Why Giving Up On Love Is A Mistake
This is the last date I’ll ever go on. Sound familiar? Nearly everyone has considered giving up on love. You may be in a marriage or long-term relationship and considering ending it. Or, you may be single or out of a failed relationship thinking that you will never find love again (male depression after divorce is becoming increasingly common). Love is something that everyone needs and giving up on love can lead to depression, anxiety, a lower number of social interactions, and stress. Everyone has been there, and although it is a tough spot, you can come out the other side roaring.
Love Is A Necessity
While you may think that love is something nice to have but not necessary, the fact of the matter is that love is a necessity that we all must have to be healthy. For example, love is considered a need in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which outlines the goals through which people achieve emotional and physical health.
Studies have proven that people who are loved and express love are much happier and healthier in general. If you have fallen out of love you may even be thinking "Have I fallen out of love or am I depressed or something?" Having love in your life helps to reduce stress and anxiety, which can lead to physical symptoms as well. When you have reduced stress, you are much less likely to have heart conditions, inflammation, auto-immune disorders, or be overweight.
Reasons To Hold Onto Relationships
Many people have frequent thoughts of giving up on love relationships, whether it be a marriage or a long-term commitment. When things get rough in a relationship, it can sometimes seem that the only answer is to leave it behind. Working things out can seem too difficult.
However, there are many good reasons to fight for your love. Love is a precious thing that should be held onto. Finding love again, while entirely possible, may be more trouble than it’s worth.
The Difficulty In Finding New Love
Finding new love can be challenging. And as a matter of fact, it usually gets harder the older you are. Fighting for the love you already have is a good idea. The easier it is for you to give up on love, the more time you will spend looking for it.
When you end a relationship, there is always a period of mourning, but then you are on the lookout for love again. And, if you are like most people, you will have a very hard time finding it. Meeting new people and cultivating love in today's society is extremely difficult. While there are a lot of dating apps out there to help people find love, the sad truth is that many of the people using those apps are not looking for lasting relationships.
There are other ways to meet people, but the results are often the same. People who meet in bars or clubs are just as least likely to form lasting relationships as people who meet through dating apps. Finding people who are of a like mind and want a real lasting love can be difficult.
However, with effort and persistence, it is possible to attract peple with the same values as you and find love. It happens every day. But the fact remains that if you already have a committed loving relationship, it is much easier to hold onto, repair, and focus on the existing relationship than it is to start over.
When Love Isn't Enough
There are times when you do have to give up on a love relationship. Love is not always enough. Sometimes it can even be unhealthy. Don't let the idea that you shouldn't give up on love keep you in a bad situation. It cannot be stressed enough that it is necessary to end an emotionally or physically abusive relationship.
If you are experiencing abuse of any kind from your partner, giving up on that love is the best thing for you to do. Remember that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. If your current partner is emotionally or physically abusive, you have every reason to give up on that love and to focusing on a different, healthier love.
If you are leaving a toxic relationship, this article is even more relevant. You may feel that you have a good reason to give up on love forever. It is important to start fresh when ready because love is a necessity. Keep reading and find out a few more reasons to look for healthy love.
Reasons To Keep Looking For Love
You may be in a situation where a relationship has ended, and you feel like you should just give up on love altogether. Or, you may be a younger person who has looked for love and not found it yet. Sometimes it can seem easier to accept being alone and give up looking for love.
But this is a vital mistake that you are making. Love is something that everyone needs for many reasons. When you close your heart and decide that you will never love again, it can impact every area of your life. It can have mental health risks and physical side effects. Ultimately, love finds everyone eventually, and being ready for love rather than giving up on it will lead you to healthy, lasting relationships.
Mental Health Benefits
Many studies have shown the vast mental health benefits of love. People who are loved or give love are overall much happier and healthier. Love helps to reduce the risks of mood and personality disorders, and it helps to reduce stress and anxiety.
When you love freely and are given love, your brain works differently than when you live without it. Giving and receiving love releases neurotransmitters that make you happier. These same neurotransmitters are responsible for your ability to have good sleep hygiene, as well as limit the physical effects of stress and anxiety.
Outlook On Life
When you give up on love, every aspect of your life is affected. People who give up on love tend to be more closed-minded and do not get along as well with others. This can affect every area of your life, from social life to career. When you don't feel the need to give or receive love, you find yourself in a very cynical place.
People who give up on love and close their hearts are typically more easily agitated and have a negative view of the world. They feel that they are unimportant and cannot make a difference in the world. Overall, people who give up on love completely are much more cynical and very much "glass half empty" people. When you close off your heart so completely, it can stop you from caring about anything at all. This leads to a very unhappy way to live and can ruin other, more platonic, relationships that you have in your life.
But, when you keep your heart open and ready for love, you are typically going to be much more optimistic. You are better able to give and receive kindness and generosity. It is much healthier for your social interactions and your view of the world when you believe in love. It can help you form better platonic relationships and even help you further your career.
Divorce is a common way of giving up on love. It is estimated that around 40-50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. In the United States, the divorce rate for second marriages jumps to 67 percent, and the divorce rate for third marriages jumps to 74 percent.
While many of these divorces are completely justified, it is much better to fight for the love you currently have rather than give up and try again. Essentially, giving up once makes it easier to give up over and over again. If you give up on your love now, you could find yourself in a cycle of failed relationships in the future.
The positive side to divorce statistics is that close to 80 percent of people who get divorced remarry. That is a lot of people who found love again. Most of those people remarry within four years of their divorce, some of them much sooner. The people who do not marry again usually form some type of love relationship after their divorce, even though they may not have a legal marriage. Ultimately, it is natural for you to love and be loved. If you remain open to the possibility, it will come to you eventually.
Statistically, You Will Love Again
Especially if you have gone through a very rough break up or divorce, you may feel as though you will never find love again. You may think that it is pointless to look for love because you will never again feel the love that you once had for that other person.
This just isn't true. Most people find love again and again throughout their lives. It is very uncommon for people who are open to new relationships to remain alone indefinitely. The key is that you have to be willing to let love in when it comes along.
Love Comes When Least Expected
When you actively look for love, it can seem as though you are never going to find it. It can take time to find that special someone who believes and thinks the same way you do. Finding people that you can form feelings for can seem like an insurmountable chore.
Frequently, love comes when you aren't looking for it. If you have been actively looking for love without success, it can be easy to think that you should just give up, but this is far from the truth. Many people find love when they aren't actively looking. The important thing is to keep your heart open. If you remain ready, finding love is possible.
Setting Up For Success In Love
One of the best things you can do when you want to give up on love is to talk to an in-person or online counselor. A counselor can teach you tools that can put you on the path to success in relationships. If you are thinking of giving up, a counselor can also help you examine the reasons you want to leave the relationship, help you determine if it can be saved, and then move forward. Couples therapy, if your partner is willing, can be a great way to explore the reasons you are thinking of giving up so that you can stay in the relationship.
If you’re considering online therapy, a therapist or counselor at BetterHelp can help you examine the reasons that your past relationships didn't work out. They can help you decide what it is that you want and need from a relationship. You are much more likely to find love if you are ready for it and a therapist can help you be ready and willing to take that leap. Here are two reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people experiencing similar issues.
"Priscilla is someone who you can talk to without feeling like she's going to judge you. Obviously that is how a counselor should be but she truly is like that. She's approachable, genuinely listens, is funny as well when appropriate and really wants to understand you for who you are and where you are at in this point of time in your life. As well as, your past and future goals. She's super attentive and gives resources that are actually applicable for your day to day life which I really appreciate because I feel like I'm actually getting better in the context of my own personal journey in life. 10/10 five stars from me!"
"Dr. Harrell was there for me and helped me get to the issues of my problems and triggers. I am a much better person and feel like a new person. I am pursuing a dream that I never thought would be possible to achieve. Me and my wife are again on speaking terms with a small glimmer of hope. I honestly wouldn't be where I am now without her support."
Love is a necessity. We have all felt like giving up on love after a fight, breakup, or difficult relationship. With the right tools, you can learn to stay open to love which is half the battle. It's worth it.
Commonly Asked Questions
Is it OK to give up on love?
Finding a fulfilling romantic relationship is hard, especially in today’s dating landscape, so it’s completely normal to feel like giving up on love after one too many bad experiences with the ‘wrong one.’ But love is also an exciting journey, and when you’re in a healthy relationship with a positive person that brings out the best version in you, it can be one of life’s most rewarding experiences. Here are three reasons to keep trying and not give up on finding love despite how difficult it may seem:
- No one is perfect – including yourself. Sometimes, we struggle to find happiness in love because we idealize how a ‘great relationship’ should look like. If your standards are impossibly high and you only focus on what’s wrong with a person, you start to believe that no one’s worthy of your time and that you’re better off alone. Unfortunately, this rigid way of thinking only leads to unhappiness and alienation, so instead of putting so much energy in other people’s flaws, try to focus on the good things about a person – they might surprise you! By giving up on love, you might me missing out on a great person.
- Conflicts are bound to happen in relationships – but that doesn’t mean that they’re not worth the effort. As long as both people are willing to listen and communicate respectfully during arguments, you can actually learn a lot about yourself and become a better partner even when things get tough.
- Often, love comes around when you least expect it. People have met their future husband or wife in some strangest places: in public transportation, at work, in the laundromat, at the pharmacy, in a parking lot, at the DMV… If you haven’t found your person yet, don’t settle – you deserve a love that makes you feel happy, worthy, and respected. But don’t give up on love forever either, the person who fits into your life will come by in due time.
When should I give up on love?
You shouldn’t give up on love ever. Even if you are convinced that you don’t want to be in a romantic relationship, love is an incredibly powerful and important for humans. According to Greek philosophy, other types of love that you can have in your life include:
- Storge: the unconditional love that parents have for their children
- Agape: the kind of universal love, happiness, and positive energy that you feel for nature, strangers, God, etc.
- Eros: physical love that involves passion, lust, and desire
- Philautia: self-love, which is something you can nurture through self-care and focusing your own needs and emotions
Why do I feel like giving up on love?
You may feel like giving up on love because you are tired of casually dating without it going anywhere. Finding love is hard, and when you’ve been putting yourself out there with less than ideal results for a long time it’s normal for this to affect your self-confidence, make it tough to trust people, and not want to date or go out with people romantically any more.
How do I completely give up on love?
- Date for fun, not with an agenda. As much as we all want to find the right one sooner than later, dating is also about the journey, not just the destination.
- Focus on what you can control – i.e., don’t get hung up if someone doesn’t like you. Just move on and appreciate the experience
- Get to know yourself well so you are clear on your needs and boundaries. Remember that you are worthy of fun, healthy relationships and that you don’t have to settle with the first person that crosses your path
How do you walk away from someone you love?
Walking away from someone you love can be one of the most painful things that you can experience. Some people compare breaking up, divorcing, or losing a close friend with the death of a loved one because it means that you stop having someone in your life that you loved dearly. Here are some tips to make this tough experience a little less painful:
- Consider reaching out to a therapist to work through your emotions, especially if you are struggling to do it yourself
- Give yourself time to accept the situation
- Check in with your feelings often
- Spend time with friends and family
- Don’t just ghost them – have a conversation with this person and explain why you want or need to leave. It will make the healing process easier for everyone involved