I Broke Up With My Girlfriend, What Should I Do Now?

By Sarah Cocchimiglio|Updated April 20, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By April Brewer , DBH, LPC

Breakups are hard. They can leave you feeling lost and alone, whether it was you who ended the relationship or your partner. But breakups are often necessary. Ending a relationship can sometimes be a good thing, especially if the relationship was in a bad place. You might feel a sense of relief knowing that it's over. Or you might be feeling sad, worrying about how your ex is feeling, and wondering if you made the right decision. Whatever the case, a breakup is still a big adjustment-but it's important to know you will be okay.

You Dumped Your Girlfriend And Now You Don't Know What To Do - Get Help

When you're used to having someone around all the time, you might not know what to do once they're gone. You might not even remember how you lived your life before you started dating your ex.

We'll talk later about how to sort through and overcome some of the emotions you might be feeling. For now, start by reaching out to people you might have neglected while you were focused on your relationship.

Reconnect with Friends and Family

When you're going through a difficult time, reaching out for support is important. Getting over a relationship is a lot harder if you sit around by yourself and think about it all day.

Support can be received from families, friends, groups, or communities. The four types of support are emotional, tangible, informational, or social.

  • Emotional support could include someone listening to your problems and providing empathy.
  • Tangible support could include assistance with daily life areas, such as money when experiencing financial hardships, a ride if you no longer have access to a car, or even unexpected childcare assistance if needed.
  • Informational support provides information to help you solve problems and overcome challenges, often in the form of helpful resources.
  • The fulfillment of basic social needs, like love, belonging, and a sense of connection helps make you feel secure and content.

The benefits of having a strong support system could include the ability to manage and combat stress, improved mental wellness, improved physical health, feelings of security, improved self-esteem, improved self-confidence, and overall greater satisfaction in life.

It would be great to reconnect with friends and family after a breakup, especially if you didn't spend as much time with them when you were with your partner. Catch up with people you've been out of touch with and make plans to get out and have some fun. You'll not only rekindle special relationships, but spending quality time with family and friends is also a great way to keep your mind off your breakup and focus on the more positive aspects of your life.

Focus on Yourself

After a breakup, it's natural to feel an emotional void in your life. Your normal daily routine may even feel as if it has been turned upside-down at times. This void becomes noticeable when you want to share big news, daily recaps, friendly gossip, or even just talk about what's for dinner. Then, reality sets in when you remember that your go-to person for sharing was your ex. Experiencing this feeling is inevitable because your ex had become a centerpiece in your life.

You can feel loneliness even in the presence of others because being lonely is a state of mind. Often couples who experience a recent breakup will attempt to prematurely get back together because they mistake the feelings of love with their feelings of loneliness. If you think you have mistaken your feelings of loneliness for feelings of love for your ex, here are a few pointers to assist you with working through these feelings:

  1. It is okay to miss your ex. Sometimes the idea of missing someone can be easily confused with the idea of wanting to be with them again, especially when replaying the good feelings and memories you shared together. However, it's important to remember why you broke up because there is a very good chance it was a good reason.
  2. Feeling lonely is natural. It's normal to feel lonely after a breakup because your life is experiencing a significant change. It's better to acknowledge the feeling of loneliness rather than fight it. Don't avoid the emotion by getting prematurely involved in a new relationship or returning to your ex.
  3. Process and accept your emotions. Sometimes expressing your emotions is perceived as weak or disruptive. People will encourage you to "stay strong." This isn't healthy. You're human, and it's normal for you to feel. Somehow it seems to have become the normal expectation that we should "be happy" or "be strong" all the time. This perspective is unrealistic. Understanding your feelings will foster acceptance and aid in the healing process.
  4. Love yourself first. After coming out of a long-term relationship, the idea of being alone may sound a bit scary. However, being okay with being alone is an important element of one's happiness. Learning to be alone allows you to develop happiness that isn't dependent on another person.
  5. Explore a new interest and engage in hobbies. Identify past hobbies and activities you once enjoyed. Find new ones. This will help distract you from negative thoughts and may offer the opportunity to meet new people.
  6. Write down your thoughts and feelings. Expressing your thoughts, feelings, and plans in writing often brings a sense of relief and fulfillment. Also, expressing your thoughts and feelings about your ex in a journal could allow you to review the entries at a later date and provide deeper insight.

BetterHelp Can Help

If you're struggling to come to terms with your breakup, it's important to seek out help now so you can recover and move on more quickly. A counselor or therapist can help you work through any emotional challenges you might be experiencing and come to terms with the situation. A professional counselor offers a nonjudgmental ear and a sense of clarity and guidance. Instead of causing more problems by seeking out your ex, talk to a professional counselor who can help you cope with any feelings of loneliness, regret, or guilt.

You Dumped Your Girlfriend And Now You Don't Know What To Do - Get Help

BetterHelp will match you with a counselor who is right for you, and whom you can message anytime, day or night. If you feel that it is needed, you can also schedule real-time live counseling sessions through instant messaging chat, phone call, or video chat. See what others experiencing similar issues are saying about their BetterHelp counselors.

Counselor Reviews

"Julia is a very open-minded, understanding and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgement. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad break up and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding has been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame."

"Markus has been a great help to me. He is very detail-oriented and focuses on what your needs are and has helped find solutions to difficult dilemmas. I never thought I would make headway with a certain area in my life, but I have found there is s way to get through most anything when you have the tools and the right state of mind! Thank you so much Markus!"

Conclusion

It's not uncommon to feel a little lost after a breakup. You might be wondering what steps to take next, whether you just have a lot more time on your hands now or you're struggling and want to keep your mind busy. One of the best things you can do in this situation is to make sure you have social support from family and friends. And while it's good to get out and see people when you've just broken up with your partner, now is also a great time to focus on yourself.

Attempting to adjust to the loss of a relationship can be very challenging at times. Take some time to do the things that you love, or to try new things. Do things that your partner never wanted to do with you. The ending of your relationship has created a space in your life that you can now fill with exciting new beginnings. Be open to these experiences.

 

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