All About One Sided Love: Is It Worth The Fight?

By Michael Arangua|Updated April 20, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Avia James, LPC

As far as humans have evolved in society and in our dealings with other human beings, we still are prone to the idealism of romantic love; the idea of being "in love." However, some of us will find ourselves with the age-old query, "He loves me, he loves me not…" who wonder if they're in a one sided love affair. 

The truth is, there are no balancing scales that measure one amount of one love to another. There are many times that an individual may find themselves in a relationship, or is desiring a relationship with someone where feelings are unreciprocated, such as a one sided love affair.

He Loves me, He Loves me Not….

Being on the end of a one sided love affair can be confusing and frustrating. Emotions are involved, so it is difficult to think or react in a rational manner. However, rationally is exactly how this sort of situation should be dealt with. A rule of thumb that works for most is, "If it ain't returned, it ain't real." That sounds very logical, even simplistic. To the wounded soul curled in the fetal position awaiting a returned call or text it seems the most absurd advice ever given.

Playing Hard to Get

What most seasoned daters and romancers will tell someone in a one sided love romance is that chasing after someone can sometimes is push them away. But is playing hard to get really good advice? We have to accept that love is intangible, it is indefinable, and often it seems unattainable. 

The most attractive people, it seems, are those who seem to be okay with or without a love interest. One of the most attractive characteristics of this person is high self-esteem. Individuals with high self-esteem are independent. They make their own decisions and way in life. If you find yourself stuck in one sided love, try to focus on yourself. Ignore the person who you are in one sided love with, and think about how you can add to your own life. While this may not attract the person you are in a one sided love affair with, it will certainly make you happier, and most likely will attract someone else.


The harsh reality is there is no balancing scorecard for love, or to tell you when you are in one sided love. There is no love-ometer to measure it. The only evidence we poor mortals have to support the existence of love is what people say to us, and how they make us feel. 

If we do not feel loved, then we might be in a one sided love affair. If we spend most of our time questioning whether someone loves us, we are in a state of discomfort and angst, and that causes dysfunction in our lives. The best decision to make when we are uncomfortable is to find means of alleviating the discomfort. We cannot make anyone love us. The best choice is to move on and move forward. If you find yourself in need of help with love matters, go to the counselors who care at BetterHelp.

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