Why Giving Up On Love Is A Mistake
By: William Drake
Updated November 25, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Karen Devlin, LPC
Nearly everyone has considered giving up on love. You may be in a marriage or long-term relationship and considering ending it. Or, you may be single or out of a failed relationship thinking that you will never find love again. Love is something that everyone needs and giving up on love can lead to depression, anxiety, a lower number of social interactions, and stress. Everyone has been there, and although it is a tough spot, you can come out the other side roaring.
Love Is A Necessity
While you may think that love is something nice to have but not necessary, love is a necessity that we all must have to be healthy. Specifically, love is considered a need in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which outlines the goals through which people achieve emotional and physical health.
Studies have proven that people who are loved and express love are much happier and healthier in general. Having love in your life helps to reduce stress and anxiety, which can lead to physical symptoms as well. When you have reduced stress, you are much less likely to have heart conditions, inflammation, auto-immune disorders, or be overweight.
Reasons To Hold Onto Relationships
Many people have frequent thoughts of giving up on love relationships, whether it be a marriage or a long-term commitment. When things get rough in a relationship, it can sometimes seem that the only way to be happy is to leave it behind. Working things out can seem too difficult.
However, there are many good reasons to fight for your love. Love is a precious thing that should be held onto. So long as there are not emotionally or physically damaging aspects in the relationship, it is much better to fight for the love that you share with your significant other. Finding love again, while entirely possible, may be more trouble than it's worth.
The Difficulty In Finding New Love
Finding new love can be challenging. It gets harder the older you are. Fighting for the love you already have is a good idea. The easier it is for you to give up on love, the more time you will spend looking for it.
When you end a relationship, there is always a period of mourning, but then you are on the lookout for love again. And, if you are like most people, you will have a very hard time finding it. Meeting new people and cultivating love in today's society is extremely difficult. While there are a lot of dating apps out there to help people find love, the sad truth is that many of the people using those apps are not looking for lasting relationships.
There are other ways to meet people, but the results are often the same. People who meet in bars or clubs are just as least likely to form lasting relationships as people who meet through dating apps. Finding people who are of a like mind and want a real lasting love can be difficult.
However, with effort and persistence, it is possible to find love. It happens every day. But the fact remains that if you already have a committed loving relationship, it is much easier to hold onto, repair, and work on the existing relationship than it is to start over.
When Love Isn't Enough
There are times when you do have to give up on a love relationship. Love is not always enough. Sometimes it can even be unhealthy. Don't let the idea that you shouldn't give up on love keep you in a bad situation. It cannot be stressed enough that it is necessary to end an emotionally or physically abusive relationship.
If you are experiencing abuse of any kind from your partner, giving up on that love is the best thing for you to do. Remember that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. If your current partner is emotionally or physically abusive, you have every reason to give up on that love and to look for a different, healthier love.
If you are leaving a toxic relationship, this article is even more relevant. You may feel that you have a good reason to give up on love forever. It is important to start fresh when ready because love is a necessity. Keep reading and find out a few more reasons to look for healthy love.
Reasons To Keep Looking For Love
You may be in a situation where a relationship has ended, and you feel like you should just give up on love altogether. Or, you may be a younger person who has looked for love and not found it yet. Sometimes it can seem easier to accept being alone and give up looking for love.
But this is a vital mistake that you are making. Love is something that everyone needs for many reasons. When you close your heart and decide that you will never love again, it can impact every area of your life. It can have mental health risks and physical side effects. Ultimately, love finds everyone eventually, and being ready for love rather than giving up on it will lead you to healthy, lasting relationships.
Mental Health Benefits
Many studies have shown the vast mental health benefits of love. People who are loved or give love are overall much happier and healthier. Love helps to reduce the risks of mood and personality disorders, and it helps to reduce stress and anxiety.
When you love freely and are given love, your brain works differently than when you live without it. Giving and receiving love releases neurotransmitters that make you happier. These same neurotransmitters are responsible for your ability to have good sleep hygiene, as well as limit the physical effects of stress and anxiety.
Outlook On Life
When you give up on love, every aspect of your life is affected. People who give up on love tend to be more closed-minded and do not get along as well with others. This can affect every area of your life, from social life to career. When you don't feel the need to give or receive love, you find yourself in a very cynical place.
People who give up on love and close their hearts are typically more easily agitated and have a negative view of the world. They feel that they are unimportant and cannot make a difference in the world. Overall, people who give up on love completely are much more cynical and very much "glass half empty" people. When you close off your heart so completely, it can stop you from caring about anything at all. This leads to a very unhappy way to live and can ruin other, more platonic, relationships that you have in your life.
But, when you keep your heart open and ready for love, you are typically going to be much more optimistic. You are better able to give and receive kindness and generosity. It is much healthier for your social interactions and your view of the world when you believe in love. It can help you form better platonic relationships and even help you further your career.
Divorce is a common way of giving up on love. It is estimated that around 40-50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. In the United States, the divorce rate for second marriages jumps to 67 percent, and the divorce rate for third marriages jumps to 74 percent.
While many of these divorces are completely justified, it is much better to fight for the love you currently have rather than give up and try again. Essentially, giving up once makes it easier to give up over and over again. If you give up on your love now, you could find yourself in a cycle of failed relationships in the future.
The positive side to divorce statistics is that close to 80 percent of people who get divorced remarry. That is a lot of people who found love again. Most of those people remarry within four years of their divorce, some of them much sooner. The people who do not marry again usually form some type of love relationship after their divorce, even though they may not have a legal marriage. Ultimately, it is natural for you to love and be loved. If you remain open to the possibility, it will come to you eventually.
Statistically, You Will Love Again
Especially if you have gone through a very rough break up or divorce, you may feel as though you will never find love again. You may think that it is pointless to look for love because you will never again feel the love that you once had for that other person.
This just isn't true. Most people find love again and again throughout their lives. It is very uncommon for people who are open to new relationships to remain alone indefinitely. The key is that you have to be willing to let love in when it comes along.
Love Comes When Least Expected
When you actively look for love, it can seem as though you are never going to find it. You will meet lots of different people, many of whom do not share your goals or outlook on life. It can take time to find that special someone who believes and thinks the same way you do. Finding people that you can form feelings for can seem like an insurmountable chore.
Frequently, love comes when you aren't looking for it. If you have been actively looking for love without success, it can be easy to think that you should just give up, but this is far from the truth. Many people find love when they aren't actively looking. The important thing is to keep your heart open. If you remain ready, finding love is possible.
Setting Up For Success In Love
One of the best things you can do when you want to give up on love is to talk to an in-person or online counselor. A counselor can teach you tools that can put you on the path to success in relationships. If you are thinking of giving up, a counselor can also help you examine the reasons you want to leave the relationship, help you determine if it can be saved, and then move forward. Couples therapy, if your partner is willing, can be a great way to explore the reasons you are thinking of giving up so that you can stay in the relationship.
If you’re considering online therapy, a therapist or counselor at BetterHelp can help you examine the reasons that your past relationships didn't work out. They can help you decide what it is that you want and need from a relationship. You are much more likely to find love if you are ready for it and a therapist can help you be ready and willing to take that leap. Here are two reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people experiencing similar issues.
"Priscilla is someone who you can talk to without feeling like she's going to judge you. Obviously that is how a counselor should be but she truly is like that. She's approachable, genuinely listens, is funny as well when appropriate and really wants to understand you for who you are and where you are at in this point of time in your life. As well as, your past and future goals. She's super attentive and gives resources that are actually applicable for your day to day life which I really appreciate because I feel like I'm actually getting better in the context of my own personal journey in life. 10/10 five stars from me!"
"Dr. Harrell was there for me and helped me get to the issues of my problems and triggers. I am a much better person and feel like a new person. I am pursuing a dream that I never thought would be possible to achieve. Me and my wife are again on speaking terms with a small glimmer of hope. I honestly wouldn't be where I am now without her support."
Love is a necessity. We have all felt like giving up on love after a fight, breakup, or difficult relationship. With the right tools, you can learn to stay open to love which is half the battle. It's worth it.
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