the early stages of a relationship. Studies show that the honeymoon phase tends to last anywhere from 30 days to two and a half years, though this can differ for every couple. 

Similar to falling out of love, leaving the honeymoon phase can look like a loss of spark or a decrease in quality time, but typically, this phase plays an important role in any long-term relationship. If you are somewhat early on in your relationship, you may want to consider that you and your partner could be simply leaving your honeymoon phase and not necessarily falling out of love. 

You may also want to consider outside factors that may be affecting the quality of your relationship. It is not uncommon for work or financial stress, personal issues, marriage and family, or changes in mental or physical health to strain an otherwise healthy relationship. In cases like this, it may be helpful to consult a therapist for guidance. 

How to cope with falling out of love

Falling out of love with a partner tends to be challenging and troublesome for everyone involved. If you are having trouble navigating your feelings of falling out of love, there may be certain things that can help you and your partner cope. 

If you feel it is safe to do so, you could try communicating your feelings directly to your partner. Though this can be a difficult conversation to have, it could help you and your partner determine how to improve the relationship or choose your next steps. This doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, and it’s possible to fall back in love with your partner if you both have the desire to nurture the partnership and take action.

Additionally, you could try giving each other some space. This could look like separate living situations or simply spending less time together temporarily in order to spend time reevaluating your feelings. 

Often, it can be difficult to navigate these complex situations alone. Whether you determine you would like to improve your relationship or part ways, it could be helpful to seek professional guidance. 

Benefits of online therapy

If you feel yourself falling out of love with your partner, you may benefit from online therapy. Research has shown that couples therapy usually positively impacts around 70% of those receiving treatment.

When seeking couples or individual counseling, online therapy can provide more flexibility than in-person therapy. The additional flexibility of online therapy can be beneficial for those with hectic schedules or a busy family life.

Feel like you’re falling out of love?

Effectiveness of online therapy 

In addition to online therapy frequently offering a number of benefits in regard to flexibility and scheduling, studies show that online couples therapy can be equally as effective as in-person therapy. 

Additionally, recent studies show that online therapy, in general, can be equally as effective in treating symptoms of depression, anxiety, and other types of mental health disorders as traditional in-office therapy. 

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Takeaway

Though every relationship is different, there are a few general signs that may indicate you are falling out of love. You may become hypercritical of your partner, feel uncertain about your future together, and feel as if the “spark” has died out. If you feel yourself falling out of love, you may want to consider the specifics of your situation or attempt to address the issue with your partner directly. Furthermore, a licensed therapist may be better equipped to help you navigate your unique situation.

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