Five Tips On How To Stop Obsessing Over A Guy
By: Jessica Saxena
Updated March 08, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Wendy Galyen, LCSW, BC-TMH
Wondering how to stop obsessing over a guy? Hey, falling in love is a beautiful thing! But the lack of reciprocation is not. In fact, it can be quite heartbreaking. Long hours are wasted in endless daydreaming and hoping against hope that at last, he's going to take notice and start loving you. Dealing with these negative feelings when someone doesn't love you back can be challenging. This is a dilemma that has been seen time and time again throughout our lives. The good news is that as hard as it seems now, things can and will get better.
It Happens to the Best of Us
It is entirely normal to find yourself crushing on someone else. Many times, our crushes don't like us back. Maybe he has indicated that he might be interested but isn't ready to make a commitment to you. It's easy to slide down the slippery slope of obsession when this is the case. You want him, and there's a glimmer of hope that he could be yours, but in the end, he isn't.
When this happens, it's common to see anxieties and insecurities start to creep up. It's essential to try to recognize them for what they are and deal with them directly rather than focusing on what isn't yours. Try finding other things to occupy your mind rather than focusing on whether he is calling you, if he's seeing someone else, etc. In the end, pursuing a one-sided sided relationship will only push him away and make you feel even worse.
It is quite possible that you don't even realize that you are obsessing over the guy. Maybe you've just had family and friends express concern over how much attention you are giving to a person who is not reciprocating. The first step in getting over this guy is to be open to the concerns from those that are close to you. Try to step back and consider whether the attention you have been giving him has reached the level of obsession.
Anyone can find themselves obsessing over someone who doesn't feel the same way. In fact, a study published in Psychological Science reveals that women tend to obsess more over men who indicate they might, or might not, be interested in a relationship than those who indicate they are definitely interested in a relationship. This study shows that there is a natural instinct to want that which we can't have.
However, this study also highlights that this tendency may reflect personal insecurity in the individual obsessing. It is quite possible that if you find yourself obsessing over a guy who isn't ready to fully commit, you may have deep-seated insecurity and fear of stepping into a relationship of mutual interest.
Another interesting thing to realize is that intense feelings of rejection can stimulate the same regions of the brain associated with addiction, cravings, and motivation. In other words, when the guy you are obsessing over rejects you, it triggers a part in your brain that makes you want him even more. This might explain why it is so difficult to move on when you find yourself stuck obsessing over someone you can't have.
One of the main issues with continuing to obsess over a guy is that it becomes an intoxicating addiction, and if not checked, it can quickly unbalance you. When you become unbalanced, you begin ignoring other parts of your life until they collapse. That is why it is so crucial that you recognize that you are obsessing over this guy, that you are taking the time to read this article, and looking for ways to get the help you need.
Take some time and try to get in touch with your inner feelings. Is there something you are particularly drawn to about this person? Are you afraid of actually being in a committed relationship? Are you afraid of being alone? All of these different factors are valid and nothing to be ashamed of. However, they are things that you should try to work on overcoming or coping with.
Addressing these underlying issues can help you stop obsessing and avoid such behaviors in the future. By working through the real reasons behind your obsession, you can learn healthy coping techniques to deal with rejection, and to help you develop healthy and long-lasting relationships in the future.
Ways to Help You Get Over a Guy
It's never easy moving on from someone you care about, but continuing to obsess over him is not fair to yourself. Here are five ways to get over a guy.
- Distance Yourself
Giving yourself distance is what you need if you want to stop obsessing over a guy. Delete him from your social accounts, choose to not hang out with him, stop texting and messaging him, and find other things that don't involve being around him.
- Have a Good Cry
It's normal to feel a sense of loss and other negative emotions when moving on from someone you cared about, even if they didn't feel the same way. Let yourself feel those emotions, cry them out, and then get ready to get back out there.
- Surround Yourself With Friends and Family
Having emotional support when you're feeling down can help lift your spirits and take your mind off of him. Just make sure they know you don't want to talk about him, and that they're there to support you, not make you question your decision to move on.
- Practice Self-Love
Taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to move on and overcome the negative emotions you are feeling. Going and getting your hair and nails done, taking a new gym class, or learning something new can help you feel better about yourself and help you forget about him.
- Identify What Qualities You Liked in Him
Take some time and reflect on what qualities you like about the guy you're obsessing over. This can help you understand what qualities you are attracted to, and you can look for a guy who has these same qualities.
Healthier Relationships With BetterHelp
When it seems that nothing is helping you stop obsessing over a guy, it can be helpful to consider counseling. A counselor will listen to you and help you learn healthy ways of coping with and sorting through your feelings. Maybe you've thought about counseling before but can't picture being comfortable lying on a counselor’s sofa talking about your problems. If traditional counseling just isn't your thing, consider online counseling.
Research shows that online therapy is a useful means of addressing feelings of rejection, sadness, and other emotions related to unreciprocated love. One study addressed the effectiveness of internet-based cognitive-behavioral therapy in treating sadness and depression. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a proven counseling method that focuses on eliminating or altering negative thoughts through therapist-guided discussions, exercises, and other tools. The study states that internet-based CBT decreased depression and anxiety symptoms, noting that 64% of participants reported satisfaction with the program, and concluding that this particular form of online therapy is an efficient mode of providing counseling.
As mentioned above, internet-based counseling is effective in reframing unwanted emotions associated with certain relationships. Online therapy is beneficial for several reasons. You can get help wherever you are most comfortable, instead of wherever the therapist’s office happens to be. Also, it is designed around your schedule. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues.
"Sabrina is helping me so much through my breakup, and I am so excited for her to help me along my journey of self-love and discovery. Thank you for helping me detangle my inner problems and guiding me to the end of each and every string!"
"Brenda has been a lifeline to me in a very difficult time. In one month, she has helped support me through quitting alcohol, partaking in self-care, and helping me through the process of a breakup. She asks the questions that your friends won't, a real chance to understand what's happening to you as well as being able to evaluate it healthily. Brenda also gave me very good practical advice on how to manage my anxiety and how to handle those first few days of a breakup, which can feel impossible. I've loved that I can message her whenever I get those awful feelings, and she usually responds pretty quickly. You can also schedule weekly phone sessions, which have also been helpful some weeks when I've really been really struggling."
You are strong enough to move on and stop obsessing over the guy that has caught your eye. If you find you are having difficulty moving on, there are tools to help you. Take the first step today.
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