I Broke Up With My Girlfriend, What Should I Do Now?
Breakups are hard. They can leave you feeling lost and alone, whether it was you who ended the relationship or your partner. But breakups are often necessary. Ending a relationship can sometimes be a good thing, especially if the relationship was in a bad place. You might feel a sense of relief knowing that it's over. Or you might be feeling sad, worrying about how your ex is feeling, and wondering if you made the right decision. Whatever the case, a breakup is still a big adjustment-but it's important to know you will be okay.
When you're used to having someone around all the time, you might not know what to do once they're gone. You might not even remember how you lived your life before you started dating your ex.
We'll talk later about how to sort through and overcome some of the emotions you might be feeling. For now, start by reaching out to people you might have neglected while you were focused on your relationship.
Reconnect with Friends and Family
When you're going through a difficult time, reaching out for support is important. Getting over a relationship is a lot harder if you sit around by yourself and think about it all day.
Support can be received from families, friends, groups, or communities. The four types of support are emotional, tangible, informational, or social.
- Emotional support could include someone listening to your problems and providing empathy.
- Tangible support could include assistance with daily life areas, such as money when experiencing financial hardships, a ride if you no longer have access to a car, or even unexpected childcare assistance if needed.
- Informational support provides information to help you solve problems and overcome challenges, often in the form of helpful resources.
- The fulfillment of basic social needs, like love, belonging, and a sense of connection helps make you feel secure and content.
The benefits of having a strong support system could include the ability to manage and combat stress, improved mental wellness, improved physical health, feelings of security, improved self-esteem, improved self-confidence, and overall greater satisfaction in life.
It would be great to reconnect with friends and family after a breakup, especially if you didn't spend as much time with them when you were with your partner. Catch up with people you've been out of touch with and make plans to get out and have some fun. You'll not only rekindle special relationships, but spending quality time with family and friends is also a great way to keep your mind off your breakup and focus on the more positive aspects of your life.
Focus on Yourself
After a breakup, it's natural to feel an emotional void in your life. Your normal daily routine may even feel as if it has been turned upside-down at times. This void becomes noticeable when you want to share big news, daily recaps, friendly gossip, or even just talk about what's for dinner. Then, reality sets in when you remember that your go-to person for sharing was your ex. Experiencing this feeling is inevitable because your ex had become a centerpiece in your life.
You can feel loneliness even in the presence of others because being lonely is a state of mind. Often couples who experience a recent breakup will attempt to prematurely get back together because they mistake the feelings of love with their feelings of loneliness. If you think you have mistaken your feelings of loneliness for feelings of love for your ex, here are a few pointers to assist you with working through these feelings:
- It is okay to miss your ex. Sometimes the idea of missing someone can be easily confused with the idea of wanting to be with them again, especially when replaying the good feelings and memories you shared together. However, it's important to remember why you broke up because there is a very good chance it was a good reason.
- Feeling lonely is natural. It's normal to feel lonely after a breakup because your life is experiencing a significant change. It's better to acknowledge the feeling of loneliness rather than fight it. Don't avoid the emotion by getting prematurely involved in a new relationship or returning to your ex.
- Process and accept your emotions. Sometimes expressing your emotions is perceived as weak or disruptive. People will encourage you to "stay strong." This isn't healthy. You're human, and it's normal for you to feel. Somehow it seems to have become the normal expectation that we should "be happy" or "be strong" all the time. This perspective is unrealistic. Understanding your feelings will foster acceptance and aid in the healing process.
- Love yourself first. After coming out of a long-term relationship, the idea of being alone may sound a bit scary. However, being okay with being alone is an important element of one's happiness. Learning to be alone allows you to develop happiness that isn't dependent on another person.
- Explore a new interest and engage in hobbies. Identify past hobbies and activities you once enjoyed. Find new ones. This will help distract you from negative thoughts and may offer the opportunity to meet new people.
- Write down your thoughts and feelings. Expressing your thoughts, feelings, and plans in writing often brings a sense of relief and fulfillment. Also, expressing your thoughts and feelings about your ex in a journal could allow you to review the entries at a later date and provide deeper insight.
BetterHelp Can Help
If you're struggling to come to terms with your breakup, it's important to seek out help now so you can recover and move on more quickly. A counselor or therapist can help you work through any emotional challenges you might be experiencing and come to terms with the situation. A professional counselor offers a nonjudgmental ear and a sense of clarity and guidance. Instead of causing more problems by seeking out your ex, talk to a professional counselor who can help you cope with any feelings of loneliness, regret, or guilt.
BetterHelp will match you with a counselor who is right for you, and whom you can message anytime, day or night. If you feel that it is needed, you can also schedule real-time live counseling sessions through instant messaging chat, phone call, or video chat. See what others experiencing similar issues are saying about their BetterHelp counselors.
"Julia is a very open-minded, understanding and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgement. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad break up and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding has been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame."
"Markus has been a great help to me. He is very detail-oriented and focuses on what your needs are and has helped find solutions to difficult dilemmas. I never thought I would make headway with a certain area in my life, but I have found there is s way to get through most anything when you have the tools and the right state of mind! Thank you so much Markus!"
It's not uncommon to feel a little lost after a breakup. You might be wondering what steps to take next, whether you just have a lot more time on your hands now or you're struggling and want to keep your mind busy. One of the best things you can do in this situation is to make sure you have social support from family and friends. And while it's good to get out and see people when you've just broken up with your partner, now is also a great time to focus on yourself.
Attempting to adjust to the loss of a relationship can be very challenging at times. Take some time to do the things that you love, or to try new things. Do things that your partner never wanted to do with you. The ending of your relationship has created a space in your life that you can now fill with exciting new beginnings. Be open to these experiences.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What to do when you broke up with your girlfriend?
If you ask yourself, "I broke up with my girlfriend. Now, what?" it can be a hard process. You may have so many mixed emotions about the entire ordeal, and even if you feel no regrets at first, you may have it later on. Here are some steps you can take.
- First, try to enjoy your single life. Are there any hobbies that you can partake in? Is there anything you can do to get your mind off it?
- If you say, "I broke up with my girlfriend and I regret it," why do you regret it? Are you just remembering the good times in a relationship that was beyond repair? If so, learn mindfulness, a technique that can keep you focused on the present.
- Give your girlfriend space, and if she tries contacting you, ignore it for a while. With enough space, you may realize the two of you are meant to be or aren't.
- Casually date for a while. A serious relationship, until you've completely moved on, may be a rebound that you end up regretting.
With time, "I broke up with my girlfriend" may become "We got back together," or "I've moved on." The time can vary, with that said.
Will I regret breaking up with my girlfriend?
Most people will have some regret, even if the relationship was rocky. However, if the relationship was toxic, you may say "I broke up with my girlfriend and I feel sad," but after a couple of years, you may realize that this was the right decision. If you're thinking about breaking up with your girlfriend for issues that are fixable, perhaps hold it off. Instead of saying "I broke up with my girlfriend," you may say "I read this article about couples therapy, and now I'm going there." Often, relationship issues are fixable, even if they don't feel like it.
How guys feel after they break up with their girlfriend?
Even though some men try to hide their emotions, many guys will have various emotions the second they say, "I broke up with my girlfriend." If the relationship was toxic, then the guy may feel some relief. If the relationship had its ups and downs, the guy may feel many emotions. For breakups that happened due to circumstances beyond one's control, the guy may feel intense regret. Every relationship and guy is different.
How do you get your girlfriend back after you broke up with her?
If you say, "I'm thinking I broke up with my girlfriend prematurely," you may wonder if you can get her back. If she misses you and wants the relationship back, this can be easy. Just give the two of you some space, then ask her out again.
However, if she doesn't want to, there's not much you should do about it. Instead, don't contact her and try to improve yourself. Live a good life. If she misses you, she'll come back. If not, then the two of you weren't meant to be.
Do dumpers regret?
Regret is a part of human nature. Even if the dumper thought the relationship wasn't going anywhere, they may still wonder what could have been, or they may regret how they went about breaking up with you. Some dumpers may just regret the relationship all together. If you notice that the person who dump you shows signs of regret for ending the relationship prematurely, giving them another chance is always on the table.
Do dumpers miss their ex?
Some dumpers end up missing their ex. You may wonder why someone would break up with their significant other if they end up missing them. Well, as the cliché goes, you don't know what you have until it's gone. Also, there are various reasons why someone may break up with their significant other. Sometimes, there may have been little choice, or the dumper remembers the good times they had with their ex, but things have changed. If a male dumper says, "I broke up with my girlfriend, but I miss her," he may try to win her back.
Does your ex regret breaking up you?
Regret can happen in different ways. Some exes may regret breaking up with you as soon as they say, "I broke up with my girlfriend." Others may have some regret, but they can live with your life. Others don't regret it at all. It all depends on who your ex is and the circumstances of your breakup.
With that said, there are some ways to know if they regret breaking up. For example, if you're wondering why they're dating someone who looks just like you, that may be a reason. Or, your ex tries to talk to you regularly. If you still love your ex and they show regret, try again.
How do you make your ex regret leaving you?
It sounds petty, but making your ex regret leaving you can work. Time and time again, it can help the ex realize they shouldn't have broken up with you. Here are some ways you can make them regret it.
- Don't contact them, and don't respond to any of their messages, either. With the no contact rule, you can end up making the ex regret leaving you.
- One of the biggest ways to make an ex regret it is to live a good life. Live it up and have some fun. Improve your image. Go on casual dates. Happiness can be a good weapon towards making your ex regret it.
- When you do talk to your ex, give them subtle reminders of the good times you two used to have. Don't be in your face about it, but just give them some reminders.
By doing this, you may hear your ex say, "I'm feeling like I made a mistake," and they may take you back.
Does the dumper feel guilty?
Many people who break up with their significant other don't do it with no remorse. If the relationship was completely toxic, or the dumper has no empathy, they may not feel bad, but if there were mixed emotions or reasons why they had to dump you, they're going to feel guilty.
Do guys hurt after a breakup?
Oh, yes. While a man may keep his emotions contained, or act like he doesn't care, many men may miss their ex and will want to find ways to cope. Some do it positively, such as working out, while others may turn to something toxic, such as drugs or alcohol.
Do guys feel sad after breakups?
Yes, many guys feel sad after the breakup. This especially applies if you broke up with him, or the relationship was a rollercoaster of emotions. If you know a guy who has broken up with someone, it's important for you to check up on him and see if he's doing all right. Take care of your friends.
Do guys miss you after a breakup?
Some guys may end up missing their ex. Even if a guy says, "I broke up with my girlfriend and I feel fine," they may still miss them and be in denial of their emotions.
How can I make her fall in love again?
Some relationships go through a period where the love gets lost. The relationship becomes stale, boring, and lifeless. If that's the case, you may wonder how you can make your wife or girlfriend fall in love with you again. Here are some surefire ways to get that love back.
- First, rule out any physical or mental health problems. If your spouse is experiencing depression, anxiety, or another health problem, their lost love may not be about you, but instead a result of what they're facing.
- Go on little dates again. It does sound cheesy, but these dates can do wonders for your relationship and give it the spark that it deserves.
- Work out some and improve your image. Not only is it good for your health, but it can give you some confidence as well.
- Find the reason why you fell in love with each other in the first place. See if you can revisit that.
- Mix it up in bed. Do something to make things a little steamy.
- If the love still isn't there, it's time to see a couple's therapist. There may be an underlying issue that a therapist can help you repair. If it ends up that the two of you are no longer meant to be, the therapist can help you two come to terms with it.
How can you make her love you again?
If you lost her love, how can you change her mind? In the end, it's up to her. If she doesn't want to continue the relationship, that's on her. But there are some ways for you to convince her. Give her some space and work on yourself. Try fixing your traits that she doesn't like, but also improve yourself for your own self-care as well. If you two are on speaking terms, try giving the relationship another chance.
How do I win my girlfriend back?
If your girlfriend broke up with you, you may wonder if you can change her mind and win her back. Life isn't like a romance movie, where the two of you break up halfway through the film and then you win her back at the climax of the movie. Often, it may be the end. However, not always. Here are some ways to win your girlfriend back.
- It's important to give her space. Don't blow up her inbox, don't stalk her on social media, and don't try to talk to her friends.
- In the meanwhile, improve yourself. If you had a flaw that she didn't like, try to improve that flaw. For example, if she couldn't stand you being messy, try to clean up your messes whenever possible.
- Giving the two of you space can also help you decide if you still want her back. After a while, you may realize that a few months after the breakup, you're living a better life without her.
- If you give her time and you two end up talking to each other platonically, great. However, don't ask her out just yet. Give yourself some time to reconnect.
- Ask her out and rebuild the relationship.
How do you know if your ex is still in love with you?
Often, many people still love their ex, even if they say that they don't. Here are some ways to help you figure out whether your ex still loves you.
- They haven't taken off any photos of you on social media. Most people will delete those photos when they've broken up with their ex if they dislike them, but for those who don't, they either don't use social media too much, don't care to, or still miss you.
- Your ex still contacts you regularly to ask if you're okay. If you two have remained friends, that's one thing, but an ex who is still in love with you will talk to you constantly.
- The ex dates someone who looks just like you. This is a sign that the person still likes you. Also, that relationship may be a rebound that doesn't last long.
- The ex tries to do things to make you envious, such as talking about their new job or new partner.
- Your ex still remains in contact with your family and friends, and usually speaks highly of you when they do.
Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped?
If you were the one who is dumped, you may wonder if the no contact rule works. In most cases, yes it does. If your ex wants you back and you ignore their messages, they may end up getting desperate and trying to reach out to you even harder, and they will try to make it right. If they don't care about you, they'll lose interest in contacting you, so it's a win-win for either situation.
Does the dumper feel guilty too?
Yes, many people who break up with their partners feel guilty as well. Even if the person who ended the relationship doesn't seem that affected, they may secretly have some regret for what they did.
Does no contact work if I broke up with her?
One thing that many people misunderstand about no contact is that it is often a reverse psychology type of approach to winning someone’s attention or affection back. If you want to go no contact because you secretly want to get your girlfriend back, it may work. No contact may make her curious about what is going on in your life and may even make them miss you or regret a breakup. Of course, not all cases of breakups are simple, and no contact may not cause an ex to want to come back to you. For example, if the relationship was unstable or if any type of abuse was present, the other person may feel relieved that there is no contact. Remember, no two people and no two couples are exactly alike.
How do I get my ex back after I broke up with her?
It’s important to consider what the reason for the breakup with your girlfriend was. If you were upset or overreacted and broke up with her in haste, the first thing you need to do is realize there’s no shame in apologizing and you should do it! Apologize for your behavior and ask her if she is willing to discuss your relationship. Also, don’t be pushy. If you broke up with her and she didn’t want the relationship to end, you need to understand that her emotional state may not be at a place where she wants to discuss reconciliation with you. You also need to understand that it takes time to rebuild trust and you shouldn’t expect her to come running back to you after a single day of you pursuing her. Be open with her. Ask her what her thoughts are and if she has any interest in trying to build a healthy relationship with you. Then, be patient and give her time to make her own decision.
How can I make my gf jealous?
Although a certain amount of jealousy can be healthy, jealousy can also be a double-edged sword. If you’re in a relationship and you think it isn’t working, you should consider what is best for your emotional health and well-being. One thing that it’s important to fully understand is that a healthy relationship should not require jealousy to work. There’s a difference between love and jealousy. If your girlfriend is not attentive to you and you feel like making her jealous is the only way to salvage the relationship, you may be in for a disappointment. Jealousy can cause division among friends and family and can may even make you wonder if it’s possible to have a relationship that’s stable.
While you may want more attention from your girlfriend, or feel that she spends more time with close friends than with you, the better option may be to talk with her and discuss what you both think will make you have a more fulfilling relationship. Ask her where she sees your relationship in the long-term and if she can see herself with you months or even years from now. If you does want to be with you, it’s time to start discussing what you each feel makes healthy relationships and start pursuing those. Purposefully making someone jealous can lead to long-term feelings of insecurity and may lead you closer to finding yourself alone. So, think twice about purposefully making your girlfriend jealous.
Can breaking up save a relationship?
Believe it or not, breaking up can save a relationship. It’s important to understand that not all relationships are salvageable after a breakup. However, it is possible. A breakup, even a temporary one, can help realize that it’s time to start facing your problems and learning to communicate with one another. Time apart will allow you to think about what you want for the long-term regarding your relationship. It may also allow you to realize that the “grass is greener” mentality is not always right. Some people believe that other people have better relationships and they don’t take the time to realize that the grass is greener on the other side because others actually water it! At the end of the day, the important question is, “do you want your relationship to become stronger?” If you do, it doesn’t matter what other people think or feel. It is up to you and your partner to keep your personal information about the relationship between you and learn to communicate to work on your issues.
Do guys miss you after breakup?
Some guys do miss you after a breakup. Others may not. The reason for the breakup is typically an influential factor in how a person feels afterward. If you were constantly arguing or if the relationship was abusive, he may not miss you. On the other hand, if he begins to reminisce about great times that you had together, he may tend to miss you more.
When should you break up no contact with ex-girlfriend?
It’s important to consider why you went no contact with your ex-girlfriend in the first place. If your relationship was tumultuous and you were experiencing emotional health issues such as anxiety or depression, there may never be a good time to break the no contact with her. If you feel it’s time to break no contact because you need to discuss important issues (children, financial settlements, etc.) it’s a good idea to set terms and conditions for your contact and stick to them. Set boundaries, if needed, and make sure that you do not violate those boundaries and make it clear that you expect the same courtesy from her.
If you initiated no contact with your ex-girlfriend to make her jealous or to try and get her attention, you may want to consider whether you really want jealousy to be a part of your relationship moving forward. it’s important to understand that once no contact has been broken, it may not be as easy to separate yourself and go no contact again. Therefore, before you and your ex-girlfriend break no contact, consider carefully what you hope to accomplish by doing so.
How long should you wait to talk to your ex after a breakup?
The amount of time you should wait before talking to your ex after a breakup varies depending on the circumstances surrounding the breakup. If you feel it’s time to discuss important issues, you don’t owe anyone but yourself and your ex an explanation. Sometimes it is difficult to talk to an ex after a breakup, no matter what the circumstances were that led to the relationship ending. Before you initiate contact and try to talk to her, consider what led to the breakup and how you both felt at the end. If she was angry or hurt, she may not be ready to talk to you and you should respect that, even if it’s difficult to accept.
What should I do if I broke up with my girlfriend?
“I broke up with my girlfriend. Now what?” This question is asked by quite a few people. Depending on your relationship, you may feel relieved, upset, or somewhere in-between. While every circumstance is different, here are some things you should do after you break up with your girlfriend.
- Don’t speak to her for a bit. Take some time to process your emotions.
- Try getting into a hobby or an activity that you always wanted to try, but couldn’t due to the relationship being in the way. This can help distract you with something new and exciting, and it can help as you’re thinking about what to do next.
- If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, don’t get into another one until you’re truly ready. You can go on casual dates, but you may end up on the rebound, which can make your problems worse.
- Some people may feel dumper’s regret after breaking up, and they may want their girlfriend back. While some may have ended the relationship prematurely, there are others who were in a toxic relationship, but they want the girlfriend back due to them having their heart broken. Wait a week or two before deciding if you want her back.
- Another reason why you may want your girlfriend back is if the relationship was mostly positive, and the reason it ended it fixable. In a case like this, therapy may be able to help with your situation.
Will I regret breaking up with my girlfriend?
It depends on the relationship. If your relationship was toxic, you may have no regrets, and vice versa. However, it is possible to feel some regret even if the relationship was bad. Breaking up with a girlfriend, especially one who was long-term, is a big decision.
How do you know if it’s regret or an immediate emotional response?
The answer is time. If it’s been weeks and you still regret your decision, then maybe there’s a chance to restore the relationship. However, if you say to yourself, “I broke up with my girlfriend and I feel good,” then it’s time to truly move on.
How do guys feel after they break up with their girlfriend?
It depends on the guy’s personality and how the relationship was. If the relationship was rocky, the man may feel relief, and any negative emotions are temporary. However, if a man breaks up with his girlfriend and weeks later says, “I broke up with my girlfriend and I regret it,” he may fall into a depression or try to get her back.
Other guys may feel apathetic, not caring any way. Some may hold their emotions, especially if they live in a part of the world where a man having feelings is taboo.
No matter who you are, it’s important to express your feelings to make yourself feel better. Obviously, don’t do it in a toxic manner, but instead think about how you’re feeling and try to verbalize it. Then, figure out a way you can move on from your relationship and be a better person as a result.
If the dumper was premature or dumped at the moment, they may miss their ex intensely and want to try to get them back.
How do you know when a relationship is really over?
The end can be hard to see, especially if you’re in the middle of it. When it comes to relationships, it’s possible to see the end before you break up with your current girlfriend or boyfriend.
For example, if there is no love between you two anymore, you two are always fighting, and if therapy didn’t work, then this is a sure sign that the relationship isn’t going anywhere and that you’re better off ending things.
Here are some other ways to know if your relationship is over.
- If you feel relief and closure after the dust has settled. You may say, “I broke up with my girlfriend and I feel great,” or something to that effect.
- Your ex has moved on with someone else.
- You’ve been blocked on all social media and there is no sign of that changing.
- Your relationship was irredeemable.
How do I win my girlfriend back?
Life is not a romance movie, where a boyfriend and girlfriend broke up on the second act, only to get back together near the end of the movie. However, there are times where you can win your girlfriend back. You may say to yourself “I broke up with my girlfriend, and I’m thinking I broke up prematurely.”
Winning your girlfriend back is easy if she misses you and is willing to work the relationship out. However, this doesn’t apply to every case. Here are some ways you can win your girlfriend back.
- Give it some time. When the emotions die down, you can think with a clear head and decide if you want her back. It also gives your girlfriend enough time to cool down.
- If one of the reasons why you broke up was a flaw in your character, be honest and commit to changing yourself. This is something you will have to give some time for, as not everyone is willing to forgive so easily, and you may have to show your girlfriend that you’ve truly turned over a new leaf.
- As they say, actions speak louder than words. You need to show your girlfriend that you’re ready to change and listen. This doesn’t mean you surrender all your power to your girlfriend, but instead you need to listen to her and work to improve yourself.
- Finally, if it’s obvious she has moved on, then it’s time for you to move on as well.
How do you know if it's really over after a break up?
Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if a breakup symbolizes the true end of a relationship. There are times when couples break up after a moment of intense emotion, and when they are able to get their emotions in check, they realize the relationship is fixable. However, there are times when the relationship is truly over, and one or both parties are still in denial. Here are some signs that the relationship is over.
- One person has blocked the other, and doesn’t want any contact whatsoever.
- If there is communication, it’s dry and uninteresting. At best, it may be a platonic friendship.
- One or both people are in relationships that seem to be more than just a rebound.
- You feel relief knowing that you are no longer with the person. The idea of getting back together seems foreign.
- It’s been a long time since the breakup happened. A few days, things are uncertain. However, after a couple of years, if you’re still in denial over the relationship not being over, you may need to seek help.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is when one person, or both people, have behaviors that are damaging to the other partner, be it emotionally or physically. While every relationship is going to have its share of problems, a toxic relationship consists of repeated behaviors that do not get addressed.
Some features of a toxic relationship include:
- A toxic partner will make someone feel insecure about even the smallest flaws they have.
- Self-centeredness. A toxic partner may be someone who makes the relationship all about themselves, and should the other person in the relationship want something, then the self-centered individual will shame the other person until they give up what they want.
- Dominance and control. A toxic person can be controlling, even in ways that seem to be subtle. For example, making their partner delete people on social media. A relationship should be a two-person effort, and there should be no control.
As we said, it’s possible for both people to be toxic, but often, one person is a little more toxic. A toxic relationship, with therapy or good communication, may be fixable, but most people find that ending the relationship is the right way to go. If you were in a relationship with a toxic individual, after the breakup, you’re likely to feel much relief.
Toxic relationships also apply to people outside of love. For example, you can have toxic friendships, where one friend is using the other without offering anything in return. You can have toxic coworkers who want to bring the other down while climbing up the ladder.
Everyone has their toxic traits, but a toxic relationship is when you refuse to challenge those traits and instead bring the other person down with it.