Does He Love Me? Here’s How You Know For Sure
By: Stephanie Kirby
Updated October 08, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Debra Halseth, LCSW
If you've been dating someone awhile, you're probably starting to ask yourself, "Does he love me?" You can put the flower petals away-there are more reliable ways to know that a guy loves you than simply hoping for good luck. Keep reading for 23 ways to know for sure.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
As Elvis Presley sang, "A little less conversation, a little more action, please." And while we can all guess what kind of action Elvis is referring to, he did have a good point: love is all about action. So it doesn't matter if your significant other is a man of many words or a more reticent type, what holds true for most men is this: actions communicate love, with or without the Hallmark cards.
This doesn't mean you have to constantly wonder if a guy loves you when they say they do. And it doesn't mean you need to wait for the "do you love me?" reply to know how the guy feels. It just means it's even more important if his actions say he loves you.
Many of the following actions would show love for you, even if it's not something the guy expresses verbally. Remember, it's easy to assume that a guy saying, "I love you" is the only way to know for sure. And this couldn't be further from the truth! You don't need "good luck" to discover how the guy feels, simply watch for the following signs:
How to Tell if A Guy Loves You
- Helps You Feel Good about Yourself
We all want to be with people who make us feel good, and our significant others are no exception. And if your partner cares for you, they will act in ways that increase your self-esteem and self-confidence. One great way your partner can make you feel good about yourself is if they don't try to change you. In fact, being able to be yourself and achieve self-expression is a hallmark of happy couples, according to social psychology professor, Eli Finkel.
- Wants to Spend Time with You
We all have a lot on our plates. But if the guy loves you, they will make time for you. For him, it's a pleasure and a way to invest in your relationship. And one good way to know if the guy loves you is if he wants to spend time with you doing things outside of the bedroom. Your time together doesn't have to be amazing and exciting, but chances are, if love is in the air, even the most average activities feel incredible when you're together.
- Treats You with Respect
Does it feel like you're on equal playing fields, where your ideas, opinions, emotions, and needs are important and taken into consideration?
Hint: the more you respect yourself, the more likely it is that the guy will treat you with respect, too.
- Checks In about Your Day
When a man genuinely cares about you, they will want to know how your day was. Will the guy always get the intricate emotional stories you tell? Maybe not, but they'll listen and be attentive to you anyways. The truth is, we don't always have phenomenal events to share. In fact, day-to-day life can be pretty mundane. But long-term success means sharing the little nothings of everyday life.
- Wants to Take Care of You
When a man loves a woman, the man naturally feels driven to take care of her (the same way a woman wants to take care of the man she loves). Now, this doesn't mean you have to relinquish yourself. A guy wanting to take care of you is not a man who doesn't respect your identity and power as a woman. Instead, the man recognizes it and wants to be there for you even more. And taking care of you can mean many different things, depending on your relationship. But just know that if a guy wants to take care of you, it's a great sign the guy loves you.
- Trusts You
If a man loves you, the guy doesn't feel the need to question and doubt you. They also doesn't feel the need to be possessive, clingy, controlling or needy. In short, when a man loves you, they trust you. The guy might want to know where you are or who you spend time with, but this isn't out of suspicion. Instead, it's out of a sincere interest in your life.
- Attracted to You Emotionally, Not Just Physically
At the beginning of the relationship, people are usually physically attracted to each other. And while physical attraction is necessary, it's not enough to build a relationship on.
Instead, you need emotional attraction, too. And if a man is emotionally attracted to you, it's a good indication the guy loves you. How can you tell if the guy is emotionally attracted? When guys share their fears, insecurities, hopes, and dreams with their partners, it suggests the guy trusts you and feels safe opening up to you.
- Helps You When You Need It
If you're in need of something, a man who loves you isn't afraid to step in and lend a hand-and a heart. This doesn't mean the guy is overbearing, suffocating, and dominating. It just means that the guy helps you without making you feel small or bad about it.
- Not Afraid to Move Forward with the Relationship
When a man loves you, the guy is ready to move out of the world of commitment phobia and into a future with you. That's because, as relationship expert Matthew Hussey says, "When someone feels truly in love, they feel certain." And this certainty drives them forward into the unknown, knowing that with you, they're in the right place.
- Respects Your Views and Opinions
While it's nice if you both share the same political views or religious beliefs, this may not always be the case. But what's important is that your guy respects your views even if he doesn't agree with them. This shows the man believes you're a woman in your own right who can have your independent ideas. What's more, it shows that an opposing viewpoint does not threaten him.
- Not Afraid of PDA
Every couple is different, and some may be more on board with PDA than others. Your boyfriend doesn't have to make out in public places to show love, but it's important that the guy isn't afraid to touch you. It's easy to touch a woman you're attracted to in private. A public display of affection shows the guy is proud of you and wants the world to know, too.
- Checks in With You
Even if it's just sending you a funny text a few times a week while you're both at work, when the guy checks in with you it shows that they are thinking about you. It's important to realize that if either of you are demanding that the other partner texts every hour, it's a potential red flag that could lead to an abusive relationship. A strong relationship that lasts is one in which both partners trust each other, and they don't need to keep constant tabs on each other. It can be scary to trust that you won't end up getting hurt, but by prioritizing trust, communication, and healthy boundaries, you're drastically reducing the chance that someone will get hurt.
- Teases and Plays with You
You may remember being in school and getting teased by the guys. It was probably confusing until someone informed you that guys tease you because they like you. That doesn't change as we get older.
Men tease their best mates, and they love it if they can tease you, too. It indicates a level of intimacy that says: I love making you laugh and smile. And as long as the guy always makes you feel good and doesn't bring you down, teasing is a great indication the man loves you.
- Do Things to Make You Happy
Sure, the man might not be the best coffee maker in the world, but the guy will do it for you if they know how much you love coffee in the morning. It might also mean listening to that band that would never make it on his playlist, simply because the man knows how much you enjoy them. There are no strings attached and no IOU's.
- Includes You in His Decisions
If a man loves you and wants to build a life with you, and the guy will take steps to include you in his decisions. This goes for small things, like what's for dinner, to bigger goals, like financial investments, housing, and even getting a pet. Showing that you're in this together means the man respects you and wants your input. Why? Because the man loves you.
- Says "We" More Than "I"
Saying "we" more than "I" is one sign the man has moved away from commitment phobia and sees you as a team. This means you'll decide on things together and move forward together. It's not you versus him. It's a relationship where two adults look at themselves as equal players.
- Gets Affectionate
Relationship expert Matthew Hussey shares that, "Even the toughest of eggs to crack will have soppy, soft moments when they fall in love." So if you catch him opening up and getting affectionate with you, there's a strong possibility he loves you. Affection doesn't always have to be physical. And when it is physical, it doesn't always have to be about sex. And if your guy can be affectionate without trying to get you into bed, that's a great sign of love. Why? Because he's focused on making you happy, and not just himself.
- Makes Compromises with You
A man who loves a woman respects her and makes decisions with her. This naturally leads to compromises. And even though it feels so good to be right, love will help your man leave the high line at the door and compromise for the sake of the relationship.
- Tells You He's Thinking about You
When a man thinks and daydreams of you, it shows the man sees you as a big part of his life. When you're in a guy's head, there's a good chance you're in his heart, too.
- Looks at You
Eye contact is a simple, yet powerful way to give someone positive and loving attention. This goes for everything from conversations across a crowded room to sex.
Sex can be about pleasure, but it can also be something incredibly intimate. And if a guy looks you in the eye during intimate moments, it's a powerful way to open up and be vulnerable-something a man will do if they feel emotionally attracted to you.
- Likes to Reminisce with You
Over the course of your relationship, you probably have accumulated a wide range of shared experiences. Does he look back fondly on them? And does he like to remind you of them, too?
Doing so shows that the time you've spent together is valuable to him and suggests he wants to continue creating more great memories for you. In short, he's not afraid to spend time with you and plans with you.
- Defends You When Necessary
Does your partner defend and support you when necessary? This doesn't necessarily mean he gets into fistfights or says disparaging things to people who hurt you. But it does mean he's not afraid to unite with you in the face of adversity. Doing so is a way for him to protect and defend you, and to also take care of you-things a guy does when he loves someone.
- Does He Love Me? Take a Love Quiz to Find Out
Dr. Gary Chapman is a speaker, counselor and best-selling author of The Five Love Languages. In his book, Chapman outlines five different ways in which people express love. They are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch
Some couples don't speak the same love language, and this can cause tension. That's because we usually speak the same love language that we want to receive. So, for example, your partner may give you gifts to show they love you because that's what makes him feel loved. But perhaps what makes you feel loved is quality time. And when you don't receive quality time from him, you feel disappointment and even unloved. That's why knowing your partner's love language can help you understand if they love you. What's more, knowing your love language can help him act in ways that help you feel loved, too. You can take the Language of Love Quiz to decide which love language you both speak. This can confirm that he loves you, and more importantly, how he loves you.
If you're struggling with knowing where your future in your relationship is headed, a therapist can help you identify potential issues you're facing in your relationship, along with any commitment issues that you or your partner may have.
BetterHelp therapists offer online therapy that provides you with access to professional help and guidance from anywhere you feel most comfortable. Consider the following reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing a range of relationship issues.
"Matthew is a great counselor and has helped me tremendously. I first started working with him when my marriage and my life was totally falling apart. He helped me rediscover things in myself and fall in love with myself again. I am now much happier in my life and every time we speak I realize something new. My only regret is not starting counseling earlier."
“Mark has been extremely attentive to everything that I disclose. He’s not only provided me support but insight and encouragement to let me know I’m on a good path to self improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight on my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship.”
The question of whether your partner loves you is important. And these 23 tips can help you know for sure. It's important to note that the signs listed above can apply to anyone who’s in love, regardless of gender. Pay attention to what he's doing and learn to understand what love means to him. Even if your relationship isn't there yet, it is possible to grow into a strong, lasting partnership-all you need are the right tools, and an open mind. Take the first step today.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do you know if a man loves you?
If he hasn't said "I love you" and you're wondering if he's in love with you, you can start by looking for the signs he loves you listed above in the article. When he talks about the future or spends time paying attention to you instead of others, it can be a good sign that he's falling in love. However, the best way you can find out if he loves you is to talk with him. Communication is often the key to healthy relationships, so there is a good chance you can work it out with him, if you continue to talk to him and discuss his feelings about you. It may be that he’s in love with you, but he simply can’t utter the words just yet.
How do you tell if a guy is falling in love with you?
If you're wondering if a guy loves you, or signs he loves you, pay attention to the little things that he does. Many times, the true signs are in the little things like his body language, the way he prioritizes you, or when he goes out of his way to try to make you happy. Other signs he loves you are that he asks for your opinion on things and he says nice things about you. If he does these things, there’s a good chance that he’s in love with you. Another way to know if he’s in love is if he exhibits the hero instinct. The hero instinct really means that he wants to take care of his partner, and have the respect of others.
How do you test a guy to see if he really loves you?
If you really want to see who's in love, the best thing that you can do is talk to them. As people, when it comes to people we love, we want to know that they feel the same way. If you're struggling to talk about it with them and are unsure of where you stand in the relationship, talking to a therapist may help you sort it out and see how to move forward. They may be able to help you pinpoint signs that he loves you or that he’s in love. On the flip side, they may be able to aid you in determining if he doesn’t care about you as well.
How does a man fall in love?
Not all men fall in love the same way. Sometimes a man who's in love reaches the point of realizing it very quickly. Other times men take longer to fall in love. They may want to have a chance to really get to know you and learn that they can trust you. There’s a good chance he’s interested in you when he wants to keep hanging out with you.
Some men fall in love while sharing life experiences with you and other men fall in love during the first date. Love means different things to different people which can mean the path to falling in love doesn't always look the same. However, a man in love will generally be able to show you signs he loves you, including love messages, digital media posts, or showing you home love, meaning he even enjoys doing domestic things with you, like watching television, cooking dinner, and things like that.
What makes a man fall deeply in love with a woman?
Spending time getting to know what your guy loves can give you an indication on what will lead him to falling in love. However, what a person truly loves is different from one person to the next. While physical attraction tends to be important to men in the beginning of a relationship, to experience true love, there will need to be more to the relationship than that.
What are the stages of falling in love?
There are many different theories on how many stages of love there are. Signs that he loves you in this initital stage, or beginning, may include things like he's paying attention to you a lot more than anyone else, leaving the dating site that the two of you met on, and wanting to introduce you to his family and friends.
After the initial stage of love, the relationship continues to grow and deepen. When you reach this point you both have to decide if you love each other enough to continue to grow in the relationship. If he's in love with you, you may find that he talks about the future. While he may not seem like he's paying attention to you quite as much as before, the relationship is reaching a more comfortable stage. If you both stick with it, you'll reach a place of starting to realize love means choosing to love one another even when everything doesn't "feel” the way it did in the beginning..
How quickly can a man fall in love?
It's believed that many times men fall in love faster than women do. A man claims to love at first sight more often than women do. You may feel like you just met this guy and he's in love already. Now this might not be the same thing as "true love", which will grow over time, but he still may feel like he knows that you're the one. If he tells you he fell in love with you at first sight, there’s a chance he’s telling you the truth and not just trying to woo you.
Do guys fall out of love easily?
If you're looking for relationship advice because it seems like your guy is falling out of love it doesn't necessarily mean that it's over. If you’re struggling in your relationship, work together to address any of the challenges that you're facing. It may be that one of you or both of you haven't been paying attention to the relationship as much as what's necessary. You may also find it helpful to work with a couple’s counselor.
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