How Do Couples Therapy Sessions Work?

What causes tension in relationships?

Even a simple matter such as leaving the toilet seat up can cause tension in a relationship. But in many cases, couples argue about larger-scale issues such as infidelity, betrayal of trust, and other toxic behaviors. Should couples go to therapy together for conflicts? If you’ve ever searched, “relationship counseling near me”, keep reading.

If you and your partner are experiencing constant conflict, couples or marriage therapy could be a valuable support for your relationship to help you navigate your emotions together. Relationship therapy can provide answers to couples’ most pressing concerns. The good news is, many couples have succeeding in strengthening their relationships and overall relationship satisfaction— you can too. All you need are the right tools and goals. We will start by taking a look at some of the foundations and approaches of couples therapy.

Couples Counseling: A Foundation To Communicate

What do couples do in couples counseling? Instead of focusing on fighting less, it is helpful for couples to focus on better communication when disagreements arise during the course of a relationship. Be an active listener: truly listen to what your partner has to say and give them the space to speak their mind. While in the heat of the moment, it can be challenging to be objective, but learning how to discuss thoughts and feelings is an invaluable foundation for a healthier relationship. Counseling with couples therapists can help create this foundation.

Know Your Issues

Knowing your issues includes you and your partner identifying recurring patterns in your arguments. Have you been stressed out about monthly bills or health issues? Do you have disagreements on how to parent your children? Are you feeling overwhelmed with other family obligations? Whatever is going on, talk to your partner so that you have a clear understanding about where you both stand on key issues within your household.

Stick To Emotional Issues That Are Present

It can be difficult to not make a mountain out of a molehill. When a disagreement arises, think about the current situation and its underlying cause. Don’t bring in irrelevant information that could cause an even bigger fight. Be fair, and try not to guilt trip by bringing up past arguments. Refrain from saying things like “You always do this” or “This happened every time before.”

Find Areas Of Healthy Agreement

While agreeing simply for the sake of avoiding an argument is not always a great strategy, identifying a place where you agree in the midst of an argument can be helpful and constructive. For example, let’s say a couple disagrees on whether their young daughter should be home schooled. Instead of either arguing or “agreeing to disagree”, one partner could say, “I know we both value education and want what is best for our child. Now let’s create a pros and cons list of each option so we can figure out the best solution”. Acknowledging an area of agreement creates a sense of alliance, which makes finding a compromise more likely during the partner’s conversations together.

Step Into Your Partner’s Shoes

Assess your values, thoughts, beliefs, and other integral parts of yourself. Where do they match up with your partner’s, and where are they different? Different values could be the real cause of your argument—it helps to understand that. Or you might recognize that the real cause of an argument is your partner feeling they have less control than you do, which made them pick a fight. Although controlling other people is not a healthy way to operate, trying to understand the argument from the other person’s perspective will help you approach the situation with empathy.

“A licensed therapist will help you not only solve your immediate relationship issue, but also create long-lasting solutions that will aid in both partners’ communication, interaction, and displays of love throughout your relationship.”

Can counseling with your partner make things worse? Two people will not see eye to eye on everything. Once you’re able to accept that, you’ll also be able to move past previous arguments. Couples therapy can help you reach this point. It should not make things worse, but it may help propel you to uncomfortable growth.

Contrary to popular belief, people don’t usually get upset for no reason. If your partner is coming across as angry or upset and you can’t figure out why, there’s likely some sort of internal conflict going on. Maybe they had a bad day at work. Maybe there is conflict that you’re not aware of with friends or family members. Maybe they’re battling a mental health issue such as depression or anxiety — you never know.

The point here is that rather than assuming that your partner’s behavior is irrational, you should do your best to identify what might be causing it. The most effective way to do this might be to make time to talk about it during a session.

What Are Some Benefits Of Therapy With Your Partner?

What Are Its Techniques?

Most couples therapy centers on increasing effective communication and strengthening attachment bonds. For example, emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT) uses knowledge of adult attachment and bonding to guide therapists in helping couples. EFT therapists help couples assess and strengthen their emotional responses, interactions, and bonds. This type of couples therapy helps couples come to peace with the past and move forward into the future.

Other couples therapy modalities include:

 

Gottman Method: This approach helps couples (in marriage or relationships) increase their overall closeness, respect, and affection through “love maps.”

 

Narrative Therapy: Couples identify and name their internalized issues, which can then be viewed from multiple angles and worked with constructively.

 

Positive Psychology: Therapists use this method to emphasize the positive aspects of relationships, increasing happiness.

 

Imago Therapy: This method combines behavioral and spiritual techniques, posing questions to couples such as “Why did you choose your partner?”

Will It Work For My Partner and Me?

Success or failure depends on the extent to which both partners are willing to commit to couples therapy techniques and exercises. If one or both of you are unwilling to fully engage and provide commitment to the process, then couples therapy is not likely to work. The process takes effort from both sides. In addition, both partners must be willing to change their behavior. Finally, the fit between therapist and clients must be good enough. What should I not tell a marriage counselor? You should feel comfortable telling your therapist anything. Something you might think is small or embarrassing might help unlock new insights. What you tell them is protected by privacy laws, except in special cases where the therapist might learn that someone is in danger.

Other factors include things like the level of marital stress. Seeking help early in your relationship, when disagreements are just starting to emerge, can establish ground rules and prevent issues down the road. It may also be a good idea to sign up for premarital counseling if you are engaged or thinking about marriage.

If your partner refuses to go to couples therapy, you might consider individual therapy to sort out your own issues related to the relationship and learn healthy coping mechanisms.

Should a husband and wife see the same therapist?

If your partner does not feel comfortable attending couples therapy, but is willing to try therapy on their own, you might be able to see the same therapist individually, with the goal of eventually trying couples sessions.

Should I tell my wife what I talk about in therapy?

It’s perfectly fine to talk to your spouse about what you discuss in therapy. This can help them understand what areas of your life or your relationship that you’re struggling with or working on. It might even show them how therapy helps you, and inspire them to try it.