How To Find Love And Happiness

By Stephanie Kirby|Updated July 8, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Laura Angers, NCC, LPC

One of the questions that people have been asking for years is how to find love and happiness. If you are like most people, you have wondered this at some point as well. Love and happiness appear to be the two things that we need in life. The trick is there is no simple answer to this question. There is not a simple five-step program that you can participate in or recipe that you can follow that will help you achieve finding love and happiness. It just doesn’t work that way. But there is good news.

Everyone Can Find Love And Happiness

Flexible Therapy Options Can Be Difficult To Find

Here’s the good news: love and happiness are for everyone. Some days you may not feel that way, but it’s the truth. The key to finding the two is most often changing your perspective. Many people have learned from and created their ideas about love and happiness from things like TV and movies. This is a major problem because it creates unrealistic expectations for life. It’s hard to recognize what true love or happiness is when you are comparing it to what Hollywood portrays it to be.

It’s important to understand that neither love nor happiness means perfection. Even if you have learned how to be happy it doesn’t mean that you are going to happy every day and every moment. There will be still difficult times in life, and it would be unrealistic to think that you will just be happy through these times. However, just because you don’t feel happy all the time doesn’t mean that you are not a happy person.

Stop Looking To Others For Love

If you truly want to experience happiness, you need to learn to stop looking for and counting on the love of others. It is nice when there are people in your life that love you and that you love, but your happiness cannot come from this. Instead, spend some time learning how to love yourself healthily.

The funny thing is when you love yourself in a healthy way you will start to attract the love of others. When you are actively trying to demand love from others, you come across desperate, which can make others want to back away. But when you are confident in who you are, you won’t worry about what others are thinking. People are attracted to this kind of confidence. So, turn your focus from external love to internal love and learn to love yourself. It’s impossible to be happy if you don’t love yourself.

How To Learn To Love Yourself And Be Happy

There are many people who struggle with liking themselves let alone loving themselves. If you can identify with this feeling know that you are not alone. It might not happen overnight, but you can learn to love the person that you are. The following steps are helpful in the process:

Learn That Failure Doesn’t Have To Be Bad

Society has turned failure into something to be afraid of. Many people experience failure and allow it to change their opinion about themselves. They begin to believe that they are a failure because they failed at something. In reality, failure is just a step toward success when handled correctly. Instead of allowing failure to be a bad thing look at it to see what you can learn from it. Think about what you could do differently to not fail in the same way again in the future. Learn to separate who you are from what you do. Even if you make mistakes you can still be happy with the person that you are.

Let Go Of The Past

If you spend time focusing on the past, it stops you from enjoying the present. Holding onto the past can impact you in a few different ways. First, if you hold onto mistakes and wrongs that you did in the past, it can cause you to feel guilty and ashamed. You aren’t going to find love and happiness if you spend your time feeling bad about who you are and what you did from years ago.

Instead, spend some time acknowledging and taking responsibility for anything that you need to from your past. Right any wrongs that you can. Then, simply move forward. Accept that you are a different person now and forgive yourself. There is no reason to hold yourself back from happiness because of things from the past.

Stop Expecting Perfection

If you have perfectionist tendencies, it is important to learn how to overcome them. A lot of people think that being a perfectionist is a good thing, but when you try to make everything perfect, you will put unrealistic expectations on yourself and others.

We are all people, and we all are imperfect. It will be impossible for you to be happy and love yourself or others if you are expecting perfection. You will constantly let yourself down, and others will always let you down as well. Instead of striving for perfection focus on striving for growth. While you are never going to be perfect, you can always be growing.

Acknowledge What You Are Good At

Every person on this planet has something or multiple things that they are good at. We all have things that we are naturally talented at and these are usually the things that we enjoy doing. When we do these activities, it makes us feel happy. But some people refuse to acknowledge their talent and skills. Even if they are very good at something, they will deny it when complimented, make excuses, or say something like “anyone could do that.”

If you want to find love and happiness you need to learn how to acknowledge what you are good at to yourself. You also need to learn to accept a compliment from someone without excusing it away. Instead, simply say, “thank you.”

Keep Track Of Where You Are Succeeding Each Day

If you are struggling to find love and happiness, then you might also be struggling to feel like you are successful in life as well. A way to overcome this is to start looking at the daily successes that you are having. These don’t have to be huge accomplishments. Start by writing down several successes that you have at the end of the day.

It could be as simple as writing, “I made my bed this morning,” or,”I took a risk and talked to the person in line behind me at the coffee shop.” Continue to do this every single day. This simple activity is effective at helping you start to spot things that you are doing well each day. This builds your confidence, which in turn helps you to find love and happiness.

Treat People The Way You Want To Be Treated

This simple advice goes all the way back to your childhood, but it is effective at helping you enjoy the life that you want. Many times, even if you aren’t happy, if you start taking action and doing nice things for other people it will help you to be happier. You’ve probably heard the saying, “it’s better to give than to receive.” This is the same concept. When you take your focus off of looking for your happiness and love and start to focus on others, you will usually find what you are looking for.

Talk To A Professional

Flexible Therapy Options Can Be Difficult To Find

There is a big difference between not feeling as happy as you would like and being severely depressed. That means there are many stages that you could identify with in between the two. If you are struggling with depression, then it is best to talk to a professional. An experienced therapist can help you identify where your struggles are coming from and assist you with prescriptions if need be. You can begin talking to a therapist from BetterHelp online to make the process easier than ever before.

If you’re new to the concept of online therapy, it might help to know a little more about it. People are often curious about how effective online therapy is. The New York Times wrote an article discussing that topic and cited some of the top research that has been done so far. In general, most types of talk therapy translate well to online therapy for issues that aren’t severe. That’s particularly true for depression. The above article links to two studies where veterans who were being treated for depression were divided into groups. One group received traditional therapy while the other was given online therapy. Both groups improved by the same amount.

There are some other benefits to online therapy that you might find appealing. If you’re someone who is always busy, online therapy is more flexible. You don’t have to travel to an office; you can contact your counselor from any comfortable space with a reliable, secure internet connection. Online therapy tends to connect you with a counselor faster too. With a traditional office, you may be put on a waiting list. BetterHelp connects most people within 24 hours.

Here are some recent reviews by BetterHelp users about their counselors:

“Shayna has been a huge help for me. She helped me with a lot of issues that I struggled with and is helping me to pave the pathway for more happiness. After meeting with her for a couple of months the quality of my life has improved greatly and so has my mental health. I definitely recommend her and BetterHelp to anyone seeking help.” Read more on Shayna Sargent.

“So far, I strongly appreciate the open mindedness and the support to pursue my overall happiness. I send lengthy messages and I don’t feel that he skips over anything. He’s very thorough and I strongly look forward to seeing how he can further help my state of being. Thank you kindly, sir.” Read more on David Cogdell.

Start Finding The Love And Happiness You Long For

If you are ready to find the love and happiness that you are after begin taking the steps listed above. Stop searching to find them from other people. Acknowledge and accept that you can control your ability to experience both love and happiness. It does not need to be dependent on your circumstances or the people you are surrounded with.

Even if your situation is not what you want it to be you have the power to control how you respond to it. This is what leads to happiness. This type of behavior is what makes you stronger and helps you to love yourself more and in a healthy way.

But if you have a daily struggle and the steps above don’t seem to be making a difference then don’t hesitate in reaching out to a professional. Therapists can help you work through your past and the situations that are contributing to your difficulty finding love and happiness.

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