What Family Therapist Is Right For Us?

Frequently Asked Questions

Do we need family therapy?

Deciding if family therapy is right for your family can be a big decision. It is normal for the decision to feel like admitting defeat or failure, but in reality, it is a big step forward. Family therapy gives families the tools to learn new and more effective ways to communicate, work through problems, to discipline, to relate to one another, and much more. Trying family therapy can be helpful when a family’s own problem-solving resources are no longer working or when problems seem too great to overcome without the help of a professional. While the decision is personal to every family, some of the reasons families choose to begin family therapy include:

• Family members having difficulty functioning in their normal capacity.
• Family members having extreme emotional reactions such as anger, fear, or sadness.
• Family members having a significant breakdown in communication between family members.
• Some family members are withdrawing from family life.
• Relationship problems.
• There have been instances or threats of violence to oneself or family members.
• Changes in children’s behavior at home or at school.
• The family experienced something traumatic.
• Substance abuse problems.
• A family member is diagnosed with long-term health issues or mental illness.
• Feeling like coping with stress is too much to bear.

While these are some of the reasons that families have decided to begin therapy in the past, there are plenty of other reasons why family therapy might be a good option for your family. Choosing to start family therapy is a decision that you and your family should make together since therapy will be most effective when everyone is on board with the decision to see a family therapist. Once deciding to pursue family therapy, it is also important to discuss whether your family feels therapy is best online or whether in-person sessions will be more beneficial to them.

How do you tell if a therapist is right for you?

Once you have decided that you want to begin family counseling, you’ll have to find a marriage and family therapist that is right for your family. While there is likely an abundance of mental health professionals in your area, finding the right one can be time-consuming and is a highly personal process. Here are some tools to use when looking selecting a marriage and family therapist.

First, it is important to look for a licensed therapist who has experience working within your area of concern. Like most health professionals, therapists have areas of expertise. There is a wide array of mental health professionals, including licensed clinical social workers, licensed mental health counselors, and therapists with doctoral degrees. All therapists are typically able to treat various issues, such as anxiety, depression, and stress. But, many problems, including family struggles and marital conflict, require someone with a specialized skill set, such as a licensed marriage therapist or, in some instances, a sex therapist.

Second, you’ll want to know whether the therapist’s approach is right for you. Some therapists are very active during the session, whereas others are passive or take on a non-directive role. Therapists who are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tend to be more goal-directed, active, and collaborative. During a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy session, you can expect your therapist to help you articulate your personal goals, both short term and long term, for treatment so that you can start to work towards those goals together during your sessions. Therapists who draw from other training experiences, such as a Person-Centered approach, will take a more passive role and avoid offering tools, techniques, and assignments. There is no benefit or detriment to either approach. Rather, it is finding the most compatible approach with what you hope to get out of your sessions. 

Another consideration is how available the therapist is. Some issues require more frequent therapy meetings. Some people may value having a therapist who has more flexibility in their schedule than others. Some individuals might believe that therapy is best online, whereas others prefer in-person sessions. Should you and your family decide that therapy is best online, there are many therapists online. Some therapists work in small private practices where the ability to answer phone calls or set up extra meetings spontaneously might be limited, whereas others might work in large clinics that offer around-the-clock care through crisis hotlines and group therapy, in addition to the regular one-on-one meetings. Counseling online is another consideration, especially for those individuals or families with busy scheduled where it might not be practical to find time to meet to see a therapist in-person.

You should also find out if the therapists work best online or if they prefer to meet in person. If a therapist’s preferred treatment style does not align with the type of options you are searching for, it might not make for an excellent long-term relationship.

Finally, if you or your family member have a diagnosis, such as an anxiety disorder, that is also being treated by a health care professional, it might be important to find a therapist who is willing to collaborate with your treatment team.

Overall, it is essential that no matter who you choose as your therapist, you’ll want to make sure that they are someone you and your family feel comfortable discussing and working on personal issues with.

Can family members go to the same therapist?

When it comes to marriage or family therapy, family members often go to the same mental health professional. Whether the therapist is online or in-person, individual therapy in conjunction with family or marriage therapy can be very beneficial for all parties. However, the question is more relevant when it comes to different forms of therapy, such as an individual seeking individual counseling services from the same licensed mental health professional who is treating the couple in marriage counseling sessions. While the licensed mental health professional can offer helpful insights, it is important for you and your family members, in consultation with the therapist discuss whether this situation is beneficial to the overall treatment goals.

For example, there are some benefits in situations where an individual in marriage counseling wants to see the same therapist for their individual needs. Some of these benefits include the opportunity to build a greater sense of trust with the therapist, which can lead to more fruitful marriage counseling sessions and allow the therapist to work on individual behaviors that impact the marital unit. Should this be an option that you decide to pursue, you and your partner need to understand that what is shared in individual therapy will not be shared during the relationship counseling sessions unless you tell your therapist otherwise, as well as set any other boundaries that you deem necessary. When receiving individual treatment from the same licensed mental health professional having conversations in the beginning around goals and expectations can reduce any possible negatives that can arise from these situations, such as confidentiality concerns or questioning whether the therapist has both partners’ best interests in mind when in the relationship counseling sessions. It is also possible that for you to decide that individual therapy is best online, whereas couples therapy is best in person.  Counseling best practices include having conversations with both partners around any concerns they might have with the individual therapy session, discussing confidentiality, and boundary setting.

While the example given here uses marriage counseling as an example, these situations apply to all family counseling services.

What are the disadvantages of family therapy?

Family therapy can be incredibly helpful for everyone, so long as all members of the family are willing to participate and examine their own actions and reactions to one another. One challenge may include finding time for everyone to meet with the licensed mental health professional at the same time, which is when counseling online should be considered. Family therapy may be best online given that some family members might not live in-state anymore but would still benefit from family therapy sessions.

Aside from logistical issues, family therapy can be challenging when some members won’t participate or if there is an unwillingness to self-reflect. When some family members are willing to work on creating healthier patterns, but others don’t, the family structure will begin to shift. This shift can create a hostile family dynamic or create unconscious anxiety as a change within the family structure develops. Some other challenges include exposure to hurtful issues that you were previously unaware of or seeing difficult family situations in a way that leads to altered perceptions – these feelings can be intense and lead to feelings of isolation or leading you to be emotionally drained if you do not feel supported by your family unit. Additionally, family issues can temporarily intensify as unhealthy patterns and behaviors become more apparent.

While these feelings are challenging, they are all feelings that are normal and can be worked through by sticking with family therapy. For individual family members who struggle to open up to in-person therapists they might find therapy best online since they might be more comfortable having conversations in the comfort of their home.

What are the techniques used in family therapy?

While each therapist is different, there are five family therapy counseling techniques that are widely used.

The first is structural therapy. Structural family therapy assesses power dynamics within the family unit and analyzes each family member's role within the family. The goal is to empower each family member and individualize each member's needs, in addition to establishing respect between all family members. For example, suppose a family begins a family therapy session because of a newly diagnosed mental health condition for one of the family members. In that case, it will be helpful to examine the role that each family member plays within the family and how those roles can help support both the family member with the diagnosis as well as support the family as a whole.

The second is Milan Therapy, which focuses on the belief system that either individual family member or the family holds onto. Milan Therapy challenges these closely held beliefs and practices, particularly as they relate to conflict. The idea is that by paying attention to these belief systems, you can dismantle and disempower belief systems that perpetuate conflict within the family. For example, suppose a couple is trying out sex therapy. In that case, the therapist will look at the beliefs that each individual has around sex and will encourage them to examine how these beliefs influence their sex life.

Strategic therapy examines patterns of interaction and conflict between family members and seeks to increase awareness and mindfulness of these patterns. This is a more direct approach than some other family therapy techniques as each family member is assigned work in order to improve how they interact with other family members. For example, if a family member has a newly diagnosed health condition, the strategic approach would allow the family to work on how they interact with the individual.

Narrative Therapy assists individual family members in shaping their personal narratives by recognizing and embracing individual positive qualities, skills, and gifts in order to help them confront and conquer problems they may be facing within their family unit or within their individual lives. For example, an individual who is diagnosed with an anxiety disorder might have many negative thoughts. Narrative therapy allows the individual to break free of the influence of negative or destructive influences that so often undermine the individual’s ability to embrace their own value, capabilities, and competencies.

Finally, transgenerational therapy examines intergenerational relationships and conflicts in family units and breaks down problematic or destructive belief systems that are often transmitted between one generation and the next. For example, when multiple generations of a family are living in the same house and face conflicting beliefs, transgenerational therapy allows participants to break down those beliefs. Transgenerational therapy is becoming more popular as a record 57 million Americans lived in multigenerational households in 2012, a number that has doubled since 1980. This number is expected to rise as the cost of eldercare continues to rise.

Counseling best practices for each of these techniques center around ensuring that each individual member taps into their own belief system and begins to question and challenge those beliefs.

What happens in family therapy?

Family therapy is often short term and averages around five to twenty sessions. Family therapists often combine many of the five techniques discussed above depending on the family's individual needs. The approach will also center on the type of therapy the family is involved in. For example, sex therapy will look different in its approach than a family looking for help with a child diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Family therapy aims to bring balance back to the family unit and give each family member skills and tools to develop and deepen their relationship with one another. While family therapy can be done in person, it may be best online so that family members who have hectic schedules or who do not live in the same city or state can still participate.

What is the difference between family therapy and individual therapy?

Family therapy is a form of therapy that seeks to understand, theorize, and imagine ways to help families function with greater flexibility, enhanced communication, and more dynamic roles and responsibilities, and can help strengthen connections. Oftentimes, when family relationships become strained beyond the family’s ability to respond, seeking help from a therapist can be beneficial. While addressing issues that impact a family can be beneficial.

Individual therapy is beneficial when there is an individual who is diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or another mental illness. Individual therapy allows the individual and a licensed mental health counselor to work together on strategies to overcome the various problems they are facing. Oftentimes, individuals who are working individually with a therapist will also seek out family therapy because the issues they are dealing with are contributing to conflict within the family. The combination of the two therapy options allows for the individual to work through their individual concerns with the therapist whereas family therapy allows the individual and the family to work through the various concerns the individual has in relation to their role within the family. Additionally, family therapy allows for the family members to learn coping skills to improve communication with the family member as well as ways to best support the family member who is struggling.

Whether you choose individual therapy, family therapy, or a combination of the two, it is important to consider whether you the treatment will be best online or in person. Regardless of the type of therapy you choose, therapy is only helpful if you go. By deciding which option is the best, you will be able to schedule time for the therapy sessions and ensure that both you and your family are able to attend the sessions.

How does family systems therapy work?

Family systems therapy is a form of therapy that assists individuals in resolving problems within the context of their family. Each individual works with others within their family to understand their group dynamic and how their individual actions impact the family unit as a whole. The idea is that the choices of one family member impacts everyone in the family.

Family systems therapy is often used with families in conflict but can also be used by couples and individuals who struggle with issues related to their families of origin. The treatment approach has also been found to be helpful for people with mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, personality disorders, addiction, and food-related disorders.

During family systems therapy, the family works individually and together with the licensed therapist to overcome issues that impact one or more family members. Each family member will have the chance to express their thoughts, concerns, and feelings on how the particular action impacted them. As a family, you work together to help the individual with their problem and to help relieve the strain the issue is placing on the family. Family members have the opportunity to explore their individual roles within the family as well as switching roles to challenge the role they are typically in and to learn ways to support and help each other in a way they might not have otherwise been able to in their traditional role. The goal of family systems therapy is to restore family relationships and rebuild the family system.

What does a functional family look like?

Every family is different. What might be completely functional for one family might be complete chaos for you and vice versa. However, there are some basic tenants that make families more or less functions. One of the most important tenants is respect. Every person in a family must be respectful as consistently as possible. Being considerate of each other and each other’s boundaries is extremely important. Other important facets of functionality include privacy, creating an emotionally safe environment, accountability, knowing when to apologize, allowing expression of emotions, accepting that people change and grow, and being gentle when it comes to teasing and sarcasm. There are many other thoughts around what makes a family more or less functional, but having a strong foundation that is built on respect and acceptance is important.

What is the importance of family therapy?

Families seek therapy with a family counselor for many reasons. Some members might not understand why they are there initially, but since every individual action has the ability to impact the larger familial unit, it can be important to involve all family members when addressing familial concerns. Family therapy helps families work through struggles, challenges, and tough times that make the family stronger, even if the issue doesn’t go away. The goal is to improve the relationships and functioning of the members in the family unit. There are many benefits of family therapy, but one of the biggest benefits is that it reduces stress and resolves conflict for both individuals as well as the family unit. Since the goal is to get the entire family involved, family therapy can be best online, especially when family members are spread out across the country. 

Does family therapy really work?

Like anything, you will get out of family therapy what you put into it. Family therapy can be useful in any family situation that causes stress, grief, anger, or conflict that is beyond your ability to manage. Family therapy can help you, and your family members understand one another and learn coping skills to bring you closer together. In order ensure you and your family are reaping the benefits of family therapy, have a discussion with your family beforehand to determine whether everyone prefers to meet with the therapist in person or if the therapy is best online. Another way to get your family engaged from the beginning is to have them help when selecting a therapist. By having an open dialog and creating conversation around therapy from the very beginning, you will be more likely to get more buy in over time.

What are the key concepts of family systems theory?

Murray Bowen, an American psychiatrist, developed his family systems theory in the 1950s. He drew from his knowledge of family patters and systems theory, which looked at how parts of a system interact with the whole system. Bowen believed that personalities, emotions, and behaviors of adults are a result of birth order, their role within their family of origin, and coping mechanisms they developed when they were younger. Bowen felt that in order to understand the individual, the family must be viewed as a whole and that the defining characteristics of a family are more than just the individuals, but how they interact with one another that creates a unique family dynamic.

What are the 6 functions of the family?

There are six functions of the family that have an overall benefit to society. The benefits include population increases, caring for others in society, as well as contributing to society in a meaningful way.

1. Socialization of children
2. Maintenance & physical care
3. Love & nurturance
4. Production of goods & services
5. Social control of children
6. Addition of new members

When a family member feels that one of these functions is not being met in the way most beneficial to them, it can lead to conflict. This is when family therapy is a good option.

What are the 4 basic functions of a family?

There are four basic functions of family. These four functions include regulation of sexual activity, reproduction, socialization, and economic and emotional security. These four functions create harmony within the family unit and allow a basis for how family units operate at the most basic of levels.