Couples Therapy Questions That You Should Expect
By: Robert Porter
Updated December 17, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault
Cultivating a healthy relationship is not always easy. Sometimes you may encounter tough periods where you will need help to get through things. A healthy, committed relationship involves open and honest communication between two parties. If your relationship has been struggling in various ways, then you may need to consider seeking out couples therapy.
Couples therapy is an important tool for couples who want to save their relationship. It can give couples the chance to talk about what is going on in a safe environment. Whether you are in a marriage or if you are simply seeing someone who you love very much, it is worthwhile to fight to save what you have. If you value your relationship with your significant other, then you will have to come to terms with various truths. Couples counseling and therapy sessions can be very cathartic, but they can also be tough depending on how bad the problems in your relationship truly are.
If you are getting ready to go into a couples therapy situation, then you are likely wondering what to expect. Often, the therapist will just be facilitating conversation between you and your spouse or partner. They do this by asking a series of questions and allowing you to open up about certain important topics. Before going to your first couples therapy session, it might make you feel better to know some of the questions that you should expect to hear.
What Problems Are You Experiencing In This Relationship?
One of the most crucial questions that you will be asked at the beginning is very simple. You have to figure out what problems are occurring inside of your relationship. This can actually be a tough question for some couples to answer. Even so, it is important to be completely honest.
If you want to fix the problems and heal your relationship, then your partner needs to know what is wrong. You cannot work on things together if you are leaving your significant other in the dark. Likewise, you have to be open to hearing about certain problems that you may be creating in the relationship. A relationship involves two people and two different perspectives. You have to be willing to listen and accept that there may be things that you need to change about yourself.
Do You Want A Divorce? Can This Relationship Be Saved?
It is also going to be important to ask your partner whether or not they want a divorce. If you are not married to your partner, then the question will be about whether or not the relationship can be saved. When two people both want to work together to save the relationship, then there will be a good chance for things to succeed. If one member of the relationship has completely checked out, then it is just never going to work.
Honest communication about whether the relationship can continue needs to occur. All of the couples counseling in the world will not help if one person simply does not want to remain in the relationship. That is why the question of whether the relationship can be saved is posed right at the beginning of couples counseling. If you want to save the marriage or relationship, then you need to commit to trying your best to fix things right away.
Do You Trust Me? How Can We Trust Each Other Again?
You will find that many relationships become tumultuous due to trust issues. Sometimes these trust issues come about due to one person cheating on the other. Other times, trust issues may not even have a logical basis. It just depends on the situation. Whether or not you can trust each other again will be tough to say. A couples counselor will work with you to improve the trust levels in your relationship.
Sometimes there are situations where one person feels like they will never trust their spouse or partner again. It will take time to rebuild that trust if something major has occurred in the relationship. Even significant problems, such as infidelity, can be forgiven if couples can find the strength within themselves. It is not an easy situation to be in, but you can work on finding common ground and building up the love that you once had together.
What Type Of Love Do You Feel For Your Partner?
Determining what type of love you have for your partner matters too. There are times when people are very attached to their partner but do not experience strong feelings of romantic love. You want to make sure that romantic feelings still live within your relationship. If the romance is dead in your relationship, then it can be difficult to move forward together.
People do fall out of love sometimes, and they can even stop being attracted to one another. This does not mean that the flame cannot be rekindled. If you love your partner enough to try, then it is possible to find that romantic spark once again. You just have to be honest and work on this aspect of your relationship. It might be tough for your partner to hear that you don't love them in the same way that you did before, but communication has to occur before anything ever changes.
Are You Satisfied With The Intimacy Levels In This Relationship?
Both parties in a relationship deserve to be satisfied sexually and romantically. If one person feels that the intimacy levels in the relationship are not sufficient, then this is a big problem. One of the most common issues that couples experience are sexual incompatibilities. These problems can be about one person not being satisfied with the type of sex that is occurring in the relationship, or the frequency of sexual encounters.
When someone is not sexually satisfied, they may become weak enough to seek that satisfaction outside of the relationship. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, so these problems should be addressed. If you want to make your partner happy, then you need to be at least open to discussing their feelings on this matter. Otherwise, the chances for you to cultivate a fulfilling and happy relationship will be slim.
Do You See A Future Together?
Finally, you need to be able to recognize whether or not you see a future together. It is also important to try to see the same type of future together. If your goals for the future are in alignment with your partner's, then that is a great sign that the marriage is worth saving. Even if you don't want 100% of the same things for the future, it is important to see whether you both want to continue the relationship moving forward.
If one person simply cannot see a future with the other, then that means that it is either over or there is significant work to be done. Ideally, you will both be able to see a future where you are both happy and healthy. Either way, you will need to answer this question truthfully so that you can work on finding a future that will make you both happy. Trying to align your goals for the future may not always be easy, but it becomes simpler when you can speak with your partner openly about their desires.
Emotionally Focused Therapy May Be Right For You
There is a couples therapy method that has proven to be very effective at helping to deescalate situations. Emotionally focused therapy involves helping people to focus on the present rather than focusing on past issues or problems. Many of the issues that couples are having are based on past problems and actions. The anger and resentment that has come about due to those problems needs to be dealt with to move forward.
EFT therapy is a smart way to help couples get their relationship back to a healthier point. This type of therapy is generally going to involve three stages. The first stage is about helping one or both members of the relationship come to terms with what has happened. The couple needs to realize that their insecurities and distance is harming the chances of the relationship moving forward. This step involved stopping any negative interactions with one another to halt the cycle that is keeping the relationship on the rocks.
The next stage of this therapy involves changing the way that you interact with your significant other. Discussions about fears, expectations, and many other topics will occur. The language used to discuss these issues will be very measured to avoid pushing one member of the relationship away. This is a healing conversation where a couple will learn to talk to each other healthily to figure out how to meet each other's needs.
Finally, the third step of emotionally focused couples therapy involves listening to the therapist tell you how to avoid falling back into the same negative cycles. For couples therapy to truly work, it is imperative that you learn from past mistakes. If you can continue to have healthy conversations in the future instead of falling back into old patterns, then you will be able to lead a happier life together. Focusing on the emotional health of all parties involved does work. It takes a commitment to honesty and a willingness to let go of the past.
Consider Seeking Online Couples Counseling
You do not have to search for "couples therapy near me" if you turn to online options. You can receive the best counseling and therapy from the comfort of your own home. This is often more convenient for couples because it allows them to work things out on their own time. Difficulties in your marriage or relationship do not stop your everyday responsibilities. If you do not have a lot of time to spend going to see an in-person counselor, then the online option is going to be very beneficial.
Online counseling is a great option to help you get your relationship back on track. You don’t need to worry about whether online therapy will work or not. Research continually shows that online treatment delivers the same results as in-person counseling across a wide swath of practices.
The online couples counseling that you can access at platforms like BetterHelp will be highly thorough. At the end of the day, the success of a therapeutic treatment depends on the patients and the practitioner. BetterHelp online counselors know all of the best techniques and will be able to assist you with getting to the bottom of your relationship issues. These licensed counselors will ask many of the above questions while seeking to help you figure out how to save what you have built with your significant other. Even if the road is not an easy one to travel, you will always have a dedicated therapist on your side to guide you. Read what others have to say about their experiences with BetterHelp below.
“Janie has been listening to my concerns and the things that are affecting me and my relationship. We have just started working together but she has given me a lot of good things to think about, recommended some reading, and is going to send me some prompts to think of ways to phrase my questions and thoughts to my wife in ways that do not make her fell that I am attacking her or that she needs to be defensive. I look forward to continuing to work with Janie to hopefully save my marriage.”
“Pamela has been a GREAT counselor! I needed clarity on my marriage and talking to her was so, so helpful. My husband chose not to get counseling with me but I still got a lot of value out of speaking to Pamela on my own. 10/10, can’t recommend her enough!”
Signing up for online therapy should not take much of your time either. This is a therapy method that will be convenient and cost-effective for you. You can take the time to go through couples therapy together and will make progress toward learning to love each other more completely. This emotionally focused therapy is an important tool that will help you to find the future that you are desiring.
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