Frequently Asked Question

What does a marriage therapist do?

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), marriage therapists are responsible for helping married or betrothed couples solve common relationship issues. They can provide advice, offer guidance, and give information to partners, spouses, and/or individuals facing divorce, separation, or everyday stress. Sometimes, they even conduct couples counseling sessions in a group setting or as part of an immersive exercise.

Marriage and family therapy focuses on restoring intimate relationships within the household, so therapists often customize sessions to suit the family’s unique needs. Therapists will also review marriage history to determine key points of interest for later discussion. Then, they’re create a collaborative treatment plan for the couple to use regularly.  

How effective is marriage counseling?

The effectiveness of marriage counseling depends on several factors, including the couple’s willingness to work on the relationship and the counselor’s compatibility with that couple. Different marital problems require different solutions, so it’s also important to find a therapist that’s familiar with your unique issue. A good match in marriage and family therapy equals an 80% chance of saving your marriage, according to the latest statistics. Plus, couples who attended counseling on a regular basis enjoyed even more matrimonial security when compared to couples who used the service short term.

How many years does it take to be a marriage and family therapist?

Mental health professionals, especially those practicing marriage and family therapy, must go to an accredited school for 2-4 years to earn a bachelor’s degree in psychology. Some careers might also require a master’s or doctorate degree depending on the focus of the position. Licensed marriage counseling is built on a foundation of clinical hours and year-long internships as well. Therefore, a well-trained marriage and family therapist is considered one of the best mental health professionals in the field.

How much does marriage counseling usually cost?

The price of marriage counseling can vary widely depending on the therapist you choose. On average, however, marriage and family therapy costs between $75 and $250 per hour. Generally, couples seek therapeutic counseling appointments at least once per week for best results. Unfortunately, the cost of couple’s therapy isn’t always covered by insurance. That’s because most insurance companies view “marital distress” as something other than a mental health issue.

What questions are asked in marriage counseling?

Marriage and family therapy is always geared toward unlocking the hidden or lost potential of a relationship. Therefore, therapists use problem solving tactics and ask emotionally focused questions to determine the primary issue(s) before trying to solve them. At times, their inquisition might feel invasive, but the inquiries can be life changing when they’re met with honesty and openness.

All marriage counseling sessions are different, and some focus primarily on family life as opposed to the intimacy between couples. Therefore, these are the most commonly asked questions in marriage and family therapy:

• What problems affect your relationships the most?
• When did the bulk of the issues begin?
• How does everyone feel about working things out?
• Why do you feel the way you feel about your partner right now?
• Do you trust one another?
• Who would you like your partner to be?

Your therapist will also ask questions to determine whether the issues are temporary or permanent. In some cases, they might request feedback from other members of the family as well.

When should you consider couples counseling?

It’s best to seek emotionally focused couples counseling when the following things are true about your relationship:

• There has been a significant breakdown in communication or the quality thereof.
• You keep disagreeing or fighting over the same issues with no agreeable resolution.
• You’ve started feeling bored, restless, or numb when thinking about your relationship.
• You’d like to learn ways to have a more productive union.

Seek counseling from mental health professionals if your issues are making it difficult to remain faithful or if the problems have negatively affected your emotional connection. Marriage and family therapy is designed to help you get things back on track before the relationship comes to an end.

Can therapy save a relationship?

The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) suggests that marriage counseling is beneficial to all different types of family systems. Nearly 80% of the time, emotionally focused therapy helps to assuage marital distress before it ruins the relationship. Marriage and family therapy is, therefore, an effective technique for securing familial bonds.

Can you fix a broken relationship?

Broken relationships can be fixed, albeit not always quickly or easily, with the help of guided EFT therapy. Emotionally-focused therapies help rebuild trust through immersive and productive communication exercises, making couples counseling nearly 80% effective at repairing fractured connections. However, several factors can affect the outcome of marriage and family therapy. Therefore, the results are not guaranteed but rather dependent on the openness of those using it.

Why do couples go to therapy?

Couples use marriage and family therapy for a wide variety of reasons. Most commonly, issues such as infidelity, lacking communication, money matters, and a general loss of the emotional bond are what drive couples into marriage counseling. Damaged or broken family systems, troubles balancing professional development with familial responsibilities, and problems with self-esteem are typical as well. Couples counseling is not always sought to help relationships stay intact either. In some cases, it’s used to help separating families transition into a new lifestyle without causing trauma.

Can a therapist tell you to leave your partner?

A licensed marriage and family therapist cannot and will not tell you to leave your partner unless your partner’s behaviors are perceived as a direct threat to your physical safety. Even then, most therapists will work to uncover the cause of that threat and then find ways to remove it from the picture. Thus, the main objective of any counseling session is to promote reciprocal sharing by remaining neutral, not establishing sides.

Marriage counseling is designed to help solve common yet complex marital or familial problems. Therefore, simply hearing the counselor say something unfavorable is not the same as hearing them suggest a breakup. The effectiveness of marriage counseling depends on a variety of factors, including honesty, openness, and a commitment to change. So, if the relationship comes to an end afterward, then that’s most likely the best option for everybody.

What should a couple look for in a therapist?

Primarily, couples should look for a marriage and family therapist who’s licensed and certified to practice mental health care in their state. Furthermore, that counselor should be familiar with the most recent publications from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). Marriage counseling is an extremely personal matter, so professionals should also be flexible enough to create effective treatment plans for those in need.

Marriage and family therapy consists of personalized exercises and tailored timetables, which means it’s important to look for these qualities as well:

• Compatibility
• Flexibility
• Accountability
• Organization
• Affordability
• Convenience

Also, keep in mind that each therapist uses different techniques to help couples. So, be sure to sign up with someone whose methods are agreeable.

How long should couples therapy last?

The ideal duration of emotionally-focused marriage and family therapy can depend on predicted and/or unexpected factors. As such, there is no specific length of time that a couple must attend counseling to see positive results. However, most couples start out with short term therapy before moving on to long-term sessions if/when they’re needed.

Meanwhile, the average marriage counseling session lasts anywhere from 45 to 90 minutes. Couples are asked to attend at least 12 to 20 sessions before deciding on the program’s effectiveness. Furthermore, those dealing with mental or physical health problems may require complementary services in addition to seeing a marriage and family therapist.

What should I not tell a marriage counselor?

Speaking with a marriage and family therapist can make anyone feel vulnerable. That’s why it’s important to carefully consider what you’re comfortable sharing in each session. As a general rule, never tell your counselor anything that’s untrue or fabricated because it might impair the integrity of your treatment. Also, understand that most marriage counselors have heard just about everything, so your unique circumstances aren’t shocking at all.  

Additionally, keep in mind that marriage and family therapy isn’t 100% confidential. While couples get the chance to review the parameters of confidentiality prior to signing paperwork, they need to realize that therapists are bound by law. Therefore, any mention of illegal activity, child abuse or neglect, domestic abuse or neglect, or the desire to hurt oneself or others may result in your private information being shared with authorities.

Each therapist and every state are different, however. So, talk to your counselor or review published articles on the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) website for more information. Usually, you can mention physical or mental health problems upfront to gain compassionate access to community resources through your marriage and family therapist. Meanwhile, you can use their expertise to enjoy the professional development of effective treatment options.

Does the Gottman method work?

The Gottman method is one of the most popular (and effective) techniques used in modern-day marriage counseling. It was developed by world-renowned marriage and family therapist, John Gottman - a man made famous by his ability to predict divorce with only a 10% margin of error. His approach uses a comprehensive assessment of the relationship then incorporates proven interventions from the Sound Relationship House Theory to prevent breakups and secure more substantial bonds.

The program has had tremendously positive results for people struggling with perpetual issues such as commitment insecurity, loss of intimacy, or common types of manipulation like gaslighting and stonewalling. The Gottman Institute is well-known for its development of successful EFT treatment options, therefore its used in marriage and family therapy sessions all over the world.

What is stonewalling in marriage?

Marriage and family therapy sees a lot of stonewalling because it’s a common defense tactic used by one or more partners in a troubled relationship. It’s defined as the outright dismissal of what’s considered productive or healthy, thus it creates a perpetual and often growing problem within. The act is sometimes referred to as “the silent treatment” and can be linked to passive and/or aggressive narcissism. Therefore, comprehensive marriage counseling is generally required to help uncover this issue and provide tools for more diplomatic discussions.