Can’t Stop Thinking About Him? We’re Here To Help

By: Mary Elizabeth Dean

Updated February 05, 2021

Medically Reviewed By: Avia James

Whether you've recently experienced the end of a relationship or never had the chance to start one with the person you want to be with, you might feel sad, lonely, or depressed. These feelings are perfectly normal; you should never view your feelings as a sign of weakness. We are all human and every experience and event has a unique impact on us as individuals.

If you've been struggling to figure out what you should do about your feelings and your constant thoughts, you're in luck. There are plenty of online resources with information that can help you address your feelings and take charge of them. Before we get to that, you might benefit from asking yourself some questions about why you are feeling the way you do. Then you can dive into your deeper emotions and work to manage them. We'll go over these solutions in more detail later in the article.

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Can't Stop Thinking About Him? Why?

If you're serious about rescuing yourself from reoccurring thoughts about your special someone, you'll first want to pinpoint exactly why you can't stop thinking about this person. Believe it or not, many individuals who have a certain someone on their mind can have trouble pinpointing the exact reasons behind their fixation. Sometimes, it can be so easy to get so enamored with a person that the reason is missed entirely. However, if you're serious about moving forward, it is imperative to understand why you can't stop thinking about him in the first place.

What is it about the person that you can't stop thinking about? Is it something unique about him? You might benefit from writing down the qualities that attract you to this person. Think about their physical attributes, but also their personality. If you can't list many things, this might tell you something about how you actually feel about the person. When did you feel that you couldn't stop thinking about him? Was there a certain event that happened to make you begin feeling this way? When you speak with someone about your emotions, the answers to these questions can help you understand your situation more clearly.

Have You Tried To Contact Him?

Contacting the person you can't stop thinking about can be a slippery slope depending on circumstances and the nature of your relationship. However, there are occasions where contacting him can be appropriate. Of course, before you attempt to contact him, should consider how well you know him, what terms you two were on when you last communicated, and whether he is a decent, caring human being.

It’s important to note that contacting him will not always help you move forward or command the results that you're looking forward to. Depending on the nature of the dynamic between you, contacting him may deepen your fixation or may ultimately be an upsetting experience. The truth of the matter is that we do not always get closure. Sometimes contacting someone is great for getting them off your mind; other times, a clean break is healthier and the best way to move forward. When everything is said and done, deciding between the two paths ultimately boils down to a judgment call. No matter what, remember that you are not alone. Help is be available to those who ask for it.


How Does Thinking About Him Make You Feel?

Not being able to be with someone you desire can stir up a lot of emotions, both positive and negative. You might experience happiness and comfort at the thought of him, but sadness and loneliness when you remember that you're not with him. You may also feel guilty for seeming to be obsessed with someone or feeling jealous, especially if he's with someone else. You may be mad at yourself for devoting so much mental energy toward thoughts about him. All of these emotions fluctuate and don't often give you a clear answer about how you truly feel. Try to take note of when you feel certain emotions and how strong they are.

As you take note of the emotions above, it's also important to keep in mind how the relationship ended if you broke up. This can make more of a difference than you’d think. For instance, someone whose relationship ended badly may harbor negative feelings toward their ex; conversely, if your relationship with him ended positively, then your feelings are likelier to be warmer.

The relationship’s end is a paramount factor in how you feel, as is its longevity and the dynamics of the past relationship. Believe it or not, each of these factors can and will contribute to your feelings about the guy. Just because you can't stop thinking about him doesn't necessarily mean that you should get back together. It also doesn't necessarily mean that you shouldn't. But to move forward, you need to be able to dissect and review everything about your relationship with him.

What Is Your Desired Endgame?

Usually, when we can't stop thinking about someone, it’s for a reason. Many people have different factors and situations that prompt their desire for or constant thoughts of an individual. Again, this is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. However, it is important to figure out what your endgame is.

What do you want to happen? Are you seeking closure? Are you hoping initiate or restart a relationship with this person? It's important to know your desired end result because otherwise, it sets a foundation for continued confusion. When you've unearthed your desired endgame, you can then figure out what comes next. Sometimes this can be done on your own. Other times, you may want to seek outside help to develop a plan to move forward.

Wondering Why You Can't Stop Thinking About Someone?
We Can Help. Chat With A Relationship Professional Online Now!


You may have already tried talking with friends about your feelings but felt like it only made you feel somewhat better. You may find that seeking help from a counsel is a better option for you. Although many people associate speaking with a mental health professional with having a mental illness, you do not need to be diagnosed with a mental disorder to speak with a therapist.

A certified therapist is qualified to help people living with all of life’s many challenges. You shouldn't feel embarrassed about seeking help, especially if you are struggling with your emotions and want to feel better. Speaking with someone can help you gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and better understand why you’re experiencing them. You may discover things about your yourself that you didn't know before, or how self-esteem impacts our relationships.

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, for example, found that high self-esteem enhances the quality of our relationships, and good relationships boost our self-esteem. Therapy has been proven to help patients work through self-esteem, self-worth and inter-personal relationship challenges, and new research finds that internet-delivered therapy is as effective as in-person therapy. This study, conducted by Brigham Young University researchers, found that technology-based therapy offer other added benefits including “lower cost, no travel time, easy access, no waitlists, and trackable progress.”

If you want to start gaining a better understanding of your emotions, consider talking to an online therapist at BetterHelp. BetterHelp’s online counselors are fully licensed, which means you can trust they are in good standing in the medical community and leaders in their fields. And because BetterHelp’s therapists are just a click away, they’re available when you need them most and in the manner you’d prefer to talk, whether it be through video chat, by phone, through text messaging therapy, or via e-mail therapy. Below you can read some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people with similar backgrounds who have been helped.

“When I decided to do online counseling, I wasn’t sure what to expect, I was worried it wouldn’t feel personable, but Elizabeth is the best counselor I have ever had. Not only is she supportive but she is always there to give tough advice when I need it and I think her honesty is what makes our therapy so beneficial. I am so thankful for her. She really loves what she does, and it shows.”

“Demenna has been an absolutely wonderful counselor and I am very happy that I was matched with her. A big fear of mine was getting paired with a counselor who might not understand me or that I might not totally agree with. Within one of our first sessions, I immediately felt that I did not need to be worried because Demenna is an excellent counselor. The input she provided has given me wonderful insight into my current relationship and myself.”


Being stuck on a person that you can't have is distressing. A therapist can help you understand your emotions and get back on track to focusing on the things that lead to good health and happiness. Take the first step today.

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